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entitled babies men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny poop reddit

Dump him, or take a dump for him? The stark, stinky choice one Redditor says her boyfriend is forcing her to make

Listen to Jeff Goldblum, Reddit girlfriend!

By David Futrelle

The Relationships subreddit — which thousands of Redditors turn to for relationship advice, and which millions more turn to for creepy vicarious entertainment — has always been a tad, well, asymmetric, gender-wise: the relationship problems that women tend to write in about tend to be exponentially more horrific than the complaints sent in by guys.

A guy will write in complaining that his girlfriend wants to watch something other than The Boondock Saints during their weekly “Netflix and Chill” date — “should I dump her for her lack of appreciation for this cinematic masterpiece?” Meanwhile, some poor woman will ask if they’re really in the wrong for complaining about their boyfriend’s ever-growing accumulation of piss bottles, now taking up half the living room — “after all, he tells me repeatedly, and very loudly, he pays half the rent.”

I made these examples, up, but trust me, they’re no weirder than the real thing. Yesterday, for example, one poor Reddit girlfriend turned to her fellow Redditors for advice on a novel relationship dilemma: Should she take a dump in front of her boyfriend to prove she isn’t cheating on him?

If you’re perplexed by that question, gird your loins, and read on:

I’m sure most of you will agree that the only dumping that should take place is her dumping him. Unless, perhaps, she decides to take the advice of Talia Lavin on Twitter:

Given the circumstances, this seems pretty reasonable to me.

Assuming this is a true story, that is. I mean, this is Reddit; the story was posted by a throwaway account; people have been known to go online and tell lies sometimes; etc. Still, everything I’ve learned about my fellow dudes over the course of my lifetime suggests that it’s at least a plausible story. I want to believe, and so in this case I will.

Note: Sorry to have to resort to screenshots for this one, but the mods of the Relationships subreddit nuked the original post. I borrowed the screenshots from @redditships on Twitter, which posts amazing crap like this on a regular basis.

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Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

This one was a fuckin’ DOOZY.

At least there’s no age gap, and at least it didn’t involve a woman killing some poor dude’s pet though.

Lainy
Lainy
2 years ago

Dump him Sugar. No man is worth that.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
2 years ago

Warning: The following is gross. I hesitate to even post it, but here it is:

Take the dump in his mouth. Oh, wait, he’d probably enjoy that. I really think this guy gets off on this ‘crap’ – ha, ha. The only fetish I can think of that’s more disgusting than coprophilia, IMO, is necrophilia.

I think this Reddit post is for real, although I wish it wasn’t.

She could say, “You first!” or ” I will if you will”.

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
2 years ago

Dormousing_it wrote:

She could say, “You first!” or ” I will if you will”.

Never dare something you don’t want to go through with, especially if the dare-ee is almost certain to take you up on it….

sly fawkes
sly fawkes
2 years ago

Jiminy freaking Christmas.
I would dump this dump-obsessed dweeb forthwith.
The toilets in the townhome that my son and I currently reside in have ridiculously small bores. We learned the hard way that one often has to flush twice because the solid stuff doesn’t go down the first time, particularly if it’s an especially, shall we say hardy, specimen.
People sometimes forget to flush. You know what I’ve always done if the culprit was anyone but my brother back when we were kids (at which point I ridiculed him, and vice versa)?
I flushed the toilet and moved on with my life.
This fool should not be in a relationship with anyone ever.

Castrating Harpy
Castrating Harpy
2 years ago

I almost want to say this is fake, but having known so many men who don’t understand that women take human-sized dumps and don’t just drop tiny rabbit pellets (or not shit at all, that’s a thing, too), I guess this reddit post passes the proverbial sniff test.

She should dump him, and then periodically send him pictures of her turds.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
2 years ago
Jurgan
Jurgan
2 years ago

“We have a healthy, trusting relationship”

There’s your first mistake.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
2 years ago

Holy moley, it’s another guy who’s made up some stuff about women that he then believes. Or maybe one of his friends assured him that women have tiny bowel movements. I believe this sad story about this power-tripping, controlling guy. Maybe he would trust what a couples counselor says about female bowel movements — but only if he could bring himself to agree to get therapy.

My boyfriend and I sometimes marvel at the size of our 19-year-old cat’s bowel movements. She’s got only three legs, so she can’t bury them. Some of them look like they could have come from a human. She weighs all of 10 pounds. We’re very proud of her, uh, artwork.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

We all know that won’t satisfy him. He’s going to have to ask every single guy she knows to take a dump in front of him so he can compare it to the original. Maybe hire a forensic poo detective.

In the meantime, she should bake him a nice fruitcake full of Haribo sugar-free gummy bears as a peace offering.

Amtep
Amtep
2 years ago

An update about a previous post:

Moby cancels book tour after the whole “I totally dated Natalie Portman” thing.

https://amp.theguardian.com/music/2019/may/29/moby-cancels-book-tour-after-natalie-portman-denies-that-they-dated

He’s planning to lay low for a while. I expect in six months he’ll pop back up on the “Women destroyed my career” circuit like so many creepy men before him. There’s a lot of money in catering to misogynists.

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

I have a solution! She could weigh herself before and after pooping, using super-sensitive scales. He does the same, and then they compare poop weights, to show that there’s little difference.

Big Titty Demon
Big Titty Demon
2 years ago

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants

😂 Those reviews are awesome

bluecat
bluecat
2 years ago

If she accedes to his request the next thing is going to be either

That’s not the same as the dump I saw before, so clearly it WAS a guy and you are cheating on me.

Or

Ewww you shit like a man. I cannot continue this relationship now I know that!

Either way, she’s on a hiding to nothing.

Just a thought: is her name Celia and his Strephon?

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/50579/the-ladys-dressing-room

Sarity
Sarity
2 years ago

@Castrating Harpy

Wha, for real? Who honestly believes that women don’t poop?

Lainy
Lainy
2 years ago

I guess you could say that for her this a…. pump and dump.

I haven’t slept in 2 days

Ellesar
Ellesar
2 years ago

That takes insecurity to a whole new level. OR he is taking a circuitous and rather abusive route to exploring his coprophilia.

Catalpa
Catalpa
2 years ago

The only fetish I can think of that’s more disgusting than coprophilia, IMO, is necrophilia.

I feel like a kink that can be fully consensual (if perhaps a bit unsanitary) doesn’t really deserve to be lumped in with one that really cannot, since corpses are incapable of consent.

Shadowplay
2 years ago

I’m disappointed. 16 comments and not one “What a shitty guy.”

Scanisaurus
Scanisaurus
2 years ago

@Sarity
Sadly, I’m not surprised that there are men out there who think like this, because society has always been all about shaming women into hiding their bodily functions.

I mean, just think of all women who keep the tap running to mask the sounds and spray perfume everywhere to mask the smell, and I’ve even seen someone try to sell internal perfume to eliminate gross odors.

It’s similar to how some men think all women are naturally hairless because they’ve only seen women who shave their entire bodies beforehand, and armpit hair is considered disgusting on women yet normal on men.

Jesalin, Goddess of Lust & Pleasure
Jesalin, Goddess of Lust & Pleasure
2 years ago

“He replied that I was a liar”

Bye boy, because at that point he’s gone. If anyone is going to accuse you of lying they better have the fucking receipts. Obviously he doesn’t because you’re telling the truth, so once the accusation was made it was over because there is no trust in this relationship, not from him anyway.

Diego Duarte
Diego Duarte
2 years ago

This woman hasn’t figured out yet that she’s in an abusive relationship. I’d wager that he wouldn’t really call it off if she refused, rather he is probably using this as an excuse and a precedent he can resort to, in order to increasingly impose more and more restrictions upon her.

She shouldn’t just dump him, she should probably look into getting a restraining order or a gun, considering the police won’t do anything even if he gets violent.

Curious_Diversions
Curious_Diversions
2 years ago

Why are we surprised that this guy is confused about women, who are roughly the same size humans as human men, would make similar sized excrement? It’s pretty clear that this guy, like many featured here, don’t think women are human.

Unlike real humans, they should be delicate in all things and any effort they put into appearing so should be invisible.

All women’s work should be invisible.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLGnQiaCBfE

Castrating Harpy
Castrating Harpy
2 years ago

@Sarity – I’ve run across multiple men over the years who were unaware that women poop at all, or believe that women only produce dainty little nuggets, not manly turds, and tried to set them straight. To be fair, most of these men were pretty immature (like teens and early 20-somethings), but I genuinely believe there are grown-ass men walking around in the world thinking lady-poo doesn’t look like man-poo.

@Moggie – Mr. Harpy has access to a scale in his bathroom at work, and he likes to weigh himself pre- and post-dump, just for fun. He has been known to text me about particularly notable results.

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
2 years ago

It’s unfortunately the case that women are often shamed for normal human bodily functions. For example, I heard once about how women’s public toilets in Japan started playing white noise because the women using them were so concerned that the sounds they made using them (sounds, to be clear, only other women, if anyone, would be able to hear) that they would flush the toilets repeatedly for the whole time they were using the facilities, thus wasting water. How messed up is that?

@Scanisaurus:

It’s similar to how some men think all women are naturally hairless because they’ve only seen women who shave their entire bodies beforehand, and armpit hair is considered disgusting on women yet normal on men.

The weird thing is that this is a fairly recent thing, at least in my experience. I was born in the 1970s and I remember seeing plenty of women growing up who didn’t shave their armpits; and the fact that women used not shave their pubic hair back then is a running joke when people talk about porn from back then. In fact, I recently finished the autobiography of Cosey Fanni Tutti, the pioneer industrial musician who worked as a glamour model, stripper and who appeared in porn movies as part of her art installations¹. In the book, she mentions having to shave her pubic area for some reason, and having to wait for her hair there to grow back before she could take on other gigs because a lot of photographers and filmmakers back then wouldn’t work with women who shaved their pubes! Maybe they were afraid that the authorities would consider it child porn or something. Talk about “damned if you do, damned if you don’t”.

(And as posters like IIRC Crip Dyke have pointed, policing women’s body hair often has hella racist overtones)

¹ There’s a really obnoxious part of the book where she described a recent exhibition of her work in a well-regarded museum of modern art that was basically made off-limits to the general public… this despite the fact that male artists like Jeff Koons have had exhibitions of work that were heavily inspired by porn where no such timorousness was observed. Apparently, if a woman does it, it’s beyond the pale, even in the second decade of the 21st century… 🙄

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
2 years ago

I seem to recall from some biology textbook or other that proportionally speaking, women’s rectums are more capacious than men’s. Factoring in that, broadly speaking, women are slightly smaller than men, surely this suggests that men and women’s turds should be exactly the same size.

That being said, seriously, has this guy never seen porn? Specifically, the kind of porn that demonstrates the size of things that women are clearly capable of inserting into their anuses, which ought to lead to the conclusion that they might be capable of squishing out something that diameter as well?

He’s an abusive dingbat, so I assume that he has, but just tries not to think about the anus’ other purpose when watching that.

Now I’m wondering if he’s ever complained that her asshole isn’t perfectly bleached like the ones you see in commercial porn.

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
2 years ago

Regarding the whole “women and men are totally different when it comes to butt stuff” thing, I’m sure I read a post here ages ago about how some Very Smart Guy™ was arguing about how men having anal sex was dangerous and potentially harmful, but anal sex with a woman was fine because women’s butts are made of sterner stuff because reasons. Unfortunately, I can’t find it now.

Nequam
Nequam
2 years ago

In the book, she mentions having to shave her pubic area for some reason, and having to wait for her hair there to grow back before she could take on other gigs because a lot of photographers and filmmakers back then wouldn’t work with women who shaved their pubes! Maybe they were afraid that the authorities would consider it child porn or something.

I have heard that pubic shaving was a common way to check for/deal with pubic lice, so maybe there was a cleanliness concern?

Jesalin, Goddess of Lust & Pleasure
Jesalin, Goddess of Lust & Pleasure
2 years ago

Damnit, did I use the wrong email for my comment above?

Hambeast
Hambeast
2 years ago

Seconding everyone who’s said that this guy is abusive. This is how it starts; he’s trying to see what she will tolerate.

Castrating Harpy said

She should dump him, and then periodically send him pictures of her turds.

I heartily second this because it’s something I’d totally do (doo.)

Although if that did happen, he’d tell his friends, family, co-workers, and acquaintances about his strange ex who sends him pics of her poop for “no reason”, I’m sure of it.

Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
2 years ago

@Hambeast, Castrating Harpy – Pictures of chocolate bars, then?

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
2 years ago

@Cat Mara:

Perhaps girls’ butts gain sympathetic sterness from the toughness of the vaginal muscles? I mean, if the front bits can push out a baby, it stands to reason the back bits can take a cock, right? Right?

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
2 years ago

@Rabid Rabbit: Great, now I’m reminded of an old Denis Leary skit from back in the 90s where he was mocking people who took healthy living too far: “I wake up in the morning and have a nice big bowl of oat bran, then I go to the bathroom for 3 hours… all I do is eat and crap, I’m gonna live forever… my colon is the strongest muscle in my body now: I could pass Elvis through my colon!” 😬

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
2 years ago

Heh, while I was cooking dinner PJ Harvey’s “Sheela na Gig”¹ popped up in my playlist. It’s a cool song about the body-shaming that women are too often subject to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgoC15Lom-M

I remember the minor outrage in the music press when she first appeared on the scene in the 90s. She appeared topless and with visibly unshaved armpits in some publications and it was often unclear which of those some pearl-clutchers found the more obscene 🙄.

¹ If you’ve never heard of them before, Sheela-na-gig are statues or carvings found in Ireland and Britain– sometimes even on churches– of women displaying their vulvas. No-one is exactly sure whether they’re some kind of pagan holdover, or charms to ward off evil, or a warning about the perils of female sexuality courtesy of a misogynist church, or something else entirely.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
2 years ago

@Catalpa: Agreed. I still can’t help but find both fetishes disgusting. Maybe that’s their appeal, for some people at least.

I’m reminded of the 1970s Italian movie “Salo”, which was based on de Sade’s novel, “The 120 Days of Sodom”. They’re eating the stuff, for God’s sake! Actually, in the movie, the prop people substituted chocolate mixed with orange marmalade.

I remember listening to a DJ on the radio, years ago. He was interviewing a man who was considering breaking up with his new girlfriend, all because she happened to fart against his leg while she was asleep. “Would you prefer to sleep with a corpse?” was the DJ’s response.

Hambeast
Hambeast
2 years ago

@Rhuu – Tootsie Rolls that have been molded into turd shapes! (a la the kitty litter box cakes of years past)

Z&T
Z&T
2 years ago

@ Cat Mara, re Dennis Leary:

HA! 😀

I am about to make dinner too, and I do eat healthy 🙂 I have 12 different kinds of salad dressing in my fridge right now. Everything from blue cheese to peach to home made things. I even have salad cook books. I eat a lot of salad.

Before I carry on here, let me say I’m fearful to post this because my laptop just froze up and I had to restart it. I was looking at a recipe for cream of asparagus soup. It must’ve been too intense for my poor old mac here.

Back to salad 🙂 I am having salad tonight too, plus tomato bisque soup. Sounds fancy, eh? It’s just basic canned tomato soup + (whole) milk instead of water. Fine cuisine.

I must be conditioned to healthy eating, I had shredded wheat cereal earlier, I can / do eat enough of roughage, it doesn’t cause me any intestinal distress.

Other distress. Holy hell I can’t believe the following happened:
A few days ago I was having, you guessed it, salad, including these things which are pickled pepperoncini. I’m going to guess most people know what these are, if not, they are small green peppers in a jar of, well the pickle liquid I guess, and they’re a bit spicy, not super spicy, but spicy enough.

So I took two out of the jar to slice up to put in the salad. And what you want to do is kind of poke a hole first, so the liquid goes out, does not spray all over.

I attempted to do that, and the liquid sprayed right up and into my eye.

Yes, the liquid is spicy too.

YIKES!

Oddly, it didn’t really burn that much, I closed my eye and rinsed face with water. Outside of eye, by the time I did that and blinked a couple times it was fine. Huh.

Maybe I have gained pepperoncini immunity? But now I am afraid to put any of these in tonight’s salad.

When food is dangerous…
The asparagus soup did not seem to go over too well with my laptop here either.

C.A.Collins
C.A.Collins
2 years ago

Re: DJ and Farts: Corpses express gas. Unnervingly when you’re sure they’re dead, and they gasp or poot.

Fenton
Fenton
2 years ago

He feels challenged by the size of his girlfriend’s poops.

He now feels his poops aren’t manly enough. Perhaps he drops pellet-like deershits because he needs more water and fiber in his diet.

Specialffrog
Specialffrog
2 years ago

@Fenton: Wait! Is the boyfriend Jordan Peterson? It would make sense.

Virgin Mary
Virgin Mary
2 years ago

I couldn’t believe this article from Jezebel, apparently now Incels are investing in plastic surgery to turn themselves into Chad, including enormous ‘dinosaur egg’ testicles. Blergh. They just seem to want to torture themselves because this won’t improve their chances with women because the problem is their toxic, violent and self entitled personalities 🙁

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
2 years ago

@Virgin Mary: OK, I read the article. Wouldn’t dinosaur egg-sized testicles interfere with the way a man’s pants fit? How can anyone possibly think this is a good idea? Rhetorical questions.

I watched a Vice special awhile back where a doctor in Germany was, for a fee, injecting men’s scrotums with distilled water. The result was a temporary increase in apparent testicle size.
Eventually, their bodies would absorb the water harmlessly. The goal, as near as I can remember, was to psyche other men out.

C4twoman
C4twoman
2 years ago

couldn’t believe this article from Jezebel, apparently now Incels are investing in plastic surgery to turn themselves into Chad, including enormous ‘dinosaur egg’ testicles.

Or…wacky idea…get a gym membership.

More sweat, but costs a lot less.

Marco
Marco
2 years ago

You claim you made up the piss bottles. You sure, you didn’t subconsciously remember this one, that made the rounds on Twitter a while back?
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/31jwo0/my_wife_33f_found_my_37m_pee_bottles_and_cum/

Granted it’s not the wife asking advice, but the guy whose wife found the bottles, but it does sound like the off hand comment about a room full of piss bottles, no?

Bina
2 years ago

Is this one of those “girls don’t poop!” dudes? Because I have sad news for him: We do, and we often do it copiously. Especially those of us who eat like horses (even if we don’t necessarily eat what horses eat).

I also have a poem for him, which he would be well advised to read. A small excerpt follows:

Thus finishing his grand survey,
Disgusted Strephon stole away
Repeating in his amorous fits,
Oh! Celia, Celia, Celia shits!

Yup. Celia shits. And so do we all, assuming that celiac disease (or something equally inflammatory) hasn’t destroyed our intestines.

BTGG
BTGG
2 years ago

This is creepy and disgusting in every sense of those words. Just when you thought you’d seen it all….along comes a control freal with a scat fetish! I really, reeeeeeallllly want to believe that this story is fake. In case it’s real, I hope she dumped him right away. I’d be so grossed out if my partner asked me to take a dump in front of them I’d never sleep with them again.

Vucodlak
Vucodlak
2 years ago

I swear, I really do wonder sometimes if I’m even human.

On the one hand, I don’t understand jealousy at all. It’s such a stupid, childish emotion, and I’ve never had much patience or sympathy for people who give in to it. The boyfriend in this scenario is clearly a controlling asshole who the poster ought to dump for her own safety, and hopefully he’ll learn to be less of an asshole in the future.

On the other hand… I really don’t understand the extreme reactions of so many people to any and all poop-related stuff between intimate partners. Maybe it’s just the way I was raised, wherein my parents would talk in gruesome detail about their day (they worked in a mental hospital). Maybe it’s just that my admittedly slim relationship experience includes caring for the many injuries of my first love,* getting covered in her blood, spit, pus, puke, etc. but I can’t wrap my head around being so squeamish. We’re all full of gross stuff. Positively brimming with it. What’s the big deal?

*We had a rough youth, including fighting for fun. She returned the favor many times over. I wasn’t as good in fight as she was. Though I will say, I suffered far fewer piercing-related mishaps.

eLL
eLL
2 years ago

I am going out with a very insecure/ suspicious/ jealous guy ATM and I reading that I can absolutely believe it could be real

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
2 years ago

@Dormousing_it:

I remember reading a joke somewhere about how, “my, what an attractive scrotum” was the least-used phrase in the English language. 🤣

The goal, as near as I can remember, was to psyche other men out.

Undoubtedly. So much of the manosphere’s quirks seem less about attracting women as making other men envious of them. I read an interview once with a guy who’d had a penis “enlargement”; that is, he had the surgery where they cut the suspensory ligament supporting the penis so that it moves forward a little out of the body making it appear longer… but doing this means that it can’t “get up” as much as it did before the procedure. The guy seemed to think it was a small price to pay for all the admiring looks he got… off other men in the gym locker room 🙄. Whether his women partners noticed any difference at all wasn’t discussed. I mean, yeah, maybe if it improves your self-confidence, who am I to judge? But it seemed to me like going about the solution to the problem in the wrong way.