By David Futrelle
The internet has answers to almost any question under the sun. Trouble is, not only are most of the answers wrong, but a lot of the questions themselves are, well, pretty fucking terrible.
Consider the case of this fellow, who turned to the commenters on AskMen.com with a query whose answer was already contained within the question itself.
Dude, the women didn’t answer the question “besides a warm mouth and a vagina, what would you bring to the table?” because you asked them the question “besides a warm mouth and a vagina, what would you bring to the table?”
If you’re asking a question so misogynistic and dehumanizing that it repeatedly causes the women you’re dating to no longer speak with you, the problem isn’t the women, it’s the question — or, more to the point, the person asking the question.
Hope that helps!
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@Ariblester
They seem to be pushing back, but none of them seem willing to call out the misogyny by name.
@Yutolia
That’s cool. What does your business do?
@LG
I’m sorry about your grandmother and I’m sorry your boyfriend was such an asshole.
@Naglfar:
I board dogs. I work with what I call “special needs” dogs – ones that can’t be kept in kennels because of psychological or medical reasons. It’s amazing and horrifying how many of these dogs are rescues who were abused.
I also go to people’s houses and do puppy care and training during the day. I sometimes work with other animals as well. I’ve had some cat and bird clients, but I don’t board cats – they have a tendency to freak out when in a strange place and either run away or pee all over everything or scratch and shred everything or some combination of these, as I’m sure many of you know.
Yeah, it seems to be a taboo thing on most of the web to call something “misogynist” when it clearly is. I imagine it’s because, like “racist”, it is considered too strong a term to use in civil discourse (not that I agree at all).
@LG:
I understand the care taking dynamic. Your boyfriend should have shown up for you. My mom and I were my grandmother’s sole caretakers for many years – she had dementia and lived to 102. It’s awful and exhausting in a way that only people who’ve done it can understand.
My dad always supported us. My grandmother hated him and wouldn’t let him help her at all, but he always found ways to support us, even if it was just confronting her when she would yell at us about how bad we were.
My ex couldn’t have been bothered. He would sit and pretend to listen then rationalize my grandmothers behavior. He wouldn’t come help with anything even though we were together for many years, but always about an hour into DOING ANYTHING outside the house, he would start calling and texting and basically blow up my phone about how I wasn’t getting home fast enough and waaaah I don’t pay any attention to him.
I’m so sorry this kind of shit happened to you too.
I read the “askmen” post… I did receive SOME benefit, in this comment….:
“…approach this with the precision and subtlety of a horny rhino humping a Toyota yaris hatchback”
🙂
Wow. Does this guy have a mom? Did he ask his mom that question, too? Did his dad treat his mom like an orifice playground? How about his sister? Would it be okay if his sister was treated like that? How does a guy’s head get so twisted his basic human empathy becomes so hopelessly lost. I hope his female relatives are all safe and far away from him.
Quite.
Yeah, its a trick question. I don’t think it’s his real question at all.
The real question he wants to ask, but just cant come right out and say is: What skills do you possess that I can take full advantage of while offering nothing in return? Can you cook? Can you clean my house? Can you sew and iron my clothing? What non-sex services are you willing to offer me in exchange for some dick?
That’s the actual question.
Hm, what do I bring to the table?
VAGINA DENTATA!
Off topic : M. johnson is basically trying a coup in the UK.
He is probably too incompetent to pull it off. I hope.
@ByeBob
What does this dude’s female relatives have to do with anything? If he had no female relatives would it be understandable for him to ask this?
@Ohlmann
I heard about suspending parliament. What does this mean for England and Brexit?
@kupo
The way I read the comment, it seemed like ByeBob was suggesting that the OP should, at the very least, see how demeaning this would be to his mother or sister, and by extension, to all women.
@Nagflar : his intention is to suspend parliament for long enough to get out of the European union without parliament’s interference. He detourn a custom to do that.
At a first glance, that won’t be enough to silence Parliament yet, even if it probably can complicate the task of his opponent a lot.
The thing being, even outside of the fact that no-deal brexit is a catastrophe for the UK, will he stop there ? If the parliament refuse his confidence or pass a law to force him to seek an extension, will he obey ? That’s what worry me. We probably don’t want a dimwit like him have the power without any oversight in the UK, or in any other country.
I agree that’s the intention, but, as a woman, it’s demeaning that people constantly appeal to horrible people by reminding them that they have female relatives, as if the only way a man could find humanity in a woman is if he personally benefits from a relationship with her. And yes, it’s a common thing for men to suddenly realize how awful other men are towards women once they have daughters, but we certainly shouldn’t be encouraging that. We should stop short at demanding women be respected as human beings because women are human.
@Byebob
the somebody’s daughter thing is what I call an attempt but still horrible. women and girls don’t need to be treated like their human because their somebody’s, they need to be treated like their humans because they are somebody. Their a human, and their humanity should not be acknowledged because of ownership. Plus you are under the base line assumption that they would actually care about the women in their lives. Men that write things like this, the men that david writes post after post about, generally do not. Because they hate women, they would hate her even if they owned her. This has been my ted talk, and I hope this made you see why you are getting backlash for your comment.
I had something nice today that I wanted to tell you guys. My history teacher’s birthday was today. He turned 54 years old and he came into class today wearing a green kilt because damnit it was his birthday today and he wanted to wear his favorite kilt. Just something that made me smile and I hope it could do the same for you guys.
@ Ohlmann & Naglfar
Little green alien: ‘Take me to your leader!’ Me: ‘This way to Downing Street. Remember to bring that ray gun with you!’
@Knitting Cat Lady:
http://cdn.queenofwands.net/comics/20040121.jpg
@Naglfar
You surmised my intent correctly. Thank you.
@kupo and @Lainy
Please understand no disrespect is now, nor ever intended. Any suggestion that apologist thinking is ok with me is patently false. My intent behind my post was me (as a single woman and having encountered this same thought process too often to count) trying to see through the eyes and poor logic and try to understand how the OP got to that statement.
The first striking thought that stood out to me was at some point this person was a toddler and probably had a mother who cared for him and fed him. Whom he likely loved and trusted. I could not fully process how the OP could apparently never grow past the “Mother is Mother, not woman, not person, not individual with hopes/feelings/thoughts/rights beyond her role in his life, which is to nurture and serve him”. I could not process how this poster could miss a very simple stage in emotional growth and it stunned me. I’ve not spent a ton of time trying to see things through misogynist eyes before, simply because why? But I did today because I’m starting to wonder “How does this start and what can be done to prevent it in the future”. (I’m an engineer and I think in fixit terms; it’s just the way I initially process data.)
My off the cuff post was just shock that the simple acknowledgement that most of us grew into as we aged, that our most cared for and loved women in our lives were greater than the sum of their roles. They are complete people, complicated humans, who are far more than their relationship to us. Most folks experience this during the terrible times of teen angst. Dad isn’t a hero anymore; Mom is more than sandwiches, scraped knees, and rides to the mall.
How did the OP miss this important stage in development. How can he not see it through an (apparently offensive) simple personal question to himself. “Is what I’m saying right now OK if it were applied by Dad to Mom?”
I wasn’t making any generalizations about women, their roles in society, nor trying to undermine their vast value. I do appreciate the feedback and will take it to heart, but please take mine as well. I will never apologize nor accept the type of thinking, speaking, or acting that the OP displayed. I also find your posts and comments over the past month I’ve lurked here to be completely in line with my own, so please take mine with the presumption of innocence.
@Lainy
I love that story about your history teacher! That so made me smile!
@ Lainy:
… commando style?
@StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved
Last Halloween he came to class in full roman armor complete with helmet.
@Weird Eddie
How on earth would I possibly know that? I’m not in habit of looking up anyone skirts.
@ByeBob:
While the asker above might not identify as an incel or run in those circles, for an awful lot of incels, the answer is yes. Except they wouldn’t bother to ask that, they’d just assume. And the worst of the worst are also occasionally mad that their close female relatives aren’t available for them to “use”. You may now proceed to barf.
Can confirm that mysoges treat their female relatives like shit as well. At least the ones I’m related to do.