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By David Futrelle
A billionaire diamond trader has reportedly died of a heart attack during penis enlargement surgery at a Paris clinic. 65-year-old Ehud Arye Laniado apparently gave up the ghost after an unknown substance was injected into his dick, which would probably be my reaction, too.
According to The Sun — the go-to source for billionaire penis enhancement mishap news — the billionaire
suffered from a so-called Napoleon complex due his short stature.
An old friend of Laniado … said that [he] was “always focused on his appearance and how others perceived him.”
According to Laniado’s friends, the only time he forgot about his short height was when he asked his accountant to read out his bank statement, something which he did multiple times a day, it was reported.
Poor fella.
No one, it seems, is taking the news of Laniado’s death harder than the incels — who have naturally made it all about themselves.
On the Incels.is forums, one prolific commenter called ShrodingersDick declares that
No amount of money can make up for dickletism + manletism combo.. that’s a deadly combo right there
Meanwhile, a commenter called Looksmaxxcel laments that
If you fall short on height and looks, no matter how hard you bust your ass to accomplish something, it will always amount to nothing if you are undesirable to women.
This article alone should shut down the … bullshit that we aren’t trying hard enough.
Of course, as the incels see it, some hypothetical woman has got to be to blame for Laniado’s undignified demise. “You just know this was caused when some model laughed at his dick,” declares an extremely prolific Incels.is commenter called NEETandTidy.
NoMoreSlaving — the very same fellow whose thoughts on underwear and penis size I discussed the other day — is blaming a different hypothetical woman, claiming that Laniado “[p]robably was operated on by some diversity quota french slut.”
While the commenters on Incels.is all feel sorry for themselves, not all of them feel bad about Laniado’s death.
Upon learning that the billionaire was Jewish, one commenter declared “good riddance,” and other commenters quickly chimed in to agree. Indeed, one commenter has apparently convinced himself that the billionaire, sneaky Jew that he was, probably faked his own death, presumably for some sneaky Jew reason.
“(((Billionaires))) fake their deaths all the time,” he asserts.
And this story is a cheap manipulation which will unfortunately work on the soyim: “But why would he fake his death IN THIS WAY? Exposing to the public that he has a micropeen? Huehuehue. No way.”
Over on the Braincels subreddit — Reddit’s main incel forum — the regulars have managed to avoid anti-Semitic outbursts so far, and are concentrating instead on the alleged injustice of it all.
“Imagine working all your life to become a billionaire and owner of an internationally successful company just to die during a penis enlargement surgery,” writes one commenter.
“Jesus christ I wanna die,” adds another.
Somehow wahmen are more objectifeid yet billionare male gets their genitals ruined for womens sake.
Other incel Redditors, meanwhile, are sharing the results of their own research into penis enlargement. And at least one of them is undaunted by the news of Laniado’s demise.
“For girth you literally inject plexiglass (PMMA) into your dick.” writes someone called -dot. “I will probably have it done next year.”
Uh, I would suggest that maybe you don’t do that? Because whatever it is that’s causing women to not want to date you, I’m pretty sure that approximately zero percent of it has to do with what’s in your pants, and that nearly 100 percent of it has to do with all the incel bullshit in your head. But best of luck, I guess?
In the future capitalistic paradise, rich people don’t have to fake their death for tax reasons, because technology allows them to be genuinely dead for a set period.
(hat tip to Douglas Adams)
Whoohoo, another Adams reference in just a few short days 🙂
I don’t know if Hotblack Desiato has a small penis, but he does compensate a lot. Mostly for planets destroyed by the sound system in Disaster Area concerts.
one of my many favourite scenes:
Google says that multiple news sources are covering it, so I suspect that the facts are at least broadly accurate. There’s no question that the late Mr Laniado was real – and since his vast wealth seems to have been equally genuine, it would be pretty reckless of a paper to publish something untrue of that nature, especially in the UK given British libel laws.
In fact, The Sun found this out the hard way thirty years or so ago when they were running a whole series of stories about Elton John’s alleged fondness for rent boys. Elton sued over every one, but admitted privately that he wasn’t 100% certain that the court would take his side… until The Sun obligingly ran a story about him being guarded by “silent assassins” in the form of guard dogs that had had their vocal cords deliberately severed. This was so totally and indefensibly untrue that Elton withdrew all his previous writs and sued over just that story – whereupon the paper famously threw in the towel and agreed a then record £1 million out of court settlement accompanied by a grovelling front-page apology (“SORRY ELTON” in huge block caps).
@Mish
So that’s what (who) I keep bumping into. Some of them are quite solid. Ouch.
I’m not going to say you’re lying. You’re mistaken. You’re five feet ten or so and he’s around six feet. Have your height checked at a doctor’s office — you’ll see I’m right.
@Mish
Ahh, back in the old days, before the international incel standards organisation raised the minimum height for manhood to 6ft.
OOh boy, I’m definitely enjoy all the “small dick” articles lately because it’s nice to be able to talk about your area of expertise.
Once again, it’s great to see all the incels focus on the truly important matter of men’s mental health concerning body self image and the ways that men actually perpetuate these harmful ideals…
Oh wait, no. It is the women that are the problem. Carry on doing the Lord’s work guys.
Happy International Women’s Day, all!
Short men get no play? Maybe the incels should take a word of advice from Pablo Picasso, by way of the Burning Sensations:
@Manlet Omlette
We’re making fun of the incels mostly and your ‘nym is riffing on height insecurities, so…
@Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy:
I’d forgotten about that scene. Thanks for the reminder! I had my copy of that book confiscated in the eighth grade.
@Wetherby
I wonder if that’s where the robot guard dogs in Kingsman 2 came from?
Didn’t some incels recently insist that the average height for men was six foot four?
What with their equally peculiar notions about average penis size, might it be the case that they’ve simply adopted their own highly individual measuring system as part of a secret code known only to incels? And has anyone devised a real-world conversion chart?
@Dormousing_it, Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy:
Fun fact (which most of you probably already knew) – Adams named Hotblack Desiato after a real-estate agency in his neighbourhood. The agency is still around and really tired of having to having to explain yet again that they didn’t name themselves after a Douglas Adams character, it’s the other way around…
Ah yes, International Women’s Day. A good day to take a look at Richard Herring’s twitter.
http://media1.tenor.com/images/79512298c35eebcfa7aa4cda10dbe65b/tenor.gif
…no, seriously, how do I reach them? They reject any and all evidence to the contrary that
– no, short/fat/’ethnic’/religious/nerdy/slender-wristed men are not unquestionably doomed to celibacy
– no, women do not universally prefer men with longer penises
– no, there is no “gynocracy” trying to disenfranchise men using rape accusations, or trying to feminise men by introducing soy products into the food supply, or waging psychological warfare on them by producing more films about female superheroes
– or any of the other overblown things regularly chronicled on this blog
(Do note here that by “men”, you’re actually mostly referring to cishet men. So I’ll be doing the same, for ease of understanding. Just know that this is, literally, not all men.)
Who exactly are these men getting these messages from? From the “SJWs”? From actual women they interact with on a daily basis?
No! They’re getting them from other men, the bucket of crabs that is the manosphere. Constantly punching down, parochial in mindset to a ludicrous degree, fueled and self-sustained by self-loathing.
(Now pause to consider; why is it that manospherians tend to disbelieve the words of people who are not cishet men? ? What if I told you, we live in a society?)
Well, if it is cishet men that these cishet men listen to, then I guess it is cishet men that have to be the messenger. Not just sometimes, all the time. Not just reactively, but proactively. Not here, where they do not deign to tread, but there, in the midst of them. Are you ready to do that, my fellow man?
I remember a boy from my highschool class. I’ll call him….Brendon. Well Brendon was the shortest guy in our class next to the kid that had Achondroplasia and the kid permently wheel chair bound. It was a very small school, bound together with other small schools when it came to things like drivers edd. I remember being in drivers ed in the summer and them talking about how kids shorter then 4’9 need to be in a car or booster seat when riding in a vhecile.
Everyone looked at Brendon who stood up knowing a lot of people knew him and said “alright, lets just get it out there, we all know I should have been in a booster seat till last year, can we all move past it” this was age 14, he was barely 4’11 at that point. Here is the thing though, Brendon always had a girlfriend from the years that I knew him and it was also one of the more tall girls from our classes. See if he had an issue with his height he didn’t show it. A lot of guys had a hang up about dating a girl taller then he was or at the same height, but not Brendon, and tall girls really liked that. Brendon was also very athletic and a kind person so that helped to. He was easy to talk and considerate towards others. By the time we graduated he was only about 2 inches taller then I am so around 5’4, Yet I remember him always having a date and being very popular with the ladies. It really isn’t height.
Moral of the story if your given the short end of the gene pool just don’t be bitter about it and you’ll be far more likeable.
@kupo I think it’s appropriation of the let suffix from words like chicklet and piglet, aiming to describe their height and penises as child sized.
@ariblester This! This is why I talk about my shit. Why I talk about how toxic masculinity is horrible and how men and societal norms have influenced my shitty body image.
It sucks and only other men can influence these horrible incels and MRA’s and such. Unfortunately most of them are too far brainwashed to be convinced of anything.
@Kupo
Am I being called out for hypocrisy? Lol, yeah I get that this thread is mostly making fun of incels which is fine, I’m just adding my two cents from the few comments here and on social media which is more like “lol small dick billionaire died”. I’m criticising the incels inability to actually examine why this happens and help men, and the general apathy towards helping dismantle those toxic body standards in men. Some folks seem to be under the impression that I’m somehow giving the incels some positive comments, when I’m just saying this is another case of incels identifying a problem (in this case negative male body image) and trying to solve it in a toxic way i.e. blaming women and jewish people.
Also I like the name “Manlet Omlette”, since I am a manlet (ironic title I assure you) and I enjoy omlettes and saying the two words together, there really wasn’t any thought behind that name beyond that I apologise for having caused offense.
Warwick Davis is pretty much the epitome of the word “likeable”, and he’s been happily married for nigh on three decades. And he’s three foot six.
@Ariblester
Well I’m not a cishet man so that’s probably not going to work out for me very well (as a afab non-binary person who is transmasculine I can only reach so far), although I do try with cis men het or otherwise in my day-to-day. I’d say with mixed progress for 2 main reasons. The status quo is very strong and incel and incel like forums are keyed towards drawing vulnerable people into their bullshit cycle.
And there’s really no equivilent sized support to get men like that away from or out of the bullshit cycle. There were a few who were just asshats but I’m talking about the potentially reachable men.
Even supposedly real men’s mental health charities like CALM have MRAs crawling all over them, and I’m not being mean CALM have hosted screenings of that godawful men’s rights documentary that was covered here not so long ago.
But yes, I agree that the only way to make any progress is to get people who can reach these incel orientated folks out of these threads and actually tackling the problem. It’s gonna be a huge and strategic undertaking to stop people getting sucked into the misogyny vortex, but weirder things have happened.
If anybody has ideas on how to help achieve this, please help us out.
OT – today is my birthday, and I have long been pleased that I share it with International Women’s Day. Of all the days I *could* share it with, I’m glad it’s this one.
Regarding the height issue, I’m 5’7″ and have been happily married for twenty four years. My husband’s 6’1″. It makes me realize that I never thought of myself as short; I just thought I was exactly the right height for me.