Impregnant women and pedavore Hillary: Another terrible search term extravaganza

By David Futrelle

People find their way to this blog in a wide variety of ways — through mentions on other blogs or in the press, from discussions on Reddit, through my posts on Facebook and Twitter. But a surprising number of visitors get here through weird search queries that have only the most tenuous connections with anything ever discussed here on We Hunted the Mammoth.

So let’s take another stroll through some of the more unexpected search queries that have led people to WHTM over the past year or so.

I always feel a bit sorry for these people; they must be so disappointed when they get here. Imagine typing in an innocent query like “hillary clinton pedavore” or “how to impregnant women with out them knowing it” (both real queries I’ve run across) and ending up, well, here, where no answers on these pressing issues can be found.

Naturally, this being the internet, many of the weirder queries have to do with sexual fetishes — or at least I’m assuming that’s what these are.

girls hairy armpit images

women who wear their hair in a bun

whitewomen who were their hair in a bun

breasts star wars

fat girl and cars

cassie jaye feet

I’ve left out some of the cruder examples; you can imagine how much worse it gets.

I’m not sure if this one represents a fetish or a complaint:

british women ass smell

I can only hope this next one is not a fetish, or a real thing even.

penis in a cat

Obviously the only penis that should ever be in a cat should belong to another cat.

There are a surprising number that relate to castration, and which seem to represent both sides of the “is castration good” debate, which apparently is a thing.

don’t want no short dick man castrate him

feminists castrating men for fun tumblr

castration is love

I’m not going to investigate this particular topic any further and I’m going to try to forget I saw any of these.

There are some queries so full of typos I’m shocked they led to any websites at all, much less this one.

hu hunted rge mannoth

stormy danielle claim the trip has small penis

But alongside all these crude and badly mangled queries, there are some, however weird, that I think deserve some sort of answer. And so, as a public service to anyone who finds this blog through search queries like the following ones, I’m going to try my best to answer them

do people who masterbate hands become soft

No.

girls who fart lose attraction

Possibly? It really depends on the size and frequency of the farts.

feminists secretly want what attractive women want

You mean like happy and fulfilling lives, good jobs, partners who love and respect them, no one to assume that feminists and attractive women are distinct categories, that sort of thing? Yes.

male feminists are pussies

No, male feminists OWN pussies, like the one pestering me for dinner right now.

what accounts for increase in female beastiality

I don’t think that’s a thing, dude.

is robot good or bad

I don’t know, dude, I really just don’t know. Honestly, I think about this all the time. I guess we’ll know when the singularity is here.

But enough depressing talk. Happily, there are some weird queries that I have actually written about here, and I’m happy to remind everyone of the answers to them right now.

freddie mercury cats

Yes, yes, yes. FREDDIE MERCURY CATS. I got your FREDDIE MERCURY CATS right here.

matt forney reservoir dogs

A reference to one of the greatest videos ever made. Alas, it has been pulled from the internet. But you can still see it in its entirely, albeit in a shrunken-down form, with commentary from Hbomberguy.

You can find an explanation for this weird bit of alt-right cinema in my post here, alongside the original Reservoir Dogs sequence and, for some reason, a video of a capybara eating celery.

This brings my survey of weird search terms to a close. Any questions?

For more weird search queries, check out the related videos below.

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

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