By David Futrelle
In his memoir, Then It Fell Apart, published earlier this month, former rave superstar Moby tells the story of what he says was a brief and bittersweet relationship he had with actress Natalie Portman in 1999 when he “was thirty-three and she was twenty.”
But his story is, well, falling apart. Portman, in a new interview with Harper’s Bazaar, points out that Moby is either misremembering or flat-out lying about her age at the time. She wasn’t twenty; she was eighteen — something that a quick Google search will confirm.
And she says there was no relationship. As she told Harper’s Bazaar:
I was surprised to hear that he characterised the very short time that I knew him as dating because my recollection is a much older man being creepy with me when I just had graduated high school.
Her memory of their “relationship?”
“I was a fan and went to one of his shows when I had just graduated,” she said. “When we met after the show, he said, ‘let’s be friends’. He was on tour and I was working, shooting a film, so we only hung out a handful of times before I realised that this was an older man who was interested in me in a way that felt inappropriate.
Portman is understandably annoyed by Moby’s, er, mistake about her age and his publisher’s failure to check this basic fact:
He said I was 20; I definitely wasn’t. I was a teenager. I had just turned 18. There was no fact checking from him or his publisher – it almost feels deliberate. That he used this story to sell his book was very disturbing to me. It wasn’t the case. There are many factual errors and inventions. I would have liked him or his publisher to reach out to fact check.
My own cursory fact-checking of Moby’s account reveals it to be full of holes.
According to Moby, the two met backstage after he played a show for an audience of several hundred in Austin in 1999; as he tells the tale, he was starstruck to meet a real movie star, and even more surprised when she gushed over his music like, well, a recent graduate from high school.
“I loved it!” she said. She was wearing jeans and a white T-shirt; her dark-brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. “The songs from Play were so great.” Natalie sat on the black leather couch and smiled at me. My heart stuttered.
I would bet ten billion dollars that this is not how it went down.
He was, he says, stunned again when, according to him, she proposed meeting up again in New York a few days later.
This was confusing. I was a bald binge drinker who lived in an apartment that smelled like mildew and old bricks, and Natalie Portman was a beautiful movie star. But here she was in my dressing room, flirting with me.
Several days later, he recounts, she met up with him after MTV’s Music Video Awards, where once again she took charge, ushering the somewhat befuddled DJ/musician into her limo like a seasoned Hollywood pro.
I was thirty-three and she was twenty, but this was her world. I was comfortable in dive bars and strip clubs and vegan restaurants, but I knew nothing about award shows and red carpets.
I’m going to stop right now because there are several big problems with his story so far. A Google search shows that the only show Moby played in Austin in 1999 was on August 20. The Video Music Awards didn’t take place a few days later; they took place three weeks later, on September 9th, two days before Moby turned 34.
In a later chapter of his memoir, Moby tells another story about Portman that suggests a slightly more intimate relationship. As he recounts, he met up with Portman again after an outdoor show in Boston.
I took a taxi to Cambridge to meet Natalie. We held hands and wandered around Harvard, kissing under the centuries-old oak trees. At midnight she brought me to her dorm room and we lay down next to each other on her small bed. After she fell asleep I carefully extracted myself from her arms and took a taxi back to my hotel.
The story’s placement in the book suggests that it happened sometime after the VMAs — which took place, you recall, in September — but as best as I can tell, the only outdoor show Moby played in Boston that year was on August 26. And while I wan’t able to find Harvard’s academic calendar for 1999-2000, Harvard currently doesn’t start the Fall semester until September. Maybe Harvard’s schedule has changed since 1999, or maybe he’s misremembering again.
In any case, if the dorms were open on August 26 1999, and Moby did pay Portman a visit that night, the 33-year-old would have been canoodling with a brand-new college Freshman at the very start of her college career. Which is, I need hardly add, creepy as fuck.
That’s pretty much the extent of the “relationship” Moby had with Portman, at least according to his account. “For a few weeks I had tried to be Natalie’s boyfriend, but it hadn’t worked out,” he declares, several chapters later, informing his readers that she had broken up with him over the phone, saying she’d met someone else.
I should point out that while there are many points of confusion in Moby’s story — particularly it’s unstuck-in-time quality — there’s nothing in his account that really contradicts Portman’s version of events — that they “only hung out a handful of times before I realised that this was an older man who was interested in me in a way that felt inappropriate.”
The romantic, late-night makeout session he remembers so fondly? She seems to have experienced it as a “much older man being creepy with me.” They both may be accurately remembering what the experience was to them; he may just have been oblivious to how not into it she was. Or maybe he knew, and just didn’t care.
What’s really astonishing to me about Moby’s stories of the two together — and you can read more of them in the extended excerpts from his memoir published by Entertainment Weekly — is his attempt to portray the then-18-year-old Portman as the smooth, sophisticated Hollywood veteran who instigated the alleged affair, with him as a naive and innocent outsider virtually hypnotized by her fame and beauty. Never mind that he was nearly twice her age, a professional musician who at that point had been DJing and performing music live for more than a decade; by the end of the 1990s he was headlining tours and getting massive exposure on MTV.
I’m not buying his aw-shucks act, and the effort he makes to push this particular narrative suggest to me that he was well aware he was the creepy older dude in his interactions with Portman.
And Moby still seems to be lying to himself, and to the rest of us, about what happened in those days. After Portman’s interview came out, he posted a statement on Instagram defending his version of events — without correcting or even admitting to any of his errors.
I recently read a gossip piece wherein Natalie Portman said that we’d never dated. This confused me, as we did, in fact, date. And after briefly dating in 1999 we remained friends for years.
She may have been polite to you, dude, but I’m not sure you were ever really friends.
I like Natalie, and I respect her intelligence and activism. But, to be honest, I can’t figure out why she would actively misrepresent the truth about our(albeit brief)involvement. The story as laid out in my book Then It Fell Apart is accurate, with lots of corroborating photo evidence, etc. …
Ps I completely respect Natalie’s possible regret in dating me(to be fair, I would probably regret dating me, too), but it doesn’t alter the actual facts of our brief romantic history
To back up his recollections, he posted one piece of “corroborating photo evidence” to his Instagram post that doesn’t really corroborate his account at all — the picture I used at the top of the post.
Take a look at it again. It doesn’t look like a picture of a happy couple in the first flush of a romance. It looks like a creepy old dude with his hand on the shoulder of a much younger woman, her face frozen in the sort of uncomfortable smile women learn to put on when faced with a man overstepping his boundaries.
It reminds me a little of this famous picture of Bob Packwood — who resigned from the Senate in 1995 after a string of accusations of sexual harassment and assault — and a similarly smiling similarly uncomfortable younger woman.
Moby is not someone with a good understanding of boundaries, to put it mildly. Elsewhere in his memoir he boasts about rubbing his flaccid penis against an oblivious (and fully clothed) Donald Trump — long before he was president — at a party, as part of a game he and his pals called “knob touch.”
I can’t help but wonder if there are more gross stories about Moby waiting to come out.
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@Occasional reader
Had to look it up and this is officially the coolest new word I’ve learned in a long time. Now to find a way to casually work it into a sentence…
Jeez Louise, Moby’s memoir reads like a Penthouse Forum letter:
As for Moby… I never got into him. Basically the only exposure I ever had to him in Canada was hearing “South Side” endlessly to the point I always skipped it when it came up on Big Shiny Tunes 6. That and Gorillaz “Clint Eastwood” almost ruined me for electronic dance music until I heard Daft Punk’s “One More Time.”
In fact, Big Shiny Tunes 6 really only had a handful of tracks that I actually liked. It had been a downhill trajectory since 4 and the shift away from alternative to nu-metal and pop-punk sealed it for me. But that’s a whole other rant.
Fenton
If they did have a brief, very brief, relationship, why would she deny it? We’ve all done things we regret when we were younger and didn’t know any better.
If she is ashamed of it all she had to say was that they met up a few times and she realized she wasn’t into him like that and ended it. A total denial isn’t necessary
I went to a Moby concert once. Does that mean we were dating?
Boy, this story really illustrates how rampant the self-serving bias is among creeper men. Their default assumption is always that attractive young women/girls are on the prowl for sex, just like they are. Everything the girl does, or doesn’t do, gets interpreted through that lens (see: every RedPill field report ever that involves a restaurant, a supermarket, a gym, or a party). Creeper men are experts at filling in the blanks on behalf of their targets.
It’s also a story about how so often, whenever it’s he said/she said, the man’s version of events is accepted as authoritative. Nothing sexual happened between them, by both of their accounts, and people are still accusing her of lying.
Sex ed for boys needs to include a segment on “no, you’re not dating Natalie Portman”.
Dr. Tingle can explain it for everyone who still doesn’t get it.
https://twitter.com/ChuckTingle/status/1131586243177791489?s=19
This just makes me think that the English language desperately need their own word for “gubbsjuk“. Gubbsjuk is a Swedish word that’s a combination of “gubbe” = old man and “sjuk” = sick, and used to describe creepy old men creeping on girls way younger than them, but sometimes also on creeps in general.
I think English has a whole lot of great words and it’s awesome that there are so many synonyms, but in this area I find it lacking.
@kupo
Chuck Tingle is a national treasure.
@Scanisaurus
The phrase “dirty old man” seems to be used in a similar fashion, and technically it applies to middle-aged men too. I don’t hear it too often, though- can’t say why. Maybe it’s because it’s normally used only when the subjects of the term are out of hearing range.
Creeper typically has that connotation, too, though in extreme cases can apply to younger people.
Or, as Law and Order: SVU‘s Det. Cassidy memorably pronounced it on the witness stand, “fromage.” That still cracks me up.
I’ve heard/read yucky stories about Moby for years. Sadly, I would not be in the least surprised if it turns out this is indeed the “thin edge of the wedge.”
@Knitting Cat Lady, re: show of hands
I was 17 when a very drunk 50 year old guy hit on me at a party for almost half an hour before he grabbed my crotch (it was a work function for the clinic my mom worked at). Not sure if that counts, exactly, but it was creepy as hell and I had no idea how to respond. I can still remember the weird, floaty helplessness I felt as it was happening.
I can’t even fathom how messed up that must have felt as a 12 year old; I’m so sorry you went through that.
Was going to make a “Moby Dick” pun, then saw that Buttercup beat me to it.
I’m really not surprised that the man who dabbed his dong on Donnie would do something like this, though. He seems to have a poor sense of boundaries overall, and that’s putting it charitably. (A problem that seems to be especially endemic in showbiz circles generally.)
And while I might snicker at a lesser pervert doing something immature and gross to a bigger one (who is widely known for his grossness and immature shenanigans), knowing that he got all creepy on young Natalie Portman isn’t funny at all. It makes me wonder just how much of a pattern he’s got going on. How many other women or girls out there have yet to come forward with a “Moby got creepy on me” story?
Also: His refusal to back down from the dating claim is beyond creepy. I have to wonder if he’s suffering from delusions.
Come to think of it, Moby Dick is the wrong novel to be referencing here. He’s more akin to Humbert Humbert.
I’m thinking more Pepe le Pew.
His whole, “I was the innocent and she was the sophisticate” thing is straight out of Nabokov.
@Anonymous
True, though the difference is that I’ve seen guys joke about being a “dirty old man” and some even take it as a compliment, trying to use the phrase to paint them selves as just a fun-loving and red-blooded man, whereas you could never, ever do that with the word gubbsjuk in Swedish.
Those guys are extremely gross. I don’t even hang out with an old friend anymore because her husband is like this and he’s super creepy about it and I just don’t like being around him because he throws out red flags like confetti every time he walks into a room.
My 12 birthday I got my first period and had a man probably the same age as my father come up and ask me if there was grass on the field yet. I was at theme park with my best friend and had cat ear head band on my head. Going through what I call my rapunzel phase because she was my favorite Disney princess.
I’m guessing that’s okay in Fenton because it’s not technically illegal to do so. Dude was just making a joke right? ??
I was just thinking of Humbert Humbert’s “ but she seduced ME” protestations.
Even as a musician Moby has poor boundaries. All I remember about Play was how chock full it was of lifted delta blues musicians- full songs in many cases. Don’t know if they got compensated at all or not.
@ Doethreetwoone:
Heh, I learned the word “phantasmagoric” from The Monkees, of all places! It is a great word!
“Startled eyes that sometimes see
“Phantasmagoric splendor”
–Daily Nightly, lyrics by Michael Nesmith
I don’t have any faith in autobiographies, I found out how fake they were back when I met Russell Watson. Nearly all are ghostwritten and are 90% made up bullshit. I no more believe that Moby actually wrote this purple prose than Russell did his twaddle. I think the only autobiography published recently which was written by the person in question was Morrissey’s.
There are algorithms which can authenticate whether someone wrote their own book or not based on authentic Twitter posts and emails, it’s what Cambridge Analytica was researching.
Not that I’m defending either of them…. Watson had a very fraught and possibly violent relationship with his ex wife who he ditched once he got rich, then married a woman the same age as his youngest daughter. He always was a rude and aggressive man, as many of his fellow musicians ans sound techs could attest to. All he ever seemed to play for was sympathy because of his brain tumour, which of course was a terrible thing, but profiting from it and using it as an excuse for his bad behaviour? No thanks 🙁
Some people have pointed out Moby might actually believe he dated Natalie Portman due to substance abuse/delusion. While that could be true, I think it’s important to acknowledge he may he just be intentionally lying for the same reasons teenage boys lie to their male friends about things they’ve done with the hot girl at school.
1. Some people will believe them or at least wonder if it’s true, and that will boost their cred.
2. A fundamental lack of respect for the women involved.
Based on my memory of conversations I have had with people who were into the DJ scene when Moby was big… Yes, there are other stories.
Also, not wiping your own ass isn’t illegal either, and yet the only time we get inundated with protests that we’re wrong for asking people to stop being gross because it’s technically not illegal to be gross is when it’s an article about dudes making women uncomfortable and never when it’s about roosh not wiping his ass.
I wonder why that might be. ?
@Kupo
Obviously because women are always suppose to be mommy. Even when their barely above the age of 17 and the man could be her father or grand father or even great grandfather