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By David Futrelle
A billionaire diamond trader has reportedly died of a heart attack during penis enlargement surgery at a Paris clinic. 65-year-old Ehud Arye Laniado apparently gave up the ghost after an unknown substance was injected into his dick, which would probably be my reaction, too.
According to The Sun — the go-to source for billionaire penis enhancement mishap news — the billionaire
suffered from a so-called Napoleon complex due his short stature.
An old friend of Laniado … said that [he] was “always focused on his appearance and how others perceived him.”
According to Laniado’s friends, the only time he forgot about his short height was when he asked his accountant to read out his bank statement, something which he did multiple times a day, it was reported.
Poor fella.
No one, it seems, is taking the news of Laniado’s death harder than the incels — who have naturally made it all about themselves.
On the Incels.is forums, one prolific commenter called ShrodingersDick declares that
No amount of money can make up for dickletism + manletism combo.. that’s a deadly combo right there
Meanwhile, a commenter called Looksmaxxcel laments that
If you fall short on height and looks, no matter how hard you bust your ass to accomplish something, it will always amount to nothing if you are undesirable to women.
This article alone should shut down the … bullshit that we aren’t trying hard enough.
Of course, as the incels see it, some hypothetical woman has got to be to blame for Laniado’s undignified demise. “You just know this was caused when some model laughed at his dick,” declares an extremely prolific Incels.is commenter called NEETandTidy.
NoMoreSlaving — the very same fellow whose thoughts on underwear and penis size I discussed the other day — is blaming a different hypothetical woman, claiming that Laniado “[p]robably was operated on by some diversity quota french slut.”
While the commenters on Incels.is all feel sorry for themselves, not all of them feel bad about Laniado’s death.
Upon learning that the billionaire was Jewish, one commenter declared “good riddance,” and other commenters quickly chimed in to agree. Indeed, one commenter has apparently convinced himself that the billionaire, sneaky Jew that he was, probably faked his own death, presumably for some sneaky Jew reason.
“(((Billionaires))) fake their deaths all the time,” he asserts.
And this story is a cheap manipulation which will unfortunately work on the soyim: “But why would he fake his death IN THIS WAY? Exposing to the public that he has a micropeen? Huehuehue. No way.”
Over on the Braincels subreddit — Reddit’s main incel forum — the regulars have managed to avoid anti-Semitic outbursts so far, and are concentrating instead on the alleged injustice of it all.
“Imagine working all your life to become a billionaire and owner of an internationally successful company just to die during a penis enlargement surgery,” writes one commenter.
“Jesus christ I wanna die,” adds another.
Somehow wahmen are more objectifeid yet billionare male gets their genitals ruined for womens sake.
Other incel Redditors, meanwhile, are sharing the results of their own research into penis enlargement. And at least one of them is undaunted by the news of Laniado’s demise.
“For girth you literally inject plexiglass (PMMA) into your dick.” writes someone called -dot. “I will probably have it done next year.”
Uh, I would suggest that maybe you don’t do that? Because whatever it is that’s causing women to not want to date you, I’m pretty sure that approximately zero percent of it has to do with what’s in your pants, and that nearly 100 percent of it has to do with all the incel bullshit in your head. But best of luck, I guess?
Ok, I can gather from context what “dickletism” is, but what is “manletism” then? Height? Manliness?
Alao, I assume it’s pronounced dick-leet-ism, but the way he’s spelling it it looks more like dickle-tism (rhymes with pickle-tism).
Yeah, manlet is incel for short guys.
“Soyim”? Really?
I mean, yes, yes, I get it. But seriously? Soyim?
Kinda amazing that I, an entire autistic Harlan-Ellison-sized trans dude thousandaire, have more action in my life than I can figure out how to schedule lately… Personally I think it’s the magic of “treating people decently” and “maintaining personal hygiene”, but what the hell would I know?
@RabidRabbit:
“It’s two! Two! Two slurs in one!”
About the story. It’s one of those things where someone dies, but in a ridiculous way, so you feel guilty even as you laugh. However, the underlying tragedy here is that although this man was rich and powerful, he could never accept himself as he was.
What is it with the super rich super elites and extremist ideology. Like, really? Reading out his bank statement? Out loud? Fucking gods, the rich really are godsdamn supervillains.
Maybe jack boy was onto something. Maybe comics are bad, because they indoctrinated everyone into believing nobody in the real world could possibly be that cartoonishly evil and juvenile.
@rabidrabbit & personalpest:
I twigged to the same thing. I’ve literally never heard that before, and I find myself wondering, “why?”
i mean, if you’re trying to demonize Jews, why are you using a wanna-be-slur for non-Jews?
I’m completely, b’whuh’ed.
soyim
i.e. the leftish sheep who are pacified with feminizing soystrogen by cabals of globalists. Unable to think clearly because of all that girlie stuff in their diet. Gives you the ladybrain, dontchakno.
It’s all so gross.
Oh! It makes sense now.
@Crip Dyke
Well, see, you have to parse the whole statement.
So (((((DA JOOZ))))))) are trying to manipulate the goyim. But we the brilliant alt-righters know it will only work on certain goyim — the soyboys. So by using “soyim” you get to prove you understand that you’re not being taken in by the (((((DEMONJOOZ)))), only the soyboys are, and the ((((PTERODACTYLNOSEJOOOOZ))))* shouldn’t call them goyim, but soyim, because they’re not taking in all the goyim. And meanwhile, we brilliant-alt-righters get to insult both the ((((UNAMERICANCAUSETHEYWONTEATBACONJOOOOOOOOZZZZZ))) and the soyboy cucks at once.
*I have no idea where that came from.
I think out of all the different things on this blog Incels make my blood boil the most. The close second is Peterson and his Lobster boy stans. But incels do it the most.
What puzzles me is how some people (not meaning David or mammotheers here) take anything The Sun reports at face value. That rag, if it said that the sky is blue, I would check out several times before believing it.
It appeared in The Metro too, take that as you will.
I think that the best thing to come out of this is @Rabid Rabbit’s (acccidental?) discovery that overly long words actually extend off the side of the comment box like
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I like the way “the truth” of the matter instantly changed from “poor victim killed by incompetent woman doctor who should be in the kitchen” to “evil man fakes his own death, but good riddance anyway” the moment they’ve heard he was Jewish…
Re manlet: a little while back on Twitter, a bunch of incels were claiming that any man under 5″6 was literally invisible to women (I screenshotted this incredible thread but it’s on my phone and I’m currently on the laptop, so you’ll have to take my catlady word for it).
Now they did have a number of guys coming in and saying “hey, I’m short and I have a girlfriend/wife/FwB etc” but every one was accused of outright lying. It was yet more evidence of how much incels need to believe that their lives are awful and utterly beyond their control – because otherwise, they might need to change.
FWIW my partner’s not much taller than me, and I’m 5 feet nothing (150ish centimetres for us metric peeps). Obviously I’m lying about this, or he doesn’t exist, or something. Also ‘manlet’ makes me think of tiny little men, like Lilliputians.
They say death can’t be funny, but frankly I think this is kinda funny. I guess that makes me something.
@Rabid Rabbit:
Y’know, I think I almost get what they were thinking, now that you’ve described it that way. This is the kind of thing I can’t take to my rabbi & ask without being mortified (plus who knows if she’d understand it either), so I’m glad you’ve got them reasonably-well figured out.
@Crip Dyke:
I am torn between being complimented and feeling like I need to go have a shower with steel wool.
@Ariblester:
Actually, until you mentioned it just now, I hadn’t even discovered it. I’m on a laptop with the browser on full screen, so the overly long words just skip down a line. I tried halving my browser width and, what do you know, words do indeed extend into infinity. I bet it’s a plot by the (((((JJJJJJJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ)))))))))!!!!!!!
?
I’m browsing on a phone, so even in landscape mode the width was apparently not enough to prevent the words from getting cut off (because the sidebar also takes up space on the right).
EDIT: And they even extend outside the boundaries of the block quote box!
Ok, who out there is telling incels that they aren’t trying hard enough? ‘Fess up. Them trying harder is the last thing we need.
On the chance any small penis having incels are hate reading these comments, hey kids. You don’t need a penis at all for get-busy time, and if you are able to overcome your twisted mental state long enough to get close to an intimate partner, they’ll do things with you. You will get off, if you’re open to it.
And for short men, you know you have an advantage over tall men, in this world of sexual violence and creepery? You can more easily come off as non-threatening. Like the Coreys back in the 80s. Just chill your shit out and get pleasant. Learn how to tell a joke that doesn’t include slurs. I have met short men that got hella attention from ladies like that.
Some ladies and gents prefer partners with big ‘uns, but we aren’t all size queens. I don’t try to play sportsball and you don’t have to play dingus measuring contests if you don’t want to.
(apologies to anyone who already said this, didn’t have time to read all comments)
@Great American Satan:
DON’T TELL THEM THAT!!! They’ll figure out it makes it easier for them to creep on women.
Oh, wait, they’re incels. Probably wouldn’t be able to disguise the creepiness anyway.
Carry on.
I do agree that while the subject is dick related death (one of the most sadly funny deaths next to poo related death and bum related deaths) we probably shouldn’t be laughing at it.
The guy clearly had some serious body image issues that led to him having a really invasive and unnecessary procedure that killed him. While he and everyone else is free to do what they want with their own bodies, it would have been better if he recieved some kind of body positive intervention so he could at least not value his entire self worth on how he looked.
The temptation because of who he was is to point and laugh, but in doing so aren’t we playing into the same garbage body standards that drives all genders into self destructive behaviour like this?
I don’t expect incels to address this, as you can see from their comments they are only concerned with blaming women, blaming jews, or feeling sorry for themselves with no intention of destroying these toxic body standards or helping men with self worth issues.
However, I do think people outside those groups need to recognise that there’s a really sad story behind the headline and we need to help men going through these emotions instead of just ignoring it or laughing at it.
@Rabid Rabbit:
I heard it in my head in the style of Sailor J’s famous YouTube video on how to apply contouring, pterodactyl noises and all ?