By David Futrelle
These days, fascism rears its ugly little head in the strangest of places. And there are few places stranger than the home of my favorite Reddit subculture — the Semen Retention subreddit, where men go to talk about their hobby of not ejaculating ever because this gives them magical powers or some shit.
Well, one devout semen-retaining Redditor called RepresentativeSlide5 has taken the weird elitism of the SR community to its logical extreme, arguing that we should “expend with” our current politicians and institute some sort of “fanatical militaristic eco fascist autocracy” ruled over by “fanatical SR practicers.” Basically, General Jack T. Ripper from Dr. Strangelove as President for life.
As Mr. Slide5 sees it, politicians today are basically sex-having perverts who are probably all being blackmailed by evil forces — and yes, he does mean Teh Jews — to do their evil bidding.
A huge reason western world is subverted is a certain class of people have blackmail on nearly everyone in political power and it probably extends to much of corporate business world and other shadier ventures. The Epstein revelations, what we found out, show this. A lot of politicos have perversions that are taken advantage of, videos are made, they are then threatened to toe the line of their handlers or their info is leaked and lives ruined.
The solution? A new generation of unblackmailable semen retainers of “unwavering virtue” who never touch their own dicks and don’t let anyone else near them either! (Apparently Mr. Slide5 thinks only those with dicks, albeit untouched dicks, should be in politics.)
When one of Mr. Slide5’s colleagues suggests gently that semen retention does not automatically give one moral superiority over other human beings, he responds indignantly:
It is a necessary step to unwavering virtue How can a degenerate alcohol drinking compulsive masturbator or sex feind be a good leader?
I am ready to pledge alleigance to a fanatical militaristic eco fascist autocracy with clear distinctions between lifestyle of ruling class vs masses if the masses refuse to change.
He’s also not a big fan of littering.
Last night i went for a walk with my mother and the local park was filled with refuse and alcohol cans discarded and fast food wrappers and visiting recreational sports team swearing crapping up the place Moral superirority is quite simple to achieve over these peoples
It’s not altogether clear how the new semen retaining overlords will deal with any possible sexual indiscretions of theirs that happened before they started walking down the no-sex, no-wanking path of righteousness. Even Mr. Slide5 admits he used to be something of a perv — and that it was all the fault of a movie about pie-fucking that he saw at a critical point in his life.
“My entire personal downfall rested on dysfunctional notions of sexual self,” he confesses.
I pinpoint my perversions right back to hollywood (((movie))) American Pie, which trivialised sex and masturbation
I can only imagine what sort of pie-related perversities he got up to during his younger years.
While many of Mr. Slide5’s retainer buds think he’s onto something, some commenting on his post see the world as too far gone for this sort of political, er, reform. As one commenter puts it
If you focus on the corrupt politics, you just gave them all your energy. What if …
We are in the 3rd density matter animal kingdom, so either you raise yourself up and knock the weak beast away from you, or you go down with it. Change yourself, 85 percent wont get this and follow the beast in the pit.
Another suggests that the real problem is — could it be? — Satan.
Yes you are correct but due to the current state of human consciousness that will not happen any time soon.
This is Satan’s world after all and all the semen in the world won’t make us angels again.
Ix-nay on the angel-yay ukkakke-bay I guess.
Despite the naysayers, Mr. Slide5 remains undaunted as well as unwanked.
Of course we cannot be angels except in trying but in this world of eternal struggle it is noble to try. Despite all the emptiness of the material world, I feel drawn to change it. It doesn’t matter that we won’t collectively wake up anytime soon, there is still work to be done.
I for one do not welcome our new semen-filled overlords.
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Religions and pseudo-religions seem to have these simple arbitrary rules to feel safe:
“Don’t eat such and such food”,
“Don’t have sex in such and such way”,
and now semen retention. I suggest piss retention; top category: Green Knight.
Perhaps it’s a problem that many people refuse to accept that life is complicated and that there are no easy or simple answers. And pwrhaps fascism feeds on that.
M-theory added a dimension so now we’re at 11 🙂 (10 space and 1 time). Personally I think it’s weird to have just 1 time dimension. There should be 10 of those too. Then I’ll be happy.
As for the semen retention overlords… the problem in their cognitive model is that (a) semen retention gives them great power, magnetic attractiveness, creativity, effective accomplishments, etc. But (b) they have no power and they feel insignificant. How can this be explained? Not by rejecting (a) as invalid, obviously. It must be because of a (((conspiracy))) that’s secretly keeping them down.
Well, given that he’s also anti-LGBT (he “doesn’t hate gay people”, he just thinks that the LGBT agenda is a plot to brainwash children to accelerate the demise of Western civilization; totally different /s), white supremacist (all other cultures are too tribal), anti-vaxx (they put cancer viruses in them), and a booster of Qanon and Pizzagate (which tie into his idea that the globalists are trying to gain immortality, as well as being a means to gain blackmail material on others), “hilarious” is not a word I’d use here.
@Amtep, what would it even mean to have more than one time dimension? Particularly if those extra dimensions are curled up and very small, which I think is what string theorists propose.
@Ariblester
You’re right, I shouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t thinking about his hate, and I meant that he is absolutely ridiculous and makes other conspiracy theorists look rational by comparison. Didn’t mean to imply that his ideas are okay. Sorry.
No offense taken by me, I’m just wary that sometimes with Jones, it’s too easy to fixate on the more outlandish parts of his belief system (see “turning the friggin’ frogs gay”, and the article I linked) while overlooking the totally odious things that underpin it, and thus to write him off as a non-issue. As you rightly put it, it’s much like dealing with Trump.
@Naglfar:
Sorry, I quoted your comment before you were finished editing it, and so covered some of the same ground as you.
I mean…yes? They put viruses that are known cause cancer into a vaccine so that your immune system can learn to defend against them and so that you won’t get cancer from the virus if you encounter it later in life.
So, not masturbating gives you magic powers.
Is that only AMAB people?
Cause I’m AFAB and have a more than 36 year streak going…
I don’t think Ripper was an SR. “I do not avoid women, but I do deny them my essence” means he wore a rubber. ?
Fair point, but that’s not what he is saying: he believes that the globalists have deliberately put live, cancer-causing viruses into vaccines (in addition to their stated antigens) in order to to “soft-kill” their recipients from cancer several decades later. Quite the opposite from the intended effect of Gardasil/Cervarix et al. He’s basically taken a grain of truth and alloyed it with a ton of nonsense.
He may or may not additionally believe that this is to avoid paying out Social Security.
@Ariblester
But doesn’t Jones oppose Social Security anyway? He probably thinks that is a part of the conspiracy itself. Why would the powers that be create social security if they didn’t want to pay it?
The other flaw I find in almost all conspiracy theories is this idea that the New World Order/Illuminati/Freemasons/Jews/whatever are somehow powerful enough to do all these things and hide them, but somehow not smart enough to avoid leaving little clues everywhere for conspiracy theorists. Not to mention that if there actually were such a group controlling everything, you’d think they’d be taking care to silence people who knew what was going on.
Sometimes I wonder if additional very small spatial dimensions, as I understand have been postulated, might provide an explanation for the seemingly superluminal operation of quantum entanglement. Or have I missed something?
I’m not quite certain of his stance on it. He claims he wants a “strong middle class”, but that doesn’t settle it one way or another.
They are. With money, and with threats of blackmail using the recordings they made of Pizzagate and Epstein (which is what Slide5 was talking about). Everyone else who doesn’t know about the Truth is just a blinkered, disposable peon.
@Ariblester
What I meant was that Jones and his fellow conspiracy theorists are still around. You’d think that if they were revealing the agenda of a secret global conspiracy, said global conspiracy would be getting rid of them to avoid the “truth” getting out.
I am not dead, I am just swarmed with work, school, and wedding planning right now. Just incase anyone worries when I drop off the face of the world from this site. I just feel the need to say this because I know I’ve talked about my co-worker problem and my mental health problems. I just didn’t want anyone to be worried about my safety or anything.
Something something information operations (or “Info-Ops”, as he likes to say), something something mainstream media smear campaign, something something Controlled Opposition, something something True Patriots hiding deep in the Deep State, and probably something something we have guns, Don’t Tread On Me.
The guy misspelled “preversion” (yes, it’s a different character, but this guy is pretty much Bat Guano).
@ Lainy
Hope things settle down for you soon! Mr. Parasol and I just celebrated our anniversary, so I am feeling especially fond of any brides/grooms-to-be. May your wedding go smoothly, or at least provide material for family stories you can laugh about in the future. Our big embarrassing thing involved our fathers telling childhood stories about us in front of the entire roster of guests.
@ Naglfar
If it’s any consolation, I’ve never understood the logic (if that’s the word) that allows conspiracy theorists to hold the kind of thinking (if that’s the word) that Ariblester has outlined.
Alex Jones is a phony nutritional supplement salesman whose political theories are designed to attract gullible people who will believe there’s a vast conspiracy to keep Jones’s miraculous nutritional products out of their hands. He apparently makes no money from the show itself, but lots from the snake oil he sells. It’s all a con.
http://nymag.com/intelligencer/2017/05/how-does-alex-jones-make-money.html
Somehow theis link got lost:
http://nymag.com/intelligencer/2017/05/how-does-alex-jones-make-money.html
@GOSJM
That explains a lot. Does that mean that he doesn’t actually believe his own theories and it’s all a sales plan?
@Naglfar:
Well, Jones’ lawyer certainly argued that in Jones’ post-divorce custody proceedings two years ago. Or, at least, that he’s an ‘performance artist’ and what he says on the show shouldn’t be taken seriously because he’s just playing a character. This was done basically in order to paint him as less personally dangerous so he wouldn’t lose custody of his children. The argument didn’t work out so well for him.
@Jenora Feuer
I recall that he argued that, and that the judge didn’t buy it. I just think that it would be an interesting twist if he didn’t believe his theories and did this just to make a buck. People have done worse.
What I was saying was that it’s pointless to discuss his actual beliefs. He may or may not believe at least some of his patter, but he’s not going to let you know what. I assume, for example, that he knows Pizzagate is a fraud, but we can’t be sure. What we do know is that he has managed to identify a significant number of customers with poor reasoning skills and a propensity to believe conspiracy theories.