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creepy open thread

Happy Day Before Post-Valentine’s Day Candy Sales! Open Thread with BONUS CREEPY V-DAY CARDS

Uh, what?

By David Futrelle

My earlier post today was so depressing I thought I’d post a thread to get everyone’s mind off of it. Celebrate V-Day or share your plans for the post-V-Day candy sales. Or just talk about whatever. No trolls!

Here are a few creepy vintage Valentine’s Day cards just for the hell of it.

Apparently some of the card-makers confused Valentine’s Day with Murder Day, which I don’t think is even an official holiday.

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Handsome :Punkle Stan: Jack

i thought the creepy cards were going to be, like, cute horror movie themed stuff instead it’s old cishet nonsense

Ottery
Ottery
5 years ago

I’m all for those cheap candy sales! I’ve been sick for an entire month so hopefully I’m feeling up to going out. First it was an upper respiratory infection, then an ear infection in both ears, thrush in my mouth, and pneumonia. At the moment I’m still having trouble breathing and coughing to the point where I badly bruised my ribs. They also keep popping out of place whenever I cough, which feels super weird. At least the ER I visited gave me some tough cough syrup after the chest x-ray. Sorry for venting here, I just kinda need to whine about my luck.

monica
monica
5 years ago

I just got over the bronchitis, pneumonia, upper respiratory crap that won’t go away… You have my sympathy

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

Valentine’s or not, it is just never okay to fuck the cattle.

Victorious Parasol
5 years ago

I’ve had a very stressful Valentine’s Day. Lots of reminders that my BFF has told me that yes, I don’t matter to him as much as I used to. Lots of work crap. Just a day where I’m doing good to hang in there.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
5 years ago

Ok, so I got really high blood sugar, so I won’t be after the post-valentines day candy sales…

that third card, with the… uhhhh… what the (I hope not actual FUCK?!?!?!?

Jane Done
Jane Done
5 years ago

The second card with the cowgirl, just….no.

@WWTH your second card with the alien is disturbingly adorable, and I can’t believe I just put those two words together.

As for “open thread” I am still a little jarred from rump’s latest speech at the texas rally, or rather one sentence in particular:

“You wouldn’t even have to know, you can say that automatically without even knowing”

He said this in response to fact-checkers, as a rebuttal to facts themselves. I know this is the alt-facts “truth isn’t truth” wing but just taking a step back and seeing this bald-faced all-out assault on facts is fucking fucked up.

In other why-the-fuck-is-this-a-thing news, there’s a local election for my city district up here in Canada. It was a running with 4 candidates, two left-ish parties, one conservative party, and one (not even kidding) far-right political party. The PPC’s leader openly states he wants to be the Trump of Canada. I got a pamphlet in the mail stating their goals, which include abolishing c-16, openly opposing gay marriage and rights, “addressing” the “immigrant crisis”, cutting taxes, etc etc. Their party platform includes fighting against “”””special privileges””””” and “”””positive discrimination”””” (those are the actual words). The best part is that one of two liberal candidates stepped down due to a racist social media message, making the fucking shithole-extremist PPC actually legitimately likely to garner a lot of votes in this local election, if not enough to win, then at least enough to build up momentum and become an actual thing in Canada.

The vote isn’t until the end of the month but my optimism shrivelled up and died 3 years ago.

Jane Done
Jane Done
5 years ago

Oh yeah and the national party leader openly stated that things in this pamphlet that was mailed to me, specifically lgbt issues and abortion, would not be part of the party platform. So he’s already jumping into the Trump-style reality doesn’t real say-shit get-away-with-it bandwagon.

I just…I’m fucking done. With humanity.

Pavlovs House
Pavlovs House
5 years ago

Hey Mammothteers, wishing all the best — and sending good thoughts to everyone having a rough time. We here at Pavlov’s House have good energy to share and send it out to you all and to the universe. (Oh, and it being named Pavlov’s House and all, we also specialize in anti-fascist energy — as well as actual anti-fascist action of course).

@Victorious Parasol

Sorry you are having a rough time. All who read your posts can tell you are strong-minded and strong-willed, so hang in there.

@Ottery

Venting is fine — hope you feel better soon!

@JaneDone

That is horrible. I hope for better time with more justice in your community and country (and in this one!)

And as for the cards — ugh, can’t even look at them. Had a LONG day educating the troops. Didn’t even see Ms. Pavlov’s House as she is also working a ba-jillion hours (is that the right way to spell that?) which is sad for Valentine’s day, but she got her flowers. (She gets flowers again in March for International Women’s Day. As I understand it sending flowers to women sweethearts for that is a Russian and Ukrainian thing — is it done elsewhere? Would be curious to be better informed/corrected…)

Again, sending positive energy out to all!

Delurking for this
Delurking for this
5 years ago

So, today, I was told that Trump was declaring a national emergency.

“Really? Wow! Trump is actually doing something smart! He’s declaring a national emergency about the measles epidemic!”

“No, he’s declaring an emergency on walls. He thinks America doesn’t have enough walls.”

“Oh.”

What a way to celebrate a day of love for your fellow humans, huh? Oh, right. It’s lost its original purpose and become all about cattle-shagging and murdering your lover with a gun. How sweet. Of course that’s an appropriate time to firmly shut the door on immigration. Of brown people. Specifically. Because the immigrants who come in from the north, east, or west, are not usually brown.

I think I’ll cheer myself up by reading more measles statistics now, thanks, Chief.

Ooglyboggles
5 years ago

I got aced my first exam and feel ready to ace another college exam.

@Delurking
Nice to meet you, and yes the funny part is that the money he wants, it is not nearly enough to fully fund his wall. He’s threatening national emergency over borders without even getting enough money for his vanity project.

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
5 years ago

Cursed images, all of them.

Ariblester
Ariblester
5 years ago

Hey all, just wanted to announce that I’ve been working on a userscript to make quoting posts easier.

(This is not the script in action; this is just an example comment)

Features:

– Automatically fills in quote text, poster name, and permalink to the original comment

– Does not choke on multiple line breaks

– Works with emoji ?

– Handles image embeds
http://gifimage.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/fluttershy-yay-gif-4.gif

– Handles YouTube embeds

Ariblester
Ariblester
5 years ago

Ariblester wrote on
February 15, 2019 at 7:27 am:

Hey all, just wanted to announce that I’ve been working on a userscript to make quoting posts easier.

(This is not the script in action; this is just an example comment)

Features:

– Automatically fills in quote text, poster name, and permalink to the original comment

– Does not choke on multiple line breaks

– Works with emoji ?

– Handles image embeds

http://gifimage.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/fluttershy-yay-gif-4.gif

– Handles YouTube embeds

Nanny Oggs Busom
Nanny Oggs Busom
5 years ago

I spent yesterday with a massive headache and throwing up. It’s a good job I’m not really into Valantine’s Day and don’t have a partner anyway. Still feeling rough today. Is it normal for your throat and jaw to hurt after vomiting?

Dr. Thang
Dr. Thang
5 years ago

@Nanny

Hey, same here, high five! Well, not exactly the same, I spent all morning throwing up, no idea why, but after I finally got to sleep I felt better. Later that day I got some seafood ramen, made a cup of tea, and watched a Lord of the Rings marathon with my dog, so it was pretty much the best day I could have hoped for.

Also, yeah, that’s happened to me. I hope you didn’t have to deal with the dry heaving at least, I got lucky this time and avoided that. It’s almost worse than the puking, hurts like hell.

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
5 years ago

Okay, so card with the woman pegging the cow is all kinds of creepy on a whole lot of levels. Besides the implied beastiality, there’s the dominance/subjugation angle, which is itself undermined by the pleas of “love me” and “why can’t I…”

And seriously, what the hell is up with that voyeur fox?

Ariblester
Ariblester
5 years ago

Alright, I think my WHTM Quote Helper is good to go!

I’ve created two versions, a userscript (usable with Greasemonkey, Tampermonkey, etc.) and a bookmarklet (which runs on everything else, I think; I tried it on my phone, and it works):

Userscript: https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/377808-whtm-quote-helper

Bookmarklet: https://pastebin.com/wRCRpLCe

Known bug: Do not try to quote your own comment while the edit timer is still active (say, when you’re trying to show off your new userscript and you get too eager ?). It goes into a really bad infinite loop.

Hope you all find it useful.

Chris Oakley
Chris Oakley
5 years ago

Spent an enjoyable V-Day watching “2001” with my best friend/SO and then visiting Mom in Lexington(Mass.).

Lainy
Lainy
5 years ago

My first open thread! I’m so excited

Alright I’m extremely pissed off right now because it is 0 degrees (American temperature scale) and a blinding snow storm is outside yet they haven’t canceled class so I’m about to hook up a dog sled and try to make it I suppose. Spending way to much not to go. If I didn’t go I might as well reach into my wallet and steal 80 dollars from myself and set it on fire.

Also spent valentines day talking to my fiancé and then crying for a while. I don’t usually cry from missing him but it all just really got to me for some reason. I still won’t see him till September and that’s only for a couple of weeks. Then it goes right back to long distance for another 11 months. Being a Marine spouse is already a little more difficult then I anticipated. He does the best he can but the 15 hour time different makes everything so difficult.

@Nanny Oggs
For me that happens if I’ve ate really acidic foods that day like oranges. And how violently the vomiting was. My jaw dislocated once from horror movies level of vomiting once.

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
5 years ago

So, is anyone else curious about the claim in the main image of this post?

C’mon, David, how are those kisses like hot dogs?

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

@Gaebolga – Maybe she’s supposed to relish the hot dog’s kisses?

That fourth image down is going to haunt my nightmares for weeks.

@Nanny Oggs – hope you feel better soon!

@Chris Oakley – Enjoy the time with your mom. Lexington’s a nice place (I grew up one town over, still miss it).

A friend of mine had a WTF moment last night when she was going through her first grader’s school Valentine envelope and found a baggie with a prescription pill. She’s hoping it was just an innocent mistake, and that maybe some kid grabbed a used baggie to stuff a valentine into without their parents noticing. I guess it could have been worse, considering what other kinds of things get stored in plastic bags.

Crip Dyke
5 years ago

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
That fourth image down is going to haunt my nightmares for weeks.

That “kidnap” one? (It is 4th down in the body, 5th if you count the hot dog at the top)

Yeah, that’s terrible, but so is the gunshot one. Yet the one that really, really gets to me is the androgynous figure with the sledgehammer looming over the pair of kids under the umbrella.

:shiver:

@Gaebolga:

I couldn’t find the inside, but using google I found the whole front image which David chopped down. Believe it or not, though it isn’t the final punch line, the rest of the text on the front of the card says that the kisses should be slathered in mustard.

I’m all, wfF? Even if the inside of the card is “… and enjoyed with relish,” that mustard line is completely Dada. We’re talking a Salvador Dali painting that distorts a cubist Picasso as rendered in a monotype font on a green-only 1978 computer screen.

I might have more nightmares about slathering kisses in mustard than I do about that sledgehammer wielder.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
5 years ago

dompster-fire-in-chief declared a national State of emergency… apparently there’s several hundred starving families on the other side of the Mexican border. They’re running away from the mess the U.S. made in El Salvador and Honduras.

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