By David Futrelle
Several years ago, a certain subset of pickup artists became obsessed with ovulation after reading (or hearing of) a study suggesting that women on the verge of ovulation tend to be especially attracted to the sort of hyper-masculine “alpha males” that PUAs spend so much energy pretending to be.
Indeed, some enterprising PUAs literally began tracking the menstrual cycles of various women they were attracted to, using spreadsheets or apps designed for actual menstruaters, so they could schedule their seduction attempts for when their targets would be at the height of their horny alpha-hunger.
This sort of talk has largely died down in PUA hangouts like the Red Pill subreddit after, one assumes, a lot of failures in the real world. (The “alpha male” part of the original study has basically been disproven, though it’s apparently true that cis women on average do get a bit hornier before they ovulate.)
But hope lingers on, at least in the heart of one lonely incel who posted a plaintive query in the Braincels subreddit earlier today (and then reposted it in the IncelsWithoutHate subreddit). His question? Well, you might as well read it for yourself.
Alas, poor NiceGuy897393 got no useful advice, only mockery, in the Braincels subreddit, the main Reddit hangout for incels. The regulas in the IncelsWithoutHate subreddit were a little more helpful.
“That’s just not how it works,” wrote a commenter called
Miranda_Bonard.
women are not just idk, looking for sex when they are ovulating. If you’re not their type, they won’t want you. + how the fuck did you get to know her schedule? And being sweaty doesn’t help most of time when you want to date someone.
A commenter called Cavedwelling offered an even more detailed answer:
People are a little more complicaited than that, People don’t really work like animals. Girls feel a plethora of things during their period, …
And humans aren’t attracted to the smell of sweat like animals. Sweat is a bad smell, girls would be alot more attracted to a touch of cologne than the smell of bacteria eating sweat in your armpits.
If she didn’t like you before, she still won’t want to fuck you then. It’s best to just talk to her and feel out the situation.
Woah. “Just talk to her?” Like she’s another human being? There’s a radical idea.
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Moggie,
Or a picture of a roast beef sandwich labelled “My vulva.”
Oh, so he’s full-on stalking her by going through her trash. Truly, the Nicest of Guys. She has no idea what she’s missing out on.
How are women supposed to be able to detect his natural fermions when he smells like the inside of a garbage can?
Surprisingly normal answer from Mr. Cavedwelling. People are complicated? Women are, in fact, people? Wash your stinky pits and try talking to her instead? My dude, I appreciate your willingness to be a voice of reason in this toxic cesspit, but I also advise you to flee before you become one of them.
@Buttercup, that *is* the smell of his natural furry gnomes.
OT, but went to Scarborough Bluffs and found park benches next to the marina halfway submerged by Lake Ontario.
Fweee, climate change!
@Moggie – Science says women are attracted to a specific blend of dumpster broccoli and shower drain sludge while ovulating. However, the alpha only has a small window of time to sweat at her.
If it doesn’t work, it means the woman is faulty. Science can never be wrong.
How long do I have before this unstoppable worldwide pandemic of STUPIDITY infects me…???
@parallelogram
Lol! <3
@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
This is how the scientific tests proving it were conducted.
EDIT: Evidently straight html is not how images are embedded in comments. Edited to add the link.
2nd EDIT: Huh. Unexpected html behavior…
Yuck. IMO, one of the grossest things I’ve ever smelled, is old, used tampons.
One thing I’ve wondered about for some time, and I’m going to word this as delicately as possible: Do trans people, after going through treatment, begin to smell like the sex they identify as being? Men and women definitely do have different body odors.
@Katamount:
I’ve been musing about climate change. I live in Pennsylvania. When I moved here 22 years ago, I was amazed by the variety of moths everywhere. (I live in the woods.). Bubblegum-pink moths, giant ghost-white moths with wingspans shaped like bat’s wings, etc. Now, I only occasionally see moths, and when I do, they’re dull, muddy-colored, small ones. Coincidence? I think not.
I used to work with a creep whose b.o. reeked to the point it had staying power. It lingered in rooms long after he left them, and I had a coworker who’d spray cleaner into the air to get rid of the smell. This smelly dude had a crush on me, and he seemed to believe the pheromone b.s. He’d tell me, “I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t shower” and other stuff I didn’t need to know. I quit the job and moved to a different agency in the county where I was employed. After the county’s Christmas party, which I didn’t attend, my supervisor told me she had seen Mr. Creepy there, or had she smelled him first? Anyway, she talked about his “horrible hygiene”.
Grosstastic. Guys actually need to bathe more than gals because they tend to sweat more due to higher testosterone levels. I’m seriously sick of this bad hygiene acceptance movement. Crustpunks & Neckbeards FTL. Take a fucking bathe or shower! No excuses.
So funny I forgot to laugh….
@Dormousing it
The short answer is yes. The long answer is that it’s complicated.
Neither of these things have anything to do with hygiene. Please don’t shame people for what they wear or how they choose to configure their hair.
I used to work at a drugstore where the District Manager, a man, had some of the nastiest, most penetrating, persistent BO imaginable. I mean, eye-watering. Funny thing is, the women working at this store – there were only three of us, including me – seemed to be the only employees who noticed it. I even mentioned it to the store manager, and he didn’t seem to notice it.
As soon as this man walked in the front door, I could smell him, it didn’t matter where in the store I happened to be. One of the other women said something about it being “poor customer relations”. Of course, he outranked everyone working there, and nobody dared to say anything to him about it.
@Dalillama:
Yup, that’s kind of what I thought, thanks.
I would dearly love to believe in human pheromones, but there’s been no research (AFAIK) showing that we have a functioning vomeronasal organ.
The OP reminds me of the recent memes about ‘con funk’ and the need for gamers, etc, to embrace personal hygiene.
Sudden memory: in high school, I had an afterschool job at the local golf course. One of the other boys working on the driving range had an amazing musk scent, and I finally asked him what kind of cologne he used.
“Cologne? I don’t use cologne,” he replied, confused.
@Robert
re: “I would dearly love to believe in human pheromones”
I wouldn’t! At least definitely not the creepy marketable kind. Manipulative, charismatic people are terrifying enough enough without also emitting mind control chemicals.
My prof in college eons ago stalked me. I was young and ignorant. I stopped bathing and exercised often to increase the funk. It worked – he began avoiding me. Then a funky smelling fellow student asked me out. I dunno the point of this post. Funk can be both a repellant and a way to meet nice folks?
@Kupo
As a former crustie, I can absolutely confirm that crust punks are dirty even by punk standards.
@BTGG
Feel free to attend your closest punk house and advise the resident crusties that they need to “take a fucking bath”. I’d be really interested to hear how that works out for you.
When I first saw “NiceGuy897393” in the title, I assumed it was just David being humorous, “nice guy nr. 897393 tries the same stupid trick millions of idiots have already failed at”, but nope, that’s his actual username? I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.
@Dormousing_it
My gf has said she’s noticed a difference in my scent, so there’s that
I just don’t get how people can tolerate their own smell? I normally shower and use deodorant meticulously, but I had a kidney surgery last week that left me unable to comfortably shower or wear pants for a few days and I could barely stand the smell of myself. The first day I felt well enough to shower properly was a massive relief.
@Kupo:
FTR I am not shaming crustpunks, neckbeards, or anyone for their personal grooming habits or sense of fashion. I am however, expressing my opinion that I find the hygiene standards of people in those groups to be ouffputting. I got told once by a crustpunk that they intentionally refuse to bathe and or use deodorant because doing so is for “normies”. I have a highly semsitive nose and odors bother me a great deal. So if that is how someone chooses to live, so be it. But don’t expect me to sit next to them on the bus!!!
When I was a teenager, I came down with appendicitis. I had my appendix removed, plus a chunk of my intestines, because the infection had spread. I was in the hospital for 5 nights, and wasn’t allowed to bathe for the first 4. Even through a haze of narcotics such as Demerol, my own stench was beginning to get to me. Then there was the itchiness, which might have been a Demerol side effect. I remember I had to wash my hair twice to get it fully clean.