By David Futrelle
What better way to celebrate International Women’s Day than with a mansplaination of the menstrual cycle from a (presumably) young man on Tumblr who doesn’t seem to have ever seen a vagina in real life?
Although he assures us he has felt their pain.
Welllllllllllllll periods suck(trust me, I was emotionally close with a woman, in fact close enough to feel her goddamn periods. Fuck I fucking hated it, men, don’t get that attached. Be supportive, feed her ice cream and whatever else she asks for, but don’t get attached enough to feel them. It’s not worth it.
So far, so good: Don’t get yourself surgically attached to a woman so that you literally feel what she feels.
Anyway, I hate to be callous but that’s just your body telling you to hurry up and get pregnant.
Wait, what? Dude, cis girls typically get their first periods when they’re, like, 12, and can get them as young as 7 or 8. Their bodies aren’t telling them to “hurry up” and get pregnant.
Also, are you aware that pregnancy tends to be a lot more uncomfortable than having a period once a month? And that’s not even counting the nightmare that is childbirth. If pain and discomfort were a reliable guide to what your body does or does not “want,” wouldn’t the pain of pregnancy and childbirth be an indication that no one should ever have kids?
Of course birth control also makes them not as bad, depending on what kind.
Uh, some forms of birth control have an effect on, ah never mind. I doubt this guy could tell the difference between birth control and, oh, I don’t know, motor oil.
Of course you find out that there’s more kinds of birth control than there are types of oil, which is a pain.
WAIT WHAT
There are more period blood containment things(yes, tht includes tampons, pads, cups, etc.) than there are types of oil according to my dad who actually knows his shit about the oil,saying there’s like 4 types.(Yes, talking about motor oil here)
WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MOTOR OIL
WHERE AM I
WHAT IS GOING ON
So ladies, find what’s right for you. Ask a doctor. Test some different period things out. It’s for your own good
Definitely ask a doctor. Ask a friend. Ask Alexa. Ask random women on the street. Ask pretty much anyone but this dude. Or his dad, who will probably tell you to pour some Valvoline SynPower 0W-20 up in there, get everything running nice and smoothly.
In case you’re wondering, Mr. Motor Oil Menstruation Man doesn’t seem to be trolling, if his earnest responses to various, er, critics of his advice are any indication.
One anonymous commenter, for example, took offense at his notion that periods are basically just your body telling you to get pregnant.
Maybe don’t encourage minors to get pregnant cuz they have periods? Wtf is wrong with you I literally started my periods at like 11.
He responded:
Not encouraging it, I was half exhausted at the time but what I meant was it seems like your body is holding you hostage like, “hey bitch, I’mma do this again next month if you aren’t pregnant k bye” doesn’t it?
No, no it doesn’t, dude. Because in order to stave off your monthly periods you would have to remain more or less continuously pregnant or lactating from your first period until … menopause, which tends to hit around age 50. Unless you die before then from HAVING TWENTY BABIES.
Dudes, at least spend a minute or two thinking these things through before exposing your ass on the internet.
And please don’t ever offer your thoughts on the correct usage of “vagina” vs “vulva,” because we’ve already been through that. Twice.
H/T — This post has been making the rounds on Tumblr. I ran across it thanks to @babypizzagaga on Twitter, who is funny, and quite expert at finding this sort of thing, and who also has a very nice cat.
@ Weatherwax,
I. Want. This. On. A. Tshirt.
Also, is your ‘nym a Discworld reference? If so, I feel like your comment is VERY MUCH something Granny Weatherwax would say!
OT
@Bookworm in Hijab
I just wanted to say that I love your avatar a lot. The kitty reminds me a lot of some old timey pictures of Eastern European women in their headscarves so I’ve come to think of it as “the Babushka kitty”. ^_^ I hope that you and all other Mammotheers have a very lovely weekend, what there is left of it. 🙂
@Monzach
That’s what it reminds me of, too! ?
@Dalillama
It’s a movie, but a character menstruating is a minor plot point in Pitch Black.
That is the only one I can think of tho.
I have just gone on depo, which I think will be a massive relief from dysphoria for me. I did not know you could stop periods all together. My worse problem with PMT is that it makes me violent and triggers my PTSD from being abused as a child, and every month I seem to get drunk and sick a couple of days before which is bad but a pattern I’d fallen in to. I hope this stops it happenning.
@Bookworm in hijab
Why, thank you! And yes, it is. Esme is my hero. I’m seriously considering a tattoo of one of her quotes (well, a snippet; my favourite speech is way too long).
@Vigin Mary
That sounds awful. Internet hugs as required. I hope depo does everything you need it to.
@Weatherwax:
Ooh, which one? Is it the “That’s where it begins, seeing people as things” one? Because it’s one of my favourites.
Just popping back in to join in the Granny Weatherwax love. Whenever my FB group has ‘name your top 5 favourite DW people’, she’s always there, jostling with Death and Vimes for top place 🙂
@Mish @Penny
That’s a good one, but somehow the following really speaks to me:
From Lords & Ladies. I’m not sure I have enough skin (or pain tolerance) for all of that. I think “What don’t change can’t learn” might have to stand in as an executive summary.
@Dalillama:
Does ILU-486 count as a counter-example?
Come for the mockery, stay for the Discworld references. Other than Discworld specific groups, this is the only place people understand the references in general conversation.
That “it starts with treating people like things” quote is one of the most important lessons STP ever taught me in his books.
@ Weatherwax
I love that quote too. Such poetry and power.
Granny Weatherwax is my hero. Her and Sybil Ramkin. Have any of you seen the cross-stitch kits Lindisfarne do? They’re the only company licensed to make Discworld cross-stitch kits and patterns, and the company is run by a lovely lady called Louise, I think. I have a list of five or six kits I want. One day.
Any, on to the OP: I got nothing.
Because I feel like it:
My period fluid container of choice was incontinence pads. Seriously heavy flow, clots and cramping that left me doubled up, gasping for air, followed by an hour on the loo. Almost twenty years I put up with that crap, then I got a decent GP who dealt with my mental health problems, sent me for autism assessment and put me on the progesterone only pill when my iron count kept dropping. I had basically been bleeding for 3 months continously but hadn’t told anyone because I was so embarrassed and too burnt out from my mental illnesses and autistic burnout to even think about telling her. Luckily my mum was with me, and told the doctor anyway. Yes, at 35 (I was 33 at the time) my mother still goes to the doctors with me. My GP is the best ever! No periods now for two years, still the odd bit of cramping but nothing major. I love not having periods.
I love not having periods, too. It rocks!
I went through perimenopause from 37 to 54, though, not much fun. By the time I hit 50, I was having two periods every three months; heavy ones with little or no warning. I had to leave work early one time because I bled through my work pants. It was like being 13 all over again, right down to tying my sweater around my waist to disguise it, which was a neat trick for big, fat ol’ me!
I always thought I’d be more like Nanny Ogg when I came into my crone years, but alas, no. I’m still more Nanny Ogg than Esme Weatherwax, though.
Don’t know how I changed my nym, either…
I’ll try to be as short and concise as possible at replying, though it may have created some misunderstandings in the first place.
@Bookworm in hijab
My apology, English is my second language and none of you knows me so my sarcasm didn’t translate as I would have liked. So it came out in a bad taste.
In the context of my proposed object lesson for the dickwads, my issue is that there is no surefire way for men to experience this type of shaming. Accidents with clothing don’t even start to get near that level while preserving the context.
If you are talking about spontaneous erections in children and during early puberty, I can only say that it is an excellent example of how social attitudes toward bodily functions differ based purely on sex.
@kupo
You should be aware that I’m unapologetically sadistic toward certain kinds of people, and that my “course” is not thought out to demonstrate what the menstruation is, nor even the most common experience. But to cause the worst possible, the most unpleasant experiences, the rarest and most extreme discomforts which can accompany menstruation, or their approximations from the physiological, psychological and societal perspective based on what men’s body can experience.
@IgnoreSandra
Can we agree not to open that can of worms for now? I think that you just implied that I’m a misogynist, and it would probably create more misunderstandings if we would move into the intersectional frame of question. I hold some unorthodox opinions and in this atmosphere of misunderstanding, they could be taken as wronger than they potentially are. The OP, something-something-dragon, framed the question relating cis women, so let’s stick to just bashing him in that frame.
Just for a bit of clarification, I’m a white hetero cis man and because people who perpetuate and benefit from various oppressions based on identity have a tendency to value opinions only of people who look like me I feel an ethical obligation to be adamantly and very forcefully against homophobia, misogyny and transphobia. I’m well aware that because of the feeling of obligation some of my opinions are misguided or misinformed, but I believe that they are not malicious. Actually, I’m lying, half of them are very malicious toward homophobes, transphobes, xenophobes and similar miscreants, but I blame it on the toxic masculinity and being raised with the attitude that a proper way to prove your argument is by kicking the living daylight out of idiot who disagrees with you.
Off topic, can someone give me a hint on how to permanently register? I’m annoyed about having to type my name and email every time I wish to comment, especially on my phone.
Then you need to abide by the comments policy.
your intentions might be good, but that doesn’t mean your missteps aren’t harmful. Just sit back and listen for a bit instead of getting defensive.
Have to agree with kupo here, @Hetneo. Your comment sparked sone really good discussion, i think, and it would probably be good to re-evaluate your comment based on that.
I don’t think your were/are being malicious, you just thought you wrote something clever and supportive and are a bit confused that it wasn’t understood in the way you intended.
Sometimes we say things that reveal biases/beliefs/thoughts that we either didn’t know we had or haven’t thought through. People explaining why X might be harmful in a personalised way is a *gift*.
*Shrug*
About filling in your ‘nym every time – i have had to do this for years. My tablet remembers the settings, sometimes. Sorry, i don’t know a trick!
@Moggie
Only marginally, (a single short story is a drop in Lake Superior compared to two decades of published scifi) but this sort of thing is why I qualify statements like that. A more specific qualification would be that it’s assumed in basically all scifi this century that isn’t specifically a polemic about reproductive freedom and/or bodily autonomy (on either side, I’ve no doubt there’s forced-birther scifi produced by Puppies types, but I can’t be having with that crap).
@Hetneo, thanks; I am sure you had good intentions. While not magic, in my books that does count for something. And OT just out of curiosity, what’s your first language?
@kupo and @Rhuu
What are you two talking about?
@Bookworm in hijab
Serbian, and I swype to make things worse. Hence why my articles are kind of all over the place and my English is more resembling the British variant. And at the moment I feel autowrecked into having to explain that I actually do not know anything about the science of measurement or the 13th-century system of rhythmic in music.
@Nanny Oggs Bosom, Weatherwax, Penny,
My son (who’s 16) and I were watching Stranger Things 2 last night; there was a scene where Hopper was trying to justify being late (yet again) to Eleven/Jane.
Jude and I shook our heads, and said in unison, “Sam Vimes would never be late.”
Mention of Granny, and Nanny Oggs, and Sybil, has got me thinking all over again how many characters I love from DW – and it’s almost the anniversary of Sir Pterry’s passing. For some reason, out of all the excellent artwork on the topic, this particular picture breaks my heart:
http://i67.tinypic.com/2cqf9sk_th.jpg
I re-read both replies and I’m not seeing what’s unclear. Can you tell us which part you need more explanation on?
Unless it’s the part where I asked you to follow the comments policy? There’s a no violence policy in effect; that’s what I’m referring to there.
But if you’re asking what we’re talking about regarding intent I need some details on which part wasn’t clear.
@Quack Quack
No. I don’t get to stop being transgender, so you do not ever get to say not to think about things as a trans person.
Let me tell you a story. Last week my friends and I were playing DnD. They were negotiating for help from an NPC, an NPC who had a bit of a crush on the party paladin. I got my wires crossed from the demoness who was exploiting them and this NPC, so I wound up saying “I’ll help if you sleep with me”. We just moved on from it in the moment but later I was thinking about it and I just reversed the genders in my head as a thought experiment and realized how incredibly uncomfortable I was when the NPC was a man and the paladin a woman.
So I talked to my friends and we agreed to do the interaction over again. We all have shit going on in our heads and baggage we need to deal with. I was pretty gross in that moment, but what matters is going forward and trying again.
This is not an “atmosphere of misunderstanding”. This is a space where words have meaning and accountability is not merely an expectation, but a requirement. Also, that is such a mealy-mouthed way of weaseling out of saying anything definite.
Nope. I approach this issue in the context of my own stuff.
You may as well just say “I’m totally a good person, how dare you object to a thing I said”. There. Saved us all some time.
Intent matters a whole lot less than impact.
That’s totally not a scary thing to say at all.
in case no one mentioned it, “people with uteruses typically get their periods”, not “cis girls”, please & thanks!
@Hetneo
I think you should apologize for saying that menstruation is “nature’s way to tell you it really really sucks to be [a] woman”, as:
1) It implies that being a woman invariably “really really sucks”, which sounds misogynistic
2) By making an appeal to “nature”, it seems to imply that a woman’s body is made defective, which is again a misogynistic statement (point first made by @Bookworm in hijab)
3) It implies that in order to “be a woman”, one must menstruate, which can be taken to be a transphobic statement (side note: transphobic statements are against the comments policy) (point first made by @dust bunny, and also by @IgnoreSandra; see also follow-up by @Alice the Otter)
4) By focusing on menstruation as the reason why it “really really sucks” to be a woman, the statement seems to imply that the systemic problems caused by patriarchy pale in comparison. Which is… not true. (point first made by @Weatherwax, seconded by @Bookworm in hijab)
You’ll note that I’m using the word “imply” a lot. Even if it wasn’t your intention, your statements are problematic because of their (unexamined?) implications. (point made first by @kupo and @Rhuu)
Also, while you are free to want to kick the shit out of everyone whom you don’t agree with, saying or advocating for such is against the comments policy. (To say nothing of actually acting on it…)
(Hat tip to everyone whose arguments I’m summarizing in this comment.)
@Ariblester
Welcome to the party latecomer, hope you enjoy your stay.
Tell me, how many times? How many times do I need to apologize, how many times do I need to admit that I have made an error, how many times do I need to show that I understand how I made that error before you accept it as the willingness to correct it? Do I need to send you the draft of apology for copy-editing? Do I need to send it to all commenters here? Will my apology be accepted by acclamation, a simple majority, 2/3 majority, or all members have veto power and I’m doomed if just one commenter objects?
Feel free to pile yourself on someone else. You have just barged into the middle of a conversation, either being too lazy or just not giving a flying to read what was said before, and thus in very bad faith. I’m too irked to care about being polite. So if you do mind being slammed with a stray insult, do stay out of this.
@IgnoreSandra
That story is an actually good teachable moment. Shame that you are unwilling to extend the same privilege to me, or to actually learn the lessons from it. But then I’m not part of your in-group, I’m not FRPing with you, so I do not count.
Really? “@Quack Quack”?! You are really going to go that much dehumanizing at me? You know what? Fuck it. When a person tells you that she’s aware of her flaws and acknowledges to having flaws of which she’s not yet aware the very last thing she would expect is to be welcomed on the sole. If you are going at me with such low bullshit, I can only tell you that that is not a kind of discussion I will be dragged into.
@kupo
No, actually I do not give a fuck what you are talking about, because neither do you give a fuck about the essence, just about ever-shifting form. Just wanted to see how will your argument shift. Will it be toward further clarification or it will include the obfuscatory addendum. This actually applies to @IgnoreSandra. Are you aware that you are gaslighting me? Are you aware that your comments are only peripherally related to what I wrote? Are you aware that your argument morphed from “you are stupid, you do not know your 8th-grade elementary school biology” to “you are a bad person because you admit that you are aware that you will be making missteps out of presumptuous convictions of good intentions and that you will be open to pointing out the errors”. I’m not going to be pointing out the whole genesis, and how you quote mined my comments, frankly it serves you to the honour, not me.
Bottom line is I appreciate the existence of this blog, and I think that I have found a group of like-minded people. And few possessive territorial, very much acting as arses, people will not chase me off. You have two options. To either ignore me or to show some humility when someone admits you their errors with a request that future errors be pointed out without being too judgemental, and tries to humbly show you the willingness to correct them. I have no desire to be explaining myself about this. Playing this silly game has to stop right now.
?????
Also, if you re-read your apology, you only apologised for any misunderstandings that occured because your first language isn’t english.
You haven’t gone “Oh, whoops, didn’t think of that, my bad” or anything, which is why *your apology wasn’t noticed*.
This interaction is following a well worn path, one that I’m half-way sure will wind up with you going “IF YOU WANTED ME TO BE YOUR ALLY, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN NICER!!!!”
We are being nice. We’re trying to help you see where what you said =/= what you thought you were saying.
You have said that you are a cis man, and are trying to use those privileges to help fight against people who will only listen to those with those same privileges.
That’s great!
But don’t talk over people who *don’t* have those privileges.
(Which is what you are currently doing.)
So. You have a choice to make now. You can continue to be upset that people are interacting with you, *based on what you wrote*, or you can accept that this time you have put your foot in it, say you’ll think about what has been said, and we all move on. *shrug*