Categories
bad anatomy bad science crackpottery entitled babies homophobia magic semen men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny penises post contains sarcasm reddit transphobia vaginas

Lesbians! You need to get the D at least sometimes if you want clear skin, explains dude who couldn’t possibly have an ulterior motive

That could be really bad for your health, according to science I definitely didn’t just pull out of my ass

By David Futrelle

Here’s a little public pubic service announcement for all lesbians, as offered by a very public pubic-spirited fellow who couldn’t possibly have an ulterior motive or anything but who nonetheless might be available to assist any lesbians who wish to act upon the important information he is conveying.

This little nugget of wisdom — I’m not sure where it’s originally from — was posted the other day to the ActualLesbians subreddit, where it was not greeted with as much gratitude as one might have expected. Indeed, there seemed to be widespread skepticism about these important scientific findings.

Some even had the temerity of suggest that lesbians could just as easily get the D from trans lesbians, bypassing that whole “not attracted to men” hurdle but ignoring the fact that the helpful gentleman providing the advice had specified that D-deprived lesbians should be having sex with men. I can only hope that Mr. Science will find an more receptive audience elsewhere. The health of women everywhere is at stake!

H/T — r/ActualLesbians via r/BadWomensAnatomy

We Hunted the Mammoth is independent and ad-free, and relies entirely on readers like you for its survival. If you appreciate our work, please send a few bucks our way! Thanks!

64 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Boob Tyrant Queen
Boob Tyrant Queen
5 years ago

I’ve always wondered if these dudes really think it’s going to work
Hell I’m bi and it’s turning me off of men suddenly (joking)
Just Yikes

Meerkat
Meerkat
5 years ago

Looks like it was originally asked to someone on the website curiouscat!

rv97
rv97
5 years ago

I’m gonna sound like an asshole here, but this is why I admire and envy lesbians – they make people like that guy look like total idiots and even more pathetic.

LindsayIrene
LindsayIrene
5 years ago

Wait, is it the penis and the semen that’s necessary? Because that still doesn’t require a man.

TheKND
TheKND
5 years ago

I love the “it’s just science” line. These people haven’t looked at a medical textbook, let alone taken a dive into the nightmare of complexity that’s endocrinology but they claim “science”.

Ellesar
Ellesar
5 years ago

Interesting theory – not!
There is plenty of evidence that NOT having sex with men has benefits, less likely to get an STI for a start. Never heard of any benefit of having sex with men if you aren’t attracted to men.

The dryness ‘problem’ is particularly absurd, our bodies just don’t work like that!

klew
klew
5 years ago

I need more information on this. The mechanics of it.

Just what exactly is needed for all those benefits? Is it the penis itself? Does it “stimulate” (ugh) something inside the vagina that …. does whatever the fuck he’s talking about? Or is it the semen that holds the key?

Does he even pubmed?

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I’m pretty sure that any lesbian who took this advice would choose a different man to have sex with.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
5 years ago

@Ellesar

Amen to that. I remember reading, a long time ago, that lesbians had extremely low levels of STIs. I don’t remember where I read it, though.

I’m as straight as a pin, if it matters.

epitome of incomprehensibility

I read “D” as Vitamin D at first, prompting a whole thought process: “Wait, how do you get Vitamin D from sex?”

I am such a virgin. Which is why I have acne, apparently. It’s just science!

(A)utonomous Escapist
(A)utonomous Escapist
5 years ago

@Dormousing_it: That’s actually somewhat fallacious, lesbians do still get STIs of various descriptions, penile/vaginal penetration is not required for the transfer of many STIs, lesbians are routinely denied screenings because of this fallacy. I learned this from a wonderful friend who does outreach for a LGBTQIA+ group on the sexual health of non-heterosexuals, who are either overly pathologized (transpeople and gay men), or underserved (lesbians especially).

Scanisaurus
Scanisaurus
5 years ago

If men are so important for women’s health, how come one of the most long-lived demographics is nuns?

Also, if sexuality is apparently just a choice and intercourse with men are so important for one’s health, shouldn’t he be asking men to be with other men more?

Lukas Xavier
Lukas Xavier
5 years ago

You should definitely take personal health advice from random strangers on the internet. That’s a great idea.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
5 years ago

@(A)autonomous Escapist:

Interesting; I didn’t know that.

About 30 years ago, there was a study of Catholic nuns, (I think only in the US), women who are celibate by definition. In a nutshell, the results showed they’re healthier and longer-lived than the rest of the population. Of course, I know correlation does not imply causation.

Gijoel
Gijoel
5 years ago

I would have replaced the word ‘women’ with man, and laugh as his face turned gammon.

sylvia bath
sylvia bath
5 years ago

This sounds crazy & fringe but this is almost exactly what my Trump-supporting mom told me the other day! She said that she questions whether I can truly be attracted to women because semen has health benefits and women are biologically programmed to crave it!

I also love this standard argument: if you like vaginal penetration, it’s not because it’s, y’know, an erogenous zone through which you can stimulate the clitoris, it’s because you’re longing for a dick specifically. Like, why do these guys assume that feels inherently better than a dick-shaped piece of plastic?

rv98
rv98
5 years ago

@Scanisaurus

They aren’t important, or at least have been deemed significant for far too long.

Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
5 years ago

Wasn’t “sex is necessary for clear skin” a line high-school guys were using in the 1950s?

Lyzz
Lyzz
5 years ago

There was a study of mice that single female mice lived longer. Sadly, I can’t find it. But I found this:
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/091201192105.htm

So maybe this whole biological sexual reproduction thing is just a dirty hack that we shouldn’t put too much weight on?

Bakunin
Bakunin
5 years ago

Wait, a subreddit filled with trans-accepting lesbians? I need to remember my reddit login info.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

But…but…skin care is all about cleansing and purifying, whereas incel logic says dicks forever contaminate women and turn them into washed up roasties. How many times have we heard them aver that sleeping around prematurely ages women?

They can’t seem to make up their minds whether PIV sex punishes women or redeems them.

Catalpa
Catalpa
5 years ago

Even if I assume that there is any merit to this pile of garbage, it still doesn’t make internally consistent sense.

For one thing, not all men have penises and not all penises are found on men. But leaving that aside…

If it’s the semen that’s the important bit, then this dude should clearly be warning all the people who use condoms that they’re being deprived of this necessary nutrient, and not merely focus on the lesbians. I imagine there are significantly more cishet women out there who are using condoms than there are lesbians who don’t have PIV sex at all, given the way that orientation statistically tends to skew. This guy has bigger fish to fry!

If it’s the penetration that’s the important bit, well, then there are literally thousands of facsimiles available that can do the job just as well.

As an asexual AFAB, I suppose I’m just shit outta luck in any case though.

TheKND
TheKND
5 years ago

@epitome of incomprehensibility

You have to have sex in the sun.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
5 years ago

@Moon Custafer: Heh. My dad got some poor, hapless girl pregnant in the late 1950s, and he tried to persuade her to continue having sex with him, because it would facilitate an easier childbirth.

Lunzie Mespil
Lunzie Mespil
5 years ago

They can’t seem to make up their minds whether PIV sex punishes women or redeems them.

PIV sex with them redeems a woman. PIV sex with a man who is not them punishes a woman and damages her beyond repair.

1 2 3