By David Futrelle
You can always count on the dude who calls himself One Angry Gamer to have a highly nuanced reaction to developments in the gaming and comics worlds. For example, take his reaction to the news yesterday that the upcoming Thor: Love and Thunder movie will feature Natalie Portman — a LADY — as none other than Thor himherself.
“This is the kind of news that strips the threads away from the very fabric of your soul,” he declared in a post on his One Angry Gamer site, really leaning hard on that fabric metaphor. “As always, Marvel is moving the dial ever further Left.”
Well, not that much further left, in that Portman played Man Thor’s gal pal in several past films, and that there already has been a series of comics in which Thor was a lady. But as One Angry Gamer sees it, those comics sucked and the movie will too:
For those of you unfamiliar with the Female Thor, it was as bad as everyone said it was, laced with the sort of propaganda that the Marvel comics have become infamous for … and included blatant agitprop such as Jane sharing an interracial kiss with Falcon after beating up some “racist” agitators.
But it didn’t end there… Jane ended up sleeping with the Falcon later on.
Oh my goodness, the comic book characters are miscegenating!
It’s the sort of thing that makes you sick to your stomach; churning your insides with a nausea-inducing swirl, as if you were butter in a theki.
If interracial sex makes you feel like butter in a sort of centrifuge used ito churn butter in Nepal, you might just be a teensy weensy bit of a racist.
“But it gets worse,” the Angry Gamer continued.
There were misandrist threads throughout the female Thor run, including one where a female villain refused to let another male villain fight female Thor out of “respect” for what she was doing. This is not even a joke.
Er. what? I’m having a hard time even parsing what exactly he’s mad at here.
But wait… it gets even worse!
According to ScreenRant’s tweets, actress Tessa Thompson said that as the new king of Asgard, the Valkyrie has to find a queen, since she’s obviously a lesbian!
I had to stand up and then sit down for a moment.
It’s a lot to take in. It’s like a hammer to the gut.
By Grabthar’s hammer, what a dingus.
If the news that a character in a comic book movie might be lesbian hits you “like a hammer to the gut,” you may be taking comic book movies just a teensy bit too seriously. And also you pretty definitely are a huge homophobe.
But it turns out Mr. Angry Gamer is just getting warmed up.
Starring [sic] at the floor, I began to realize that whatever good the Marvel Cinematic Universe brought to the world would be undone by the heathens of Hollywood.
Whatever memories or joy that you thought you could embrace from the previous three phases of storytelling, are gone.
Your joy is being systematically erased by the diversity agenda, and Phase 4 will taint these legacy characters… forever.
Ah bloo bloo bloo.
I wish there were words that could express the sadness that envelops my heart, to see Marvel wielding an axe of destruction for which all that you loved will be torn asunder and ripped apart like a pig’s intestines in a slaughter house; all for the sake of brainwashing the masses with their agenda.
Angry Gamer dude really loves working those metaphors, huh?
But there are no words… just bleakness and the realization that cultural entertainment is on the cusp of crumbling due to these degenerates.
Ah, I was waiting for him to work the word “degenerate” in there somehow, as if anyone had any doubts about his basically fascist sensibilities.
Anyhoo, after the Nazi dogwhistling, our Angry Gamer boi predicts the end of the world:
The end is nigh, and it will be ushered in with trends, claps, and applause.
The San Diego Comic-Con was the messenger of Armageddon, and you get to stand at ground zero to witness the complete and utter annihilation of comic-book movie culture.
Take some deep breaths, dude, you’re losing it. I don’t think even fans of Bewitched in the 1960s were this upset when they replaced Darrin with a whole other Darrin without saying a word.
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Of course something that sounds fun is greeted with dread by this gamer dipshit. He reacted similarly to She-Ra and the Princesses of Power.
Natalie Portman, you say?
https://youtu.be/-A0iftflme4
Sounds like this asshat should put the Iron Man movies on continuous loop and go cry in his beer.
Somebody needs to make a b-movie about all these wanks. Call it Giant Angry Manbabies From Counter-Earth!
Such guys as One Angry Gamer are why I originally called myself “Laugher at Bigots”.
I almost feel bad for One Angry Gamer. After all, this news obviously hit his… Thor spot.
Or Fearful Fragile Fascists: Whine Harder!
Eight years ago the same types were whining that casting Idris Elba as Heimdall had ruined Thor forever. They’re not losing – they’ve already lost.
You know, there are movies that sound like I wouldn’t like them, and I just don’t go see them. It’s not like everything has to cater to me. That’s such a huge level of entitlement that guy’s got going on there.
Valkyrie is canon bi. Find something better to get angry about. Dingus, indeed.
I love how Natalie Portman said that she’s always had a bit of hammer envy. You can’t tell me that that comment wasn’t finely crafted to set off the whiny manbabies.
@Hippodameia:
You could say they’re… Thor losers.
@Bina
I would watch that movie. I bet they’d get angry about it on the internet and rant on r/mensrights but not actually do anything in the real world, like what happened with the Star Wars boycott they tried (and failed).
I’m not really into superhero movies but I might see this new Thor movie. Frankly, making it diverse has made me want to see it more. I’m also into Norse mythology, so that helps. Will it make sense if I didn’t see the other Thor movies?
Sorta O/T: I can’t think about Thor without thinking of one of my favorite songs, Twilight of the Thunder God by Amon Amarth. I saw them play this live a few months ago and it was amazing.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JFYVcz7h3o0
@Moggie:
You are brilliant.
Weird, I’ve always gone with the strategy of, when I read the description of a movie and it’s not my thing, I just don’t watch it. Even if I like the brand or previous movies in the series. I like CATS. I’m not going to see the movie. I like The Lion King. Fuck no am I seeing the live action. Aladdin, on the other hand? Might go see that one. See? I don’t have to take it as a personal attack that a studio made something that doesn’t cater directly to me, personally!
It must be scary to live in a world where nonwhites and women get represented as heroes. Hope he’s laid in enough canned goods and batteries.
@kupo:
Someone should tell these guys that it’s a reboot of Dogs, with an all-cat cast, and watch their heads explode.
Wow, I do believe that’s the most melodramatic reaction to a film announcement I could ever have read.
But thanks to marketing, One Angry Gamer get to pen the same bile when the behind-the-scenes photos are released; followed by the posters; teaser trailers; trailers; early reviews; blu-ray etc
Each time collecting ad money/patreon.
He might be Angry, but he’s also got a plan…
This is a louder version of what the whiny pouty fanboys were doing when the comics story was playing out.
Some people just can’t bear to see anything different or that doesn’t cater to what they think would be good.
I didn’t like the comics that introduced the idea, or rather I disliked the conclusion that I felt hammy and lacking impact.
For some reason, I didn’t found it was high treason or anything. Maybe some people are into that after all, and I don’t see a problem to catering to them since there is plenty of art that cater to my taste.
I haven’t watched the MCU movies (okay, I did see one, because my current boyfriend’s really into Dr. Strange) but from what I’ve heard, “Avengers: Endgame” was the end of the “classic” era of the MCU. Now they’re going on to the “modern” era, based on more recent comics, which has a lot more of the stuff that whiny manbabies don’t like, because the kind of man who would be whiny manbabies over this aren’t the main audience for Marvel comics anymore. And arguably they haven’t been for a long time anyway – I mean, they had a black woman leading the Avengers in what, the 1980s? Early 90’s? Don’t remember when, I’m a pop-culture generalist, not a superhero specialist. Which, by the way, I totally suspect is a direction they’re going to take at some point, given that the pre-superpower version of Monica Rambeau appeared in Captain Marvel.
And there will be much whining and gnashing of teeth.
Shorter:
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/sam.gif
It’s here where I note that there is nothing more traditional than a genderfluid Thor.
@ Naglfar:
As long as you can forget most of what you know about Norse mythology, you should be able to follow along. Starting with the famously red-haired Thor being a blond. 🙂
@ BBBB:
You might enjoy this modern retelling of the Lokasenna, called “Loki takes it just a little too far.” Flyting at its best.
It must be nice to be One Angry Gamer, since he obviously has nothing genuinely important to worry about, if he can afford to expend this much emotional energy on what kind of genitals are owned by a mythical Norse god who was re-invented by two nice Jewish boys in the early 1960s.
…Awww, geez, now I’m picturing a movie where Dr. Druid joins the Avengers right before or after Rambeau takes the leadership, he slowly reveals himself as a whiny racist misogynist manbaby ranting about SJW-ism cucking everthing up, they kick him out, and he joins the villains, then is defeated and becomes a permanent nobody, the end. If their knickers were in a twist before…