By David Futrelle
Hardcore semen retainers — yes, I’m back to talking about them again — believe that by refraining from masturbation they can bless themselves with certain magical superpowers, most notably the power of attraction.
When they’re full up with semen, after a long NoFap/no ejaculation streak, they believe that basically everything in the universe is drawn to them — women, men, animals, money, good luck. (Oh, and speaking of good luck, well, good luck trying to tell these guys that the real magical power they’re developing is confirmation bias, which turns every smile from a woman in their vicinity into a sign that she’s DTF.)
Not long ago, a Semen-Retaining Redditor called jakeducati offered his explanation for this mysterious new power of attraction.
“Many people wonder…why does semen retention (supposedly) increase attraction?” he began.
Think of it this way: all organisms that exist have a compelling desire for more life. Every organism wants to live life more abundantly. Plants stretch towards the warmth of the sun, people bask outside in the sunshine on a sunny day, animals of all kinds enjoy eating nourishment.
So what makes guys full of their own semen such tasty snacks, metaphorically speaking?
Evidently, it’s all in the balls. Literally.
As a man, you hold the seed of creation within your ballsack. The spark that starts the flame. It wants to express itself through the mechanism of ejaculation, of pollination. When you hold this seed, when you retain it, you are ascending to a higher vibration.
Are you sure you’re not just vibrating from sheer unslaked horniness?
The purity of life within your semen vibrates at a high frequency. It is pure creation itself. As a result of holding this seed, you start to vibrate at a high frequency.
Definitely sounds like you’re horny, dude.
You start to become the sun. You start to radiate. People seek the warmth of the sun, so they will congregate around someone who holds this energy.
Why do you think the founders of the world religions had so many adherents? Because they carried the seed. They respected the seed. They cultivated the seed.
“Blessed are the blue of balls, for they shall get lots of flirty glances from the ladies.”
A woman wants to bask in the warmth of the sun and express herself. Look how eager they are to shed their clothes when at the beach. Why wouldn’t they feel the same way around a man who holds life, who has the sun within him?
So if you retain for a long enough time, women are going to start stripping down to their underwear on the bus after you get on?
Women don’t want to take their clothes off in front of men who disrespect themselves and the seed within them. These are cold men. They do not feel warmth around these men. That’s why many women are not openly sexual with many men. They do not feel safe. A woman is a receptor of energy and the energy that constant fappers give off is dead energy.
Maybe. But I’m pretty sure that most women also don’t want to take their clothes off i the vicinity of men who devote any portion of their days to bragging about their full balls on the internet.
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
We Hunted the Mammoth relies entirely on readers like you for its survival. If you appreciate our work, please send a few bucks our way! Thanks!
These guys don’t want to masturbate. Fine. Whatever floats their boats. But magical powers? Really?
I always thought of masturbation as a rather unproductive thing to do (compared to, say, crafts or other activities people often do on their own for pleasure), but even then it seems like posting weird semen retention crap on Reddit is roughly as unproductive if not more so, depending on how much time daily you spend on it. As for the religion thing, I don’t know why most religions ban masturbation. Probably has something to do with self-control or strange beliefs about reproduction.
Related: I was pondering the other day whether asexuals masturbate at all. If not, shouldn’t they be the ultimate ones of power according to this nonsensical manosphere logic?
tl;dr, every time: “Women sense my power, and they seek the life-essence.”
My favorite thing about these guys is their field reports. They go on and on about all the women trying to hump them because of the mystical power they gained from going without ejaculating for like… three days.
I’m like… guys… if going three days without ejaculating were that life-changing, everybody would be aware of it, because many, many people go much longer without ejaculating for any number of reasons. And yet nobody is swarming all over them or sitting around them in circles “staring submissively.”
Hell, earlier this year when I had a health crisis and spent two weeks in the hospital, I went about a month without “depleting my essence.” By their claims, I should have been superhumanly virile and desirable rather than barely getting back to a normal routine.
Bahaha. When I was like 19 I was dating this older wannabe Hollywood guy who refused to masturbate or come during sex for this reason. I tried to reason with him that a) this is scientifically ridiculous and b) saying that I can have orgasms all day with no ill effect while he can’t is inherently sexist. Sigh. The idiots we date when we’re young and don’t know any better. 😉
I can think of one Balzac who contained a lot of creativity…
Wait. What about the men who eagerly shed their clothes when at the beach? Or even just when the temperature starts getting above 0 again? (It never ceases to amaze me how early in spring or even late winter I start to see guys in shorts and t-shirts.)
Some do, some don’t.
Potential TMI- I do, on occasion. I guess I still have a libido of some kind, but it’s never been directed at a person, or felt any desire for any help with it. For me, masturbating is basically the same thing as finally sneezing after having that awful need-to-sneeze sensation in your nose for a while. Physical release from a mildly annoying sensation my body has decided to experience.
Dude, I think the ladies already have a better source of vibration, provided the batteries don’t die.
Re: Do asexuals masturbate
I’m one for the don’t section.
Never felt the need, never tried.
I have absolutely no libido.
And the whole masturbation and sex thing sounds kinda gross and more trouble than it’s worth to me.
“Fabulous Secret Powers were revealed to me the day I ceased holding my magic sword. . .”
I’ve never read any condemnation of masturbation that wasn’t ultimately based in religion, pseudoscience, or the desire to control other people through shame and guilt.
Wait, so he’s claiming semen retainers are full of hot plasma and gas?
So…close…
Damn, beat me to it.
There is no SPF on earth strong enough to bask safely for any length of time in the energy emissions of these ballsack preeners.
Does semen retention make you hotter? Like, literally hotter? Do women need to remove layers of clothing around a semen retainer in order to avoid heat stroke? Because that’s how the sun works.
<blockquoteThat’s why many women are not openly sexual with many men. They do not feel safe.
The miggys are catching on…
@Robert:
Amen to that. And it’s been that way now for centuries.
So is the point here to get all these women to take their clothes off and then… what exactly? It sounds like these NoFapstronauts would be in danger of losing their essence.
Someone might wanna send jakeducati this, as the motorcycle I assume from his name he rides may be endangering his precious, precious seed: https://www.google.ca/amp/s/amp.smh.com.au/national/motorbike-riders-risk-impotence-say-doctors-20081123-gdt3ya.html
I’m not sure they’ve thought that far ahead…..
Like the sun, I think I’d be most comfortable staying approximately 150 million kilometers away from these guys.
Ace here, and I’ve never masturbated once in my entire life (nor do I want to). Of course, I don’t have any semen to retain, or I’d probably be a sun god, according to this guy.
I tried to think up a clever retort to all this no-fapper nonsense, but all I got was this weird noise coming from the general vicinity of my ovaries. It sounded remarkably like the “Owwwwwww” that a Pac-Man makes when it gets bitten by a ghost and dies.
Pffffff… Whatever. Also as a man I also piss out my seed when they die naturally. Should I stop urinating?
Holding the “seed of creation”. Really?
I’d have thought women win this one. All day every day. Rain or shine. Sexual or celibate. Ovaries – from birth – hold more than a lifetime’s worth of seed.
Far, far, far more than we could ever need or want.