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“As a man, you hold the seed of creation within your ballsack,” and other reflections on semen retention from some mystical weirdo on Reddit

No, not THAT ballsack

By David Futrelle

Hardcore semen retainers — yes, I’m back to talking about them again — believe that by refraining from masturbation they can bless themselves with certain magical superpowers, most notably the power of attraction.

When they’re full up with semen, after a long NoFap/no ejaculation streak, they believe that basically everything in the universe is drawn to them — women, men, animals, money, good luck. (Oh, and speaking of good luck, well, good luck trying to tell these guys that the real magical power they’re developing is confirmation bias, which turns every smile from a woman in their vicinity into a sign that she’s DTF.)

Not long ago, a Semen-Retaining Redditor called jakeducati offered his explanation for this mysterious new power of attraction.

“Many people wonder…why does semen retention (supposedly) increase attraction?” he began.

Think of it this way: all organisms that exist have a compelling desire for more life. Every organism wants to live life more abundantly. Plants stretch towards the warmth of the sun, people bask outside in the sunshine on a sunny day, animals of all kinds enjoy eating nourishment.

So what makes guys full of their own semen such tasty snacks, metaphorically speaking?

Evidently, it’s all in the balls. Literally.

As a man, you hold the seed of creation within your ballsack. The spark that starts the flame. It wants to express itself through the mechanism of ejaculation, of pollination. When you hold this seed, when you retain it, you are ascending to a higher vibration.

Are you sure you’re not just vibrating from sheer unslaked horniness?

The purity of life within your semen vibrates at a high frequency. It is pure creation itself. As a result of holding this seed, you start to vibrate at a high frequency.

Definitely sounds like you’re horny, dude.

You start to become the sun. You start to radiate. People seek the warmth of the sun, so they will congregate around someone who holds this energy.

Why do you think the founders of the world religions had so many adherents? Because they carried the seed. They respected the seed. They cultivated the seed.

“Blessed are the blue of balls, for they shall get lots of flirty glances from the ladies.”

A woman wants to bask in the warmth of the sun and express herself. Look how eager they are to shed their clothes when at the beach. Why wouldn’t they feel the same way around a man who holds life, who has the sun within him?

So if you retain for a long enough time, women are going to start stripping down to their underwear on the bus after you get on?

Women don’t want to take their clothes off in front of men who disrespect themselves and the seed within them. These are cold men. They do not feel warmth around these men. That’s why many women are not openly sexual with many men. They do not feel safe. A woman is a receptor of energy and the energy that constant fappers give off is dead energy.

Maybe. But I’m pretty sure that most women also don’t want to take their clothes off i the vicinity of men who devote any portion of their days to bragging about their full balls on the internet.

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

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Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
1 year ago

@Rabid Rabbit:

Older writers need to remember to find credible reasons why their stranded characters don’t just use their phones

One thing I always like to recount when this comes up is that in the past decade or so I’ve got into a number of mid-century American mystery writers, and one thing I’d never quite realized is that public phone booths *outdoors on the street, accessible at any time of the day or night* didn’t really come along until maybe the early 1960s?

Before then stories are full of characters discovering a body, witnessing a murder or escaping an attack after dark in an urban neighbourhood but not a nightclub or theatre district— who then have to travel for ten blocks in search of a diner that’s open late so they can go in and use the phone booth.

younger ones are going to have to get it into their minds that by our standards, their historical characters should be incredibly ignorant.

Not even that so much, as that there are going to be a lot of times when they know they need to look something up, and it’s not covered by any reference works they personally own, and the local library (a) is currently closed, and possible also miles away; (b) has no books on the topic; (c) has one single book on the topic, and it’s thirty years out of date/written for kids and only covers the absolute basics/out on loan; (d) doesn’t have a film or record section and the required item is one, and there’s no IMDb, the Leonard Maltin video guide can only give you so much info, many older movies aren’t out on video and if they are the demand probably isn’t great enough for the local video store to have them—assuming it’s the nineties and home video even exists. I spent my first decade or so as an old-movie buff poring over coffee-table books that gave plot synopses and reproduced stills from films I wanted to see and which might get run on tv or by a local cinema club once every few years— and the latter only because I lived in a university town. Sorry, apparently I still have strong memories of the frustration.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

@Mabret:

I love how he sounds all pompous and grandiose when he starts out with “As a man, you hold the seed of creation”, and then blasts it instantly with the vulgarity “within your ballsack”.

“It is the east, and my ballsack is the sun.”

Braniac113
Braniac113
1 year ago

@Moon Custafer

There’s even media that’s still popular that the plot just does not work for anymore due to tech advances. There’s a Batman: The Animated Series ep where a villain is working off the template of an episode of an old show, and ~nobody remembers it anymore~ except the actor that starred, so Batman has to hunt him down and interrogate him about it. Nowadays one quick google and not only can he find a synopsis, but also it’s probably on Netflix, there’s youtube clips, he could torrent the whole show, buy the script-book on Amazon Prime 24-hour delivery, likewise buy every season individually and collected remastered on blu-ray, and probably there’s a forum discussing each episode to an obsessive degree of detail.

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
1 year ago

There is a book by British journalist Francis Wheen called Strange Days Indeed about the 70s and what a messed-up time it was (Nixon in the US; the political situation in the UK leading to the “Winner of Discontent”; the increase in terrorist violence around Europe with the Red Army Faction in Germany, the Red Brigade in Italy, the assorted three-letter maniac organisations in Northern Ireland; etc.) In the introduction to the book, Wheen talks about a play he’d written based on Harold Wilson’s Labour government of the time, and a particular incident– that actually happened, with no dramatic licence on his part– when a crisis of some kind (a strike, probably) erupted when Wilson and most of his Cabinet were on a tour of rural northern England to meet local Party worthies and were unreachable by their aides in Westminster. Somehow, it was communicated to them that something bad was going down, but not the details. Cue then a frenzied hunt through the English countryside for a phone booth so that Wilson could find out just WTF exactly was going on. The editor who commissioned the play instructed Wheen to cut the scene as he thought a modern viewer would find it inconceivable that the PM could be cut off like that. Wheen said he was like, um, don’t people realise that there weren’t mobile phones then; the editor reiterated that viewers would still find it unbelievable…

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
1 year ago

@Cat Mara

Was that the same incident where the leaders were cut off from information because no one in the travelling party had the right change for the pay phone?

@Moon Custafer

Oh yeah, absolutely. In terms of ignorance I was thinking more of historical fiction set a bit further back than the 90s, though — like before Andrew Carnegie decided to give everyone libraries.

One of the other things people are going to have a hard time understanding is how door-to-door encyclopedia salesmen were a thing, not just a joke, and why the poorer classes actually would shell out a fair bit of money to acquire these encyclopedias.

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
1 year ago

@Rabid Rabbit: It could well have been. And in a sense, that situation is understandable: putting aside for a moment that senior politicians might arrogantly assume that the “little people” will look after such fripperies as change for a phone, they were out on a meet-and-greet, presumably moving through crowds shaking hands, etc. In a situation like that, no-one wants to be carrying anything in their pockets that might be dropped or even stolen.

I think Wheen’s play was trying to get over just how cut off people– even those notionally running an entire country– could become before the age of ubiquitous connectivity.

Flyboy
Flyboy
5 months ago

A bit late to the game, but where can I get some of what this guy is smoking?