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By David Futrelle
In case you missed this horror when it appeared on Reddit last week, here’s an ingenious “solution” for incels oppressed by having non-porn-star sized penises.
Any by “ingenious” I mean “so utterly repulsive it may destroy your last remaining shred of hope for humanity.”
In a post on the Incels.is forums with the seemingly innocuous title “Dick Quotas,” a dude calling himself Mainländer announced what he called “a genius idea to make society and the sexual market fairer.”
Prepare yourself.
We all know being a dicklet sucks and foids will ridicule you for it, and most men want to fuck JBs [jailbaits], so why don’t we make the AoC [Age of Consent] dependent on the guy’s dick size?
[inwardly screaming]
If your cock is 3 inches or less, the AoC is 12 for you.
If your cock is between 3 and 4 inches, the AoC is 13 for you.
If your cock is between 4 and 5 inches, the AoC is 14 for you.
If your cock is between 5 and 6 inches, the AoC is 15 for you.
If your cock is between 6 and 7 inches, the AoC is 16 for you.
If your cock is between 7 and 8 inches, the AoC is 17 for you.
If your cock is 8 inches or more, the AoC is 18 for you.
In addition to everything else that’s fucked-up about this tweet — underage girls aren’t prizes to be given out to men to compensate them for their alleged penile shortcomings — it’s based on a bizarrely pornified notion of what counts as a small dick. The average penis size is between 5 and 6 inches, and most cis men have penises somewhere in or near that range. Only a tiny percentage of men dicks that are 8 inches long or larger. And most women don’t give a shit about dick size. This is just an excuse for Mainländer to fantasize about underage girls.
Everyone wins.
Yeah, everyone except the UNDERAGE GIRLS YOU’LL BE RAPING.
In case you’re wondering, Mainländer isn’t some teenager or drive-by troll. He’s posted more than 14,000 comments on Incels.is, and describes himself as being older than 30. (One commenter in the thread refers to him as a man in his 50s.)
No jokes this time. It really seems like this open pedo shit is becoming more common on Incels.is, with an increasing number of incels convinced not only that they’re oppressed by adult women refusing to have sex with them but also because they can’t have sex with underage girls.
Incel forums are toxic in pretty much every way it’s possible to be toxic. These guys aren’t venting. They aren’t providing support for one another. They’re turning themselves and each other into even worse human beings every day they spend on forums like this. And making themselves ever more miserable and bitter in the process.
H/T — r/IncelTears
I had sex with a guy with a big dick once. It was awful. Condom kept pinging off.
Someone needs to sort these incels out.
If you die of toxic shock syndrome you won’t require additional tampons, making this the most effective way to reduce expenditure on tampons! Reminds me of that article about computers that learned how to cheat at games and tasks.
Wow, that tampon guy is a moron. Not just for the obvious reasons everyone else has mentioned, but because average is well…an average. And, imo, I think it’s low. But assuming it’s an actual average, that means there are women who don’t have anywhere near that much, and there are women who have way, way more. Like Diva cup claims the average period is 1 oz (which is a bit less than the 35 ml), the same size the cup holds. Meanwhile, some women are filling that thing every couple hours or less and would literally be having to change a tampon so often they aren’t worth bothering with.
Also, 9 periods a year???? I wish.
As for the actual post….I just can’t.
@epronovost and @wetherby
being a straight woman and kind of old and having fairly raunchy female friends, I can tell you that we have engaged in ‘dick size’ conversations. Occasionally about how too big is not good and really big is just not good AT ALL and how desperately sad that situation is. And how average is good and sometimes how a bit above average is really quite nice. Only rarely has anyone complained about too small penis size, but these weren’t average penis sizes but really, super small penises – so small that there were mechanical difficulties that could not be overcome by technique. I myself have never encountered such a penis-haver in such a situation.
But in general, most of my straight women friends have agreed that penis size is really quite incidental to one’s quality as a lover and entirely unrelated to one’s quality as a partner. My lesbian friends find them uninteresting or gross or occasionally an item of curiosity. I have never had a penis size convo with a gay male friend who was actually sexually active. But I would imagine that large penis size in that sphere is even more of an encumbrance. Dunno?
I have had penis size conversations with straight men. Some of them along the lines of Trumpian brags. One guy used ‘reverse psychology’ and claimed his small dick line was really effective when he was trying to pick up women, though he said he was probably just small side of average. I never put it to the test. Saddest and eventually most tiresome of all were ‘average’ dudes who were really hung up about their ‘small’ penis size.
Magistrate is looking more and more inviting.
And any puckercords who believe in and act on this nightmarish idea with either of my granddaughters will shortly (pun intended) find themselves having to use a microscope to find any shred of their nasty junk. Weaponizing sex by making it legal to rape children just so a “man,” and I use the term with great reservation, can get his useless rocks off is no way to find what he really wants.
Of course, finding what they really want and need would take time, deep analysis, and dedication. It would also require said “men” to stop blaming everyone else for their own unhappiness. Sadly, that seems to be more than many of them have the insight or patience for.
Is it my imagination that, as conditions for life on earth become more tenuous, more of these guys are showing up?
Ideas like his make me fear that the United States of Gilead may be closer than we think. Religious woman-hating control freaks like this have always been there to offer up women as the root cause of all THEIR evils and miseries, and absolute control of women as the only godly solution. Burn a woman and the world will be healed. And it is only the tiniest of steps to add gays, transexuals, bisexuals, artists and the intelligent and educated of all genders, colors and philosophies to the hate-fest and bonfire.
In my above post, magistrate was supposed to be Lysistrata, but my spell check had a stroke.
Sigh.
Lumipuna:
I’ve had this discussion with a few different guys who were complaining that women only go home with guys who have huge penises. Each time when I brought up that we mostly can’t tell someone’s size with their pants on, I was told something along the lines of “well, I can tell how big your boobs are, so I don’t believe you.”
It feels like some weird kind of projection to me.
This is of course stating what should be glaringly obvious, but unless he was sporting a visible boner at the time, this is impossible to tell. Flaccid penises vary dramatically in size, erect penises considerably less so, and I gather that it’s even harder to gauge their likely girth unless they’re erect.
And pretty much every woman I’ve ever discussed this with has confirmed that girth is where it really counts (one openly said that she’d much prefer four fat inches to eight thin ones), and that if they’re significantly longer than the five-to-six inch average there’s a real risk of hitting (and hurting) the cervix.
In any case, there’s loads you can do to satisfy your partner even if you’re one of the tiny percentage of men who really does have a noticeably smaller than average penis. I’m given to understand that a combo of two fingers massaging the G-spot while a thumb attends to the clitoris will significantly outweigh any kind of vaginal penetration by a comparatively blunt instrument like a penis when it comes to the woman’s sexual pleasure, and you don’t even need to have a penis at all to be able to facilitate this.
Samantha:
In fact, Lysistrata would’ve made a lot more sense if the women had simply sought divorce.
Yutolia:
Well, that’s an argument I didn’t expect.
@Meteor
I see some of you didn’t realize that there is a global penis size database we femoids can access. I even have the app on my phone. It notifies me of the penis size of every cis man within a hundred yard radius.
@Yutolia
I hear that making sense is completely passé these days.
I know, I was completely floored the first time I heard that. Not only does it not make sense in reality, but they also apparently don’t understand how breasts work.
The times after, it was like, OMG, I guess this is actually a thing… facepalm.
Is…the app available for us androids?
(In the light of general manospherian discourse, while it may not be healthy or make any sense, it should be perfectly plausible for a heterosexual man like me to purely non-sexually obsessed with other men’s penis sizes)
What? That can’t possibly be right. A leading cause of me going all Elizabeth Bathroy on my knickers is having the cup overflow and break the seal, which generally happens somewhere midway through the period if I forget to change things out for 8+ hours. There’s no way that covers even the majority of the flow.
Hmm, maybe I just have freakishly voluminous periods. I suppose it’s possible.
@TheKND
Welp, did not expect to see a F.A.T.A.L. reference here today…
@Talonknife
And I didn’t expect anyone to get it. Today has been worth it
Right, so I think we all need some Curious Zelda up in here:
Setting the awful part aside, this is just another example of why comprehensive sex ed is so freakin’ important. For all intents and purposes (setting aside some of the amateur stuff of real couples), porn is fantasy, so when the fantasy is “hot women enjoy larger and larger objects jackhammering them in every orifice”, without somebody equipped with knowledge and some authority coming along and saying “Yeah, no, that’s really not how that works….,” that’s what the porn viewing public (read: everybody) is going to internalize.
Actually, that gives me an idea. When Premier Crack Mayor’s Brother ran on rolling back the sex ed curriculum to 1998, everyone responded by citing all of the trends of the 90s to show how out of touch they were. Perhaps the better tack would be frame it in the porn trends of the era:
“We should bring our sexual education curriculum out of the frosted-tips Silvia Saint Vivid days and into pubic-hair comeback Riley Reid Digital Playground days! I mean, come on people, get with the times! People have Pornhub now!”
The most disturbing part of this is that the girls aren’t also being matched based on their equipment size….which, while still being incredibly disgusting, at least would make a tiny bit of sense. No, they’re being reverse-matched by SMV to compensate for the man’s underendowment, in an attempt to keep total SMV mathematically constant for each couple. In this ranking system, 12 year olds offer the highest reward and the most social validation (from other creeps, of course, not from society in general).
I don’t understand why incels (Jordan Peterson included) keep insisting so hard on equality of sexual outcome for every single straight man on the planet. Apparently this is the hill they’ve decided to not get laid on.
I laughed, then pondered the implication that not getting laid is a fate comparable to or worse than death. Which, I mean, to them it is, but…yikes.
Poe’s law strike again!
No srsly, obvious TROLL is obvious. Nothing to see here folks….move along.
Warning: TMI ahead
rubiyogi said
I have and I would have taken him over a too-well endowed dude EVERY day of the week!! I won’t get *too* into TMI* here, but he was willing to get me off several times and it was the best fellatio ever for me (no gagging!)
The guy was very good-looking, very respectful, and genuinely nice. So, of course, I never got to see him again because he was at our base (USAF) on temporary duty and returned to his post shortly thereafter.
*The TMI part was the Kama Sutra positions it took to achieve penetration. Luckily, I was young and very flexible back then.
A guy with 14,000 posts on an incel site that was founded in December 2017 is an obvious troll. Riiiight. ?
@Ariblester
I believe Mr. Pants was speaking of himself…
How do you know “he” is not a bot? 😛
Also, I think it’s rather naive of you to assume there aren’t trolls on incel sites trying to fuck with these guys as well as trying(albeit quite effectively)to make them look bad. Incels are universally despised. Not just by women, but by other men too.
Do not misinterpret this as a defense of this guy. It is is a dismissal.