By David Futrelle
Captain Marvel has been in theaters for two and a half months now, but the baby men of the internet are still finding excuses to throw tantrums over it.
The latest? An extended scene, posted online, featuring the titular character stealing a motorcycle from a random creep after he patronizingly asks her to smile; instead of punching him or throwing him through a window, like a normal action movie star, she gets her way by squeezing the creep’s hand real hard.
Here’s the scene, which is all of a minute long.
The scene is a clear homage to a similar if much more violent scene in Terminator 2, in which a nude Arnold Schwarzenegger appropriates a motorcycle from a biker after squeezing his hand real hard (and then throwing him onto a hot stove, throwing another guy through a window, and thoroughly beating up a good portion of an ornery looking biker gang).
But the angry dudes (and a few angry gals) of the internet have reacted to Captain Marvel’s too-firm handshake as if Brie Larson — the actress herself, not the character she’s playing — had gone on a crime spree in Los Angeles.
Leading the charge against the motorcycle-stealing superlady? A motley assortment of professional shit-stirrers on the right, including the alt-right adjacent YouTube blabber Tim Pool, video-prankster-turned-joke-congressional-candidate Joey “Salads” Saladino, self-professed debate champion Ben Shapiro, and one of Ben’s employees at his vanity publication the Daily Wire.
Schow’s Daily Wire post on the subject is somehow even more embarrassing than her tweets about it. She begins by taking issue with the shorter version of the scene in the film itself, in which the Lady Captain simply steals the bike — no hand-squeezing necessary.
Hooray for feminism! A man creepily asked for a smile, so she commits grand theft auto. That’s not at all a disproportionate or insane response.
But in her mind the extended scene is oh so much worse, turning the superheroine into a supervillain. “Let’s recap,” Schow writes, working herself into high dudgeon.
After a jerk suggested he would help her in a creepy way and asked for a smile, Danvers [Captain Marvel] crushed his hand, carjacked him, took his clothes, and stole items from a nearby clothing store and broke traffic laws. And this is supposed to be a celebration of feminism and rebuke of toxic masculinity?
In the original scene, Danvers committed grand theft auto. In the extended scene, she commits assault, a carjacking, a mugging, shoplifting, and a possible driving felony.
I am shocked — shocked! — to see lawbreaking by the main character in an action movie!
If these, er, “critiques” of Captain Marvel weren’t so obviously in bad faith, I would have to wonder if any of these critics had ever seen an action movie before. Or, indeed, any movie.
The trope of a movie hero or heroine stealing a car — or a truck, or a horse, or a motorcyle, or a spaceship — to get to where they need to go is nearly as old as the movies themselves.
Action movie heroes and heroines break the rules — and the laws — all the time. We don’t go to action movies to see blameless goody-goodies obeying the traffic laws in car chases, or watching and waiting for the police when a villain starts wreaking havoc. We go to see larger-than-life characters beating the crap out of bad guys — and we don’t much care if their violence is sometimes disproportionate, or if there’s a bit of collateral damage (to people, to buildings, to entire cities) along the way.
In the original John Wick movie, for example, the titular hero seeks revenge after some thugs kill his dog — and in the process he manages to kill 77 people. (His body count across all three John Wick films? An even more staggering 299.) Yet we still root for the guy.
The critics of Captain Marvel’s motorcycle theft are not only forgetting that this is a MOVIE and not real life; they’re also completely ignoring the plot of the film — and the character arc of the air-force-pilot-turned alien-human-hybrid who became Captain Marvel.
When she arrives back on earth at the start of the film – and steals the motorcycle she needs to complete her mission — she’s basically a brainwashed, emotionless killing machine working for a race of aliens called the kree. Over the course of the film she regains some of her humanity. That’s called character development.
As human beings, we’re all flawed, and we like our heroes to be, like us, somewhat less than perfect — because that’s what enables us to relate to them. Our heroes may be reluctant — like Humphrey Bogart’s Rick in Casablanca — or roguish scoundrels with a heart of gold, like Han Solo. They may have a dark side they wrestle with. Sometimes they win this struggle (like Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel); sometimes they lose (Darth Vader, Walter White).
Everyone who goes to movies knows all of this — and is happy to accept these tropes when the flawed hero in question is male. But once it’s a woman in that scuba superhero suit, all of that knowledge seems to drain right out of some men’s (and some women’s) brains.
Some, like the right-wing shitstirrers who helped to gin up this phony controversy in the first place, really do seem to have trouble distinguishing between movies and real life.
A number of critics seemed to think the clip reflected a certain sort of rank bigotry directed against males — especially white males, and even more especially against those who like to go around saying crude and patronizing things about (or to) women.
Others demanded a sort of moral blamelessness from Captain Marvel that no one would demand from a male superhero. She’s a terrible role model, they cried. Just think of the children! And the adults! And all of the other superheroes that look up to her!
Hate to break it to you, dude, but Superdickery has been a thing since, like, the 1950s, if not earlier.
Dudes, this is a movie, not a WikiHow video. No one is recommending that women literally steal a motorcycle every time a creep asks them to smile. It’s a fantasy in a film that’s all about fantasy. The scene is funny because it allows women (and men) to indulge a harmless fantasy of taking violent revenge against some of the most irritating men on the planet.
Let’s face it, perfect characters are boring, and make for boring movies. And they’re not good role models either, because no one can truly relate to them. It’s better for girls to see female characters struggle with their flaws than to demand that they emulate someone who’s flawless in every ways — and constantly find themselves coming up short.
But the real issue here isn’t character flaws. If the writers of Captain Marvel had made their central character pure and blameless in every way, angry dudes would be complaining about that too – how come she’s perfect, they would whine, while all the men have flaws?
No, the issue here is the fact that this superhero is a woman that a retrograde internet mob has decided isn’t deferential enough to men. And so they will grab on anything they can in order to make bad faith demands on Marvel and Disney in order to get them to stop making action movies with female leads. There’s no real point in arguing with these people. Just turn to them, like Captain Marvel herself, and ask with a smirk “What, no smile?”
UPDATE: And here’s that line in gif form.
UPDATE 2: Oh, look, it’s Ben Shapiro, who was so indignant about Captain Marvel stealing a motorcycle, applauding the latest John Wick movie, in which Mr. Wink kills 94 dudes:
We Hunted the Mammoth is independent and ad-free, and relies entirely on readers like you for its survival. If you appreciate our work, please send a few bucks our way! Thanks!
Thoughts:
1. Too bad for these crybabies, the scene wasn’t cut out of the movie (as I recall).
2. Remember when Thor yelled and smashed a coffee mug in the middle of a diner? Or Steve Rogers and Natasha committed PDA to distract a guy following them? Or all the other questionable stuff Marvel heroes have done in their respective movies (especially Iron Man, if memory serves)?
3. It’s an action film, I guess the filmmakers thought most of the moviegoers could handle the heroine stealing a motorcycle in between saving the world???
4. The person whose kid asked if Captain Marvel was the bad guy, sounds either too young to be sitting through this movie, or has already been poisoned by their parent’s sexist double standards (see point #2 above).
now, if each and every one of these asshats was punched, simply because they are true villains…
i wonder if they would learn anything from that.
I think we should run this experiment.
could do a pretrial run with milkshakes, I suppose.
They’re pathetic. No other word for them.
I’m confused as to why there’s a ‘yet’ and ‘still’ in there. I think you spelled ‘so’ wrong.
Indeed. TV Tropes calls it Hero Stole My Bike, and their article provides a long list of examples, including Captain Marvel. There’s even a related trope called Flashed-Badge Hijack for when cops commandeer cehicles.
P.S. Just for fun, here’s a list of more action movie franchises with morally questionable and/or bloodthirsty heroes: James Bond, Mad Max, Rambo, Ocean’s Eleven, The Fast and the Furious, Dirty Harry, Lethal Weapon, and Zack Snyder’s DC Universe films. (And that’s just off the top of my head.) I look forward to hearing the critics of Captain Marvel complain about these characters.
I remember the scene in which Tony Stark travels to Afghanistan in his newly minted power armor to kill about 50 people. I also remember Thor assaulting about 20 US governmental agent to try to retrieve his hammer, probably seriously injuring some of them. These pretty serious crimes. How about Civil War? Half the Avengers commit a serious felony and a huge diplomatic incident. In DC, Superman got bullied by a tuny asshole in a bar and destroyed his truck as an act of petty revenge.
Plus, if I was to be a devil’s lawyer for a second, I would say that Denver was a soldier currently in a theatre of operation to fight a dangerous terrorist menace. It’s legal for her to requisition material from the civilian population to accomplish her objectives and she can use force to do so. In other words, she’s not a criminal unlike the precedent examples.
So the criticism consists entirely of “I am shocked, SHOCKED, that a character who’s a villain at that stage of the story was not a blameless paragon of virtue.” ?
The manosphere; still pissed at a small comment made years ago by an actress.
Man, wait until these guys figure out that vigilantism is itself a crime. Can’t wait to see them demand that literally every Avenger be arrested.
Let’s not forget how the cast of Ocean’s Eight was asked, in all seriousness, if they were worried that they were encouraging eight year old girls to become criminals.
My favorite action movie growing up was the mummy and the mummy 2 and they steal a double decker bus in that one.
Notable exception of the chase scene in Big Hero 6 ? (yes, basically all I watch are Disney movies…)
I wonder if these incel/MRA dudes realise that every time they make their stupid criticisms, they inspire another person like me, who usually avoids action films, to go see a movie like this? I think I’ve said before, I only went to see Fury Road because of these jerks. So sort of an own-goal for them…
Probably notable that at this point of the story Danvers represents a colonial power that we’re not supposed to completely empathize with. (Note also that she blows up part of a bar when talking to Nick Fury, just to show off her ability to photon blast things, while apparently neither of them care at all? From the Kree perspective, the property damage just doesn’t matter. From a US/SHEILD perspective, they can just buy off the witnesses.)
Using John Wick is a poor example. He’s an assassin and we’re watching him with the expectation of seeing him kill people because they killed his dog. He’s at no point expected to act heroically. He’s an assassin.
We watched Captain Marvel expecting to see a feminist and a hero . Instead, we got an unlikable asshole who is a clear attempt to pander to women’s studies 101 feminists to think feminism means all men are stupid and should be beneath us, not that we should be equals.
She was a poor example of a hero, and a poor example of a feminist. She certainly didn’t benefit us, just provided more fire for the toxic “us vs them” thinking that is keeping feminism from gaining any more support in the first place. It’s embarrassing.
And this article’s some argument is “well other people did it so it’s fine if Captain Marvel does it.” That’s not a counter argument and it hasn’t been since elementary school. If we’re going to get anywhere, she has to be better than asshole “heroes.” That’s the whole point!
In superhero movies, large portions of entire cities get destroyed in order for the “good” guys to defeat the bad guys. No one bats an eyelash at that. But Captain Marvel steals a motorcycle and it’s the end of the world?
I mean, people got upset at the penultimate Game of Thrones episode and I’m like, what the fuck did you conquering a city looks like? That’s what war is. Innocent people suffer so others can get power. But action movies are all the time shielding us from the consequences of war. But these misogynist assdumplings choose to get heated over a grand theft auto rather than their hero destroying whole cities?
It’s not right when Clark Kent destroys a bully’s semi in Man Of Steel. Likewise, it is not right for Captain Marvel to steal a toxic man’s motorcycle. At least Captain Marvel can be argued that she was still under the effects of brainwashing.
To the writer, please do not hold up an assassin (John Wick) or a murdering robot/cyborg (Terminator) as examples of male heroes. They’re anything but.
A better example is Superman destroying a bully’s semi in the Man of Steel movie. I should also point out that people were also VERY upset at that take of Superman.
This isn’t a matter of violence against white men being frowned upon, it’s about heroes trying to use their power to make the world a better place. Examples of intentional property damage or outright thievery are bad characterizations, regardless of the sex of the hero.
What a joke! Both sides of you idiots need to simply STFU and go dry your eyes! You all make me sick.
IT’S A FREAKING MOVIE! Who gives a shit either way. It’s all fake. It’s not real. I don’t go the actions/fantasy movies for a lesson in morals or ethics or sexuality or politics. I just want to see a great movie and if it doesn’t turn out then that just to damn bad. I won’t return to see the sequel, that’s it! All these SJW’S on one side screaming for fairness this and fairness that with the others idiots crying about how unfair the directors and movie writers and film industries are being to the beloved franchise. Give me a damn break here with all this bullshit.
Let me let you all in on a little secret of the universe. NOTHING IN LIFE IS FAIR! But at least if you walk in a theater and see a movie and you like it that’s it then. Like the damn thing and if you didn’t don’t. For GOD’S sake, can we just shut up about all the BS on both sides and just vote with our wallets. Why does everyone think they need to cry to the Internet right away? Same can be said for these bloggers and what use to be newspaper columnist. Cry about what other people are crying about and now you got me doing about the same damn thing!
Dear Lord help this world. We need him fast then ever.
I personally don’t understand why you don’t get their point of view. You think a man would get away with this but if a man stole a women’s clothes, car, robbed a store and hurt the women in the process, feminists would be in an uproar. The way you act when you disagree is disgraceful and is the reason toxic femininity exists. Insults widen the gab not bridge it.
Also what’s up with parents taking their children to pg-13 movies then complaining about their children being exposed to things that aren’t for little kids. If you want them to see a little kids movie you take them to the lego movie or toy story 4. If you want to see a pg-13 movie and you have a small child you get a baby sister and then go to it.
Or the people who are just fine with active shooter drills because kids getting used to the idea that they will be shot at in school is preferable to gun control but think that side characters on Arthur getting same sex married will traumatize children beyond repair.
Forgive the booze induced run on sentence.
I’ll agree that the Man of Steel example bears some relevance here. At the end of the day, I think the reason people react to this scene is because it’s pretty blatantly over the top and forced. I say this as a a lifelong Marvel fan who REALLY wanted to enjoy Captain Marvel 🙁
I have nothing against using movies as a subtle commentary on thing that you see as problems
with society. But (most) moviegoers aren’t idiots – they know when the commentary takes a front seat at the expense of compelling storytelling and in my opinion, this scene is a shining example of that.
This post got linked somewhere where, I guess, people have a lot of opinions about Lady Captain Marvel, so I just let a bunch of comments through. Have at them, folks, and let me know if any of them start having meltdowns.
@weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
No worries wwth your words are as fun as ever.
@Kimmy
Who is a good example of a feminist hero? I see you comparing Captain Marvel to male heroes and requiring she be better than them, but… where have all the good women gone and where are all the gods? Where’s the streetwise Athena to fight the rising odds?