Lips Dick: Angry knobhead mansplains labial anatomy at Jezebel writer

By David Futrelle

It’s only been a month since the most stubborn man in the universe broke the internet by trying (and trying again at much greater length) to explain what he incorrectly saw as the correct use of the word “vagina” to a literally world-famous gynecologist.

Now a new mansplaining legend has appeared: A Jezebel commenter called Bagdash who has some choice words for staff writer Ashley Reese about, well, her alleged ignorance about her own labia.

Reese, you see, wrote a brief, three-paragraph piece for Jezebel gently mocking a new pleather “bodysuit” from Fashion Nova that “will probably give me a labial wedgie” and possibly a yeast infection to boot. As you can see from the picture above — or in much greater resolution at the Fashion Nova website — this is an outfit that really is remarkably thin in the crotch area; as the headline of the piece jokingly noted, it seems designed to “Only Cover 15 Percent of My Labia.”

Apparently that “15 percent” line was the camel(toe) that broke poor Mr. Bagdash’s back. In a comment that was literally twice the length of the original story, he offered Reese what he saw as some remedial vulvar education.

“It seems you need an anatomy lesson,” he began promisingly, because obviously only good things can follow when some random cis dude tells a cis woman who he doesn’t even know that he understands her body better than she does.

Labia are not the entirety of the groin. Whereas I can see where you are trying to compensate for the idea that the vagina is the totality of female genital, this is a little beyond what is necessary.

Not sure where this is going but continue.

Some women have large labia minora, which might not fit in this, but not everything in the word is tailor made to YOUR BODY.

Ah, that’s where it’s going: Man yelling in all-caps at a woman about her allegedly plus-sized labia.

You can’t expect for everything to fit you “just right”. Women with smaller labia are also just as normal as you are with whatever your labia size is.

Dude, regardless of the size or shape of a woman’s labia, that thing is going to wedge right up in there, where it will function much like floss between one’s teeth except in an area that definitely does not need flossing. Hence Reese’s remarks about a “labial wedgie.”

Whereas I could give a fuck a bout the Kardashians or this company, maybe some of them might like it.

Honestly, I’m going to guess that not even the Kardashians would much enjoy a 95% polyester, 5% spandex thing basically sandpapering their most delicate parts. I mean, it’s practically trench warfare.

I might want to be able to where pants with a 35″ inseam, but it will never happen because that’s not my body shape.

Sorry you’re not as … tall as you’d like to be, I guess? But that’s not really the issue here.

Instead of whining about shit that doesn’t meet your specific needs, why don’t you champion something that does instead.

This shit company, whatever it is, isn’t doing this to spite you, it just doesn’t fit you. So, like any normal, non-armchair social activists, just buy the shit that fits and don’t buy the shit that doesn’t. If this company is really that shit, which I’m sure it is, then let it be on the smaller-labia-ed women to decide if they like it or not.

Yeah, lady, stop complaining and go shop at the Big-and-Tall Labia Store!

As a short man, I wouldn’t comment on the designs of a big-and-tall store.

Oh, wait, he really is suggesting she shop at a store for larger-labiaed women.

And he really is mad about being short.

So you have big labia. Great. Keep it to yourself. D0 you want me talking about the size of my dick, big or small? For example, these jeans just wouldn’t be able to handle me.

Ok, but what are the chances that this dude has sent unsolicited dick pics to random women on the internet? Just asking.

It’s not for you, I get it. But who fucking cares really. The size of your labia and what they do or do not fit into is not a topic of conversation any more than you would like to hear about my penis and how it might be chafing from my clothes, which you have every right not to want to hear.

Dude, she referred to labia four times in a piece about a bodysuit that is pretty much guaranteed to turn into coochie floss about 30 seconds after anyone with a vagina puts it on. You’ve referred to labia eight times, including several snide references to her own particular labia. You’re the one who won’t shut up about it.

Now to get myself in trouble,

Ah yes, NOW is when you will start saying objectionable things.

a problem with feminism in this sense is that it tries to bring women to the level of men by acting like men.

TIL that cis women talking about their labia means they’re “acting like men.”

That being said, men acting like men has been the problem. We don’t need women to act like men in all of their bullshit.

Be a woman, not like a man—I think we would agree that what we’ve seen over the past couple thousand years and beyond of recorded history is that men are/can be total shit. Don’t be like us.

Well, don’t be like this dude, specifically.

And all that being said, yeah, this whatever it is is stupid.

Dude, “stupid” is a massive understatement when it comes to the “whatever it is” you vomited up into the Jezebel comments.

Can we just have a total shutdown on cis dudes lecturing cis women about their vaginas, their vulvas, their labia, that whole area down there, at least until we can figure out what’s going on?

H/T — @emilyofpratt on Twitter

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