Men’s Rights Redditor: Laws against rape are a shit test women use to filter out men who aren’t “man enough to push past protestations”

Does this guy think that women wrote laws against rape? Cuz, pretty sure they were around way before women were able to be legislators.

I’m pretty sure that the “logic” at the end goes like this:

“Women don’t really mean it when they say know, it’s just a shit test to see if you’re a weak man! And if you pass the shit test (by committing rape), women are such deceitful creatures that they might decide to accuse you of rape even though you proved what a manly man you are! It’s just like how female mantises devour their mates after allowing the male to have sex with them!”

Now excuse me while I go puke.

This is just another proof that there is no limit some people will not cross to deny, hide or justify their cruelty and, especially, their immense stupidity. This sort of people sit straight at the intersection of idiocy and cruelty.

It’s convenient how “what women really want” always seems to align exactly with “(awful thing I want to do to them)”. That way, these guys don’t have to feel the slightest bit guilty: hey, they’re just giving women what they want. That makes them the good guys. And anyway, women are depraved for wanting the awful thing, which further justifies doing the awful thing to them.

OT but I wanted to get this off my chest somewhere because the people I usually talk to about life stuff these days are mostly about career advice, and while this is related to career stuff, it’s more of a background to some of what I want to discuss. Plus it’s the weekend and nobody seems to respond to emails on weekends (for understandable and wholly justified reasons, of course).

I guess I’ll lead in with the career stuff. Last winter, I got into a really bad place emotionally and wrote to a bunch of people and places (including this site) in hopes of finding something, anything to try to force a change in my life. Finally, I registered for and went to U of T in January to attend a career-related conference. I really just needed to get out of the house for a while. I met with some staff and told them about my communication struggles, and one thing led to another and I had access to the school’s career program again.

I don’t remember how robust the program was when I was officially eligible to use it, because all I remember was that there was a job board, and I had no luck with those. (The fact that even “must-have” lists are overly specified, such that it’s common practice to apply even for qualifying for just most of the list, is absolute bullshit and is just a small part of what makes job postings pretty much unusable for people like me who had to tease out this kind of insight by themselves from the few non-judgmental resources that exist.) In any case, I wasn’t SOL on my own this time because I now had a contact on the inside whom I could trust and meet on a semi-regular basis. I was encouraged to attend a few “classes” and other events. I even visited the Scarborough campus for a thing. That place is like a JRPG dungeon and I don’t know how anyone finds anything.

In the months since all this started, the provincial government has thrown a tantrum at postsecondary education (among many other things), and now loans have been drastically cut and grants are practically nonexistent (there are still federal grants, but I don’t trust Canadians not to put Scheer into the PMO, and we saw from the last Conservative PM how ineffective the checks and balances even on a minority government are). I guess I didn’t mention this before, but grad school was one avenue that I kind of wanted to pursue, but all but gave up for life reasons. While I haven’t done all the research to be sure, it does feel like that particular ambition is even further out of reach for me now. It seems like my best options there would be to move to a province that actually cares about doing its actual damn job of investing in forces like education that move society, or wait until 2022 and cross my fingers that the next government properly reverses all this nonsense. Both seem like long shots, honestly. And even though I have the money I need now to finish off my outstanding loans, I just don’t see a reason to do it anymore. Why not just keep dragging my feet like before? It’s not like I have an application deadline or anything.

Anyway, I do feel like I’ve made some progress on actually taking my life somewhere, but I also still feel really lonely and all the career stuff has helped take that feeling on a weird turn. I think I mentioned here before how I feel like people around my age are now doing really awesome stuff. The events I’ve gone to have put me in these peculiar situations where I’m actually older than all or nearly all the other people, including the coordinators and other alumni, but I’m also still young enough that the coordinators and other alumni are much closer to my age than to the students’ ages. And so I sometimes get these thoughts about how these older people seem really cool and it might be nice to have continued professional or even non-professional relationships with them. (I’m being non-specific about this because I’m a bit paranoid that one of them will read this post and instantly figure out that it’s me and things might get awkward for me.) They’re not really teachers, I only ever had one evaluation that wasn’t even a big deal, and my relationship with the program will end at the end of July… or maybe I’m just telling these things to myself to justify these feelings toward them that I don’t know how to resolve. I don’t know how to interact with the students, either, as interactions with them have me second-guessing as to how much I could really relate with them, on top of the general issues I have.

I really tried not to make this too long but yeah.

Funny, but the last time a guy pushed past MY protestations, I never wanted to see the motherfucker again. Except maybe in court, on trial for all the times he’d done it to someone else. Because he was so quick and slick about it, I’m sure he’d had practice on other girls before me. And that just makes me heartsick, because it also means he got away with it before me, and probably AFTER me, too.

But hey, maybe our menzer has a point. It IS a shit test. Men who rape their dates…are shit. And they flunk.

(Also, the notion that this is all some kind of “test” itself is shit. But we knew that already.)

@Impish Pepper- I want to preface this by saying I am not a mental health professional, this is just my opinion as someone who has felt similarly. It sounds to me like you are struggling with depression and social anxiety.

I have been there. I had a complete mental breakdown in college. I have never been able to go back and finish my degree. I have struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life. I became agoraphobic for almost a decade.

If possible, I would speak to a therapist. I know how hard it is take that step, but in my experience, it is worth it.

I wish you all the best.

[F]or a lot of women that aren’t feminists the “shit test” is a way to filter out men that are not “man enough” to break the rules and push past protestations, so yeah, all of feminism operates like a “shit test” for her because she can pretend to take offense at stuff using feminism as a pretext when she’s really not offended by any of that stuff, but just looking for a way to filter out “weak” men.

The concept isn’t unique to all that dating crap that the Red Pillers go on about. Plenty of examples of females forcing males to perform in nature with many species. Dances, nest building, collecting shit, extreme body parts, whatever. The shit test is the same except the female forces the male to risk social ill will by seeing if they will be brave enough to break the rules. Or something like that.

Building a nest? Yep, can confirm. I make all my boyfriends build me a house before I’ll have anything to do with them.

But secretly I hope that one — all I need is one, the one — will break the rules of the matriarchy and not build me a house. Because that would be hot. Or something like that.

I just want to add a source of brainbleach for thoses in need :
https://twitter.com/CagleCats
Someone who meticulously document how cute her cats (and fosters) are.

@Weatherwax Thank you for the link. While there are no universals in domestic violence, I think that is a highly applicable test.

It calls to mind another form of testing, which seems like almost the contrapositive of the “No test,” that some people (mostly predatory men) do where they push small boundaries to see how a potential victim reacts to having boundaries pushed.

Many people in my field do think that teaching women to be more assertive is a key prevention tool, but (in addition to putting the onus on the victim or potential victim) I worry that training women to be more assertive with potentially violent men is dangerous. I loved that the article made note of that. I do wish that it used the term “toxic masculinity,” rather than just describing problematic male attitudes.

I’m not sure if it’s stupid of me to bring it up here, but I recently had a long argument with a female relative who praised the movie The piano as this feminist masterpiece by a female filmmaker and talked me into seeing it, but I just found it upsetting because I just saw the same sexist story that’s in damn near all period pieces with a female lead, a woman trapped in an abusive marriage and her only mode of agency comes in using her body and sexuality to trade what she wants from another man, and in the third act she’s just reduced to a chewtoy pulled between the two men. Also, there is a sexual assault scene, and I was just so sad and angry that a someone I trusted talked me into seeing that movie, despite that I had been clear that I didn’t want to see more stories of women being assaulted or sexually coerced, yet she saw zero problem with it since she didn’t see any of it as coercion on part of the male lead, and the assault was interrupted before it escalated, and “that’s how it was for women in the 1850’s”.

I just want to know if I’m the only one who felt the movie was just gross and romanticizing sexual abuse, with a guy buying her piano off the heroine’s husband just so he could demand sexual favours of her in exchange for her to get to play her own piano (she was mute and that piano her only way of expressing herself), and keep demanding it despite her being shown to be uncomfortable with it? Am I weird for being grossed out by it, or to want a period piece with a female protagonist that doesn’t revolve around all men abusing her for being a woman, and not want to see a period piece that do revolve around that stuff ever again? I just whish I could feel I’m not stupid for feeling this way.

@ Scanisaurus, I haven’t seen the movie, but it sounds like you set clear boundaries with your relative regarding what you were willing to watch, and your boundaries were violated. You’re quite right to be angry.

Also, while assault and rape were a part of many women’s lives (and still are, of course; it’s just we’re discussing period movies), there’s no reason for a historical film (or ANY film) to use them gratuitously or to eroticize them. Tbh I don’t watch a lot of movies, so my standard for this is books, but I’ve noticed that a lot of books have these detailed descriptions of rapes, and I find it appalling. You can acknowledge, as a writer/filmmaker/whatever that this happens and have it as part of the plot, without making it a full, detailed, eroticized scene.

I don’t find women any better than men about this. Just read (actually don’t) Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander series.

@Lightcastle
That would only make sense if you didn’t understand anything about human reproduction and…..

…..oh.