By David Futrelle
It’s succubus time again here at We Hunted the Mammoth. Over the years, I’ve run across more than a few weirdo misogynists obsessed with the notion of women as succubi, those (I think) mythical sex demons who disguise themselves as beautiful women in order to seduce men and steal their sexual energy, if not their very souls.
Some of these succubus-obsessed dudes are speaking metaphorically, of course, but there are others who think that sexy succubi are very, very real. Back in December, we met a Christian NoFapper warning his fellow “fapstronauts” – dudes abstaining from masturbation — that every time they jerk off, they are literally fornicating with “a spiritual demonic whore.”
More recently, we met a MGTOW with a distinctly different perspective urging his buddies to truly go their own way by kicking actual human women to the curb and dating succubi instead. He assured his pals on the MGTOW.com forums that succubi aren’t actually demons and don’t deserve their reputation as soul-stealing monsters. And that they’re pretty much dynamite in the sack.
It turns out that this view of succubi is not universally shared in the Men Going Their Own Way community. In one recent discussion on the SemenRetention subreddit — my current go-to forum for misogynistic high weirdness, as well as the place I am apparently contractually obligated to destroy — I ran across a gentleman called vulture_phoenix, a devoted non-ejaculator who is also a fervent MGTOW who believes that a significant portion of women in the world today are literal succubi.
Responding to a now-deleted post from a fellow SemenRetainer who’d (as far as I can tell from the comments) ruined his semen-retaining streak after some sneaky woman lured him into bed,
vulture_phoenix broke the bad news to him.
“It sounds like you have a Succubus,” he wrote.
This is not uncommon at all. These types of spirits linger within your subconscious mind, and can be the result of you seeing porn at one time in your life.
Uh oh. It’s possible I might also have seen porn at, er, one time in my life.
Or it could have been picked up during sexual intercourse with someone at a certain time.
Oh crap, I might have done that too.
Perhaps it was passed down to you through your family line …
Gee, thanks, dad!
… or even attacking you out of the astral realm because it senses your strong energy and it wants it. Only you know deep down.
Everyone in the astral realm knows that dudes posting on the Semen Retention subreddit are the most powerful sexual beings in the universe.
Now the Succubus is manifesting itself in the physical world as someone like you described in your post. Props on you for recognizing the pattern and it’s technique.
I’m guessing her devious seduction technique mainly consisted of her being willing to have sex with the dude in question.
They are difficult to remove, I’m not going to lie. This is no laughing matter … .
I beg to differ.
These spirits are everywhere, and most men have them as girlfriends or wives, so you are already ahead of the game by being single.
I’m pretty sure the women of the world also collectively benefit from both of these dudes being single.
You can see the same spirits when you go to the mall, or the grocery store, or the beach, or when you look at the hot girls on Instagram and Facebook.
The mall? There are metaphysical sex demons hanging out in the food court munching on stromboli from Sbarro? I’ve heard of mall goths but this is ridiculous.
They wear sexy clothes, and they look sexy, and you and every other man look at them and lust after them. You are a more difficult target for them because you abstain, and are on the right path, that’s why it does that to you with its lies and getting you right where it hurts.
Sex, lies, and succubi.
Most men are living with them, and have sold their souls to their succubus in the form of life or marriage commitments. Stay strong and do not give in.
DENY THEM YOUR ESSENCE!
You must realize that any woman you encounter is possibly a Succubus. You must protect yourself at all costs. Make no mistake about it, it wants your semen, (vital energy), and it will stop at nothing to get it from you. That is the truth.
Honestly, I don’t think it’s really that hard to get hold of semen. The world is almost literally awash in it.
It’s not fair, but due to the amount of porn in the world today and basically every man having sex, and getting women pregnant with girls is passing these things along to them.
They get stronger and more powerful each time you or any other man ejaculates outside of the holy bond of marriage.
Damn, they’ve gotta be pretty darn strong by now.
To clear yourself of this succubus you need to read the holy books …
I can only assume he’s referring to Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life.
… fast often, and guard your eyes from any lustful images, even in real life.
Get out in nature, and do not use any sort of drugs. Do not use curse words. And make sure you pray to a higher power for protection and cleanliness. Drink plenty of clean water, and avoid movies, and all types of music.
Damn. You gotta do all that? No way I’m going to be able to ward off these sexy sex demonesses. I might as well put up a “Succubi Welcome” sign on the door of my bedroom.
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(parenthetically, @Buttercup, re the Mrs. Joyful Prize for Raffia Work, just wanted to say <3 )
I’m legit offended by the capitalisation though, @Buttercup. Molesworth never used caps when referring to the mrs joyful prize for rafia work. You hav made him sound like a swot i must sa.
(Imagine being editor for those books!)
The weird thing about the succubi myth is that they’re supposed to somehow go underneath sleeping men. How does that work? Make them levitate first? Also, you’d think a demon could reverse the sacred order of man on top, woman on bottom. At least because that’s the “missionary” position and demons are sort of the opposite, right? 😛
I was just reading the novel Sanaaq, which follows an Inuit family in northern Quebec in the mid-20th century – there’s a plot point near the end about a succubus. In this case it seems to be a way to explain depression. A young man is disappointed because his betrothed had a baby with someone else; he starts staying out by himself, avoiding others; this woman appears who looks like his girlfriend, being his companion as well as lover, but then she starts taking over his life and isolates him from his family. His family asks him what’s wrong, but the succubus threatens him into silence.
The book starts out matter-of-fact (not very mystical, I mean) and generally child-friendly. The author Mitiarjuk Nappaaluk first started it as a series of Inuktitut lessons for kids. It’s cool how the English translator pays homage to this by keeping some words in Inuktitut. I wonder if it’s a coincidence that the vowel and consonant combos look somewhat like Finnish? A lot of A, I, U, K, P, etc. And the Q sound is like a K but further back in the throat.
Rabid Rabbit
Yeah. But we had to toddle right along with our US leaders into Iraq. You can always rely on Aussies to join in. I understand we have a 100-0 strike rate for volunteering to back up the US military. Other nations have quite sensibly “lost” or just ignored their invitations to many unseemly events and adventures.
There we are. Every. Single. Time.
@Moggie – I was never topp at speling. But better to be a swot than a sneke.
(As a non-Brit, one thing always puzzled me about those books: what does “chiz” mean? Is it short for “cheers”?)
@ buttercup
A chiz is a swiz or swindle; as any fule kno.
I suspect chiz wasn’t commonly heard outside posh circles. St Custard’s may have been terrible educationally, and very down at heel, but it was a fee-paying school. At my much less posh state school, we’d say swiz, but never chiz.
Interesting that there’s a swiz/chiz divide. Did you ever say whizz?
Molesworth seems to use chiz as a sort of ranking system. If something bothers him only slightly, he uses one chiz. If it’s very bad, it gets three chizzes. On rare occasions, he breaks out with FOUR chizzes.
Just two quick comments:
1. Satire is dead and we sit atop its corpse.
2. The 12 rules joke was so funny it hurt
@Buttercup:
Never in the “Whizz for Atomms” sense of an expression of enthusiasm. In fact, I don’t think I ever saw that outside the books. “Whizzer” and “whizzo”, on the other hand, had some currency, and I may have been guilty of using the latter occasionally as a kid, despite being neither a WWII RAF pilot nor Bertie Wooster. And there was a kids’ comic called Whizzer and Chips in the 60s and 70s, which I suspect kept that word alive for longer than would otherwise have been the case.
There was even one five-chiz moment!
@Alan
TIL
@ crip dyke
no fule yoo.
Avoid the fluoride, brothers!!1!
Do we dare tell him how ‘dirty’ nature is being out there?
Do they ever notice their cars coated in pollen in the spring from that tree in their front yard — that naughty, naughty tree — and realize that their car is in fact covered in the equivalent of tree semen? And…it’s up their noses and causing their allergies? It’s a kinky world and the humans aren’t even half of it.
No, these oddballs should just stay home and preferably away from the internet.
Side note… With all the “Chad” rants out there, it’s a wonder there hasn’t been any crossover yet with rantings about incubi taking all the women. lol
How do you summon her?