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Suffrage Succotash! Redditor discovers her boyfriend doesn’t think women should be allowed to vote

Did not expect this to be a big issue in 2019

By David Futrelle

Apparently the sorts of dudes I write about on this blog are just out there in the real world, some of them dating women who have no idea about the fetid misogynistic notions rattling around in their boyfriends’ heads.

Take, for example the perplexed woman (or the extremely convincing perplexed-woman-impersonator) who turned to the Relationship Advice subreddit for help the other day after discovering that her boyfriend of five years doesn’t think women should be allowed to vote.

Because somehow this has become an issue for some men in the last several years.

“I’m so confused, I don’t know what to think” began the women, calling herself randomaccount1775.

I’m not even sure if this is the proper sub but I just feel that I need some advice.

In the time I have known him, my boyfriend has always fell politically independent, or so I thought. Politics was never an issue between us at all.

But then things took a little bit of a turn.

However he just admitted to me that over the past year he’s grown more and more extreme in his views, to the point that he believes women have ruined the country (we are American) and that they should not be allowed to vote.

This is basically the political equivalent of learning that your beloved is one of those dudes who smears his own feces on the walls in public bathrooms just for fun.

He says he did not feel comfortable telling me about this sooner because he thought he would lose me.

And hopefully he will.

I’m upset and I can’t tell if I’m wrong to be upset about this because I know that everyone is entitled to have their own views, but now I just feel as though he doesn’t even value my own input/views.

How fucked is it that she’s the one questioning herself over his terrible opinions.

He has assured me that he still thinks that I should be allowed to vote but that women in general should not.

Repeal the 19th Amendment! Except for my girlfriend, who might get mad and dump me like the garbage I am!

This is a person I have been with for almost 5 years.

SUNK COST FALLACY.

We’ve talked about marriage. I don’t know what to think. In all other aspects he is the perfect, most amazing partner, and I can’t imagine my life without him in it.

Start imagining.

But this suddenly has me rethinking about a lot.

Keep rethinking as you throw out this entire man.

Amazingly, she still worried that she was the one who was acting weird here.

Am I wrong to be questioning our relationship over his new beliefs? As his girlfriend am I supposed to be tolerant and respectful of his views even though I may (strongly) disagree? I can’t tell if I’m overreacting to this or not. The whole situation has made me feel terrible and I’m so confused.

Happily, enough people on Reddit assured the woman that she wasn’t the one in the wrong here that she decided — as she explained in an update — that she would “confront my boyfriend later this evening.”

There’s been no update since then; hopefully the confrontation ended (or will end) with him being shown the door. Or the window.

H/T — Twitter’s relationships.txt

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Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

Gaebolga – I understand your irritation at the “power level” term, and believe me, I share it too. I probably should have put disgusto-quotes around it. Nothing is weaker than an aggrieved white male abuser wearing a mask to try to infiltrate the ranks of decent people.

I think it’s important to raise awareness about how these people think and operate, outside of their echo chamber, and I’m glad you took the time to call it out for the bullshit that it is for the benefit of any drive-by lurkers.

The really insidious part is that this kind of thing makes you start giving everybody the side eye, wondering who the cryptofascists are among your family and acquaintances. Undermining trust in your neighbors is a feature, not a bug, of stealth Nazism. This poor woman is going to have a hard time trusting future partners not to rip off the mask and reveal utter garbage.

Christopher Green
Christopher Green
1 year ago

Gaebolga:

I think the power level thing is legitimate, because a lot of fascists hide their true opinions as a matter of policy.

They are quite skilled at PR, and hiding opinions that the rest of us find reprehensible is part of that process.

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
1 year ago

@Gaebolga: Have you read Aaron James’s Assholes: A Theory, or any of Bob Sutton’s books? Sutton is the guy who wrote, The No-Asshole Rule, The Asshole Survival Guide, and others. Your comment that “It is literally easier to be an asshole than to be nice” struck a chord with me that reminded me of these.

Like Harry Frankfurt did with the term “bullshit”, James tries to precisely define what an asshole is, rather than a general pejorative, in order to determine what it is about assholes that we find so objectionable. His conclusion is that assholes use their sense of privilege and entitlement to engage in behaviour that denies the agency of others and this is what makes them so unpleasant to deal with. This dovetails nicely with what you said: after all, if you can blithely erase the agency of those around you, your life becomes much easier. Everyone else’s, not so much…

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
1 year ago

Oh, and O/T: I came across this on David Gerard’s (who I think drops by here from time to time) Tumblr. An excellent and hilarious put down of Really Smart™ “rationalist” lobster-bro types.

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
1 year ago

BTW, Is using the term “power level” as reliable a tell as having an anime girl avatar is of being fash or fash-adjacent? 😉

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

@ gaebolga

I think there might be some play on the ‘protest too much’ them; cheers!

I was thinking of ‘protest and survive’; but the dates me a bit I guess.

I’m not saying it’s hard to be nice most of the time, but it’s harder than being an asshole.

I’m still pondering this. I totally get what you’re saying; but intuitively it’s not quite sitting with me. Like, you need just as much information about a person to be an asshole as to be nice it seems to me. I suppose with stuff like helping carry shopping there’s a cost; but it’s hardly oppressive.

Oh, and I’m a huge believer in signs and portents; and immediately after reading your thing I popped out and saw a girl wearing a “Nice is the new cool” shirt!

But then what do I know; I might be a total arsehole and just be oblivious.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

@Alan:

I was thinking of ‘protest and survive’; but the dates me a bit I guess.

*reaches up to bookshelf*
Heh, I still have that pamphlet. On the inside cover, it says “keep this booklet handy”, so I did.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

@ moggie

Heh, I still have that pamphlet.

Well you never know…

I still practice duck and cover once a week; just in case.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

@Alan, have you prepared your Inner Refuge?

Protect and Survive cost 50p, but Protest and Survive cost only 45p. Value for money!

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

“I’m painting myself white to deflect the blast”

When the air attack warning sounds…

Pyxxxie
Pyxxxie
1 year ago

Some people vote Republican because they seek to protect their economic interests but do not support the conservative social policies of the GOP.

And also, there are Some people who vote Democrat because they are unionized workers bit oppose progressive social issues.

Authoritarianism has no allowance for any sort of “rugged individualism” or personal freedom. It goes far beyond suppression of minority rights. It means a nanny state that enacts swift, harsh punishment to anyone who does things without government permission and strict social control. A good example of what it would look like? Look no further than NORTH KOREA: a CINA state that is a de facto monarchy. I don’t believe that most white men in the US want to live that way. Except basement dwelling alt right neckbeards.

Snowberry
Snowberry
1 year ago

It might be that “it’s easier to be an asshole than nice” depends on an individual’s nature. I have to work really hard to be assholish on purpose. Even when I’m in a foul mood, I’m not even a little bit tempted and have a hard time imagining why anyone would be. And I almost never bother to try, because… why?

Then again, when I’m genuinely angry at someone and not just disappointed at them or angry in general, which isn’t often, then I turn up the nice and drench it in acid syrup. This seems to be a lot more effective than just getting mean and shouty. Now that I think about it, it might be a special form of assholery because some people seem to be afraid that I’ll stab them in their sleep or something, so… 🤷‍♀

Specialffrog
Specialffrog
1 year ago

@Pyxxxie: there are degrees of authoritarianism between zero and North Korea.

Also it is not really possible to separate economic and social policies. Even if it were, accepting them as part of the package means being willing to vote for authoritarianism. How is that not supporting it?

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
1 year ago

When I reload this page and the “Female nature, as explained…” one I get a stale version that’s like an hour and 20 minutes old, based on comments missing from the right sidebar.

Why?

How do I get up to date versions? It would be one thing if they were a few seconds or even a few minutes out of sync but it’s AN HOUR AND 20 MINUTES. This site sometimes sees a LOT of comments in that much time.

I cannot catch up on new, unread comments correctly if I cannot get at least approximately up-to-date views of every thread, on demand, by simply loading that thread.

Amtep
Amtep
1 year ago

I would add, though, that Trump admires the leader of North Korea, he likes the obedience of the North Korean people, and Trump himself wants to be President For Life. He’s said all these things straight out. A vote for Trump is a vote for North Korean dictatorship.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Some people vote Republican because they seek to protect their economic interests but do not support the conservative social policies of the GOP.

Conservative economic policies are white supremacist, misogynistic and classist. So, how is supporting those policies not authoritarian?

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

It means a nanny state that enacts swift, harsh punishment to anyone who does things without government permission and strict social control.

Republicans think women should be jailed for having an abortion. Or even in some cases, a miscarriage.

They support sodomy laws.

They think that it’s acceptable for police to be the judge, jury and executioner and cheer on cops for shooting POC for committing minor infractions or even just being perceived as scary by the cop.

They think it’s a crime for trans people to use the bathroom appropriate to their gender identity.

They think people deserve to be put in concentration camps for crossing the border.

They cheer on Trump when he says he wants to outlaw “fake news.”

How do Republicans not support a nanny state where people are punished for stepping out of line?

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
1 year ago

@Cat Mara:

I haven’t read those; thanks for the tip!

Pyxxxie
Pyxxxie
1 year ago

@WWTH: White supremacists these days are increasingly hostile to conservative economic policies which they associate with “globalist cucks”. Market forces have no regard for identity politics or any human social boundaries as they make no distinction between us and
them. So conflating capitalism with white supremacy is an archaic Marxist trope. It most definitely _is_ classist. But not all billionaires are white. An increasing number of them are Chinese(like Jack Ma). I aware of Donald Rump’s admiration for NK. It’s quite treasonous. Nationalism is totally incompatible with rugged individualism.

What is stunning is how Trumpkins and Bernie fans see eye to eye on economic issues.

Yutolia the Green Hash Pronoun Boner
Yutolia the Green Hash Pronoun Boner
1 year ago

@Pyxxxie:

Trump fans and Bernie fans see eye to eye on economic issues? Trump fans don’t support universal healthcare, nor do they support food stamps or other forms of government aid. They are against a living wage.

WTF are you talking about?

kupo
kupo
1 year ago

@Surplus
Again, we’ve explained this to you. If something wasn’t clear you need to tell us exactly what in our previous explanations wasn’t clear. We’re not going to repeat everything for you again. Also, you seem to have forgotten you’re in a different time zone than the one displayed on the site. Again.

@everyone
Anyone else feel like it’s time to ban pyxxxie?

Yutolia the Green Hash Pronoun Boner
Yutolia the Green Hash Pronoun Boner
1 year ago

@kupo

I’ve been tempted to mention that they seem like they might be a sock for one of our more recent trolls. I’d say ban them.

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

@Kupo

seconded. The side eye how now turned into a glare from me.

Pyxxxie
Pyxxxie
1 year ago

So you think I should be banned for questioning your claims & your worldview? Oookay!

HAVE @IT

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Time to stop posting

comment image

Snowberry
Snowberry
1 year ago

Okay, this is dumb. To Pyxxxie if he/she isn’t banned before reading this, and to any wannabe trolls/sealions who might be lurking:

While I cannot speak for certain for every last regular and semi-regular poster, essentially all of us have our views challenged in our daily life, and some of us frequently. Many of us grew up holding different views which were forced on us by the people in our lives, but were never comfortable with. Regardless, we’ve heard all the arguments many, many times… and rejected them.

You are not exposing us to new ideas. Your “truth bombs” display a laughably bad understanding of our views and ways of thinking. Some of the regulars will mock you and use you as a chew toy for a few days if you prove entertaining. And then comes the banhammer. We would expect no less, and in some cases worse, if we were to do the same in a site dedicated to views very different than our own.

We’re here to keep track of those we consider terrible, and mock their antics. We’re here to have conversations about subjects which would be difficult and time-consuming to have elsewhere, because they’re 301 level in subjects where most people are 101 level or even completely ignorant. Some of us are here to get some measure of respite from having our views constantly challenged – the occasional trolls/sealions can be ignored as idiots, and the regulars have no reason to do that.

So… fair warning. ⚠️

Allandrel
Allandrel
1 year ago

So Pyxxxie, having a well-established pattern of violating the comments policy and doubling down when called out on it, now reveals themselves as right-wing enabling libertarian.

What a shock.

Yeah, I’m joining the call for the banhammer.

Pyxxxie
Pyxxxie
1 year ago

I am a civil libertarian. That’s not equivalent to a laissez-faire capitalist. Chew on me I’m a jawbreaker!

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Peace/Out

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

Pyxxxie

You sure you don’t want to make a homophobic joke on your way out there buddy?

Pyxxxie
Pyxxxie
1 year ago

Delurking for this
Delurking for this
1 year ago

OK, that last gif just got to me. Do you jerks have any idea how much a window pane of that size COSTS?! And there was a double door RIGHT THERE!!!

Ahem. Excuse me. I need to take some deep breaths and a hot bath to relax. It’s just that waste of that magnitude really bothers me. You know these guys aren’t footing the bill.

Defenestration may be very satisfying, and definitely makes a good point, but it also makes a huge mess (glass shards everywhere! Who knows who might get injured should they step on it with thin-soled shoes, or God forbid, trip and fall right into the mess!), and it costs a lot to repair!

And there was a double door right next to that window! They could have either asked for someone to hold the doors open, while they tossed, or else each held a door with one hand, while they pushed him through with the other.

Plus, they just opened themselves up to multiple criminal charges, including assault and battery and property damage, and quite possibly wrongful injury of a passerby who has an accident involving glass.

I’ll bet these jerks are the same guys who think it’s fun to drop things off high balconies without looking to see if the sidewalk below them is clear.

Oh, yeah, and this woman definitely deserves a better boyfriend. She should DTMFA and find someone else. Even being alone is better than being with a misogynistic gaslighter (you know why she’s confused), who does the “oh, but I don’t mean YOU. You’re not like other women,” routine that is even more objectifying than lumping her in with all the other feeeeemales.

Dalillama
Dalillama
1 year ago

@Delurking

Do you jerks have any idea how much a window pane of that size COSTS?!

‘Bout $500 for that one.

@Pyxxie

I am a civil libertarian.

You are a blithering ninny.

Yutolia the Laissez-Fairy Pronoun Boner
Yutolia the Laissez-Fairy Pronoun Boner
1 year ago

Civil libertarians and laizzes-faire* capitalists are not the same thing, true. However, civil libertarians, with their focus on ‘individual freedoms’, frequently enable laissez-faire capitalism. I just had to get that out. I’d say more but I’m totally exhausted and I’m not sure it would make any sense.

*my autocorrect keeps changing it to laissez-fairy. That would be so much more awesome.

Frederic Christie
1 year ago

@pyxxxie: I’m not so sanguine.

No, most authoritarians don’t want to live in North Korea. Or mid-40s Germany.

They want to live in Pinochet’s Chile. Or Suharto’s Indonesia. Or 30s Germany.

They want a fictional authoritarianism where the powerful “They” only come for the trade unionists and the Jews. Where it works.

This is actually a deep part of American conservatism. From how the Pauls and Larouche courted white supremacy on to how people on the alt-right flit effortlessly from libertarianism to anti-feminism to ethno-nationalism. (But never to liberalism).

One way of thinking about it is to look at how people behave, not at how they should behave if they had logically coherent worldviews. On paper, fascism and Randianism are utterly opposed. In practice, though, the right wing always has a constellation of ideas, from resisting the progress of women (whether that be by opposing anti-discrimination law on putatively libertarian grounds or just wanting to ban the franchise) to gun rights onward. There must be a psychological reason people tend to cluster their issues.

And there is. It is real simple when you think about it.

What does the Randian want? The few great men to dominate. What does the fascist want? The same thing. The story of the Randian ubermensch who has no empathy doesn’t end with their successful business. They’re not going to just stop at the point where they make voluntary exchange. They will become kings or Presidents or run little fiefdoms. They buy a private island and run it as a dictator.

Every right wing idea is an ad hoc rationalization to keep safety and power. Right-wing Libertarians are useful because they can justify not spending money on the poor. But when it’s time for Der Trumpuhrer to bomb a country? We can ignore CATO.

And we can test this. If you were right that most conservatives just want small government or something, then Trump would have turned them off day one.

Instead he won the primaries. And the Presidency. And even as Trumpism remains an ongoing joke and monstrosity simultaneously, FOX falls in line.

If you were right, then of the less than half of the population that is conservative, the majority of them (say, 60%) would have staunchly left him. That would be 30% of the population, enough to have a whole new party that would run someone like a new Reagan or Eisenhower or Nixon.

But… that isn’t happening. Trump never has 10% approval ratings. He can insult veterans, play at isolationist, effectively promise Medicare for All, build a huge wall, and sleep with porn stars. None of that costs him the base.

Because he’s an anti-liberal, like Gingrich put it. He’s obviously not a conservative.

It’s time to face the facts that low taxes and small government were never real things that conservatives wanted. Welfare opposition is best predicted by how racist you are. These are rationalizations to keep the status quo. And Trump removed the rationalizations and made naked identity politics okay.

The biggest white supremacist mouthpiece in the country is a former MSNBC correspondent named Tucker.

I agree there are principled conservatives out there. They aren’t the majority. They actually effectively do not matter. And if they do not vote Dem, Green or Lib this year, they remain fascist collaborators.

Allandrel
Allandrel
1 year ago

Civil Libertarian: One who goes on and on about individual freedoms, then votes a straight Republican ticket because taxes.

Dalillama
Dalillama
1 year ago

@Frederic Christie

He’s obviously not a conservative

He most absolutely is. He wants rich white men to keep running everything, or, in other words, to conserve present patterns of inequality and oppression. That’s what conservatives are, that’s what the word means.

ObSidJag
ObSidJag
1 year ago

@Delurking:
You do realize that that glass-breaking gif, if it was taken from a movie or television show, was most likely made of spun sugar–not *actual* glass.

So, no very little chance of injury…unless a person gets some in the eye (where the sugar melts)…or is diabetic–as I am
(and, yes, the very last part was snark, if I wasn’t obvious).

As to cost, not sure what the going rate 4 a piece of edible glass (another 1 of its names) that size would run. Dalillama might’ve called it right on the nose.

Dalillama
Dalillama
1 year ago

@ObSidJag
These days the pros use a kind of polymer instead, but I did check the prices.

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
1 year ago

@ObSidJag

The scene in that gif is from Beverly Hills Cop 2, just fyi.