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No, NiceGuy897393, your plan of hitting on your crush while she’s ovulating and hypnotized by your stinky “ferimones” won’t work

Dudes, there’s more to women than their eggs

By David Futrelle

Several years ago, a certain subset of pickup artists became obsessed with ovulation after reading (or hearing of) a study suggesting that women on the verge of ovulation tend to be especially attracted to the sort of hyper-masculine “alpha males” that PUAs spend so much energy pretending to be.

Indeed, some enterprising PUAs literally began tracking the menstrual cycles of various women they were attracted to, using spreadsheets or apps designed for actual menstruaters, so they could schedule their seduction attempts for when their targets would be at the height of their horny alpha-hunger.

This sort of talk has largely died down in PUA hangouts like the Red Pill subreddit after, one assumes, a lot of failures in the real world. (The “alpha male” part of the original study has basically been disproven, though it’s apparently true that cis women on average do get a bit hornier before they ovulate.)

But hope lingers on, at least in the heart of one lonely incel who posted a plaintive query in the Braincels subreddit earlier today (and then reposted it in the IncelsWithoutHate subreddit). His question? Well, you might as well read it for yourself.

Will my ovulation plan work? (self.Braincels)

submitted 5 hours ago by NiceGuy897393

Last year I got rejected by a girl and a few months ago I developed a plan where I would find out her ovulation schedule and only let her see me during that window of time. I also make sure that I am a little sweaty so my fermions get to her. I have been doing this since February but when I asked her out again this month she said no again, what am I doing wrong? I have done a lot of research about this and the science says that woman who are ovulating are attaracted to the men ferimons and are more horny. I have even been not showering a few days before i see her so my ferimones are more stronger but still no luck. Please help.

Alas, poor NiceGuy897393 got no useful advice, only mockery, in the Braincels subreddit, the main Reddit hangout for incels. The regulas in the IncelsWithoutHate subreddit were a little more helpful.

“That’s just not how it works,” wrote a commenter called
Miranda_Bonard.

women are not just idk, looking for sex when they are ovulating. If you’re not their type, they won’t want you. + how the fuck did you get to know her schedule? And being sweaty doesn’t help most of time when you want to date someone.

A commenter called Cavedwelling offered an even more detailed answer:

People are a little more complicaited than that, People don’t really work like animals. Girls feel a plethora of things during their period, …

And humans aren’t attracted to the smell of sweat like animals. Sweat is a bad smell, girls would be alot more attracted to a touch of cologne than the smell of bacteria eating sweat in your armpits.

If she didn’t like you before, she still won’t want to fuck you then. It’s best to just talk to her and feel out the situation.

Woah. “Just talk to her?” Like she’s another human being? There’s a radical idea.

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Katamount
5 years ago

comment image

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Moggie,

Or a picture of a roast beef sandwich labelled “My vulva.”

Allandrel
Allandrel
5 years ago

Oh, so he’s full-on stalking her by going through her trash. Truly, the Nicest of Guys. She has no idea what she’s missing out on.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

How are women supposed to be able to detect his natural fermions when he smells like the inside of a garbage can?

sarah_kay_gee
sarah_kay_gee
5 years ago

Surprisingly normal answer from Mr. Cavedwelling. People are complicated? Women are, in fact, people? Wash your stinky pits and try talking to her instead? My dude, I appreciate your willingness to be a voice of reason in this toxic cesspit, but I also advise you to flee before you become one of them.

Moggie
Moggie
5 years ago

@Buttercup, that *is* the smell of his natural furry gnomes.

Katamount
5 years ago

OT, but went to Scarborough Bluffs and found park benches next to the marina halfway submerged by Lake Ontario.

Fweee, climate change!

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

@Moggie – Science says women are attracted to a specific blend of dumpster broccoli and shower drain sludge while ovulating. However, the alpha only has a small window of time to sweat at her.

If it doesn’t work, it means the woman is faulty. Science can never be wrong.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
5 years ago

How long do I have before this unstoppable worldwide pandemic of STUPIDITY infects me…???

Big Titty Demon
Big Titty Demon
5 years ago

@parallelogram

Lol! <3

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants

This is how the scientific tests proving it were conducted.

EDIT: Evidently straight html is not how images are embedded in comments. Edited to add the link.

2nd EDIT: Huh. Unexpected html behavior…

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
5 years ago

Yuck. IMO, one of the grossest things I’ve ever smelled, is old, used tampons.

One thing I’ve wondered about for some time, and I’m going to word this as delicately as possible: Do trans people, after going through treatment, begin to smell like the sex they identify as being? Men and women definitely do have different body odors.

@Katamount:

I’ve been musing about climate change. I live in Pennsylvania. When I moved here 22 years ago, I was amazed by the variety of moths everywhere. (I live in the woods.). Bubblegum-pink moths, giant ghost-white moths with wingspans shaped like bat’s wings, etc. Now, I only occasionally see moths, and when I do, they’re dull, muddy-colored, small ones. Coincidence? I think not.

Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
5 years ago

I used to work with a creep whose b.o. reeked to the point it had staying power. It lingered in rooms long after he left them, and I had a coworker who’d spray cleaner into the air to get rid of the smell. This smelly dude had a crush on me, and he seemed to believe the pheromone b.s. He’d tell me, “I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t shower” and other stuff I didn’t need to know. I quit the job and moved to a different agency in the county where I was employed. After the county’s Christmas party, which I didn’t attend, my supervisor told me she had seen Mr. Creepy there, or had she smelled him first? Anyway, she talked about his “horrible hygiene”.

BTGG
BTGG
5 years ago

I used to work with a creep whose b.o. reeked to the point it had staying power. It lingered in rooms long after he left them, and I had a coworker who’d spray cleaner into the air to get rid of the smell. This smelly dude had a crush on me, and he seemed to believe the pheromone b.s. He’d tell me, “I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t shower” and other stuff I didn’t need to know. I quit the job and moved to a different agency in the county where I was employed. After the county’s Christmas party, which I didn’t attend, my supervisor told me she had seen Mr. Creepy there, or had she smelled him first? Anyway, she talked about his “horrible hygiene”.

Grosstastic. Guys actually need to bathe more than gals because they tend to sweat more due to higher testosterone levels. I’m seriously sick of this bad hygiene acceptance movement. Crustpunks & Neckbeards FTL. Take a fucking bathe or shower! No excuses.

BROsons bro. It’s all about brosons.

Beta cucks can’t accept the quantum pill. If you wanna slay with HB10’s you gotta get your quantum game going.

So funny I forgot to laugh….

Dalillama
Dalillama
5 years ago

@Dormousing it
The short answer is yes. The long answer is that it’s complicated.

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

Crustpunks & Neckbeards FTL.

Neither of these things have anything to do with hygiene. Please don’t shame people for what they wear or how they choose to configure their hair.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
5 years ago

I used to work at a drugstore where the District Manager, a man, had some of the nastiest, most penetrating, persistent BO imaginable. I mean, eye-watering. Funny thing is, the women working at this store – there were only three of us, including me – seemed to be the only employees who noticed it. I even mentioned it to the store manager, and he didn’t seem to notice it.

As soon as this man walked in the front door, I could smell him, it didn’t matter where in the store I happened to be. One of the other women said something about it being “poor customer relations”. Of course, he outranked everyone working there, and nobody dared to say anything to him about it.

@Dalillama:

Yup, that’s kind of what I thought, thanks.

Robert
Robert
5 years ago

I would dearly love to believe in human pheromones, but there’s been no research (AFAIK) showing that we have a functioning vomeronasal organ.

The OP reminds me of the recent memes about ‘con funk’ and the need for gamers, etc, to embrace personal hygiene.

Sudden memory: in high school, I had an afterschool job at the local golf course. One of the other boys working on the driving range had an amazing musk scent, and I finally asked him what kind of cologne he used.

“Cologne? I don’t use cologne,” he replied, confused.

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
5 years ago

@Robert

re: “I would dearly love to believe in human pheromones”

I wouldn’t! At least definitely not the creepy marketable kind. Manipulative, charismatic people are terrifying enough enough without also emitting mind control chemicals.

Patti Scheibel
Patti Scheibel
5 years ago

My prof in college eons ago stalked me. I was young and ignorant. I stopped bathing and exercised often to increase the funk. It worked – he began avoiding me. Then a funky smelling fellow student asked me out. I dunno the point of this post. Funk can be both a repellant and a way to meet nice folks?

doethreetwoone
doethreetwoone
5 years ago

@Kupo

As a former crustie, I can absolutely confirm that crust punks are dirty even by punk standards.

@BTGG

Feel free to attend your closest punk house and advise the resident crusties that they need to “take a fucking bath”. I’d be really interested to hear how that works out for you.

Scanisaurus
Scanisaurus
5 years ago

When I first saw “NiceGuy897393” in the title, I assumed it was just David being humorous, “nice guy nr. 897393 tries the same stupid trick millions of idiots have already failed at”, but nope, that’s his actual username? I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.

Bakunin
Bakunin
5 years ago

@Dormousing_it
My gf has said she’s noticed a difference in my scent, so there’s that

Talonknife
Talonknife
5 years ago

I just don’t get how people can tolerate their own smell? I normally shower and use deodorant meticulously, but I had a kidney surgery last week that left me unable to comfortably shower or wear pants for a few days and I could barely stand the smell of myself. The first day I felt well enough to shower properly was a massive relief.

BTGG
BTGG
5 years ago

@Kupo:

FTR I am not shaming crustpunks, neckbeards, or anyone for their personal grooming habits or sense of fashion. I am however, expressing my opinion that I find the hygiene standards of people in those groups to be ouffputting. I got told once by a crustpunk that they intentionally refuse to bathe and or use deodorant because doing so is for “normies”. I have a highly semsitive nose and odors bother me a great deal. So if that is how someone chooses to live, so be it. But don’t expect me to sit next to them on the bus!!!

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
5 years ago

When I was a teenager, I came down with appendicitis. I had my appendix removed, plus a chunk of my intestines, because the infection had spread. I was in the hospital for 5 nights, and wasn’t allowed to bathe for the first 4. Even through a haze of narcotics such as Demerol, my own stench was beginning to get to me. Then there was the itchiness, which might have been a Demerol side effect. I remember I had to wash my hair twice to get it fully clean.