By David Futrelle
These days, fascism rears its ugly little head in the strangest of places. And there are few places stranger than the home of my favorite Reddit subculture — the Semen Retention subreddit, where men go to talk about their hobby of not ejaculating ever because this gives them magical powers or some shit.
Well, one devout semen-retaining Redditor called RepresentativeSlide5 has taken the weird elitism of the SR community to its logical extreme, arguing that we should “expend with” our current politicians and institute some sort of “fanatical militaristic eco fascist autocracy” ruled over by “fanatical SR practicers.” Basically, General Jack T. Ripper from Dr. Strangelove as President for life.
As Mr. Slide5 sees it, politicians today are basically sex-having perverts who are probably all being blackmailed by evil forces — and yes, he does mean Teh Jews — to do their evil bidding.
A huge reason western world is subverted is a certain class of people have blackmail on nearly everyone in political power and it probably extends to much of corporate business world and other shadier ventures. The Epstein revelations, what we found out, show this. A lot of politicos have perversions that are taken advantage of, videos are made, they are then threatened to toe the line of their handlers or their info is leaked and lives ruined.
The solution? A new generation of unblackmailable semen retainers of “unwavering virtue” who never touch their own dicks and don’t let anyone else near them either! (Apparently Mr. Slide5 thinks only those with dicks, albeit untouched dicks, should be in politics.)
When one of Mr. Slide5’s colleagues suggests gently that semen retention does not automatically give one moral superiority over other human beings, he responds indignantly:
It is a necessary step to unwavering virtue How can a degenerate alcohol drinking compulsive masturbator or sex feind be a good leader?
I am ready to pledge alleigance to a fanatical militaristic eco fascist autocracy with clear distinctions between lifestyle of ruling class vs masses if the masses refuse to change.
He’s also not a big fan of littering.
Last night i went for a walk with my mother and the local park was filled with refuse and alcohol cans discarded and fast food wrappers and visiting recreational sports team swearing crapping up the place Moral superirority is quite simple to achieve over these peoples
It’s not altogether clear how the new semen retaining overlords will deal with any possible sexual indiscretions of theirs that happened before they started walking down the no-sex, no-wanking path of righteousness. Even Mr. Slide5 admits he used to be something of a perv — and that it was all the fault of a movie about pie-fucking that he saw at a critical point in his life.
“My entire personal downfall rested on dysfunctional notions of sexual self,” he confesses.
I pinpoint my perversions right back to hollywood (((movie))) American Pie, which trivialised sex and masturbation
I can only imagine what sort of pie-related perversities he got up to during his younger years.
While many of Mr. Slide5’s retainer buds think he’s onto something, some commenting on his post see the world as too far gone for this sort of political, er, reform. As one commenter puts it
If you focus on the corrupt politics, you just gave them all your energy. What if …
We are in the 3rd density matter animal kingdom, so either you raise yourself up and knock the weak beast away from you, or you go down with it. Change yourself, 85 percent wont get this and follow the beast in the pit.
Another suggests that the real problem is — could it be? — Satan.
Yes you are correct but due to the current state of human consciousness that will not happen any time soon.
This is Satan’s world after all and all the semen in the world won’t make us angels again.
Ix-nay on the angel-yay ukkakke-bay I guess.
Despite the naysayers, Mr. Slide5 remains undaunted as well as unwanked.
Of course we cannot be angels except in trying but in this world of eternal struggle it is noble to try. Despite all the emptiness of the material world, I feel drawn to change it. It doesn’t matter that we won’t collectively wake up anytime soon, there is still work to be done.
I for one do not welcome our new semen-filled overlords.
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