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No, you misogynistic dinguses, lab techs don’t regularly find dog semen in pap smears

Dog has questions. So do I.

By David Futrelle

I‘m sorry, everyone, but we’re going to have to talk about “the dogpill” again.

The dogpill, if you’re one of the lucky ones who haven’t already heard of it, is the delusional belief, shared seemingly by most incels and many other manosphere dinguses, that some huge percentage of women are regularly, ehrm, having sex with their dogs. On Incels.co and other sites like it, the regulars talk constantly about the dogpill (and the horsepill and even the fishpill, among others).

A longtime reader of the blog recently sent me a weird bit of copypasta that they found floating around on the internet. In it, someone claiming to be a lab tech at a women’s health clinic declared that he regularly found dog semen in pap smears — and that this was more-or-less an open secret in the world of gynecology.

Here. for better or worse, is his tall tale:

I work as a Lab Tech in a women’s clinic in the Mid West. I am the guy that looks through the microscope at your Pap Smear. 1 in 200-300 Pap Smears have canine semen on them. This is how I was introduced to this wonderful subject.

Women are told not to have sex for two days before their well woman exam. They believe that any sperm is no longer inside of them. The fact is, they are wrong. Even human sperm can last 4 days. Even if you have had sex with different men we can tell. Different men’s sperm look and act different. Canine sperm stands out as it has a second bulge in the tail used for energy to get through a bitch’s long harsh uterine tract.

If you read my post about canine semen working like a form of birth control for women, you know that dog sperm can and will live up to 9 days inside of his bitch. If you have had a Pap Smear during that time, then they saw the canine semen and documented it in your chart. (K9+)

The provider will never bring it up unless you do. The way they see it, it is a victimless crime, and they do not want you to not come back.

So be honest, how do you feel knowing someone knows?

Now, my first reaction to this was that it’s utter bullshit. But I’m no gynecologist. So I asked a gynecologist — the famous vagina expert Dr. Jen Gunter — what she thought. She had the same reaction I did, only more so.

“That is 100% bullshit,” she told me via Twitter DM. “That is not true. The end.”

She also characterized the story as “some kind of made up bullshit that requires no response,” “100% fantasy,” and something that “sounds like [an] Incel fetish.” It’s rare to find human semen in pap smears, she notes. Dog semen, no way.

As for the the notion that dog semen can serve as a sort of birth control, she dismisses the notion as “biologically preposterous.”

It’s not clear to me where exactly this copypasta came from; the only place I’ve found the full text is a handmade former-Tumblr fetish site. (Tumblr banned adult content last December; some of this content has migrated to Tumblr-like sites that are defiantly NSFW.)

From there, or from wherever it came from, it spread (sometimes as text, sometimes as a screenshot) to the alt-right-infested Twitter alternative Gab, the MGTOW subreddit, Quora, an exceedingly racist amateur fetish site devoted to “BBC [Big Black Cock] and Beast Fantasy,” and who knows where else. (It’s hard to track the spread of a screenshot that’s 100% text.)

On Gab, the posting got dozens of responses; most took it as true, expressing assorted forms of disgust and making jokes about “pup smears.”

“Lord have mercy.,” commented someone called Michigan Wave.

This is one of those factoids you’ll never un-know. Even if it’s just 1 in 400-500, it means we are literally converging w/ 3rd World norms where human-animal coitus is rare but accepted.

“Muslims believe women who have sex with animals should be killed,” wrote whoohoo001. “These women are contaminated.”

“And women have the audacity to call men perverts.” scoffed mothersmurfer.

On the MGTOW subreddit, most commenters were similarly unskeptical.

“Its guilty until proven innocent if i see a woman who owns a sizable dog,” wrote CoffeeBreaksAllDay.

“This is why some of us call women bitches,” joked I-am-the-lul.

And this is why some of us call you guys misogynistic dinguses.

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Victorious Parasol
1 year ago

Y’know, I’ve NEVER had a doctor tell me to abstain from sex before my well woman exam. That seems strange to me.

TMI-ness:
Mind you, I generally want to abstain for a while afterwards, but that’s because Pap smears leave me feeling a bit raw, and I just don’t feel very sexy post-speculum time.

MGC
MGC
1 year ago

That’s what struck me first too–I have literally never heard of abstaining from sex before a pap smear. I’m not convinced the original author even knows how a pap is done.

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
1 year ago

1 in 200-300 Pap Smears have canine semen on them.

Aside from being total bullshit, even by their own numbers, this works out to 0.5% – 0.3% of pap smears.

I-am-the-dull wrote:

This is why some of us call women bitches

…because – by your own [bullshit] numbers – at most 0.5% – 0.3% of pap smears contain dog semen?

Well then I guess you can’t really complain when someone says “all men are rapists,” now can you?

(/s, of course; both for the obvious absurdity of the topic itself and also the notion that a manuresphereian would apply the same standards to their own behavior as they do to others’)

Mexican Hot Chocolate
Mexican Hot Chocolate
1 year ago

If any of that were true, it would have made the news. Salacious scandals always make the news. It has the same level of veracity as the letters in Penthouse Forum, which is to say, none at all.

Victorious Parasol
1 year ago

And another thing … if this is a lab tech trained in human medicine, why does he think he can visually detect any differences between human sperm and canine sperm?

My youngest sister is a vet. I need to remember to NOT have this conversation with her the next time we talk:

Me: Hey, kiddo, I have another veterinary medicine question for you.

Baby sister: (probably thinking, “They warned me relatives would do this”) Sure, go ahead.

Me: Can you distinguish between human sperm and canine sperm under a standard lab microscope?

Baby sister: (long pause while she reminds herself that I’m her big sister who knits stuff for her) Why do you need to know this?

Me: Because I suspect SOMEONE IS WRONG ON THE INTERWEBS.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
1 year ago

@ Mexican Hot Chocolate:

same level of veracity as the letters in Penthouse Forum, which is to say, none at all

… wh-whaaaat????? :0

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
1 year ago

Off-topic, from the “one picture = 1000 words” department

http://mostcorrupt.com/Trump-as-match-ByDuff.jpg

moregeekthan
moregeekthan
1 year ago

Incels can’t even get their urban folklore right. All the (completely made-up) dog sex stories I heard growing up involved women using peanut butter to induce dogs to lick them. I guess this didn’t quite depraved enough for the incels, so they had to concoct something even worse-sounding.

Big Titty Demon
Big Titty Demon
1 year ago

@Weird

One of the best political cartoons I have seen.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I can’t say that I’m an expert on animal sperm, but something tells me you’d need a DNA test to know for sure which species sperm you were looking at.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
1 year ago

Yeah sure I totally believe you internet pap smear person. /s

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

You can identify different spermatozoa visually; it’s something that does crop up in forensic science a bit.

Differences in shape and structure of the sperm heads distinguish one species from the other.1,6,7 Most notable are the bullet-like cat sperm cells8 (Fig. 2), the spindle-like horse sperm cells8 (Fig. 7), the hook-like mouse sperm cells (Fig. 9) and the circular human sperm cells8 (Fig. 10). The dog, cow, pig, elk, sheep and deer samples show variations of a more bulky, balloon-like form8 (Figs. 1, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 8). Each of the animal sperm cell heads appear to be proportionally more elongated, broader and/or shaped differently than the human sperm heads.8

But you have to use special dyes first; and I don’t think they do that in smear tests; and that post is just more incel bullshit anyway.

Amtep
Amtep
1 year ago

I’m somewhat familiar with kink-themed tumblrs such as the one linked to, and in my experience a post like that is meant as fantasy, as titillation for people who share the kink. It was never meant seriously.

The people who then took it out of its kink context to spread it as a true story should have done some basic checking. But of course they never do.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

Every time anyone discusses the dogpill, I think about the fact that if I had to guess which kinds of people would have sex with dogs, my first guess would be incels. In fact, I’m surprised none of them have suggested or admitted to sex with dogs. It seems right up their alley.

@Victorious Parasolcomment image

@Amtep
This wouldn’t be the first time incels confused fetish literature and reality. Think about all their talk of cuckolding.

Victorious Parasol
1 year ago

@Naglfar

One of my favorite cartoon panels!

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
1 year ago

True fact: Women commonly kiss frogs when they find one, hoping the frog would turn into a Chad.

If the frog turns into an incel instead, the woman will be suddenly deeply disgusted for having kissed it. She will likely then resort to witchcraft and cast a spell turning the incel into a newt, out of sheer revenge. No woman will ever kiss the newt, which soon causes it to get bitter.

Miri
Miri
1 year ago

Honestly, the weirdness level in the title increases exponentially with every word.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

@VP:

My youngest sister is a vet.

Can’t trust vets.

comment image

Kevin
Kevin
1 year ago

The earliest mention I ever found of this kind of thing was in Olaf Stapledon’s 1944 novel ‘Sirius.’ In the relevant passage a gossipy guy in a pub is telling a salacious story about the title character, a hormonally and surgically enhanced ‘superdog’ with at least near – human intelligence, and his (female) handler/friend, Plaxy. The pub gossip is, of course, lying through his teeth.

Ledasmom
Ledasmom
1 year ago

I don’t think these guys know anything about canine or human anatomy. Even very large male dogs have small penises compared to human males.

Guy Incognito
Guy Incognito
1 year ago

Vet here weighing in. Different species can have pretty marked variation in morphology. Dog/human isn’t wildly different though, and I doubt a human lab tech would easily be able to tell the different. The second “bulge” mentioned is probably just a cytoplasmic droplet that they saw in a google image search of dog semen. It’s a pretty common abnormality in semen in general.

Guy Incognito
Guy Incognito
1 year ago

@Ledasmom
Sadly, I’ve reduced enough dog priapisms to say there are definitely plenty of dog penises out there larger than an average human. Particularly when you include the bulbus glandis.

Button
Button
1 year ago

So I asked a gynecologist — the famous vagina expert Dr. Jen Gunter — what she thought.

That’s your first mistake, Dave! Well, your second mistake after eating so much soy. Dr. Jen Gunter is a WOMZ, so obviously she’s going to try to discredit this brave truth-teller’s testimony! She’s probably overcome with lust at the story and getting dog-dicked right now!

(Sarcasm, sarcasm, oh my god so much sarcasm, I need to go bleach my hands for typing this)

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

The idea of these guys having anything to do with gynecology is really unsettling. I wouldn’t want these guys to even touch anything that gets anywhere near my vagina.

Luzbelitx
1 year ago

At least here in Argentina, it is common that doctors advice to abstain from sex before a pap smear.

I had mine done about a month ago. I did abstain for the previous couple of days, but then again, I’ve been abstaining from sex for a long time now xD

Also: ewwwww these guys are gross.

Ariblester
Ariblester
1 year ago

This sounds like that (similarly bullshit) story off 4chan about someone who tested for and found no human DNA in “gamer girl bathwater”.

(If you don’t know what that is, I suggest you don’t Google it; the tl;dr is that a woman Twitch streamer was apparently selling her bathwater on the Internet as a joke/marketing stunt. Naturally, the response from the Greater Internet contains a fair amount of misogyny and slut-shaming.)

OT: I was inspired by @Handsome :Punkle Stan: Jack’s comment to try this

Does each initial letter turn red?

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

The people who look at Pap smears are called cytotechnicians (or pathologists, if there’s anything suspicious). Not “Lab Techs from the Mid West who Reverentially Capitalize Everything, Including The Term “Pap Smear”, In A Manner That Suggests They’ve Never Heard It Before”.

With newer technology, the specimen is added to a solution of alcohol, which dissolves away blood and mucus (and semen), spun down, put onto a slide, and examined with a computerized microscope. I doubt sperm survives that procedure with any regularity. You also can’t differentiate one man’s sperm from another’s just by looking at it under a microscope. Lordy, these idiots are gullible.

It’s a misogynist version of blood libel. Dog libel.

Snowberry
Snowberry
1 year ago

@Naglfar:

my first guess would be incels. In fact, I’m surprised none of them have suggested or admitted to sex with dogs. It seems right up their alley.

Before the “dogpill”, which has been around for awhile, there were at least a few incels contemplating that very thing. I know of one who claimed that he found a dog corpse (female of course), took it into the janitor’s closet at his campus to have his way with it, chickened out, and came back to find the janitor already discovered it. Since the dogill, they’ve written off that option as something only a degenerate feeeeeemale would do.

…If anyone knows who I am talking about, *please* do not mention his name. It may summon him, literally, as he seems to occasionally seek out any mention of his name online. And he’s not fun troll or a tedious troll; he’s a revolting troll. (These days, he no longer identifies as an incel, but he’s still as horrible as the very worst of them.)

Viscaria
Viscaria
1 year ago

The provider will never bring it up unless you do. The way they see it, it is a victimless crime, and they do not want you to not come back.

In a sea of weird made-up details, somehow “the entire field of gynecological medicine is totally cool with animal abuse” manages to stand out.

DC
DC
1 year ago

Pap smears do not test for the presence of semen. If this was a fellow lab tech, he’d get fired for taking all day trying to perform a semen analysis on a pap smear.

No way in hell.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
1 year ago

Interesting article on misogynistic double standards in how high profile criminal men vs. women are treated:

https://longreads.com/2019/07/17/the-martha-stewarting-of-powerful-women/

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
1 year ago

@Guy Incognito

[T]here are definitely plenty of dog penises out there larger than an average human.

I’m not a veterinarian — but I have my medical opinions. And in my medical opinion, no dog has a penis larger than an average human. I have it on good authority that the average weight of a human being is 137 pounds. No dog has a penis that weighs that much. Just my opinion, of course. I didn’t go to vet school.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/earth/earthnews/9345086/The-worlds-fattest-countries-how-do-you-compare.html

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
1 year ago

TMI about cats who share the bed with their human dad and track stuff into that bed

On changing my clothes after the first night I spent with my boyfriend, I looked at my underwear with puzzlement: Why is a piece of cat litter in my underwear. Oh. Right.

Ariblester
Ariblester
1 year ago

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile wrote on
July 20, 2019 at 3:10 am:

@Guy Incognito

[T]here are definitely plenty of dog penises out there larger than an average human.

I’m not a veterinarian — but I have my medical opinions. And in my medical opinion, no dog has a penis larger than an average human. I have it on good authority that the average weight of a human being is 137 pounds. No dog has a penis that weighs that much. Just my opinion, of course. I didn’t go to vet school.

Ah, the ol’ switch-a-roo.

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
1 year ago

At least here in Argentina, it is common that doctors advice to abstain from sex before a pap smear.

Here in Sweden too – you’re not supposed to have intercourse the day before. So not two days, but one day. I guess this is a thing that varies, then, depending on where you live? Nevermind, everything else was still completely out there…

C.A.Collins
C.A.Collins
1 year ago

Size includes the bulbus glandis, which is the reason dogs tie when mating.
And, ouch. I say this as the owner of a large dog, see avatar.

Garnetstar
Garnetstar
1 year ago

These incels know that the majority of pet dogs (and cats) are neutered, don’t they? Most horses too: geldings are much more common than stallions.

Well, don’t let reality get into the way of your delusions….

Hypatia's Daughter
Hypatia's Daughter
1 year ago

Quora answered this question, along with a diagram of various mammalian sperm: https://www.quora.com/How-often-is-canine-semen-found-during-a-woman-s-pap-smear-or-vaginal-swab-1
Tastefully answered and they conclude the claim is horsepuckey. “Dog sperm ….. is less than 3% longer than human sperm on average, and it is roughly the same size.”

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile…..both your posts made me LOL.

Bina
1 year ago

@Garnetstar:

These incels know that the majority of pet dogs (and cats) are neutered, don’t they?

There you go, inserting inconvenient facts into the midst of their silly delusions! Next thing you know, they’ll be forced to think it through and realize that they’re thousands of times more likely to have their own legs/butts/faces/etc. non-consensually humped by a dog whose human(s) either neglected to neuter him, or didn’t get it done soon enough to prevent that tendency, than they are to encounter a woman who actually lets a dog hump her on the regular. Maybe it will even be one of their own family dogs. Wouldn’t that be a laugh…

Bina
1 year ago

Also, NSFW because it may cause uncontrollable laughter:

Luzbelitx
1 year ago

@Dvärghundspossen

Absolutely, I didn’t mean to defend the OP at all.

Mostly added my 2 cents for the crowd here.

Azrial
Azrial
2 months ago

I dislike how you call this misogynistic. Study’s (written by women) claim that more women then men find the idea of bestiality sexy.