By David Futrelle
Will the evil Judeo-Masonic (((Illuminati))) cabal that apparently determines what sort of pants that people wear stop at nothing?
Evidently not, if this meme from a now-defunct racist conspiracy site is anything to go by:
I had no idea that one’s choice of pants determines who you have sex with and whether or not you have a career.
But the site that originally posted this meme, Smoloko.com, described itself as “a independent run news-organization which strives to deliver educational and informative information and news” on such topics as “false-flag terrorism, the (((Illuminati))) central banking cartel [and] world-wide Judeo-Masonic misconduct,” so clearly they must know more about such things than a humble blogger such as myself.
H/T — r/ForwardsFromHitler
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Note how the women have their backs turned and are just going about their daily business, doing the things they would be doing anyway, while the caricature rubs his hands gleefully in the background, pretending that they’re doing his bidding. “Yesss….sun….go ahead and rise, like a good little star! Hahaha! Look how the universe obeys me! All part of my masterful plan!” It’s Maggie Simpson’s steering wheel.
If women avoid them like the plague, it must be because women are brainless puppets being manipulated by sinister global forces. Apparently they can’t understand the idea of women not being under SOMEONE’S control.
@Buttercup – Maggie Simpson’s steering wheel. Brilliant!
So expert that they can’t even spell “shiksa” correctly.
Yeah, damn, they really. Uh, they really got us now! Us Jews are, uh, totally behind evil race-mixing career-having yoga pants.
Wow! Its just gotten to the point where I check in to the headline on this website just to see what level of complete batshittery we are all working with this week.
yeah, I got nothing…
You mean to say that Maggie thought that she was actually controlling the car, and wasn’t just imitating Marge’s actions? Mind. Blown.
Reminds me of this Volkswagen ad:
http://i.giphy.com/media/XVGfahmnCZxss/giphy.gif
Quoth the raven: the hell?!!!
Either way, that poor dog is being tortured–but it at least it doesn’t have to read the crap that David writes about. Thanks for the sacrifices you make for us, David!
Judeo-Masonic reminds me – when I was researching Freemasonry before joining, I noticed that almost all anti-Masonic groups and individuals were also anti-Semitic.
It actually increased my interest in the Craft, as any group that made enemies like those probably had something going for them.
Mogwitch – “I resent women for not finding me as sexually attractive as I find them” is a brilliant summation of a lot of misogynist ‘thought’. Well done!
I’m not sure how yoga pants are connected to choosing career over family. If I didn’t have to work, I would probably wear yoga pants or something similar every day. This meme should be about the careerist tyranny of straight-legged slacks with no give. Perhaps the career women the meme maker is particularly concerned about are yoga instructors?
@Victorious Parasol
POCKETS!
I am sorry. I got overexcited again. Dresses with pockets make me blurt rainbows and unicorns (full disclosure: I have an entire closet dedicated solely to dresses, because I have no self-control).
Thank you for sharing that. I remember people sharing the steps fascism takes when Trump started putting kids in cages & pointing out then that America was on step 3. But no one with any power wants to say what America has become.
@dashapants
I understand. We have to take what joy we can find in a world where MGTOWs and PUAs and incels roam freely about the intertubes.
Delurking because… well, because I gave come to love and depend on this site to mock the vast amounts of whatthefuckkery in the world. But also because someone(s) mentioned DRESSES WITH POCKETS!!!!!
I wear abayas pretty exclusively and they all have proper, deep, useful pockets. Pockets rock!
I do wear yoga pants/leggings under them, though, so I guess I don’t have to turn in my Evil Feminist Card?
In all seriousness, this site is amazing and I always enjoy reading all your comments. Mr. Futrelle, thank you for reading all this terrifying stuff and then somehow presenting it in a way that makes me feel stronger nd able to resist it, rather than crushed by it.
<3 welcome, @Bookworm in Hijab!
@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Suddenly I’m wondering if we’ve worked out another reason for why MGTOWs are so pissed off all the time. After all, when women turn and walk away from them, they can stare at those shapely, shapely asses, which are even shapelier in yoga pants, so they actually benefit from driving women away. But it also proves that women are all sluts using their asses to torture poor, in thrall to their blues balls men. Worse yet, it doesn’t work the other way. When the MGTOW’s (don’t) go their own way, the women they’re leaving aren’t spending their time staring at their buns. Unfair!
Clearly, MGTOW’s problems are that they aren’t showing off their asses enough for women to realize what they’d be losing. We must convince them to all start wearing yoga pants at once. The only problem is that they’d probably insist on bringing back the codpiece as well. But then, if they did that, I suspect most people would start giving them a wide berth, and they’d achieve their goal of going away without having to do anything more towards that aim than they already are, i.e. nothing.
With apologies for going OT: interesting, enraging, terrible and great …
https://www.theguardian.com/law/2019/feb/15/landmarks-in-law-when-female-lawyers-were-declared-people
@Bookworm In Hijab
Welcome! Yes, let us sing the praises of pockets.
@ Rabid Rabbit:
Eeeew, thank you for my nightmares…
http://www.youknowyoulovefashion.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/img-96.jpg
Even British actor Danny Dyer was a bit discomfited by being called upon to wear a Tudor – era costume that included a codpiece. He was exploring some of the lives of his ancestors (which include Mediaeval royalty) for a television programme. Thank our lucky stars codpieces don’t have to be phallic, or even very visible, when used for practical reasons in the present day.
@Viscaria
Is that from Jane the Virgin? ?
If these guys blame Jews for finding yoga pants sexy, it more or less confirms they’d go to any extreme to avoid reflection of any sort.
Though, as a side note, I’m having a field day imagining these doofuses (doofi?) reacting to any inconvenience as if it’s part of some enormous zionist conspiracy.
“I just stubbed my toe. THE JEWS PUT THAT CURB THERE!”
@Kupo, yes it is. ? I love that show so much. There was a who-gets-to-wear-the-largest-codpiece war, and this was the result.
@ K.,
Land’s End was carrying yoga pants with pockets for awhile – I have a pair – but I’m not sure if they’re out of stock now. They also might be kind of loose-cut and baggy (all the yoga pants in these memes are tight, so idk what level of tightness yoga pants are supposed to have).