By David Futrelle
So-called “Men Going Their Own Way” are so bad at the whole “going their own way” part of their little woman-hating credo that they sometimes have sex with women.
As you might imagine, this often does not go very well for either person involved. Consider this “field report” posted to the MGTOW subreddit recently by one sex-having Redditor, which may just put you off food and/or sex forever.
“Had sex yesterday,” declared the MGTOW man who calls himself nowig.
Was a most disgusting, vile act.
i don’t know why i do this anymore. i really don’t.
None of us know why you do this. Aren’t you supposed to be going your own damn way?
the whole experience was traumatizing and disgusting. she was 26, around 5’2″ and petite.
That poor woman had no idea what she was in for.
making out on a park bench, i was careful to nibble around her mouth. there was something off-putting about her saliva maybe. a slight metallic aftertaste. this is true for the vast majority of girls though: i don’t like the taste.
I’m sure you taste utterly delicious yourself. Astringent, with a delicate aftertaste of bitterness and an entire life wasted.
getting back to her place, fumbling around in the dark to get her clothes off. disappointment at those 5-10 lb of concealed pudge.
How dare she be slightly less skinny than you expected!
she was totally put together in clothes, but had a falling-apart body with a thicker lower half and droopy sad tits
Dude, you are a droopy sad tit.
and this is a girl who works out and is in top 20% of americans her age.
She probably spent most of her next workout session wailing on a punching bag with fists and feet, imagining that it was your sorry ass.
touching her amorphous “spinner” bod, fingering her slimepit. i was so sadly deflated.
No one who uses the phrase “fingering her slimepit” has ever had good sex with anyone.
i felt an obligation to go down on her to prep her for the actual sex. so i did, and it was as awful as i imagined.
Yeah, I can’t imagine it was much of a treat for her either.
there was some acidic/fruity smell emanating, and i essentially used my lower lip to smush against her relatively clean clit, so as to avoid having my tongue come into contact with the main portion of her gaping moist hole.
I can’t imagine her “hole” was either gaping or moist at this point. It was probably trying to sew itself shut.
my dick was floppy and unenthused the whole time despite my having taken a cialis.
Dude, no amount of Cialis is going to fix what ails you, as your problems appear to stem from a giant deposit of toxic sludge in your brain. And where are you getting Cialis from, anyway? Do you go to Donald Trump’s old doctor?
i immediately went into nervous hyper-focus mode as i tried to get the condom on, stroke my dick into readiness, and finger and prep her while angling my semi-flaccid dick for the final insertion. trying not to be awkward while sweating from the prospect of failure.
Here’s me right now:
Onward:
once it was in, i was able to pump for a good long while, but didn’t want to change positions so as not to jeopardize my erection.
i came into the condom and immediately rushed out to clean up. i noticed a thick layer of white slime had accumulated past the condom and on the upper portion of my shaft.
Dude, you are a thick layer of white slime.
i felt chills and literally shivered with horror as i rinsed off in the shower.
You and me both, dude.
i now have some inkling of why i hate dating so much, and why my standards for women and romance and abstract ideals are so high. it’s because the actual act of sex is so appalling, anything less than perfection in the other areas would fail to compensate
Dude, think for a moment about all the times you’ve had sex. (It shouldn’t take too long.) What do all of these experiences have in common?
That’s right: YOU. It’s not that “the actual act of sex is appalling.” Most people seem to enjoy it. It’s that the actual act of sex WITH YOU is so appalling that you should never, ever do it ever again, both for your sake and for the sake of every woman in the world, so that they don’t have to even imagine what it would be like to have sex with you.
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@Nowherepants
Excuse me what the fuck? For one, asexuality is absolutely an orientation, this is not a debate or discussion, this is a reality.
For two, Speaking as an autist, being overstimulated does not magically transform people into assholes. Painting this person as autistic only highlights a bias you have against autistic folks that you think being an asshole is something neurotypicals do not do freely every fucking day.
For three,
No it is not. There are no questions to ask. This is a person who didn’t enjoy sex and chose to shame the person he was with and try to present her as horrible. IE, this is a person who’s an asshole. That’s it.
@Nequam
Very true. I imagine it’s less “speculating on sexuality is sketchy” and more “no homo”
@Nowherepants
So close. Seriously, both of those statements are covered in the comments policy. Smh
@ rhuu
Well I guess there is political lesbianism; but, unlike MGTOWs, they actually just do it; and don’t make their entire raison d’etre harassing men.
Nah, they just hassle other women
I suppose i should have clarified with “women going their own way while being the recipients of societal power over men and still blogging about how men are horrible and inhuman”.
But that’s a long acronym. U___U
This guy’s entire thesis is “we were right to (supposedly) cut women out of our lives, because women exist only for sexual gratification and they can’t even do that right.” This is a harmful, misogynistic belief, whether he’s gay or straight or ace or bi, whether he’s neurotypical or neuroatypical, or whether he carries some other marginalized identity that we can use as a scapegoat for his misogyny.
Dude is mad that she’s one of the “””good””” ones, yet she still has a body made of flesh and skin and bones instead of plasticine. He’s mad that her body excretes things, which his body also does, but that’s okay because he’s not just a thing for having sex with. She’s being a sex receptacle the wrong way.
He’s referencing all these things that he chose to do of his own free will, and he’s blaming the fact that he didn’t enjoy them on her for being gross and wrong and gross. It doesn’t matter why he actually didn’t enjoy them. There could be a million reasons. It just matters that he’s using it to justify his belief that women are disgusting lesser creatures.
RE: Political lesbianism
That’s kind of how it works, isn’t it? When men hate women, they hurt us, invade our spaces, and yell about how much they hate us and how much they want to hurt us cause it helps psych them up.
When women hate men, we step away from them and create spaces where they aren’t allowed to be. It literally does not matter if women or any woman actually hates men, because the hate is expressed in such different ways it may as well be a completely different thing.
But the thing to remember about political lesbians is a lot of them are TERFs, and spend their days hassling other women and pretending we are men.
And Viscaria hits it out of the park!!!
I really, really, really, really hate this trend of speculating that assholes are autistic.
Wtf does being an asshole have to do with autism? My brother is autistic and he’s one of the nicest people I know. He’s always the first to volunteer when anyone needs help with something that he’s able to help with. He’s most always polite. He loves animals and they love him right back. When he is inappropriate it’s because he doesn’t understand that he’s being inappropriate and when it’s explained to him that the behavior isn’t proper, he works on it and changes. Which is more than can be said for a lot of neurotypical people. I could never imagine my brother talking about women the way that manospherians do.
So fuck off with the comparison.
Long time lurker here.
@nowherepants
Let’s not speculate on if he’s autistic either. He’s a misogynist who hates women’s bodies, this is not due to orientation or neurodivergence. Men like him hate that women are humans with human functions because they want us to be objects.
Knowing that we produce “white slime” or have weird tasting mouths or that our breasts aren’t constantly perky reminds them that we are people, that there is more to our bodies than what is shown in movies and in porn. Men like him dislike the hassle of knowing that we are the same as them, the inconvenience of us not being sex toys.
Hating women and being repulsed and enraged by our bodily functions go hand in hand.
Please, leave autism and all other “explanations” for his hatred out of it.
I’m pretty sure that even the folks making unfounded speculations about this guy’s orientation or sexuality are not disputing that he’s a misogynist asshole or conflating the two. Their argument appears to be that unable or unwilling to recognize his own wants, he’s projecting his loathing onto his partner as if she were the cause of his own dysfunction (which isn’t a characteristic or result of either his orientation or sexuality, but rather his terrible attitude towards other people, and women specifically).
That being said, I personally agree with Not Edward. I don’t think that this guy is autistic or in the closet or ace or anything. I think that other people are just not properly real to him; they’re partial objects.
… What? What did you think asexuality was, if not an orientation? A kind of pudding?
Also, holy cow, ease back on the ableist assumptions.
@wwth:
Yep. It’s terrible. I keep saying that blaming all the evil in the world on mental disability is fucked up, but people keep doing it, so we’re always in need of another reminder.
Thanks for providing a good one, WWTH.
I should have said that Rhuu also did a nice job with that reminder (on page 1). Probably some others I’m forgetting as well.
@Victorious Parasol:
Yeah, this.
When the misogynist says:
I can only think:
If you like dating but dislike sex, there’s this thing you can do where you ask someone cool if they want to have dinner or maybe hang out in a park or maybe go to a movie.
Then you go do that fun thing.
Then you don’t have sex.
Then you do something else.
You can even invite the same person to your next meal excursions or park playdates or cinematic adventure. When you do this more than once it’s called “having friends”.
It’s a thing! You can try it!
I’m on the asexual spectrum myself and queer, hence my speculation. I’m not trying to throw anyone under the bus, myself included as a demi-sexual queer man. What I am saying is that beneath the rampant misogyny and unrealistic expectations about women’s bodies is what sounds like a deep repulsion at bodily fluids and sexual contact, which, if the dude did some self-reflection, could reveal that his problem isn’t with women, but with feeling obligated to have sex at all.
I agree with people saying the closet case stuff is uncalled for, and the autism armchair diagnosis as well. What I’m trying to get at, albeit poorly, is that this dude might be somewhere on the ace spectrum, from how he describes this encounter, but because he’s bought into toxic masculinity, misogyny, and the idea that power comes from being sexually active, he can’t look at himself and his experience to see if it’s what he really wants, or feels obligated to perform in order to be a normal dude. And that’s what stuck out for me. Beneath that rage and entitlement, there’s something sad and desperate. And if he would allow himself to ask hard questions and reject toxic masculinity to find what he really wants, he could be much happier than this, whatever the reasons for his repulsion at sexual activity.
I’m sorry fellow ace folks felt belittled or damned by association. That wasn’t my intention, but it is on me, and I’ll try to be more clear in the future.
It’s a bit of a “which came first, the chicken or the egg?” conundrum. Did this ideology whip up this endless drumbeat of hatred pounding in your brain warp your ability to enjoy the most basic of pleasures, or were you always a dysfunctional malcontent who never had the ability to relate to other human beings in a healthy way?
There is something just so profoundly pitiful about this, but some people feel so validated by their own misery it becomes a crutch as much as any other drug.
Honestly I do have speculation on his description and it has nothing to do with sexual orientation, mental health, etc
He’s just a douche who assumes he deserves the perfect woman. You can tell from his language in certain parts that he has expectations not many women are going to fit his “unrealistic expectations of women and the abstract romantic ideals” or whatever he said. I have a strong inkling if the woman was basically a living sex doll physically (which parts are not possible to be ) he wouldn’t have posted this
Well there’s definitely some problem there, quite possibly coming from the guy’s attitude. I don’t know how much attitude can affect sexual dysfunction, but he did say he took a stiffy pill and wasn’t satisfied with its effects.
@Alex, I was thinking that the misogynist’s appalling lack of self awareness was what you and some other early posters were trying figure out with the various diagnoses. (Though not the autism one, based on the rest of their comment). I confess I was thinking something similar to what you posted and I am very grateful that other commenters pointed out how that was problematic. And good on you for explaining yourself gently without getting defensive and accepting the criticism. The world could learn a lot from the Mammoth commenters. I know I always do!
FTR I have autism. And sometimes, autistic people try to be honest and voice their opinions but have bad timing and/or use the wrong choice of words and come across as “assholes”. I agree with you that his problem isn’t women. But some people do have a strong aversion to bodies(other than their own) and bodily fluids. Most humans are sexual creatures and cannot imagine how someone could find sex in general to be repulsive.
The thing about a person like this is that no amount of moral condemnation of his words or his attitudes is going to make him change. You just have to avoid paying attention to folks like this so long as they don’t violate the rights of others(which he did not do. the sex was consensual).
Quite a lot.
If a person is having, or attempting to have, sex with a person that they:
a) expect to be absolutely flawless physically
and
b) also consider that person to be a sub-human sex dispenser
and also
c) have a metric shit-ton of toxic pre-concieved notions
There is going to be quite a lot of sexual dysfunction.
The reason misogynists express revulsion at women’s bodies is because the smells and fluids remind them that we are human, not pretty objects. They absolutely hate that. They feel entitled to think of as sterile non-human fuck toys. Everything in our culture supports it. Women are told we aren’t supposed to ever let on that we go to the bathroom, have periods, need to blow our noises sometimes, have body hair etc. Most men who date women eventually make peace with the fact that we don’t roll out of bed looking and smelling perfect all the time because they like their partners beyond just the superficial. Extreme misogynists don’t get past it because they just plain don’t like women.
I don’t even think some of this exaggerated revulsion some of these men express is even sincere. I think it’s a performance. He can humblebrag about he had sex but still slam women for being disgusting horrible creatures. How many misogynists covered on or commenting on this site claim that they can smell our dirty vaginas from across the room? Spoiler alert: they can’t. The disgust with us is all meant to both perform for their fellow misogynists and make us feel bad. It’s that simple. No need to speculate about orientation, disability or mental health.
FTR, he’s an asshole because he expects women to fit his very specific (and unrealistic) physical standards and because he’s a MGTOW, not because of any misunderstanding of social cues or other ASD traits. And diagnosing him as such is both against the comments policy and unfair to your fellow autists, so cut it out.
Ignoring the people who have extreme hatred towards me and pretending like they don’t exist is a good way to get myself or others like me killed. And in case you hadn’t noticed, you’re commenting on a blog dedicated to mocking people like this. I’m not sure why you think just ignoring him is the correct response, here.
Now I’m left wondering if this is what was goning on whenever I had one night stands that turned out to be a terrible lay.
I really never dwelled on it, which is kind of the point of a one night stand. But what if…
As another person on the autism spectrum I have to agree that this guy’s issues are rooted in misogyny and being an asshole, not any possible autism. And contrary to what Big Bang Theory keeps telling us, being autistic does not equal being an asshole.
I have sensory issues (particularly touch aversion) that give me some sexual disfunction, and didn’t have sex until I was 38, and my few sexual encounters have been very awkward. But I recognize where those problems are coming from, rather than blaming my partner’s existence. If he is autistic, it has nothing to to with his being an asshole.
As for him possibly being ace or gay, I agree let’s not go there either. For one thing, my understanding and experience of sexual orientation is that it’s far more a matter of interest or disinterest than disgust – I have no interest in men, but they don’t physically repulse me the way that this guy described his reaction to his unfortunate partner.
On the difference between MGTOWs and lesbian separatists/TERFS (heavy Venn overlap), IgnoreSandra hit it on the head. Mean who hate women organize and hurt women, while women who hate men… organize and hurt (trans) women. They’re manifestations of the same issues rather than mirror images.