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By David Futrelle
Some critical (if not, strictly speaking, true) information for penis-havers from the Incels.is forums:
Utter nonsense — with a side order of racism!
Incels, please wear underwear. The more layers between your unwashed bodies and the rest of us, the better.
Also, seriously, dudes, much less chance of cutting off your dick with your zipper.
Ok, that was a dumpster fire. One thing stood out tho
Can you say Madonna/whore complex?
Underwear is restrictive, but pants aren’t?
Since when is “black people don’t wear underwear” a stereotype?!
I would bet that he’s imagining Tintin-style African people in Africa, running around in loincloths or something, and no underwear. However, that doesn’t explain why black American men are still believed by racist weirdos to have large penises, given that they were presumably put in Underoos as children like everyone else.
Oh, crimony already.
There’s nothing more manly than chafing.
@ColeYote:
That is weird. I thought the rant was “Damn black kids running around with their pants at their knees showing off their damn underwear!”
(I admit that in my more get-off-my-lawn moods, I’ve been known to mutter something similar, but without the racism.)
Oh, for Pete’s sake….
@ Commenter:
Any fool can wear underpants…
But it takes a MAN to zip his dick in his zipper!
I don’t think that’s how dicks work.
The body simply isn’t powerful enough to grow when restricted by clothing. Little-known fact: if you never wear a hat for your entire life, you keep getting taller forever. However, DO wear a belt.
Incels, your dong is not a goldfish. It doesn’t keep growing if you give it a larger pond to swim in.
@Bina:
Well, unless they’ve been wearing exceedingly tight underwear since they reached puberty, and have therefore found their erections impeded.
Can confirm, only wears kilts and I have a truly massive dong…
Can verify. I wear underwear and have no penis or testicles whatsoever.
Incels looking for an excuse not to wear underwear, I see. I hope they wipe their backsides thoroughly and change their trousers daily. Because, ick otherwise.
A slightly related story:
Twenty years ago my cousin got his cock stuck in his zip. He was wearing underwear at the time but he’s clumsy. He ended up in the hospital having a zip-ectomy. We were teenagers at the time, so it was a point of humour for months afterwards.
In a serious turn, we thought it might impede his ability to procreate, especially as his wife has PCOS, and we have a family history of fertility issues. As things turned out, it didn’t, and unfortunately he now has three somewhat neglected daughters. I am fond of his children and not amused by my cousin or his wife.
I knew someone who had to have a circumcision as a result of no underwear – and a yank on the zip, he said the pain was excruciating.
So here’s hoping!
If they really think it’s such a constriction, I would suggest they wear skirts and dresses, to make sure they can hang as free as they like.
Unfortunately, being such epitomies of toxic masculinity they would probably see that suggestion as an attempt to humiliate them by “emasculation”, or something like that.
(Unfortunately2, our whole culture is toxic enough that in most places, a man wearing feminine-coded clothing exposes himself to ridicule and violence, so that suggestion would probably be dangerous if taken seriously, anyway.
I kinda wonder if they would consider that a form of misandry, though? Women hogging all the dresses and leaving men constricted in trousers? I could kinda see that happening.)
Men with sperm issues who are trying to get their partners pregnant are (or at least used to be) told not to wear tight underwear or jeans because it somehow harms the sperm. Too much heat, I think? Anyway, that could be the germ of truth that launched this incel nonsense.
@Susan:
Yup, that’s probably it. The testicles require cooler temperatures than the rest of the body, at least for normal sperm production. But I doubt that size has anything to do with that, unless somebody has a spectacularly underdeveloped pair.
And there are plenty of men who wear very tight pants and have no problems reproducing whatsoever, so there’s that.
@ Penny Psmith.
There’s always the kilt. Nobody rags on a kilted Scotsman if they have any common sense.
Though that could be the surface issue of a number of other macho problems.
@Susan
A year or so ago, one of my MA course mates announced on the train to Lincoln that he was underwear free that day because he and his wife were trying for a baby. I think he said it was advised by their fertility specialist to keep his testicles cooler.
I had a friend whose husband was the vocally “free-ballin” type, never wore undies if he could avoid it, boxers under duress. He saw a doctor for some chronic pain down there and apparently had torn some tissue from waving around too much, and couldn’t heal beacause he was constantly re-injuring himself. He was prescribed tightly-whities, much to his wife’s amusement.
It ought to be possible to come up with some sort of water-cooled arrangement. People do it for PC cooling, so why not for balls? It would mean you’d need radiator fins on your trousers, but there have been stranger fashions.
They are correct in wanting to maximize penis growth, but their method is ridiculous. Underwear won’t restrict penis growth. If it did I would be the first calling for a ban of both pants and underwear.
Penis size is of vital importance and anything that will decrease the population of Smalls needs to be implemented. However, the Small problem needs real solutions not stupid ideas from incels who are probably already Smalls.