Categories
'bating cringe evil sexy ladies irony alert men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny NoFap not a cult precious bodily fluids reddit semen

Fellas! Don’t let the temptresses get their hands on your cup of everlasting spooge power, Reddit NoFapper warns


Never give the temptresess what they want (your spooge)

By David Futrelle

Sometimes I get the sense that Reddit’s most-devoted semen retainters — the guys who give up both masturbation and sex in order to protect the mystical power of their pent-up love goo — aren’t just embarking on a slightly odd form of supposed self-improvement.

No, it seems like at least some of these guys also might have some less than positive feelings about the biggest threat to their semen-retention streaks: sexy ladies who make them horny.

See if you can detect the subtle hints of misogyny in this long screed posted a couple of months ago to both the Semen Retention subreddit and the somewhat harder-core “PureRetention” subreddit.

In the former subreddit, the semen-filled Redditor called Lightpowerwithin titled the piece “Assert Power Over the Woman,” which is already a bit of a hint right there.

He began by preparing his readers for a wild ride.

Some might think, I am sounding a bit anti-woman. …

But for the sake of ones own progress in life, hear me out. …

I must unserstand that the clarity of all that is Good in consciousness comes from abstaining from the woman. …

For when we partake OF the woman, the seal of spiritual power is sliced, depending on the depth of indulgence.

THE SEAL OF SPIRITUAL POWER

Good, Bad, I’m the Guy with the Gun.

The “Gun” being – “The Power.” – the power is like a cup filled with everlasting life. It is pureed to the tilt.

PUREED TO THE TILT!!!!

One mis-step can lead a spill in the drop of life. The “Pretty” faces we see in our day to day life can easily cause us to “mis-step” with our cup of everlasting life.

DON’T MIS-STEP WITH THE CUP!! BECAUSE THINGS COULD GET MESSY!

Being overly emotional, or even slightly passionate in the beginning stages of the ‘path’ can cause a drop in the everlasting life. Mindfulness of our thoughts is paramount. Holding our ‘cup’ as we traverse forward, getting stronger each day.

JUST DON’T DRIP THE CUP!!!1

Some fools re-joice in the presence of the lady. Their hearts jump when she bats her eyelashes and throws her hair.

BEWARE THE EYELASH BATTERS!

These same fools who hold their cup of life would give their power away in the blink of an eye.

THE BLINK OF AN EYE!

The womans presence can often have a man question his lifes direction. WHAT is more important to you? Steadfastly focusing with white-lighted intent forever burning into the timeline of life with your purpose?

STEADFASTLY FOCUSING WITH WHITE-LIGHTED INTENT!!

Or using your power to be given away to a lovers fling?

BEWARE THE LOVERS AND THEIR DASTARDLY FLINGS!!!!!

Blessed and righteous..

Is he who holds his power and integrity for himself. You cannot fake ‘the power’ – it is only given and accumulated with time and purpose, mindfulness in the midst of the feminine presence and what not.

AND WHAT NOT!

Today, a righteousman is few and far between. Bombarded with imagery of concubines the the ‘other’ life that leads to dependency and misery.

BOMBARDED WITH IMAGERY!

Be the man with the gun. Righteous walk, righteous talk, and righteous intention.

RIGHTEOUS WALK

Rise above the woman.

RISE ABOVE!!

The true nature of man is to lead. Rise above the devils that have taken hold of our minds. Kick down the exhaulted image of woman. The false idol that has been put above us. Destroy that Golden-godess image and walk forward.

DESTROY THE GOLDEN GODDESS IMAGE!!1

Never give the temptress what they want.

NEVER GIVE THE TEMPTRESS!

They are the tools of the devil. Get them out of your way. Let the temptresses that feed off trickery and attention be trampled and bombarded by our boots of righteousness.

BOOTS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS!!

Even with the power, we develop the senses of discernment. We discern righteous women who loom youthful and fully of life. Be cautious. Assert domimance [sic] and put them to work. They have much to prove in this life.

ASSERT DOMIMANCE!

No, that’s Dom Deluise. We’re looking for DOMINANCE.

Ok, that’s better.

Walk the path of light. Do not fantasize about romantic notions and bullshit that will tie you down. If a woman cannot be chaste, cannot back your play, or get behind and support you, kick her out of your way. Cast her down to the weak and unrighteous.

CAST HER DOWN!

Walk your rignteous path of power and achievement. Be free. In the days of old, the women tended the gardens, prepared the food, maintained the household, weaved baskets, and other womanly duties. Such is her place.

The men fought. Killed. Hunted. Built structures and negotiated the deals. And lead the family. Nothing has changed from our primitive instincts other then technology softening the man.

NOTHING HAS CHANGED FROM OUR PRIMITIVE INSTINCTS!!

Kick the notion of woman down and become the strength. The blood. The power. The force. Through clear mind, clear will, a chaste heart. Assert domimance [sic] once again like the days of old.

ASSERT DOMIMANCE!!11

No, that’s Dom Deluise again.

No, that’s Dom Perignon.

Eh, I guess that’ll do.

We Hunted the Mammoth is independent and ad-free, and relies entirely on readers like you for its survival. If you appreciate our work, please send a few bucks our way! Thanks!

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

88 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Tovius
Tovius
1 year ago

Such a righteous cat walk

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Don’t waste your spooge. Don’t let anyone gulp it down

comment image

Talonknife
Talonknife
1 year ago

What the hell did I just read?

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

David how could you use Sheldon the sheep for that gif. that was just painful.

ObSidJag
ObSidJag
1 year ago

@Talonknife:
Pretty sure what you (& we) read was a heaping helping of steaming, putrid Word Salad.

Anyone got a shit-load of Tums?

Aron
Aron
1 year ago

NEEDZ MOAR DOM DELUISE.

(But then again, so does everything. Because Dom Deluise was just the greatest.)

Throw out your hands!!
Stick out your tush!!
Hands on your hips
Give them a push!!
You’ll be surprised
You’re doing the French Mistake!!
VOILA!!

epronovost
epronovost
1 year ago

@Talonknife

The fantasm of power and strength wrapped in pseudo-historical and pseudo-myticism of a mediocre anonymous man.

Crip Dyke
Crip Dyke
1 year ago

Being overly emotional, or even slightly passionate in the beginning stages of the ‘path’ can cause a drop in the everlasting life.

HA HA. You spilled!

Now you only have half as much everlasting life as me! I’ll live forever and you’ll only live half of forever!

…wait…

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

The men fought. Killed. Hunted. Built structures and negotiated the deals.

Hm yes. Lots of mergers and acquisitions happening out there on the savannah.

Bina
1 year ago

This will never not be relevant:

Robert
Robert
1 year ago

I’m feeling really good about my own life choices right now.

Savanah
Savanah
1 year ago

I love when these men who can’t prove their evolutionary ability self-select their way out of the gene pool! Bravo to that fine fellow. May his seed never create a weakling in his image.
I just love when evolution takes its own trash out!

BBBB
BBBB
1 year ago

Heh, domimancer…

Weird how all that accumulated semen power never leads these schmoes to great scientific discoveries or storied acts of setting-do.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
1 year ago

For when we partake OF the woman, the seal of spiritual power is sliced, depending on the depth of indulgence.

Buddy, you’ve got four metaphors there. You’ve mixed your metaphors because you weren’t thinking about the picture they created when you wrote them. That’s sloppy, careless, lazy writing. And it comes from sloppy, careless, lazy thinking.

Here’s some clear thinking: You and your fellow incels aren’t strong enough in yourselves to deal with another human being. That’s why you demand that women make themselves small and prop up your ego at all times. Why don’t you guys go out and get smarter and stronger; there are a million and one ways to do that. Then you’ll be ready for a real relationship with a real person with real needs.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

It’s like he threw a load of metaphors into a sack and pulled them out at random.

Let the temptresses that feed off trickery and attention be trampled and bombarded by our boots of righteousness.

“Bombarded”?

comment image

We discern righteous women who loom youthful and fully of life.

“Loom”? Youthful women who loom aren’t that common.

comment image

kietazou
kietazou
1 year ago

I doubtest any Man born of W—n today – nay! in all of human history! – hath taken themself more deadliest seriousnessly, with lesser Cause.

This dumbest of dumbasses (even in the vast sea of dumbassery that he posts in) thinks that Jesus and Buddha and Mohammed were nickel-blow-job pikers compared to Himself.

Can anyone imagine the labor his friends, or any relations or colleagues who talk with him, must suffer?

Fortunately, He surely has no such problem. No one would listen to him, other than for particularly sick laughs for the briefest time, and he certainly has no friends, unlikely has even one relative who is on speaking terms with him, and is unlikely to work anywhere (if he has any employment whatsoever) with actual people – half of whom might well be w—n.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
1 year ago

Kick the notion of woman down and become the strength. The blood. The power. The force.

That is fascism, or a significant chunk of it. That extreme form of para-militaristic toxic masculinity. Blend it with a certain sort of golden-age-myth-based nationalism and you have the whole package, more or less.

@epronovost:

The fantasm of power and strength wrapped in pseudo-historical and pseudo-myticism of a mediocre anonymous man

Aka fascist recruitment fodder.

“Become the strength. The blood. The power. The force. And make (wherever) great again!” is basically the pitch that recruits mediocre anonymous men into brownshirt gangs like the SA or, more recently, the Proud Boys.

I fear things are going to escalate soon. And badly.

Prith kDar
Prith kDar
1 year ago

Ok, so I totally lost it at “or what not.” 😀

The “Gun” being – “The Power.” – the power is like a cup filled with everlasting life. It is pureed to the tilt.

Assuming he meant “hilt,” that’s quite a metaphor ladder he’s constructed there. A gun is The Power. The Power is a cup. The cup is pureed like fruit. Pureed to the hilt. (If he did mean tilt, then I guess it parses that the cup is somehow pureed in a pinball machine.)

seal of spiritual power is sliced, depending on the depth of indulgence

Which in turn depends on whether you’re pureeing a knife or a sword.

tl:dr – a gun is a sword. Or a knife. Perhaps a pinball.

Forget mixed, this entire manifesto is made of pureed metaphors. Breakfast of manbabies.

LindsayIrene
LindsayIrene
1 year ago

For some reason, as I read this screed, I heard The Battle Hymn of the Republic being played on kazoos inside my head.

ObSidJag
ObSidJag
1 year ago

@LindsayIrene:
“Kazoos?” Bwa-hah-ha!!!

Good thing I was reading that on my phone–my spit-take fallout damage was minimized.

Re OP: I wonder what his “thoughts” (such as they are) are on night-time emissions might be.

Then, again, pretty sure he’d play the succubi card (best Tarot deck *ever* if I could find it).

Anonymous
Anonymous
1 year ago

@Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile

These aren’t incels, you can tell because they seem to recoil from the very idea of sex. If they’re so moonstruck by the idea of “retaining their semen”, why don’t they just join monasteries or be hermits? At least then we wouldn’t have to hear them talk.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

@LindsayIrene:

For some reason, as I read this screed, I heard The Battle Hymn of the Republic being played on kazoos inside my head.

With the fascist aesthetic, I think Laibach’s The Whistleblowers would be a better fit.

jy3
jy3
1 year ago

Sometimes I get the impression that large parts of the manosphere are false flags by a bunch of Freudians trying to get their respectability back. I can’t be the only one who thinks this, right? Right?

Jackson Ayres
Jackson Ayres
1 year ago

This sounds like the incoherent ranting of a recently divorced cult leader.

The Wizard Of Snark
The Wizard Of Snark
1 year ago

Guys like these are pathetic. Guys, if you’re reading this? What you are currently experiencing by depriving yourself of the pleasures of the flesh isn’t “Righteous Fury” or “A Man’s Birthright As Master And Commander Of The Universe.”

What you are experiencing, fellas… IS

RAGING.

SEXUAL.

FRUSTRATION.

And it’s makin’ y’all into assholes.

Victorious Parasol
1 year ago

*blows out all the candles on her birthday cake and makes a REALLY BIG WISH regarding all the doofusheads of the manosphere*

Seriously, can somebody tell me what these guys think they’re going to do with all this sperm mana they’re hoarding? From what David has shared, the whole point of this exercise is to tell women, “No, I will not fuck you!” Which they could do and still masturbate if they wanna. If it’s in the privacy of their own home, it’s none of my business.

Has anybody invented a generator that runs on sexual frustration?

Jurgan
Jurgan
1 year ago

THE GUN IS GOOD! THE PENIS IS EVIL!

Robert
Robert
1 year ago

Victorious Parasol – that sounds like a dreadful/wonderful parody of the Sime/Gen novels.

And you raise a good point. The semen-hoarders believe that quivering with unspent kumdalini will make them irresistible to women – who will be denied their essence. It’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma, covered in squick.

Victorious Parasol
1 year ago

@Jurgan

If you start running around this blog in a red diaper and boots, I am politely averting my eyes. 😉

@Robert

Oh, I couldn’t do that to Ms. Lichtenberg. I understand she’s a very nice lady.

I admire your pun skills – “kumdalini” *snerk*

Shadowplay
1 year ago

Has anybody invented a generator that runs on sexual frustration?

Pretty sure that the thirsty half of Twitter powers the rest and has excess to sell. 😛

Ann K
Ann K
1 year ago

“Steadfastly focusing with white-lighted intent forever burning into the timeline of life with your purpose?”

Er…what purpose? You’re remarkably silent about what all this is in aid of. If your purpose is to be alone for the rest of your life, that’s OK, but that doesn’t really ACHIEVE anything, does it? This sounds like a massive excuse, written beforehand with the expectation that one will eventually fail at …at …at just about everything.

There is one notable purpose for semen, and you’re determined not to use it for that, out of fear of failing. That’s a self-fulfilling prophesy, I’m sure.

Crip Dyke
Crip Dyke
1 year ago

@Kat:

Buddy, you’ve got four metaphors there. You’ve mixed your metaphors because you weren’t thinking about the picture they created when you wrote them. That’s sloppy, careless, lazy writing. And it comes from sloppy, careless, lazy thinking.

@Moggie:

It’s like he threw a load of metaphors into a sack and pulled them out at random.

@Prith:

Forget mixed, this entire manifesto is made of pureed metaphors. Breakfast of manbabies.

Pureed to the TILT!
========================================
PS. The tilt? Italicized? Get it? Get it?

This dad joke brought to you in honor of father’s day. Or maybe not so much in honor as in the other thing.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
1 year ago

I’ve posted this before, and I’m posting it again:

Chinese proverb: It is better to satisfy the body, than to discolor the mind.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

Holding our ‘cup’ as we traverse forward, getting stronger each day.

This sounds like something a superstitious baseball player would do to ward off the yips.

Scanisaurus
Scanisaurus
1 year ago

Reading this felt like watching Homer Simpson and Yoda fight over a keyboard, and then somebody let a 12 year old edgelord who doesn’t speak English spellcheck the result.

Either way, I love the inclusion of the Metropolis gif in this post. It’s an underrated film.

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
1 year ago

(Apologies to Julia Ward Howe – I just had to get those kazoos out of my head.)

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the Reddit that’s No-Fap
where the posters meet up hourly to reinforce their crap,
misogyny and bigotry and lobster-boyish pap,
these assholes will yap on!

Glory, glory, they won’t have sex!
A choice that they believe will quite vex
all the women who can’t care less
but these assholes will yap on!

Purity of essence is their watchword day and night
to keep their sperm from harlots they are fighting the good fight
empowered by their semen, motivated by their spite,
these assholes still yap on!

Glory, glory, they don’t want sex
all the women will be so vexed
but No-Fappers couldn’t care less
so these assholes still yap on!

No-Fappers think “retention” gives them quite a bit of pull
with the women – who don’t want them, cause it’s all a load of bull
it isn’t liquid gold and it’s not irrestistable,
so, assholes, don’t yap on!

Glory, glory, they won’t get sex
and that makes them all feel quite vexed
the rest of the world couldn’t care less
and the women all move on!

tim gueguen
1 year ago

@Tovius, cat walk you say?

Runcible Spoon
Runcible Spoon
1 year ago

So, what I am getting here is that these guys want to bed master of their own domain. Who knew a sit com episode was the foundational test of this new movement?

occasional reader
occasional reader
1 year ago

Hello.

Funny, every time i read or heard the word “temptress”, it reminds me of this old game. It is strange how some words bring specific memories.

And yeah, i am sure Miss Tep will cause your downfall. As much as Dame Ned.

Have a nice day.

Amtep
Amtep
1 year ago

Asking why these men are not yet revered statesmen or great scientists is naive. Obviously they WOULD be, if not for all those wily ladies sexily baring their shoulders at them.

Just like with all sure-fire solutions, the fact that it doesn’t work only means that they’re not yet doing it hard enough. For an in-depth explanation of this principle, just ask any Republican about trickle-down economics.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

@ bookworm in hijab (if you’re about)

Hi. Remember the other week we were chatting about the UK’s Prevent thing; the anti terrorism/radicalisation programme. Well, you might find this marginally interesting.

I have an involvement with a few animal rights organisations; and I do legal work generally for groups and individuals in that field. But someone has passed on to me a rather interesting document they’ve got hold of. It’s the Prevent policy document from a particular education authority.

comment image

So apparently we’re terrorists too now.

I see a few legal challenges arising when some student is grassed up just because they do a bit of direct action.

Katamount
Katamount
1 year ago

This is another one of those instances where I’m wondering at what point will the author realize that this is what they’re doing with their life and have that moment of existential awakening.

I mean, the offbeat things that I do, cemetery crawling, architectural photography, lewd furry doodles and writing dirty stories are at least creative pursuits that I’ve cultivated over years and take some pride in. But very online people spending hours on forums devoted to this??? Is that what you really want to spend your only life doing?

moregeekthan
moregeekthan
1 year ago

@Jurgan

Glad to hear I wasn’t the only one getting a Zardoz vibe off of this.

Newt
Newt
1 year ago

@Alan:

Perhaps they’re thinking of this guy?

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2006/dec/08/animalrights.uknews

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
1 year ago

@LindsayIrene Thanks for the ear worm. 😛 😀

Genjones
Genjones
1 year ago

Why don’tcha prove your natural supremacy as “master and commander” of the universe by building a rocket and challenging the sun to a game of chicken?

Dalillama
Dalillama
1 year ago

Or really building anything whatsoever. For all their ranting about how men built everything and not ejaculating makes them supermen, none of them seem to even build model planes or something as a hobby.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
1 year ago

Yeah, all you NoFappers, if your abstinence makes you super-powerful, prove it. I want to see a working nuclear fusion power plant from you by Friday! Or you can go build a space elevator or something. Advance us as a species. Solve some major problem, such as climate change. Prove your bona fides.

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
1 year ago

@Victorious Parasol:
I met Ms. Lichtenberg at a convention once; yes, she is a very nice lady from my experience. (Small kaffeeklatch-esque discussion about the Sime/Gen universe and inspirations behind it with only about a dozen people there.)

@Katamount:
I literally asked ‘is this the hill that you want to die on’ to a couple of the trolls here a few weeks back. At least one of them actually said ‘yes’. I don’t know how to get through to people like that.

With some of these folks it’s a lot like the evangelical ‘witnessing’, where the tactics used are pretty much designed to fail. Because it’s not about actually succeeding, it’s about proving that they tried and that nobody listened.

@Dalillama:
I’m reminded (again) of the whole ‘Sad Puppies’ mess in SF, where there were lots of these people who were so horribly offended by recent award-winning books and insistent that people were simply voting for ‘affirmative action candidates’… and yet those same people almost never actually answered when asked what books they liked reading or would recommend to others. Turns out there’s a correlation between ‘thinks fascism is a good idea and believes would never be on the wrong end of it’ and ‘doesn’t have outside hobbies or interests’. Possibly to do with a lack of imagination.