By David Futrelle
People find their way to this blog in a wide variety of ways — through mentions on other blogs or in the press, from discussions on Reddit, through my posts on Facebook and Twitter. But a surprising number of visitors get here through weird search queries that have only the most tenuous connections with anything ever discussed here on We Hunted the Mammoth.
So let’s take another stroll through some of the more unexpected search queries that have led people to WHTM over the past year or so.
I always feel a bit sorry for these people; they must be so disappointed when they get here. Imagine typing in an innocent query like “hillary clinton pedavore” or “how to impregnant women with out them knowing it” (both real queries I’ve run across) and ending up, well, here, where no answers on these pressing issues can be found.
Naturally, this being the internet, many of the weirder queries have to do with sexual fetishes — or at least I’m assuming that’s what these are.
girls hairy armpit images
women who wear their hair in a bun
whitewomen who were their hair in a bun
breasts star wars
fat girl and cars
cassie jaye feet
I’ve left out some of the cruder examples; you can imagine how much worse it gets.
I’m not sure if this one represents a fetish or a complaint:
british women ass smell
I can only hope this next one is not a fetish, or a real thing even.
penis in a cat
Obviously the only penis that should ever be in a cat should belong to another cat.
There are a surprising number that relate to castration, and which seem to represent both sides of the “is castration good” debate, which apparently is a thing.
don’t want no short dick man castrate him
feminists castrating men for fun tumblr
castration is love
I’m not going to investigate this particular topic any further and I’m going to try to forget I saw any of these.
There are some queries so full of typos I’m shocked they led to any websites at all, much less this one.
hu hunted rge mannoth
stormy danielle claim the trip has small penis
But alongside all these crude and badly mangled queries, there are some, however weird, that I think deserve some sort of answer. And so, as a public service to anyone who finds this blog through search queries like the following ones, I’m going to try my best to answer them
do people who masterbate hands become soft
No.
girls who fart lose attraction
Possibly? It really depends on the size and frequency of the farts.
feminists secretly want what attractive women want
You mean like happy and fulfilling lives, good jobs, partners who love and respect them, no one to assume that feminists and attractive women are distinct categories, that sort of thing? Yes.
male feminists are pussies
No, male feminists OWN pussies, like the one pestering me for dinner right now.
what accounts for increase in female beastiality
I don’t think that’s a thing, dude.
is robot good or bad
I don’t know, dude, I really just don’t know. Honestly, I think about this all the time. I guess we’ll know when the singularity is here.
But enough depressing talk. Happily, there are some weird queries that I have actually written about here, and I’m happy to remind everyone of the answers to them right now.
freddie mercury cats
Yes, yes, yes. FREDDIE MERCURY CATS. I got your FREDDIE MERCURY CATS right here.
matt forney reservoir dogs
A reference to one of the greatest videos ever made. Alas, it has been pulled from the internet. But you can still see it in its entirely, albeit in a shrunken-down form, with commentary from Hbomberguy.
You can find an explanation for this weird bit of alt-right cinema in my post here, alongside the original Reservoir Dogs sequence and, for some reason, a video of a capybara eating celery.
This brings my survey of weird search terms to a close. Any questions?
For more weird search queries, check out the related videos below.
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
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Thanks for the suggestions! I was utterly baffled by GIMP when I tried it some time back but maybe I should give it a shot. I’ll check out inkscape as well.
As for vector vs raster I guess I don’t really understand the pros and cons of both — or really much of anything about the difference between the two.
I’m used to photoshop-type programs, and most interested in doing collage-type stuff with drawing on it — does that work in vector software? Can I convert back and forth between vector and raster, or paste stuff from vector software into raster and vice versa? If I want to turn some of the designs into tshirts, would I need to do the images as vector?
weird eddie, I’m usually a calm dude but technical snafus turn me into the hulk.
Sushi, ooh, if FireAlpaca is really simple and easy like they say on their website, it could be the one for me.
I very recently set up an old regular tablet as drawing tablet. It works well enough for my purposes, I downloaded VirtualTablet to use it for the pc and Autodesk Sketchbook tu use on the tablet. I prefer the latter and then just transfer the files to the computer for further editing.
I’ve been using GIMP for a while now and learnt it mostly by myslef. I also took a course last year for using Inkscape, which I also liked very much.
I occasionally use both for editing a single image, depending on what I need to do and what features of each software I’m more used to.
You can totally copy and paste from GIMP to Inkscape and vice versa, although I’m more used to saving things and the opening them in the other program.
Vectors are graphics that can be expanded to any size without losing quality, so it’s more suitable for stuff you’ll need to eventually print. It’s not absolutely necessary for printing t-shirts, but some people have requested me a vector image for it. But when I printed them myself, I used GIMP, so whatever.
Copying from Inkscape to GIMP means the image will lose the vector quality, and anything pasted from GIMP to Inkscape will not be a vector -unless you vectorize it.
Hope this helped at all?
I’ve never used FireAlpaca but I’d totally try it f only for the awesome name.
Ps: I didn’t know GIMP had another meaning till now. I guess I’ve been sheltered by my language barrier xD
If you do rasterized prints, set the dpi to 300. 72 dpi is for screen, typically 300 dpi for print. Double-check if the company doing the prints wants a different dpi, though.
I forgot about this sort of thing! I used to have a blog several years ago and was routinely flabbergasted by the search terms people used when they found it.
We are a profoundly broken species.
We’ve chatted at length about the relative ignorance, stupidity and sheer gullibility of the igno-right… but the “Hillary the Pedavore” still leaves me askance. Not just the absolute lack of ANYTHING concrete to base the fantasy on, but also the argument that a group of junior high schoolers making up urban legends at a backyard sleepover wouldn’t believe THAT!
Following up on kupo’s advice, save in rgb format for 72dpi web resolution and in cmyk format for 300dpi print resolution, because cmyk is the printing format and guarantees true color on paper.
This was explained to my brother, even though I was the one talking to the printer, because the printer literally could not bring himself to talk to a woman about tech specs. It was so obvious my brother even noticed it and was trying to direct the printer’s attention to me, but did not succeed. We did not go back to that printer, even though he was more capable than the other printer in town.
Luzbelitx, thanks, that helps a lot. And I think I’ll have a go at autodesk sketchbook on my lil regular tablet too, might be easier to use until I get used to using the wacom tablet with my laptop.
I’m also constantly flipping back and forth between different software when doing the images for the blog depending on the effect I want. I get a ton of use out of BeFunky, even thought it’s only a web app.
Re: penis in cats. I had a coworker look up how to sex kittens using a very similar query. In…on…what’s the difference. (Outside of rule 34.?)
@David
Huion seems to be a decent third party graphics tablet, and much cheaper than Wacom. Mr. Dakry and I bought a couple when we had the bright idea of supplementing our shoestring budgets with drawing (not that we’ve actively done it yet, because we love procrastinating and have got to stop that because deficit). It works with GIMP with a bit of fiddling. Krita is another free drawing program that has its points too.
Speaking of graphic recommendations, what program(s) would folks here recommend for use on a Chromebook laptop? I bought one last year so I could do some writing on a screen larger than a smartphone screen, and so far that’s working well. But I’d like to do basic graphic work on it too sometime, and have no clue what programs can work on something as small as a Chromebook. Any suggestions?
Oh, and @David, are you interested in having readers sending you pics that they think might work sometimes with your posts? If so, how would you like them sent to you?
(A few months ago a browser game I’m on had an Incel NPC lion character in it, and was wondering if you’d want to see it and get a chuckle from it, at least.)
Now I really want to know! Can you burn a Luigi board? The questions of the ages!
@Redsilkphoenix
We’d like to see the incel lion character! What game was it?
@Redsilkphoenix
Since chromebooks use Chrome as their OS, you’re pretty limited in what you can do. Maybe check out some browser-based apps?
https://sketch.io/sketchpad/
https://sumo.app/paint/en
https://pixlr.com/x/
@Redsilkphoenix
Some chrome books can also be hacked to run Linux. If you have some knowledge of Linux and some skills you can install Linux. Then you can run GIMP or many other Linux drawing programs.
https://itsfoss.com/install-linux-chromebook/
“HELP QUIJA?!!” I just love how the guy pronounces all the misspelled words.
@Yutolia
I know very little about Ouija boards (and I don’t out much weight on anything they say), but the internet seem to think this is a very bad idea.
I assume someone calling Hillary a pedavore thinks she eats live babies, since vore usually refers to being eaten alive.
That would be a pedovore. Pedavore implies that she devours feet. Or possibly teachers.
Okay, posted this a couple of hours ago, went in to edit the picture links, and the comment disappeared. It hasn’t reappeared as of yet, but if it does, then sorry for the double-post. :/
@Naglfar,
The ‘Nice Guy’ NPC lion is from a browser game called Lioden, which is essentially a breeding game, but with lions. This is a link to their homepage, which should give you an idea of why the game is like:
https://www.lioden.com/
The makers also have a similar game out called Wolvden, but with wolves instead of lions.
These are screenshots from my phone taken back in February, when this guy was an encounter in the Explore section of the Crossroads area. I don’t know if he’ll be back again next February or not; the makers haven’t said yet.
These first two should be stitched together, since they’re the initial encounter screen when meeting this guy:
This is the screen that pops up when you hit the ‘Comfort’ button:
This is what appears when you hit ‘Snicker’:
‘Punish’ just takes you to the basic fight screen to gain experience and possible loot for your king.
@Kupo, thanks for the links. I will try them out the next time I’m on the Chromebook, and see how they work with it.
By the way, is there an extension in GIMP that lets a file created in it to also be read by Photoshop? GIMP doesn’t seem to have .gif or .jpeg extensions in it, and PS refuses to read the ones GIMP does have. So does anyone know?
My thanks in advance for the help.
Alright, that last link didn’t go to the right image, and I ran out of time trying to correct it. The ‘Snicker’ button should be this link instead:
(Crosses fingers that this works right.)
@redsilkphoenix
That lion is funny. I especially find the fedora mane to be humorous.
To save as other formats in GIMP, go to File>Export As, then click where it says “Select File Type (By Extension).” From there, you can choose from a variety of formats, including .gif, .jpeg, and .psd.
Regarding the GIMP’s, um, unfortunate connotations, some developers have recently created a fork of the project called Glimpse. I’m sure there’ll be some tech-bro MRA rantage about how this is ZOMG PLOTICAL CORRETCNES GON MAD HOW DRAE THEY soon enough ? but what has started out as a simple name-change to make the app more accessible to people and organisations who find the name offensive seems to have evolved into something more ambitious with further goals; notably, to fix its famously novice-hostile user interface…
@Cat Mara
I was never bothered by the name, but simplifying the user interface would be nice. Even now, it’s so complicated that I often use lesser programs when I’m in a hurry just to save time. I might check out this Glimpse thing. Thank you for letting me know.
Maybe I’m just used to it, but I never found GIMP’s interface particularly difficult. Blender, on the other hand…