By David Futrelle
It’s succubus time again here at We Hunted the Mammoth. Over the years, I’ve run across more than a few weirdo misogynists obsessed with the notion of women as succubi, those (I think) mythical sex demons who disguise themselves as beautiful women in order to seduce men and steal their sexual energy, if not their very souls.
Some of these succubus-obsessed dudes are speaking metaphorically, of course, but there are others who think that sexy succubi are very, very real. Back in December, we met a Christian NoFapper warning his fellow “fapstronauts” – dudes abstaining from masturbation — that every time they jerk off, they are literally fornicating with “a spiritual demonic whore.”
More recently, we met a MGTOW with a distinctly different perspective urging his buddies to truly go their own way by kicking actual human women to the curb and dating succubi instead. He assured his pals on the MGTOW.com forums that succubi aren’t actually demons and don’t deserve their reputation as soul-stealing monsters. And that they’re pretty much dynamite in the sack.
It turns out that this view of succubi is not universally shared in the Men Going Their Own Way community. In one recent discussion on the SemenRetention subreddit — my current go-to forum for misogynistic high weirdness, as well as the place I am apparently contractually obligated to destroy — I ran across a gentleman called vulture_phoenix, a devoted non-ejaculator who is also a fervent MGTOW who believes that a significant portion of women in the world today are literal succubi.
Responding to a now-deleted post from a fellow SemenRetainer who’d (as far as I can tell from the comments) ruined his semen-retaining streak after some sneaky woman lured him into bed,
vulture_phoenix broke the bad news to him.
“It sounds like you have a Succubus,” he wrote.
This is not uncommon at all. These types of spirits linger within your subconscious mind, and can be the result of you seeing porn at one time in your life.
Uh oh. It’s possible I might also have seen porn at, er, one time in my life.
Or it could have been picked up during sexual intercourse with someone at a certain time.
Oh crap, I might have done that too.
Perhaps it was passed down to you through your family line …
Gee, thanks, dad!
… or even attacking you out of the astral realm because it senses your strong energy and it wants it. Only you know deep down.
Everyone in the astral realm knows that dudes posting on the Semen Retention subreddit are the most powerful sexual beings in the universe.
Now the Succubus is manifesting itself in the physical world as someone like you described in your post. Props on you for recognizing the pattern and it’s technique.
I’m guessing her devious seduction technique mainly consisted of her being willing to have sex with the dude in question.
They are difficult to remove, I’m not going to lie. This is no laughing matter … .
I beg to differ.
These spirits are everywhere, and most men have them as girlfriends or wives, so you are already ahead of the game by being single.
I’m pretty sure the women of the world also collectively benefit from both of these dudes being single.
You can see the same spirits when you go to the mall, or the grocery store, or the beach, or when you look at the hot girls on Instagram and Facebook.
The mall? There are metaphysical sex demons hanging out in the food court munching on stromboli from Sbarro? I’ve heard of mall goths but this is ridiculous.
They wear sexy clothes, and they look sexy, and you and every other man look at them and lust after them. You are a more difficult target for them because you abstain, and are on the right path, that’s why it does that to you with its lies and getting you right where it hurts.
Sex, lies, and succubi.
Most men are living with them, and have sold their souls to their succubus in the form of life or marriage commitments. Stay strong and do not give in.
DENY THEM YOUR ESSENCE!
You must realize that any woman you encounter is possibly a Succubus. You must protect yourself at all costs. Make no mistake about it, it wants your semen, (vital energy), and it will stop at nothing to get it from you. That is the truth.
Honestly, I don’t think it’s really that hard to get hold of semen. The world is almost literally awash in it.
It’s not fair, but due to the amount of porn in the world today and basically every man having sex, and getting women pregnant with girls is passing these things along to them.
They get stronger and more powerful each time you or any other man ejaculates outside of the holy bond of marriage.
Damn, they’ve gotta be pretty darn strong by now.
To clear yourself of this succubus you need to read the holy books …
I can only assume he’s referring to Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life.
… fast often, and guard your eyes from any lustful images, even in real life.
Get out in nature, and do not use any sort of drugs. Do not use curse words. And make sure you pray to a higher power for protection and cleanliness. Drink plenty of clean water, and avoid movies, and all types of music.
Damn. You gotta do all that? No way I’m going to be able to ward off these sexy sex demonesses. I might as well put up a “Succubi Welcome” sign on the door of my bedroom.
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So if lots of women are actually succubi, does that mean I might be one? Am I going to have a Neo-esque experience and wake up to the true reality, except instead of being in weird human battery pods I’ll discover I’m really a demon?
Common misconception. They may also be Erinyes, which are baatezu devils from the Nine Hells. They look a lot like Succubi, which are tanar’ri demons from the Infinite Layers of the Abyss.
Given that we seem to have a number of out succubi on the site, perhaps David would be willing to host an ask-the-succubus open thread sometime. MRA-types seem to lots of misconceptions about succubi, so it would be nice to have somewhere to turn for accurate information.
Who told them our secrets?
Really though, this made me cry laugh. Imagine having so few problems in your life that you literally decide women are DEMONS just to give yourself some kind of conflict ?
I am very disappointed in you, Mr. Futrelle. Your header image is Ingrid Pitt as Carmilla in THE VAMPIRE LOVERS. She is, obviously, a vampire and not a succubus.
You could have gone with one of these:
http://eu.movieposter.com/posters/archive/main/50/MPW-25170
… it wants your… seamen….
…
I’ll show myself out
He must mean the Monster Manual.
@Katamount
IIRC, Succubi have bat wings and Erinyes have bird wings. Easy to tell the difference.
@BBBB
But…which edition?!
OT, but something something I wanted to sound off on. (I should probably start by own blog or something).
Today’s the 75th Anniversary of D-Day and every time I see the pageantry, the spectacle of all the world leaders making speeches before a diminishing number of elderly veterans… it makes me a little uncomfortable. And for a number of reasons. I suppose part of it comes from the fact that while my Canadian-born grandfather was drafted but never saw combat, my German-born grandfather was in the thick of it in Italy, and he never wanted to talk about what happened over there. He would rather be remembered as a humble electrician who did the best for his family in a new country than as the signalman who was awarded an Iron Cross (which he threw overboard on the ship to Canada) and saw so many of his friends perish. Yet all we ever do is remember likely the worst days of these people’s lives. We never get to know these soldiers, what they did, how they lived, etc. It feels so hollow.
Dare I say, it feels like virtue signalling. Just a gesture to pat ourselves on the back for remembering “Oh yeah, some guys ran into machine gun fire a lifetime ago. I guess that was a brave thing.” And it’s only ever this conflict. Korea sometimes gets mentioned, but you ask the average Canadian and they’ll probably tell you that our military history began in 1914. Uh uh. We were throwing our lads into the trenches of South Africa for British imperial interests in 1902.
Heck, I was at the Toronto Necropolis last Sunday just out for a walk and came across the grave of Ensign Malcolm McEachren, killed at Ridgeway in 1866 defending Canadian soil from Fenian raiders from the United States.
I was momentarily shocked because I recalled the name–I had seen his bloodstained tunic on display at the Queen’s Own Rifles Museum on the third floor of Casa Loma!
You can still see the hole made by the bullet that killed McEachren clearly in lower midsection of the uniform.
McEachren at least died defending Canadian (then British) territory from foreign invaders. But Ainsworth Dyer is buried just a few yards away from McEachren, and he died at the Tarnak Farm incident in Afghanistan, one of the first Canadian casualties in a war that a lot of Canadians (myself included) consider a mistake.
The deeds of McEachren are remembered by his regiment, incidentally a regiment that also was present to gun down Cree rebels at Cut Knife in 1885, but are otherwise largely forgotten from Canada’s collective consciousness. I can only wonder about Ainsworth Dyer, who does have a bridge named for him in Edmonton, home of his regiment the Princess Patricia’s Canadian Light Infantry (the famed PPCLI), will get similarly fawning recollections as the D-Day troops. Somehow I doubt it.
I dunno, I just notice those who we deign to remember and those that we don’t. And why we do or don’t. There’s a narrative undercurrent, a story to be told about every military on the planet, but we only seem to want to tell the ones of those who were acting as “liberators” and ignoring the rest. It doesn’t help that there’s still a rampant sexual assault problem in the Canadian military, so how many veterans were actually misogynistic predators? Whatever, just stand up and salute them at the next baseball game, stupid civilian, or you’re an ungrateful unpatriotic monster.
*sigh* Sorry, just had to put my feelings into words. History means a lot to me… it’s probably why I crawl cemeteries as much as I do.
Been there done that wrote the book (and then got a one-star review bitterly complaining that clearly the author did NOT know what a succubus was)
Current theory is that it’s an explanation for sleep paralysis. Which, having had the incubus version thereof personally, I can completely understand.
@Weird Eddie
How could she resist the ribbed sails? Speaking of, is that some kind of hybrid junk or… what kind of ship is it?
@K.
There is no edition other than 3.5.
@Katamount
What is the Canadian history with respect for soldiers? I read somewhere™ (iirc it might have been something linked from the comments here) that in the US was very gung-ho during WW2 about the soldiers, then was not so happy reintegrating them after the war (partly because they came home andexpected to take women’s jobs back from them). Then Vietnam happened and soldiers were on the outs with the public until much later, and our current culture of “thank you for your service” is collective guilt about the treatment of Vietnam vets.
I’m wondering if there was any similar shift in opinions in Canada, because your “ungrateful unpatriotic monster” definitely resonates with me.
@Big Titty Demon:
If you look closely, you can see that guy with the axe shouting “stop touching my junk!”
People in 2019 believing in literal demons! Somehow, this continues to shock and depress me. Not even Good Omens was real, you know?
@ Buttercup Q. Skullpants
The miggies and incels probably aren’t aware of St Custard’s, though they seem to have sort – of noticed the Grabbers of this world. There’s a lot wrong with the Grabbers, but even they are not to blame for the miggy/incel bizarre and dangerous belief system.
Hey, if any woman wants to steal my sexual energy that would be great. Honestly it’s exhausting constantly being horny but having to go to work.
@Big Titty Demon
The problem is that a lot of it was tied up in support for the mother country, Great Britain. The Boer War was noble because we were supporting Britain. WWI was noble because were supporting Britain. Check out this propaganda poster from WWI:
There’s a reason that Prime Ministers Borden and King got into problems with conscription during the World Wars, because the Quebecois saw no such desire to fight and die for the nation that essentially conquered them in 1759 (and the government was messing around with French language education). King navigated those waters better than Borden did, but it was a huuuuge problem. French Canadian distrust for the Allied war effort actually led to the creation of the other famous regiment, the Royal 22e Régiment or the “Vandoos”, the first Francophone regiment of the war and part of the Regular Force to this day.
It’s only really with WWII does it become “we’re supporting Britain, but also liberating France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Poland, etc.” And I think at that point, with the efforts of Lester B. Pearson to establish United Nations “peacekeeping” efforts, does a kind of national myth take hold that Canada is not the bloated imperial power that the United States is, but that myth was essentially shattered in the Somalia Affair, where Canadian paratroopers acting as peacekeepers got drunk and straight up murdered a guy. I was only a kid when that happened, but I remember it (and the subsequent cover-up) having a pretty traumatic impact for the national view of the military that persisted until 9/11, when there seems to have been a collective effort to polish the image of the military (putting “Royal” back in the Air Force and the Navy, creating the “Highway of Heroes” etc.). And this is where I think the steady creep of American soldier worship is coming to the fore, and it clashes with the clearly imperial nature of a lot of Canada’s military history.
All that said, what really has veterans upset these days is the lack of funding for pensions of injured veterans. Global has a pretty good summary of the problem from a few years ago (the Supreme Court subsequently declined to hear the appeal), but all three major national parties have dropped the ball on this (and Trudeau’s dumb statement to a vet at a town hall didn’t help). I doubt that Canadian vets need the constant tongue baths that the US corporate class and military industrial complex seem eager to give them (and I only really see the “troop salutes” at sports venues subject to American trends and the childish “stolen valour” obsession hasn’t gripped us… mostly); I’m pretty sure they’re just grateful for the chance to live their day-to-day civilian lives after service and we should do our part in ensuring that they can.
Granted, I’m not in the military and only know a handful of reservists personally, so I’m hardly the best person to sound off on this topic, but that’s my impression at least as a civilian with a decent recollection of history. Other Mammotheers from Canada or Canadian veterans might have a better sense of it than I.
“Everyone in the astral realm knows that dudes posting on the Semen Retention subreddit are the most powerful sexual beings in the universe.”
That, or Dave Futrelle isn’t the only entity who goes there looking for high weirdness.
Did anyone suggest giving the succubus $3.50? Or singing her song backwards?
For those not familiar with French, the ‘Vandoos’ nickname is basically an English mispronunciation of the French vingt-deux, for their regiment number of 22. (Granted, I know a guy in Ottawa whose first language was French, and when I mentioned the source of ‘Vandoo’ after having been in Quebec City for the 400th anniversary, he just boggled for a moment, and then said “How could I have not noticed that?”)
Katamount, your understanding mostly matches mine; the military really wants funding to be in a ‘state of good repair’ standing and wants to hold off on new deployments or new projects until that is achieved. Unfortunately, the Liberal party tends not to want to add funding but still wants the international attention of keeping up with our NATO commitments; the Conservative party tends to want to direct funding into big PR projects like icebreakers; and the NDP, aside from being unlikely to form the federal government, doesn’t really have much of a military policy at all that I’ve seen.
Under Harper, the Conservatives were very militaristic, except when it came to funding (and taking care of veterans). The disconnect was striking at times. And, of course, idiotic, hence why Canada ended up insisting on taking control of a province in Afghanistan it didn’t have the resources for, just to show how tough we were. Except for all the calling the Brits and Americans for help we ended up doing.
This is what happens when your PM’s main understanding of military history is “We punched so hard about our weight in WWI! Whoo! That’s us, all right!” (That, and thinking that peacekeeping is wimpy and liberal, so let’s stop doing that.)
I remain deeply grateful that man wasn’t in charge when the Iraq war started, because he would have sent us there.
@Rabid Rabbit
The disconnect was striking, but not entirely surprising. I mean, this is the government that sunk good money after bad in the F-35 procurement debacle. There’s plenty of money that can be diverted to caring for veterans tied up in bloated military contracts (looking your way, Lockheed Martin).
Wowwww, I’m really feeling exposed here– as I cough up a ludricrous amount of knuckle children all over my desk.
@Kevin: Grabber is one of the original Chads. He’s way out of their league (as any fule kno).
@Moggie:
They forgot to lower the Blue Peter when they left port.
“You’re either on the succubus or off the succubus.” Ken Kesey