By David Futrelle
Today’s Deep Thought from the Incels.co forums. (Well, ok, technically it’s a Deep Thought from January but I just ran across it today.)
The rest of the thread is pretty bad but I’m too filled with existential dread to dig out the worst quotes for you all today.
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So, presidential apologist Sarah Huckleberry Hound is no more.. .
@Weird Eddie:
Hey, don’t insult Huckleberry Hound!
I still don’t understand how a gibberish speaking cartoon dog got selected to be the White House press secretary.
Did Barron get to choose?
@Gaebolga:
See also: Boris Johnson, and whichever idiotic Brexiteer it was who proudly proclaimed that the UK would become “Perfidious Albion” for reals if the EU didn’t give them a better deal. Was he honestly unaware that “perfidious” isn’t a compliment?
I was going to say that it’s a childish argument, but those usually involve self-harm — “I’ll hold my breath until I pass out” — or arguments like “I’ll run away from home” or “I’ll never love you again” that only work if the person you’re threatening cares about you in the first place.
@Jackson Ayres
My instinctive reaction is to ask people not to drag Barron into this; it’s not his fault who his dad is.
My immediate reaction after that is Of course not. Barron would have chosen his life-sized plush lion, who could hold press briefings just as often as SHS, but have the advantage of not being able to speak and therefore not lying its tail off to the country every day.
In other great news,
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/jun/13/pepe-the-frog-creator-wins-15000-settlement-against-infowars
Infowars, of course, is claiming this is a victory because the fine’s only $15,000 and they claim Matt Furie was demanding millions. Furie denies this.
Dear, incel… Your shallow, empty, and robotic view of women’s sex lives, desires, and needs is one of the many reasons you will never be getting any.
Do without complaint? Did it ever occur to you that women are doing what they WANT and DESIRE to do and with WHO they wish to do it with (provided he wants the same)? That’s how frigging life works and that includes for women. It isn’t a thing just “given out” without any feeling or personal reason or want. No, no one is obligated and there is no team to take any such thing for. Grow up.
This is why, if anyone were to attempt to rape me at gunpoint/knifepoint, I plan on fighting as hard as I can, because like I can take their word they’ll only kill me if I don’t fight back. (That said, who knows if I would freeze up in that situation.)
@Jackson Ayres
I have bad news for you. Huckleberry Hound, a noble, lovable dog, is not the White House press secretary.
I also have potentially good news for you. The current press secretary will be leaving soon. It’s possible that, with public pressure, the White House will offer Huckleberry Hound this position. No, he’s not a right-winger — but he is a very popular figure. I certainly think President Trump would be down with that.
Would Huckleberry Hound accept this job? Possibly — if he comes to understand that, being smarter than most creatures currently in the White house, he has the opportunity to subvert this current fascist regime from within.
We on the left have our work cut out for us.
Contact Mr. Hound in the Comments section of the following:
https://hanna-barbera.fandom.com/wiki/Huckleberry_Hound
*Why not press secretary!
@Rabid Rabbit:
And also the alt-right: “How dare you call us Nazis! We’re going to become Nazis just for that!”
@Katamount:
I know it’s not very big to make fun of someone’s name but I can’t see Ross Douthat’s without wondering what sort of hat a “douthat” is. My guess, based on the evidence, is that it’s like an asshat, only worse.
(Aside: there’s also a Christian apologist called Ted Shoebat whose name I can’t see without imagining a small flying mammal who eats the insoles from your trainers)
I know there’s so many other problems here, but 5 to 7 times a week? I’m exhausted just thinking about that.
I totally support Huckleberry Hound for press secretary. In fact, it would be better if we could just re-fill all the positions with Hanna Barbera characters.
Squirrel/Moose 2020!!!
@Cat Mara:
I feel the same way about Tom DeLay.
@Yutolia the Green Hash Pronoun Boner:
Do you think their association with the ill-timed “Statehood for Moosylvania” campaign of 1962 will hurt or help their political chances?
@Lainy
My brain went very strange places with this that probably qualify as Too Much Information.
Moon_custafer: it could go either way. It could hurt them but they could also say that they’ve learned from their mistakes. However, the fact that Bullwinkle is its representative but only stays there 2 weeks a year could look a little… negligent.
Not that that ever stopped the right from voting for someone…
@Jenora
I imagine throwing cats at someone.
@Yutolia,
Hannah-Barbera owns Rocky & Bullwinkle now? Didn’t know that.
The funny thing about these idiots is they think all women are attracted to “Chad” and “Tyrone.” I’ve never been attracted to a guy who fell into either the “Chad” or “Tyrone” category. As for “slinging pussy and sucking dick” every day, I’ve never wanted to do either on a daily basis, even when I was a lot younger and actually had a sex drive.
There are activities in life other than sex. Guess no-one informed Mahlo of this shocking truth.
@Redskillphoenix:
Jack Ward owned Rocky and Bullwinkle, and his company was owned by Hanna-Barbera.
BRB, gonna go start a write-in campaign for She-Ra.
Buttercup wrote:
I’m guessing it’s because of this pesky heterosexuality thing.
I mean, presumably incels could easily have charity sex with each other, just like women could have charity sex with men they aren’t remotely attracted to. But it wouldn’t be of any use for the other party, because heterosexual men are just utterly incapable of enjoying gay sex. Therefore, straight male incels couldn’t possibly satisfy each other sexually. Only (cis) women, with their magic vaginas, could do that.
In other words, while sex really is just about tabs and slots, there is some mysteriously powerful happiness-generating property in the “Slot V”, even if its owner isn’t remotely conventionally attractive or feminine looking and is actually only giving you one reluctant blowjob as a public safety measure.
(/snark)
Fucking ugly guys is not the way to create better humans.
@Christopher Crosby:
WTF?
Crosby-cel:
If any species were 100% only mating with one very specific physical appearance, they would go extinct. Diversity is the driving force behind evolution; somebody f*cked that fish with legs, or that first critter with hair, or that wierdo ape who stood upright.
Humans have mated with each other for awhile now without such an absurd restriction as strict lookism, and our main problem as a species is actually hating people based on things as trivial as appearance.
At this point, imo, we can actually support everyone if haters just stop hating, share, and take care of the planet. We really dont need to worry about policing… mating…?