Categories
alpha males beta males chad thundercock Dunning–Kruger effect hetsplaining homophobia incels lesbians don't real men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny reddit that's completely wrong

Incels continue to be baffled by lesbians, refuse to believe they exist

That’s what you think, lady!

By David Futrelle

Today’s insight into lesbianism comes from the Braincels subreddit, where the regulars believe that lesbianism is just a “meme,” and that there are literally no women in the world who would prefer the touch of a woman, however lovely, to the sexual attentions of a beefy Chad.

Some incels have clearly thought this whole theory through in a bit more detail than most of their peers. Like, for example, this dude:

they're also still obviously attracted to men. lesbianism is just extreme degeneracy, when a girl has been alpha widowed and finds 'beta comfort' in her female friends instead of a beta male and they twist that need into a perversion, desperately trying to replace that lost chad intimacy with her new comfort provider. of course women cannot actually perform this role like a beta male can, so she ends up becoming even more mentally unsound and that's why all lesbian relationships are a fraudulent disaster.. they are trying to force something that is unnatural.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that none of that is correct.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, an “alpha widow” is a lady who has previously gotten it on with some alpha Chad and who therefore can never against be satisfied with betas of any gender. I’m going to go out on a limb again and say that this isn’t really a thing either.

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

We Hunted the Mammoth relies entirely on readers like you for its survival. If you appreciate our work, please send a few bucks our way! Thanks!

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

73 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Tovius
1 year ago

@Cat Mara
My current go-to lesbian youtuber is Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDdi0yUyGW1PKzYXaIACnuA

Robert
Robert
1 year ago

“Mint in box” reminded me of taking my son to a comic-con years ago. He picked out a small Mach 5 racecar from a booth vendor display; when he was playing with it at home later, it occurred to me how few of the ‘toys’ from that booth would ever actually be played with.

Regarding the OP, the opening lines from “Supermodel Sandwich” by Terence Trent D’Arby come to mind:
You’re so fine/ what’s your solar sign?
‘Yield the right of way,’ she said without delay.
‘Stop your advance, ’cause you don’t have a chance, boy/
If you’re not a girl, I’ll never let you touch my pearl.’

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Has everyone seen this yet?

https://amp.desmoinesregister.com/amp/2007230001?__twitter_impression=true

Just another example of the Nazis and the manosphere being indistinguishable.

Katamount
1 year ago

@WWTH

Saw it on Wonkette. My comment was “Has anybody investigated the King family for sex crimes? Might be a good idea….”

Seriously, that’s Josef Fritzl-level ghoulishness he’s spouting.

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
1 year ago

@ThingsComeUndone:
Don’t think toys so much as fancy sports cars. They have to look good enough to make everybody else jealous, and they have to be maintained in perfect condition, sure, but they also have to always be available on those occasions where the owner wants to take them for a spin. ‘Willing’ doesn’t enter into it.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
1 year ago

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/aug/14/steve-king-iowa-republican-rape-incest-abortion

wtf???????? sub-basement below the bottom of the barrel … ?

Big Titty Demon
Big Titty Demon
1 year ago

@Lainy

Well that sounds thoroughly upsetting and assholey of that lesbian, I’m glad you stopped seeing her. Hugs for the memory if you want them.

Kind of like how they think women can’t be friends with each other because we secretly hate each other.

I never get this one, I really don’t. If it were true, I would be so dead now. Literally, I’m not even joking, my best ladies have saved my life multiple times.

Talonknife
Talonknife
1 year ago

I play a fair amount of Magic the Gathering and try pretty hard to keep my cards in good condition. I put them in card sleeves when I intend to use them and keep them stored in strong boxes when I’m not. I have one that I’m especially protective of. I won a very rare card at a draft tournament a few weeks ago that turns out to be worth about $215 and some people I know that know more about the secondary market tell me the price will keep going up, so I’m trying to keep that card absolutely pristine. However, most of my cards I don’t protect because of their inherent value or anything, I mostly just don’t like seeing them all torn up.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
1 year ago

@ Big Titty Demon

I never get this one, I really don’t. If it were true, I would be so dead now. Literally, I’m not even joking, my best ladies have saved my life multiple times.

I agree. What I’m seeing in the (admittedly lefty n feminist) circle I run with is, women actively supporting each other.

Amtep
Amtep
1 year ago

There’s also a practical reason to keep playing cards pristine… it means you can’t tell from the back which is which. (Scuff marks may be hard to notice and remember, but people who do card tricks will be able to.)

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
1 year ago

@Violet the Vile

Today’s insight into lesbianism comes from the Braincels subreddit.

The braincels are the smarter incels.

@kat
Are you sure? or are they the “bra incels”?

Ooh, hadn’t thought of that.

Diptych
Diptych
1 year ago

Just swinging by to confirm the jokeyness of terms like “disaster lesbian” – it doesn’t refer to past relationship status or anything like that; it’s just self-deprecating humour used by people whose lives, career trajectories, mental health, etc., are a bit of a mess, and who are also queer. And, of course, we’re all living in disastrous times – it’s disasters within disasters. A matryoshka of disasters.

Talonknife
Talonknife
1 year ago

@Amtep

There’s also a practical reason to keep playing cards pristine… it means you can’t tell from the back which is which. (Scuff marks may be hard to notice and remember, but people who do card tricks will be able to.)

This is true. A few months ago, Yuuya Watanabe, one of the best competitive Magic players of all time, was disqualified from a tournament for marked card sleeves, though last I checked the jury was still out on whether he had intentionally marked them or if it was just a problem with the sleeves.

LeeshaJoy
LeeshaJoy
1 year ago

There are more things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in manospherian philosophy.

There are more things in my sock drawer than are dreamt of in manospherian philosophy.

Sack
Sack
1 year ago

Whenever Futrelle writes of incels, we must always remember one thing:

David Futrelle is an obese, agoraphobic incel.

Snowberry
Snowberry
1 year ago

@Troll: No, U.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Sack
David Futrelle is not an incel. Not only has he mentioned having had sex, to be considered an incel he would have to be a bitter misogynist. It is clear he is neither of those things.
Maybe come up with an actual argument once in a while instead of a random free association exercise?

LindsayIrene
LindsayIrene
1 year ago

Whenever a really lazy troll trolls, we must remember one thing:

School starts in two weeks.

Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
1 year ago

Troll grade:

TacticalProgressive
TacticalProgressive
1 year ago

@Sack

Looks like someone doesn’t know what words mean…. and also has no actual arguments or discussions to make save for invalid and illogical insults.

Also, David ain’t an incel, so your basically engaging in another form of Goodwins law; in much the same way some people call other people nazi’s when the person they are accusing isn’t a Nazi and doesn’t support or espouse Nazi’s or their ideology; thereby turning the word into a prolapsed adjective devoid of any actual meaning.

Though it begs the question of if their is a name for what this particular nonsense tactic would be called; since Goodwins Law specifically applies only to Nazi’s Neo-Nazi’s, and Red-Baiting relating to accusations of one supposedly being a communist even if they aren’t actual Communists; basically the “70’s Red-Scare” version of Goodwin’s Law.

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
1 year ago

@Tovius: Thanks for the recommend

Richard
Richard
1 year ago

@naglifar

I agree. Whenever we define a persons worth by their success with the other sex we deny their humanity. Call a man wrong, but do not call a man incel. Even if he is.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Richard
Incel is an issue of self-identification. It is a label the group has created for themselves. If a man is single and has no luck getting a date, that does not make him an incel. If he turns his datelessness into an identity of being involuntarily celibate, then he is an incel. As you can see, Futrelle is not an incel due to him not identifying with this group and not holding the values of misogyny and entitlement central to the incel subculture.