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Lesbians! You need to get the D at least sometimes if you want clear skin, explains dude who couldn’t possibly have an ulterior motive

That could be really bad for your health, according to science I definitely didn’t just pull out of my ass

By David Futrelle

Here’s a little public pubic service announcement for all lesbians, as offered by a very public pubic-spirited fellow who couldn’t possibly have an ulterior motive or anything but who nonetheless might be available to assist any lesbians who wish to act upon the important information he is conveying.

This little nugget of wisdom — I’m not sure where it’s originally from — was posted the other day to the ActualLesbians subreddit, where it was not greeted with as much gratitude as one might have expected. Indeed, there seemed to be widespread skepticism about these important scientific findings.

Some even had the temerity of suggest that lesbians could just as easily get the D from trans lesbians, bypassing that whole “not attracted to men” hurdle but ignoring the fact that the helpful gentleman providing the advice had specified that D-deprived lesbians should be having sex with men. I can only hope that Mr. Science will find an more receptive audience elsewhere. The health of women everywhere is at stake!

H/T — r/ActualLesbians via r/BadWomensAnatomy

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Cat Mara
Cat Mara
5 years ago

@sylvia bath:

She said that she questions whether I can truly be attracted to women because semen has health benefits and women are biologically programmed to crave it!

Your Mom said that?! OMG ?

(Speaking as an actual semen-producing human, I can’t imagine how anyone would “crave” the stuff outside the minds of producers of porn: it has a gross texture and an even grosser smell. According to Wikipedia, the smell is partly due to the presence of a chemical called putrescine, a compound commonly found, as its name suggests, in rotting organic matter ?)

TB Tabby
TB Tabby
5 years ago
Crip Dyke
Crip Dyke
5 years ago

@Buttercup:

They can’t seem to make up their minds whether PIV sex punishes women or redeems them.

Perhaps your confusion will be cleared up by this quote from a totally real and not at all made up MRA/Incel going his own way:

TRANAAMUMRAIGHOW: Sex with me redeems a woman. Sex with any other man totally corrupts, pollutes, degrades & cooties her.

I promise you that the quote is both as real and as scientifically true as the observations in the post that inspired David’s OP.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
5 years ago

I’m forever amazed by how much the “science” of MRA/mgtow/incel posts sound like my junior high school peers from the mid-1960s

rv97
5 years ago

What if I told you guys that if it shouldn’t matter if men can’t get any, and even if they were attractive as people, people left them alone?

Sophist
Sophist
5 years ago

…they literally think penises are magic, don’t they?

rv97
5 years ago

Yes, and they ought to be denied sex for that. In fact, if people are gonna complain about sexual immorality, why don’t they stop men from doing it so much, because they seem to want it more in general?

reggie, the neighbour's cat and rare mutant
reggie, the neighbour's cat and rare mutant
5 years ago

Reading this I thought if the semen is the magical anti-ageing whatever then why not make a market selling it. Then I thought one (several?) of these creepy types have already thought of/tried to do that. Then I felt sad and wanted to go back to 30 seconds ago before either thought entered my head.

QuantumInc
QuantumInc
5 years ago

The problem I keep seeing are people who not only insist that “You must do XYZ because it is natural” but also assume that figuring out what is natural is always easy for them. Ultimately it results in them being against ideas that give them a bad feeling and in favor of ideas that give them a good feeling. Then ironically they misattribute their feelings to God or Science.

Alexis Filth
Alexis Filth
5 years ago

Speaking as an actual semen-producing human, I can’t imagine how anyone would “crave” the stuff outside the minds of producers of porn: it has a gross texture and an even grosser smell

Well I dunno, my husband can’t get enough of mine.
At least when he’s turned on, if he happens to get off before I do then he’s kinda “meh” about it but if he’s still horny he wants it pretty much everywhere he can get it.
I’m a take it or leave it kinda (trans) gal, I don’t mind it, but I’m not desperate for it or anything. Of course with my husband being a trans man I don’t get it very much.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
5 years ago

im serious

I’m sorry but I could never, ever have sex with a man who doesn’t use punctuation. I’m serious.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

@Crip Dyke and Lunzie:

TRANAAMUMRAIGHOW: Sex with me redeems a woman. Sex with any other man totally corrupts, pollutes, degrades & cooties her.

Ah! Now it makes sense. It’s just science that you get different experimental outcomes depending on which one best supports your hypothesis.

your vagina needs it or otherwise it becomes dry

That…isn’t how arousal and lubrication work. It’s not a leather car seat that needs conditioner rubbed into it periodically.

Lainy
Lainy
5 years ago

your vagina needs it or it becomes dry

I don’t know dude. My vagina has a problem where it’s to wet. My birth control makes my body produce way more discharge then it should. I have to change my underwear about 3 times a day because it will soak it. If your logic was any where close to right then I should just have sex with women.

moregeekthan
moregeekthan
5 years ago

@ Kat

Not sure if women should take health advice from someone who apparently does not know what a period is.

(Sorry for that. I will show myself out.)

cornychips
cornychips
5 years ago

WHAT A GENTLEMAN!!

to be concerned with lesbians well-being so much. Such a nice guy.

Its just science ladiiiieeezzzzzz

Where is his nobel penis prize?!

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
5 years ago

@Alexis Filth:

Well I dunno, my husband can’t get enough of mine.

Because it’s yours. I dare say if I dropped by with a flask of mine and offered him a swig he’d be less keen.

At least when he’s turned on, if he happens to get off before I do then he’s kinda “meh” about it but if he’s still horny he wants it pretty much everywhere he can get it.

See? Because it brings us closer our partners in the heat of the moment. But in the cold light of day, it’s a bit ew. That’s kind of my point. But the way MRAs and conservative types go on about it, it’s LIQUID GOLD!!1!

epitome of incomprehensibility

@TheKND – Ah, I see now. 😛

@sylvia bath – Ugh, that sounds really frustrating. 🙁 Reminds me of my mother. (I mean the homophobia part. She’d be embarrassed to talk to me about sex in that much detail and she hates Trump.) It’s all about “X is natural, Y is not,” like what QuantumInc said:

The problem I keep seeing are people who not only insist that “You must do XYZ because it is natural” … it results in them being against ideas that give them a bad feeling and in favor of ideas that give them a good feeling. Then ironically they misattribute their feelings to God or Science.

To be fair, I think my mom got some of that baggage from her own mother, who was strict about her children being “normal” (more about academics/mental capacity than sexual orientation, which wasn’t “out” as much in the 60s, so to speak).

Now I kind of wish my maternal grandmother were alive (I never met her). She’d see that her 3 grandchildren with…

-ADHD (me)
-dyscalculia (brother)
-a type of autism (cousin)

…are doing things with life and are not helpless rejects. (Oh yeah, and cousin and I are both bi, the brother possibly ace or at least aromantic.)

Anyway, this is off-topic because I’m tired, but I’m sending everyone with difficult relatives Invisible Internet Hugs or Waves of Encouragement, as preferred. <3

Simon
Simon
5 years ago

Is it the penis itself?

Well if it is I want to complain to the designer because it hasn’t helped with my eczema at all. I suppose it might be far worse if I removed it but it’s not an experiment I’m prepared to try on the word of some random idiot on the internet.

Sheila Crosby
5 years ago

As I understand it, a satisfactory sex life reduces stress and is therefore good for your immune system and somewhat helps reduce aging. (Well, major stress ages you at least)

But it’s the enjoyment that’s important. You do you, in whatever shade or shades of the rainbow you enjoy.

Robert
Robert
5 years ago

Sylvia Bath –
“Semen has what women crave!
Semen has electrolytes!”

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
5 years ago

@Robert:

“Semen has what women crave!
Semen has electrolytes!”

?

Now I’m reminded of that bizarre episode in Egyptian mythology where Horus spreads his semen (that his mom Isis helped him collect ?) on his uncle Set’s lettuce patch to pwn him in a contest over who gets to be Pharaoh…

Tovius
Tovius
5 years ago

Off topic, but in case you haven’t seen it, here is the letter that Barr has delivered to Congress regarding the Mueller report.

https://mobile.twitter.com/RepJerryNadler/status/1109903081691664385

numerobis
numerobis
5 years ago

@epitome of incomprehensibility: sex on the beach, obviously.

I was also imagining vitamin D, which is quite important in winter even if you have fair even clear skin — but especially with darker skin. I was disappointed it was David’s extrapolation, not the OP’s.

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

Sheila Crosby | March 24, 2019 at 1:59 pm
As I understand it, a satisfactory sex life reduces stress and is therefore good for your immune system and somewhat helps reduce aging.

So don’t ever, ever, ever have sex with OP or anyone of his ilk. Got it.

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

Sorry for the double post, but my posts aren’t appearing right after I post them, but instead after I submit them AGAIN.

I’ll stop doing that then. : P