By David Futrelle
The Relationships subreddit — which thousands of Redditors turn to for relationship advice, and which millions more turn to for creepy vicarious entertainment — has always been a tad, well, asymmetric, gender-wise: the relationship problems that women tend to write in about tend to be exponentially more horrific than the complaints sent in by guys.
A guy will write in complaining that his girlfriend wants to watch something other than The Boondock Saints during their weekly “Netflix and Chill” date — “should I dump her for her lack of appreciation for this cinematic masterpiece?” Meanwhile, some poor woman will ask if they’re really in the wrong for complaining about their boyfriend’s ever-growing accumulation of piss bottles, now taking up half the living room — “after all, he tells me repeatedly, and very loudly, he pays half the rent.”
I made these examples, up, but trust me, they’re no weirder than the real thing. Yesterday, for example, one poor Reddit girlfriend turned to her fellow Redditors for advice on a novel relationship dilemma: Should she take a dump in front of her boyfriend to prove she isn’t cheating on him?
If you’re perplexed by that question, gird your loins, and read on:
I’m sure most of you will agree that the only dumping that should take place is her dumping him. Unless, perhaps, she decides to take the advice of Talia Lavin on Twitter:
Given the circumstances, this seems pretty reasonable to me.
Assuming this is a true story, that is. I mean, this is Reddit; the story was posted by a throwaway account; people have been known to go online and tell lies sometimes; etc. Still, everything I’ve learned about my fellow dudes over the course of my lifetime suggests that it’s at least a plausible story. I want to believe, and so in this case I will.
Note: Sorry to have to resort to screenshots for this one, but the mods of the Relationships subreddit nuked the original post. I borrowed the screenshots from @redditships on Twitter, which posts amazing crap like this on a regular basis.
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#Thotaudit is a hoax. Most sex workers do pay taxes on their income, and even if they didn’t, you need some very specific personal information of the person to report and actual evidence of suspected tax fraud to report anyone to the IRS. There’s no anonymous tipline to call and go “@Beautifulbabe69 is doing online sex work and I don’t think she pays taxes!”, because it would be a massive waste of the IRS’ time.
Yes I’m aware. However, my point was about the intent of these guys. The audit itself is a sham, but the harassment is quite real.
@BTGG
That’s the entire point I’ve been trying to make this entire time! I have been complaining about movie characters for this entire discussion, yet you try to insist that I’m some kind of evil puritan because I think the portrayal of many characters made up and controlled by men is sexist. I’m not complaining of female sexuality, I’m complaining of male caricatures of female sexuality.
And you implied it was all because I was ugly and jealous of them, but you haven’t even tried to refute or acknowledge any single one of my points, you just keep strawmanning and willfully rmisrepresenting every single thing I write or ignore it entirely.
@Scanisaurus I misunderstood you. Sorry for being an ass.
@BTGG
I want to accept your apology, but I also need to know why it took you this long? In my very first reply to you I explicitly stated that I wan’t criticizing the clothing choices or sexuality of real-life women, I was criticizing characters on camera, and I kept saying that in all my follow-up comments.
Secondly, even if you did misunderstand me, your answer was to insinuate that all my criticisms was just me being insecure and jealous, with the implication that it was all because I was uglier than them. What made you think that was ever an OK thing to say to another person?
If you are ready to answer these questions, I’m ready to forgive you.
I have met (dated) more than one man who believes women pee out of their birth canal (vagina). People believe really weird stuff.