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“Just like horses, women are underdeveloped beasts who need to be tamed,” creepy Incel Redditor explains

A horse reacts to being included in stupid incel theories

By David Futrelle

Incels don’t just talk endlessly about how much they hate women and want to shoot them. Sometimes they talk about more pleasant topics, like horses. And why women are “degenerate whores” who, like horses, “need to be tamed.”

Or so runs the argument of an incel calling himself Alpha_Fucks_Beta_Bux, who posted an oh-so-thoughtful message in the Braincels subreddit not too long ago with the title “Hating holes for being whores is as silly as hating a horse for running wild.”

Oh, by the way, “holes” is AFBB’s preferred term for women, presumably because cis women have one more penis-accommodating hole in their nether regions than cis men.

Anyway, AFBB brought with him a message of love, incel-style.

“I understand the hatred for holes,” he explained,

but ultimately I think it’s silly. It is simply in a hole’s nature to be a degenerate Chadmongering whore.

AFBB urged his fellow incels not to hate the he half of humanity that he had just reduced to one body part and then tried to shame as “whores.” Instead, he urged men to treat women with the utmost respect and …

Just kidding. He urged his fellow incels to pity women instead. And then take away their rights.

I know it sounds like a cope, but in all honesty I pity them. Their only contribution to humanity has been to spread their legs and they know it. This is proven by the fact that two incels alone (Tesla/Newton) have contributed more to humanity than holes have since the dawn of our species.

After draping all men in the glory of these two dudes, he compared women to a popular farm animal.

Just like horses, women are underdeveloped beasts who need to be tamed. This is proven by the fact that they have smaller brains than men. Also proven by all the greatest minds throughout history who confirmed the belief that women are nothing more than uncivilised savages giving in to every lust possible.

In case you’re keeping track, in just the first two paragraphs of his post, this dude has compared women to:

  1. Holes
  2. Whores
  3. Horses
  4. Beasts
  5. Savages

And all to promote his message of love triumphing over hate!

So instead of hating women I hate the simps who for whatever fucking reason decided to give in to holes’ demands and give them equal rights.

Once again I find myself utterly baffled as to why incels can’t get a date.

The men who lived before us had these creatures tamed. Instead of continuing to live like we had, they decided to unleash these beasts on society.

It is not a coincidence that less than one century after holes got equal rights, society is already on the brink of collapse.

Well, maybe we are on the brink of civilizational collapse, but I’m pretty sure that women aren’t the ones primarily responsible for the climate catastrophe, the return of Nazism, or Donald Trump.

In the comments, a Redditor called lmaooolmfao took the horse metaphor and galloped away with it.

“[I]f some unknown farmer lets his horses run free,” he began,

and they are everywhere shitting in the street blocking traffic destroying your way of life how do you fix it? you say i hate these damn horses and find other men who think that way too until you have enough men to round them up and put them in a new pen.

AFBB replied:

Ultimately, another farmer(cuck) will release the horses from their pen. First we need to deal with the simps and cucks before we can deal with the holes.

Lmaooolmfao suggested that maybe the real solution is just to ban women from voting.

[A]fter putting them in the pen then we would make new laws because we have just learnt the lesson. what is even dealing with cucks mean? you deal with it by removing the vote of women.

AFBB responded again, this time by railing against … trans women and abortion?

Just like we had laws against degeneracy before they were given rights. All these laws were revoked. Those cucks are allowing men in dresses to enter showers with little girls, they’re enabling infanticide, they’re enabling holes to run wild which is destroying civilisation.

Wait, why are these “men in dresses” getting into the shower anyway? Shouldn’t they take off the dresses first?

AFBB then returned to his anti-simp rant.

Before we address the issue of simps in today’s society, nothing we do will solve the issue. All we’ll be doing is kicking the can down the road. Eventually the simps will feel bold enough to give them rights again if we remove them. I honestly don’t know how we can deal with the cucks, that’s something people who are a lot smarter than you and me need to figure out.

Wait, are the cucks and the simps the same people or are they different groups? I’m so confused. But then again I don’t care enough to try to find out the answer.

Our ancestors built civilisation which has lasted for over 5000 years. If we are replicate their success we need long term solutions.

All I can say is: TEAM CUCK/SIMP all the way.

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Moe Szyslak
Moe Szyslak
1 year ago

Wouldn’t someone who is “Chadmongering” be selling chads rather than sleeping with them? I don’t think fishmongers f**k the fish

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

comment image

Ellesar
Ellesar
1 year ago

I am pretty sure that they could run with any analogy to describe women as long as they could steer it down the disgusting / degenerate / worthless route.

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
1 year ago

I wonder if they are aware that domesticated horses are able to live without human around. Which isn’t the case for every domesticated specie.

That being said, in the “utter self-ownage” category, I would like to point out that since the society have “devolved to the brink of collapse”, we have gone to the Moon, created the internet, have had significantly less wars in Europa and America, have gained like 20 or 30 years of life expectancy, and much more. Not bad for a degeneracy I guess.

They also much exagerate the achievements of Newton and Tesla. Their discovery would have been found within 50 years at the very most if they weren’t here.

Hexum7
Hexum7
1 year ago

What a pile of horse shit

Pssst….. Incels. Newton and Tesla were respectively gay and probably asexual or aromantic- neither were Involuntarily celibate

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

comment image?noredirect

I wonder if they are aware that domesticated horses are able to live without human around. Which isn’t the case for every domesticated specie.

Not to mention that there are wild horses, who do just fine without human intervention.

Horses only need to be tamed and controlled if they are owned by people and being used for recreational/work/sporting purposes. It’s pretty telling that the incel went with this analogy, isn’t it?

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

This reminds me of that time the incels suggested replacing women’s brains with dog brains. Sorry to bring that up again, but this seems quite similar.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

Speaking of Newton:

Physics/maths youtuber Tibees has this odd video where she reads Newton’s Principia aloud by candle light. So, if you need a soothing bedtime story…

Bina
1 year ago

Funny how all these hollow little men refer to women as “holes”, or anything else that’s lesser than they. Projection is strong with them, even if nothing else is…

Also, horses, like women, are highly evolved, superbly adapted, and generally noble. Incels, on the other hand, are stubbornly and self-destructively backward.

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
1 year ago

@Bina : I would not press the idea that horses are highly evolved and superbly adapted, for two reasons :
* the first one is that evolution theory don’t deal with any amount of evolution or quantification of adaptation. It explain how stuff change with time, but there isn’t any concept that later animals are “more evolved” or “more fit” than the older one. Far right fuckers, however, do *love* that concept, and it sort of taint by association any use of it. I even recall incels saying that women are “less evolved”, and the right answer to thoses claims is that it’s meaningless, not “actually women are better”
* if we try to create a metric of adaptation to environment, I am not sure horses would score super high on them. I mean, probably higher than panda bear, but probably a lot lower than rats and pigeons and ants.

As for nobility, it’s in the eye of the viewer. But being a french, it tend to be indexed to the guillotinability of someone, a metric where Incels do excel.

(… ok, ok. I know, the french revolution mostly guillotined other revolutionaries more than nobles)

SH
SH
1 year ago

women are nothing more than uncivilised savages giving in to every lust possible

If that were true we’d all have spears and most with an incel head on the end.

Penny Psmith
Penny Psmith
1 year ago

@Ohlmann:
I’m pretty sure their cries of “degeneracy” are actually just a form of circular logic. Ask them for examples and they will most likely tell you stuff like “gynocracy” (i.e. women have rights), brown people “taking over” (i.e. people in developing countries having a few more options to better their lives, and developed countries being a little more tolerant on race issues), gay people “taking over” (i.e. LGBTQ+ people having some more rights and tolerance) etc.
So basically, the way they see it, by doing things like securing rights for women, LGBTQ+ people, and others, western societies have brought themselves to a nightmare situation where women, LGBTQ+ people and others have more rights and are treated better. Oh, the degeneracy! Alas, what shall become of us?! (/s)

Prith kDar
Prith kDar
1 year ago

“women are underdeveloped beasts who need to be tamed.”

Am I the only one who keeps reading that as “women are underdeveloped breasts”?

Just me, then. Well ok!

It just sounds like something they would say, so it takes a sec for my brain to register the error. 😀

Anonymous
Anonymous
1 year ago

Technically I don’t think Nikola Tesla qualified as an incel, not since that one time he fell in love with a pigeon. Though I suppose his crippling phobia of germs and human hair did not exactly do much to make him look for human companionship either.

Tesla was weird like that. Come to think of it, Newton might not be the best role model either- the man was infamous for being an absolute prick to the people who got on his bad side and wasted a surprisingly large chunk of his life trying to turn lead into gold with the other alchemists. So the comparison isn’t totally wrong, it’s.just much less flattering than the incels might have thought.

Catalpa
Catalpa
1 year ago

Given how much the incels seem to like to refer to women with words beginning with ‘ho’, (holes, whores, horses) I predict that we will soon get posts comparing women to:

– hotels
– hoses
– hospices
– hotcakes
– Hodor

Tovius
1 year ago

@Prith kDar
You’re not alone. I read it like that too.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
1 year ago

Next tomcat I adopt, I’m naming him Chad, for sure.

AFBB’s statement about women having smaller brains than men, therefore being intellectually inferior…what a simplistic way of thinking. I seem to remember reading that dolphins (I think) had physically larger brains than humans. Maybe it was some other animal.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Let’s see. What would an incel say?

– hotels

Women are like hotels, they have a new batch of Chads entering them each day.

– hoses

Women spew cold water on the hopes and dreams of incels.

– hospices

Men die to come inside us.

– hotcakes

Full of starch? I don’t know. I’ve got nothing.

– Hodor

Women were made to carry our men and ultimately sacrifice themselves for them, just like Hodor. Only, women are such degenerate sluts nowadays that they won’t fulfill their destinies!

tim gueguen
1 year ago

I wonder if AFBB hasn’t been looking at ponygirl porn

Talonknife
Talonknife
1 year ago

I love how they complain about civilization degenerating as it secures more and better rights for everyone. Most people would consider the expansion of civil rights to be an increase In the level of civilization of a society, leading me to conclude that incels don’t actually know what the word civilization means.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
1 year ago

@tim gueguen
I don’t know what that means.

epronovost
epronovost
1 year ago

I find it funny that Incels consider women as “savage”, “uncivilised” or downright beasts when women are actually and most probably responsible for hte development of all the inventions and techniques necessary to have the development of complex civilisations.

Agriculture was most likely developped by women. From primate observations, the most likely inventor of the first hunting and foraging tools are females. The first known author in history is a woman. Most of the prehistorical paintings were made by women. Women were most likely the one’s who tamed and domesticated our first animal, the dog. All these inventions and technical development are necessary for civilisation.

Considering that women are on average more sociable, cooperative, rule observant and less likely to display physical violence, which disprove the idea that women are fundamentally self-centered or prone to act of violence, I find their views on women a pretty much perfect example of projection.

PS: Margaret E. Knight was a fairly prolific inventor, but she mostly invented industrial machines and process which isn’t bad at all for a women without any form of formal education who worked low and mid level jobs in the textile and paper industry for all her life.

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
1 year ago

@WWTH

For Hodor, you left out “women’s feeble brains mean that their entire conversation is like a single repeated word, and they have no intellectual stamina for anything more complex. Also, land whales. It’s not like any of us would actually fuck a she-Hodor anyway, right?”

tim gueguen
1 year ago

@Ooglyboggles a ponygirl is a woman dressed up to resemble a horse as part of a sexual roleplay scenario. And there are ponyboys as well.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
1 year ago

@tim gueguen
Oh okay
comment image

That explains it.

Snowberry
Snowberry
1 year ago

…I have no idea what ponyplay people typically do in private, but at BDSM and alt-culture events it’s all prancing, cart pulling, and non-sexual petting.

On topic, for incels “degeneracy” basically seems like it means “anyone but me having sex, and OMG, all-those non-normals are even having more sex than me and I’m the most normal of them all!”

kupo
kupo
1 year ago

@tim gueguen
Gives new meaning to “stay golden, pony boy”

Nick Kiddle
Nick Kiddle
1 year ago

Newton came from my home town so I’m ready to fight the incels for claiming him. As Hexum7 says, he would most likely be gay in modern terms. And although he was into some weird stuff (he made up colours so the rainbow would have seven colours because he thought seven was special) I’m pretty sure he wasn’t devoting 95% of his waking hours to coming up with new and bizarre analogies for women like these guys.

Samantha Kaswell
Samantha Kaswell
1 year ago

Wow. I sincerely wish that women everywhere could read three books by Sally Miller Gearhart, in the following order – The Wanderground, Kanshou, and Magister.

I have been reading these books every year since the late 1970’s, when The Wanderground was first published. Together, the three books deal with the different stages of real change, beginning with leaving the men, and those women who choose obedience and servitude, behind in the cities, heading to the hills and other wild places in order to create new societies by re-creating ourselves in our own images, and ending with finding what we, and the earth (called in the 2 final books “Little Blue”), truly want and need. Much in these books is worth experimenting with, which is what is beginning to happen here in the consciousness raising group that my friends and I are starting.

No man can define a woman, know what and how she thinks and dreams, or presume the right to draw the parameters of her life. So clowns like this are not worth our time and energy, other than laughter. It really is time to try new approaches, learn new skills, develop the power(s) we have been taught, for many reasons, to deny, and put the lie to the patriarchal myths that say that women do not/cannot work together or be true friends or create civilizations of astonishing intelligence and beauty.

Just because they deleted us from their “official” histories does not mean that we have not been there, creating and building as much or more than they. And we are still here.

Knitting Cat Lady
Knitting Cat Lady
1 year ago

Newton, at the same time as Leibniz, developed a method of calculus. They both did it independent from another. No plagiarism involved.

Only Leibniz’ version is better. And easier to use, read, etc. It’s the method everyone uses today.

Newton developed his method in 1666, but only published it in 1687, 21 years later.

Leibniz got started in 1675 and published in 1684.

According to today’s standards he would be the sole inventor of calculus.

Things were different back then, though.

Pretty soon pamphlets were published accusing one of plagiarizing the other. Things really kicked off when Newton wrote a report for the royal society claiming Leibniz had plagiarized him.

Then Bernoulli wrote an attack letter on Newton.

The end result? People on the continent happily used the Leibniz method, while the British hobbled themselves by sticking to Newton for more than a century, holding British mathematicians back in the process.

In my opinion one of the more epic pissing contests in history.

Kelly Parslow
Kelly Parslow
1 year ago

@Dormousing_it
Whales have massive brains compared to humans!

I also read somewhere that while male brains on the whole are slightly larger than female brains, the female ones tend to have more connections. Brain size is not an indicator of intelligence, not that any of these dingbats care to research the subject🤷‍♀️

Kelly Parslow
Kelly Parslow
1 year ago

@epronovost

Fascinating! Could you suggest some reading material to learn more?

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
1 year ago

Just like horses, women are underdeveloped beasts who need to be tamed.

No. Leave wild horses wild. Treat domestic horses with kindness. Also, educate yourself instead of spreading your ignorance.

https://americanwildhorsecampaign.org/media/wild-horses-healthy-pregnant

https://www.aspca.org/animal-protection/equine-welfare

This is proven by the fact that they have smaller brains than men.

Elephants’ brains are larger than men’s brains. Should elephants rule the world?

Also proven by all the greatest minds throughout history who confirmed the belief that women are nothing more than uncivilised savages giving in to every lust possible.

What great minds said this? Name one.

And I’ll remind you that your comments are in a quarantined community on Reddit. Who’s the uncivilized savage now.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

@ kat

Should elephants rule the world?

Works for me.

Also, elephant clans tend to be matriarchal; so that would keep the feminists happy!

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
1 year ago

@Alan
Works for me too! But somehow I don’t think it will work for incels. I can just hear their complaints now: Too large. Too gray. Too wrinkled. Kind of like their complaints about middle-aged women.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
1 year ago

Ho hum. Another day, another alt-right-adjacent [incel/lobtserboi/MRA/PUA/etc.] yearning to make the Republic of Gilead a reality.

Meanwhile, we have fascism marching in the streets. Not just the latest Proud Boys events, which thankfully saw low turnout by fascists and higher turnout by antifascists, but the official kind, with armor:

https://truthout.org/articles/trumps-july-fourth-tank-display-is-a-glaring-sign-of-fascism/

The concentration camps are multiplying like mushrooms after a rainstorm:

https://thehill.com/homenews/house/451601-ocasio-cortez-says-us-is-headed-to-fascism-under-trump

And behind the scenes shadowy corporate forces pull strings and influence regimes:

https://www.currentaffairs.org/2019/02/mckinsey-company-capitals-willing-executioners

There’s no doubt who those corporate forces will align with when push comes to shove. They backed Hitler in the early 1930s when it looked like socialists might actually gain power. Who will they be backing in 2020 if Warren or Sanders is nominated?

I think events are approaching a critical juncture, and it’s likely to depend on the economic collapse that’s coming, in particular its precise timing and severity:

https://www.npr.org/2019/06/30/737476633/what-just-happened-also-occurred-before-the-last-7-u-s-recessions-reason-to-worr

If the bottom falls out early enough in the primary season it might serve to discredit the centrists and benefit the Sanders/Warren branch of the Dems … making the shadowy “deep capitalism” forces (McKinsey, other similar businesses, Bilderberg, Davos) desperate enough to more vigorously push things toward fascism instead. It should also discredit Trump’s presidency, but perhaps not non-Trump GOPpers, especially any (if there still are any) who can distance themselves from the regime. And if it’s bad enough it could create the pretext for Trump to declare some kind of emergency and “postpone” (indefinitely) the election. With the blessing, most likely, of the shadow-capitalist cabals.

On the other hand if it’s swift and severe enough it will hurt, but it will also cripple the shadow-capitalists by wiping out much of their paper valuations. This might actually be the best case scenario, in which the capitalists are stripped of much of what gives them so much influence before they have much time in which to act, and any emergency measures are influenced by the needs of everyday people instead. Relocalization, local scrip, and other such measures, say. Hyperinflation would get the job done in a matter of weeks, and without killing civilization.

Later timing makes things worse in some ways. If it hits after most or all of the primary season, the Dems might nominate a centrist, but if it also hits before the general election, it might kill Trump’s re-election chances and that centrist might actually win. If it holds off until after the general election, all bets are off, but that is perhaps the least likely outcome.

If it’s mild, or slow to get rolling (mild at first), it might somewhat discredit Trump in the eyes of the subset of his fans who like to point to unemployment and Dow Jones numbers to justify clinging to him, hurting him in the election, but it might not help the leftier Dems much.

But I doubt it can be mild. There is a huge amount of never-payable debt in the system, all of which shows up on lender balance sheets somewhere as “assets” — assets that will go up in smoke very soon, as soon as circumstances make it clear that those debts won’t ever actually be collected on at anything close to their face values. I’m frankly astonished that this didn’t happen in 2008, but somehow they managed to keep the financial sector on life support all the way through it. I doubt that what they did will work a second time, though. In any event there’s a debt bubble that has to burst sooner or later and when it does it will be like a dino-killer asteroid hit the financial sector. The likely minimum severity here when it does go is “October 1929 all over again”. And Trump’s reckless trade wars and fiddling with the Fed increase the likelihood that something sets it off sooner rather than later. But the fuse is already burning, I think: interest rates are low here and negative in parts of Europe. Raising them will set off the debt bomb. Leaving them to sink will make it cheaper to stuff dollar bills into a mattress than to deposit at a bank, and once enough people figure that out the banks will suffer a liquidity crisis ala 2008. Either way, kaboom.

What are others’ thoughts on this situation? It feels like we’re sitting on I-don’t-know-how-many crates of dynamite with a fire raging nearby. Between the escalating signs of fascism and the state of the economy …

TheKND
TheKND
1 year ago

Ok, reading “men in dresses getting into showers with little girls” gave me a picture of a really devoted father, who got dressed up as Ariel by his daughter and is now going fight Ursula with her.
Probably not what they had in mind

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

@Kat:

Elephants’ brains are larger than men’s brains. Should elephants rule the world?

Same for the oft-trotted-out argument that men are physically stronger than women, therefore nature has ordained that men should rule over women. Elephants and gorillas are stronger than men, so shouldn’t we be subservient to them?

Pick any characteristic that incels value, and you can always find a species or object that’s better at it than humans. Computers are faster at computation and more logical than us. Cheetahs are faster. Trees are taller. Rocks are tougher. Bees have done far more good in the world than incels. What makes us unique as a species is precisely what incels lack: creativity, vision, imagination, empathy, awareness, wonder, love.

As for horses, this guy’s argument is just the same old tired double standard whereby women’s natural instincts (to choose a mate who isn’t a repellant, nihilistic POS) are degenerate and need to be controlled and reshaped by the full weight of the law, while men’s natural instincts (to rape and murder) are justifiable, perfectly acceptable, and must never be interfered with.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

@ kat

Elephants and gorillas are stronger than men, so shouldn’t we be subservient to them?

I am loving your manifesto!

teabug
1 year ago

I wonder when the toxic idea that men ‘gave’ women their rights like an exhausted mom giving in to her screaming toddler at the candy aisle will finally lose its ability to piss me off.

TB Tabby
TB Tabby
1 year ago

SIr Isaac Newton not only wasn’t an incel, he was a complete refutation of one of their core beliefs: that they need to get laid because nobody respects a male virgin. Newton was one of the most respected men of his day and one of the greatest physicists who ever lived. If their worldview was accurate, they would’ve laughed him out of every university and ignored all his revolutionary views on physics, and we’d be measuring units of force in “Chads,” not Newtons.

Professor Fate
Professor Fate
1 year ago

“Our ancestors built civilisation which has lasted for over 5000 years” yes notwithstanding things like oh…the dark ages after the all of Rome, the collapse of the Bronze age civilization circa 1770 b.c.e; Egyptian history records two extensive periods of chaos called rather bloodlessly the Intermediate periods in addition to eras of foreign domination; In the Americas Pre Columbian Civilizations rose and fell on a regular basis, gong back further the society that built Stonehenge vanished.
indeed the history of civilization is more of a history of the rise and fall of a society followed by a period of painful rebuilding. There isn’t one civilization and none of these folks should be taking credit for any of them.

tim gueguen
1 year ago

@Buttercup I suspect some of the manosphere crowd would be perfectly all right with computers running things. I can see them deciding that since computers were created by men(of course ignoring the roles women played) and are logical they’ll favour men and their logical(yeah, right) ways. Of course they’ll be greatly upset when their much wished for sexbots develop sentience and decide, based on logic, that they shouldn’t be allowed near the reigns of power.

Bina
1 year ago

If these dudes want to take credit for building “civilization”, and liken women to “underdeveloped beasts who need to be tamed”, they should look at the history of the horse more closely. Because it was arguably horses that made US civilized, and not the other way ’round:

Katamount
1 year ago

@Kat said it best:

No. Leave wild horses wild. Treat domestic horses with kindness. Also, educate yourself instead of spreading your ignorance.

Seriously. I went to the Royal Agricultural Winter Fair (known colloquially as The Royal) a couple years ago and they had an exhibit about all the regulations and oversight related to horses in Ontario. There’s a lot of law that applies to them: http://www.omafra.gov.on.ca/english/livestock/index.html#horses

The conversation I had with one of the Animal Welfare inspectors was quite enlightening as to what they’re on the lookout for when it comes to healthy (or unhealthy) environments for animals.

Katamount
1 year ago

OT, but I watched quite possibly the worst war film I’ve ever seen in my entire life this weekend. And by “watched”, I meant occasionally glanced at it playing on my laptop as I was playing Star Trek Online.

Worse than Windtalkers. Worse than Inchon! It’s a movie that makes Pearl Harbor look like Bridge On The River Kwai.

And that movie is Gods and Generals.

Which is a shame because I wanted to like it. I liked Gettysburg as both a war film and an historical drama. Yes, it had its obnoxious Lost Cause moments and was firmly stuck up Robert E. Lee’s ass for a lot of the running time, but it did have the decency to lay out the stakes early (Jeff Daniels’ speech is stirring stuff) and it depicted a clear Union victory for which Lee’s shortsightedness and overconfidence was directly at fault (in direct opposition to the Lost Cause myth). Furthermore, it has obvious (if inaccurate) character motivations, narrative tension and a complete arc for all the main players.

In short, it’s actually a movie. It’s a long movie, clocking in at more than four hours, but it has the decency to build up the three-day battle until its climax with Pickett’s Charge so that it doesn’t feel that long.

Gods and Generals, by contrast, decided to be a talky biopic of Stonewall Jackson that turned the Lost Cause crapola up to 11 while simultaneously not having any characters to speak of, let alone arcs. It jumps around between about four different battles, not showing any of them for long, basically just acting as an expensive reunion for the Gettysburg cast. “Hey, remember W. Morgan Sheppard? Here he is for twelve seconds of screen time!” Not only do we not have any actual characters, but it also fills out the same four-hour running time with a mixture of death premonitions, subplots that go nowhere and unconvincing CGI battle palettes that are reused repeatedly. So while Gettysburg felt shorter than its four-hour length, Gods and Generals feels like it ate up half a day.

TL;DR — Don’t watch Gods and Generals. Watch Glory instead. Or if you’re feeling extra cynical, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly is probably my favourite take on the Civil War.

Moon_custafer
Moon_custafer
1 year ago

@ Katamount:

My spouse and I spend every rewatch of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly shouting “Watch out, you’re going to fall into the war again!” at Blondie and Tuco.

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

They always want to take the “wild” out of something to make it subservient, submissive, dependent, and unable to survive on its own. Then they’d probably claim that it’s the true nature to be that way.

ROBERT B ESTRADA
ROBERT B ESTRADA
1 year ago

Small thought, I wonder if they think of their mothers in this manner, and what their mothers would think about it.

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

@Robert

They’ve openly talked about wanting to fuck their own mother. I doubt they care.