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By David Futrelle
Angry superhero movie fans have discovered what they see as a deeply unsettling fact about the lead actress in the Captain Marvel film that hits theaters this Friday, whom they have collectively decided to hate because she thinks people other than white men should have some say in movie criticism, or something: Brie Larson’s first name is the same as the name of a popular French cheese!
Apparently this is all the more reason to hate her.
Oh, but it gets worse: Some of them have given her unflattering cheese-based nicknames!
Not only that, but the cheese in question is RUNNY!
The dudes with NPC avatars are on the case:
This fellow is struck by the irony that the cheese in question is WHITE.
I was a little concerned that Mr Solo’s burn (below) wasn’t quite sick enough. But then I saw the crying-laughing emoji. BAM!
Then this bad boy with an Elon Musk wearing an eyepatch avatar kicked it up another notch by adding a thumbs-up emoji after the laughing-crying one. DOUBLE BAM!
And get this: Some of Brie’s critics don’t even bother to use her first name — they just call her “Cheese Larson!” TRIPLE BAM! Fourth graders have nothing on these insult-slingers!
Damn, the crazy cheese lady is also a “Matriarchy Bot?” Wouldn’t the runny cheese gum up the gears?
I guess I probably shouldn’t try to think these through too much. Clearly the people posting them didn’t.
Regardless, it’s not clear to me if “Cheese” Larson will ever be able to recover from these devastating burns.
Obligatory Comics History Footnote: the
FawcettDC superhero currently known as Shazam bore the canonical nickname “The Big Red Cheese”, bestowed by his archenemy Dr. Sivana; his Distaff Counterpart Mary Marvel and his kid sidekick Captain Marvel, Junior were the Little Red Cheese and the Little Blue Cheese, respectively.That’s right.
REAL ART is a bunch of people draped in green sheets jumping around one of the most powerful men in the universe screaming “Brekekekek-koax-koax” while the powerful man tries to win an Oxford debate with this mess of pretend frogs.
Or, hmmm. That does sound a little silly now that I mention it. Perhaps REAL ART is a collection of drinking songs that tell the story of a superhuman hero who beats up the big bad and then, for good measure, goes and beats up the big bad’s mommy. Actually that sounds a bit too comic-book itself.
Perhaps REAL ART is a guy dressing up like a man-hating woman, then another guy pretending to pay a third guy to seduce the first, cross-dressed guy. Of course, the third guy does manage to seduce the cross-dressed guy by making jokes about sticking his tongue in the cross-dresser’s asshole. That sounds like REAL ART doesn’t it? Maybe that’s a little too gay for REAL ART™, huh JACK?
Oh, no wait! REAL ART is a wife making obvious jokes about fucking her Catholic priest house guest that fly over the head of her husband who is too enamored of the glories of god to believe that any cleric might encourage tithing and support from his flock so that he can live well, drink much, and fuck often in total violation of the spirit of the bible’s pro-poverty, anti-sex messages.
That’s gotta be REAL ART, doesn’t it? Okay, good. Now we know that REAL ART is cuck jokes, and you can run off to the MRA and MGTOW corners of the internet and enjoy some REAL ART™ with the side benefit being you won’t deface anymore local trees.
Of course if you want to make one last comment here, I’ll give you 10 points for each correctly-identified piece of REAL ART, with +33 bonus points if you correctly identify the source of the reference to defacing trees. Hint: It’s not Banksy.
I would happily read a comic *or* watch a movie about my favourite Degenerate Artists. If it involves Paul Klee or others getting superpowers, that’d just be a bonus.
@ Contracted to Jackoff:
No, that was HORROR COMICS and they were outlawed….
@ Crip Dyke:
I… uhhh… ????
🙂
…
@Contract JACK
Okay, I’ll bite.
This sentence alone gives a lot of the game away. As a character, Carol Danvers has been one of the most popular female characters in Marvel’s stable. It would almost be a crime against capitalism not to turn that property into a film in the MCU.
The way that the Captain Marvel haters have been on the film, you’d think that Marvel just plucked some obscure character out of their roster and gave her her own movie just to “virtue signal.” Yeah, no, a company like Marvel does not work that way. Like any business, they’re in the game for profit first and foremost and they’re not going to sideline a hot property just because a handful of obnoxious maybe-customers have an infantile response.
It’s also telling that Ghostbusters 2016 is the only film you mention. Because that was the only instance of a film
It’s a welcome change from the torture porn of the Bush years, I’ll tell you that much. There were actual CIA agents taking their interrogation cues from Jack Bauer. Seriously. Comic book adaptations are the least of American society’s issues.
As Cat Mara said, dogwhistle.
@Ikarikid the Dumb
I believe one of his relatives actually ran a cheese shop, at least until that shooting incident.
Nazi dogwhistling aside, if you inspect their appearances in previous threads, you’ll see their fondness for trotting out the old “not an argument” canard, which suggests this one is fond of sniffing the farts of the odious Stefan Molyneux on top of everything else. And seeing as how they’ve already poisoned the well by assuming bad faith and suggesting they’re being censored, instead of noting the issues with the caching that everyone has from time to time, I would suggest the Mallet of Loving Correction™ be dropped; that is, unless people want to bat them around some more?
Lol
Come on now Crip Dyke, we all know that the only REAL ART that Jack recognizes is improv performance art, shit-talking on feminist blogs.
Speaking of cheese, there’s a vegan cheese shop in Brixton, South London, called La Fauxmagerie. Almost makes me want to try some, just for the name 🙂
That’s hardly even a dogwhistle at this point, surely? It’s more of a foghorn.
@opposabletumbs: That is a good name.
I think Brie’s movie looks like it will be very Gouda and I definitely intend to shell out my hard-earned Cheddar to see it. I bet it will be a box office Meunster! Even among the Swiss. It’s success will leave the haters feeling Blue and they will take to YouTube to Havarti their hissy fits about it!
@ Crip Dyke:
OMG were you in the PLS?
Re: Wonder Woman being an illegal immigrant. Technically true, but she’s also the Themiscyran ambassador to the UN, so I guess she would technically have diplomatic immunity? Not really sure if that would apply since she resides in the U.S. but isn’t an ambassador to the U.S. itself.
Yes, I’m a bit of a comic book pedant.
Who do these idiots think Captain Marvel is? Do they think this is a DC comics Shazam movie with a female Shazam? Because Carol Danvers has been Captain Marvel for as long as I can remember. I know there were other incarnations of the character, but she seemed like the main one for all the time I read comics.
Once again people claiming to be superfans to rationalize their bigotry, who are oblivious to the basics of the actual canon (like the Star Wars “fans” who flew into a rage over John Boyega’s black “stormtrooper”, because stormtroopers were clones… which they were NOT at all ever – Luke and Han standing at obviously different heights could never have convincingly disguised themselves as stormtroopers if they were all literally the same size, they wouldn’t have gotten ten meters… and every other group of stormtroopers standing together at different heights throughout the oridge tridge wouldn’t have worked either – but luckily they weren’t fucking clones. This is leaving aside the fact that First Order soldiers are not the same thing anyway).
It’s perfectly okay that so many people are so completely stupid, but when they’re convinced that they’re right, and that they’re smarter and better than everybody else, and they’re super mean about it, jeez it sure is frustrating! It’s okay to be stupid and it’s okay to be wrong, everyone is sometimes, but it’s never okay to be a total dillhole.
@Moon_custafer:
I have to admit that I don’t know the meaning of PLS… so, maybe?
@Talonknife:
Yes, ambassadors to the UN have diplomatic immunity within the US.
In fact, it’s an ongoing source of hatred and loathing between New Yorkers and the UN. Apparently quite a lot of diplomats use their diplomatic immunity in ways that are foul and petty and jerk headed, but not enough for the US government to declare them PNG and kick them out of the country.
Most famous case in point? Leaving cars in the street when there’s no parking space in front of wherever they’re going, which blocks in the parked cars and blocks traffic as well. If the cars have diplomatic plates, the city of NY isn’t allowed to tow them without permission from the State Department, which takes far longer to get than even a 7 hour dinner-and-mistress-visit.
So NYPD is forced to leave a ticket on the windshield without towing the car. But then the owner of the car does it again, and again, and again … and parking tickets just aren’t enough to tell another country that they can’t pick their own ambassador, so the State Department tells NYPD not to tow the cars for back tickets either. But then eventually things get bad enough that the NYPD goes on a rampage and tows dozens or hundreds of diplomatic vehicles without permission and the UN passes resolutions about how New York City is a dictatorial impediment to world peace that cares more about 75$ tickets than ending wars and stopping sexual slavery while NYC issues press releases about how maybe that visit to a mistress’s townhouse wasn’t exactly a late night skull session about ending human trafficking, and how is it anti-democratic to ignore the laws of the democratically elected city government?
Then the State Department steps in & leans on the UN to get its ambassadors to pay the unpaid tickets plus late fees and court costs – which the ambassadors always could have afforded, but just chose not to because they think that diplomatic immunity means that they should *try* to be jerks just because they can. Then the NYPD feels a little better having let off a little steam and goes back to joking about what assholes the UN Ambassadors are and ticketing them.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
So, yeah: UN ambassadors have diplomatic immunity, and that’s only kind of a good thing…
@ Crip Dyke:
Poculi Ludique Societas. John John was one of their more popular productions at U of T in the ‘90s (if I correctly guessed the play).
Crip Dyke, thanks for the mental workout in figuring out what comic books you were describing.
Moon_Custafer, I like to call the Entartete Kunst exhibition the only successful effort to promote modern art to the general public. It drew far larger crowds than the ‘official’ art show across town.
Also, in Christopher Moore’s novel “Noir”, the female lead’s name is Stilton. The male lead usually refers to her (admiringly) as ‘the Cheese’.
Tangentially related, in the 90s there was this cheesy (hah) cartoon TV series named Biker Mice From Mars, where the main villain was named Lawrence Limburger. Since he was an extraterrestrial businessman disguised as human businessman (In a US setting), maybe it was a case of comically poorly chosen cover name.
Now, I grew up watching the series on Finnish TV, in Finnish dub, and only learned the English character names much later. The villain’s name was translated as “Lalli Leipäjuusto”, which in retrospect is just hilarious. Lalli is a quaint Finnish variant of Lawrence/Larry (more often Lauri), while the alliterating leipäjuusto is a Finnish cheese variety with weird rubbery texture and almost no flavor.
@ crip dyke
Which is of course rather hypocritical of them. Quelle surprise.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-41585423
@Moon_Custafer:
I was actually thinking Tartuffe. But yes, the theme has been hit more than once.
And, no, I am, alack and alas, not a member of PLS (current or former). I was, rather, a member of the ensemble for couple of community theaters, performed in a couple of local professional theater productions (earned guild points!), and nearly snagged an undergraduate theater degree – though I ultimately switched majors.
Also, I did my undergrad in the United States.
Combined with my long study of French, Tartuffe seemed a natural. But now I have to read “John John the Husband … “. In all my long years reading and watching theater, I’ve never actually read it. Just downloaded it & will start going over it tonight.
@Robert: a couple of those have been made into comics, but all were originally performed orally/on stage (though all but one were written down originally as well). IIRC there was a Doctor Strange issue that includes a scene paralleling the first one, Sandman incorporated bits of works by the same author as the 3rd, but I don’t believe the analingus joke made it in.
The point is that each of those works have been considered major classics not only of their day, but enduring classics of literature exemplifying their times. I have to admit that I also chose them because each includes a bit about the quality of art going downhill or about one person’s art being so much better than another’s art, etc.: in other words, jokes about art snobbery.
The first play is actually almost entirely about art snobbery. The premise of the piece is the rescue of a recently deceased playwright becomes a vital issue since no one alive can create good art anymore. As argument/proof the entire first act is filled with dialog consisting almost exclusively of bad puns and mockery of someone who thinks himself knowledgable and sophisticated merely because he’s rich & powerful, leaving it to his sidekick to save his illiterate and ignorant comments by using wordplay to pretend that the powerful man was deliberately engaging in sarcasm & satire.
The second is a performative song/poem which had no pretensions at the time, but is now heralded as a classic work of literature despite being created by an unknown author of an almost entirely illiterate culture who merely collected a variety of mythological stories and gave them a framework only somewhat more cohesive than the “several different people sit down and tell unrelated stories to each other” trope of the Arabian Nights, the Canterbury Tales, and the Decameron. The entire point of it was to sing songs about a superhero and drink like fish during long, cold and miserable winters.
The third is a classic work of misogyny that has spawned countless derivations, many of them dramatically more respectful of women than the original, even not counting the fact that the original version was created and performed in a time and culture where women weren’t allowed on stage so all the women characters were played by young men – and frequently the staging of the play would highlight the fact that the actors were men for a bit of homoerotic and/or homophobic fun. It often took the form of highlighting the actor’s masculinity and/or maleness for the audience while the actor romantically interested in the woman character played the scene straight, entirely oblivious to the signs of masculinity and maleness displayed to the audience.
The fourth I’ve admitted is Tartuffe, though as Moon_custafer accurately points out more than one long-lived work has been made from this theme.
The fifth, merely alluded to in the tree-defacing comment, is by the same author as one of the first three.
@Alan Robertshaw:
Classic.
I do so love the government of my birth country.
They are already tanking the IMDB score. 5.6 out of 10 and ~third of the votes are 1’s. I wish IMDB did something about the push polling.
@Captain Jack
Wow, you really know how to have fun! Good luck with banning all degenerate art, that should keep you busy. I’d suggest you start with Ancient Greece and move forward chronologically. The world needs honourable knights such as yourself, to stand up for the rights of white men oppressed by degenerate comic books.
I hereby dub thee “Sir Maggot Cheese”