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Pro athletes are cucking Brad Pitt, because all women love jocks, confused MGTOW contends

Even Brad Pitt gets sand kicked on him at the beach

By David Futrelle

Manosphere misogynists seem to think that the world is basically the first three panels of that famous cartoon Charles Atlas ad writ large, in which musclebound “Bullies of the Beach” are continually kicking sand on wimpy beta males and humiliating them in front of their girlfriends.

Indeed, many manosphere dudes are convinced that that this old cartoon ad is a completely accurate description of how the world works. Forget all the women out there with skinny husbands or boyfriends; forget all the women writing fanfic about Benedict Cumberbatch. These guys honestly believe that literally the only men that women want to have sex with are big, burly jocks.

Consider this recent comment in the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit that conveniently captures all the key elements of this manosphere delusion. Warning against the dangers of female “hypergamy,” by which he evidently means the innate tendency of every straight women to immediately drop whatever man she’s with if a Chadly jock looks her way, the MGTOW Redditor who calls himself GamingYourMom declares that

while rock stars and famous actors can be considered acttractive, they will get cucked by a professional athlete everytime. It’s just like high school. Nothing has changed. The jocks roll in pussy.

MGTOWs seem utterly convinced that the world works exactly like high school — or at least how they imagine high school works. In some sense, they’ve never graduated; they’re still jealous of the high school football star who dated the cheerleader they had a crush on. Literally.

If you are at the top of the pyramid in theatre or band, you can nail a hot nerdy chick, but you still don’t get the cheerleaders.

You know, I’m pretty sure the theater guy dating the “hot nerdy chick” preferred her to the cheerleaders, because, you know, people generally like dating people they have something in common with?

But never mind, because apparently the jocks are out there cucking even the world’s most famous theater guys:

Brad better keep Angelina away from NFL players if he knows what’s good for him.

Yes, he brought up Brad Pitt, every manosphere misogynist’s favorite — if perhaps a teensy bit outdated — example of the ultimate handsome dude. Never mind that Brad and Angelina split MORE THAN TWO YEARS AGO and have been fighting bitterly over the terms of their divorce ever since. Never mind that even after this split Angelina has never been spotted hitting the town with a football team.

And you can be ugly as fuck and still consistently pull if you are over six feet.

More bad news for Brad, who’s only 5′ 11″ tall!

And no one in this sub is Brad Pitt, so if you’re not 6ft., you’re fucked. Women say as much in their tinder bio. “If you’re not at least 6ft., go ahead and swipe left.”

I’ve never used Tinder, but I’ve used other dating sites and apps, and while I’ve seen women (some women) express a preference for tall guys, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman categorically ruling out all men under 6 feet.

Nature says big guys win the fight, and a woman wants to fuck a winner.

Uh, I’m pretty sure most women prefer being with men who aren’t always getting into fights, for assorted very obvious reasons.

And this isn’t even how nature — red in tooth and claw — works. If size were the only — or even the most influential — determining factor in evolutionary success, wouldn’t humans have evolved to be huge monsters? Wouldn’t every animal? Why would short men — or small animals — even exist?

Elephants are the largest land animals, and can kill people with a swing of their trunk. There are about 450,000 of them left in the world. Rabbits are small and fuzzy and scare almost nobody; though there are no reliable estimates of the rabbit population, there are probably billions of them. (At one point there were ten billion in Australia alone.) I live in a fairly dense neighborhood in a major metropolitan area, and I regularly spot wild rabbits hopping across lawns and in the alleyways. I’ve never seen an elephant wander by.

Here are some bunny videos, just for the hell of it.

https://twitter.com/jumpFloofs/status/1065992037420404741
https://twitter.com/BunnyArchives/status/1093150711012052993
https://twitter.com/BunnyArchives/status/1093542700585046019

But I digress. The point is that MGTOWs don’t know anything about anything and seem to think the world works like Charles Atlas ads.

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Snowberry
Snowberry
5 years ago

Brad’s past the wall. Sorry boys.

…I just realized that most of the male actors I know of and at least roughly know their age are either too old for me or too young for me, were I the type to develop celebrity crushes (I’m not).

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

I’m not into jocks. At ALL.

Clearly, I am womaning all wrong.

Lainy
Lainy
5 years ago

@Snowberry

He really is lol. I wish these guys would just update and actually maybe take half a minute to look at who’s hot to youth now. If someone tried to argue with me that I found Mr. Pitt hot. Or put me in a scenario where Mr. Pitt was hitting on me I’d be like
“mr. Pitt…your 35 years older then me. your 8 years younger then my father. I’m sorry but your a little past your prime for college women, but um…will you sign this for my 56 year old mother. She really loves you. Me? I honestly can only think of one thing you’ve been in and that’s Megamind because I was a kid when that movie came out to watch it. Your a voice actor in a kids show I used to watch as a kid, let that sink in please.”
Tbh if your 15 years older then I am I’m going to be call you ma’am, sir, mr, ms, mrs, all that and that should be enough to tell you where we stand sexually.

Knitting Cat Lady
Knitting Cat Lady
5 years ago

So, according to incels and mgtows I wouldn’t exist.

Because my mum was fairly good looking as a teen, but my dad was average height, thin, gangly, and had a REALLY bad case of acne.

They still got together when my mum was 15. And they’re still together more than 40 years later.

But according to the manuresphere my mum clearly wouldn’t have given him a chance.

It’s not your looks, dudes!

Lainy
Lainy
5 years ago

After further research Mr.Pitt was in two other movies I’ve seen which are Sinbad: Legend of the Seven seas, 2003 Childrens movie from dream works, and Happy Feet 2 which came out in 2011 when I was 12.

Oh and sleepers because I took a film as literature class my seinor year of high school and it caused a panic attack because I wasn’t warned about all the rape in that movie. There was a lot of it. I threw up all over my desk. Teacher learned pretty fast that trigger warnings were her friend after that. She had the opinion of “suck it up” about trigger warnings till a student had a panic attack and threw up everywhere.

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
5 years ago

@Ariblester

S*P is still going, though it doesn’t update as often as it used to. It’s also not as consistently mean as it once was, but when it is, Uncle Randy does choose the right targets:
comment image
comment image

The latest one is pretty good too:
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Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
5 years ago

*Sends further urgent message to Grand Bunny Council*

Humans have noticed vanished videos! Initiate counter-maneuvers, NOW!!!

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

If we’re talking about cheerleaders I feel morally obliged to do my “Cheerleading is the world’s most dangerous athletic activity. Cheerleaders suffer death and catastrophic injury at three times the the rate of NFL players” thing.

As to, Charles Atlas. A rival in bodybuilding took him to court for breach of advertising regulations over his ‘in just seven days…’ adverts. The judge took the obvious step of ordering him to do the course and see what happened. He had to concede it worked; so he lost.

The Charles Atlas story is pretty interesting. He was an Italian immigrant called Angelo Sciliano. He won a body building competition. The sponsor of the competition was a bit of a marketing guru. It’s he who came up with the “Dynamic Tension” thing. The excercises themselves were, and indeed still are, pretty standard ones in strength training. Atlas himself chose his new moniker; but it was his new business partner who came up with all the stuff about being inspired by a tiger stretching at the zoo.

Full Metal Ox
5 years ago

As long as we’re on the subject of bunnies: has anyone else here seen Netflix’s adaptation of Watership Down? Your thoughts?

Ariblester
Ariblester
5 years ago

@Rabid Rabbit

Good to know that S*P is still running, and that Milholland is still on the side of good, as it were. I stopped reading years ago, due to a mixture of too little time, changing interests and a vague sense of unease at the degree to which his author-insert character’s relationship problems seemed to hint at his real-world woes with women.

Specialffrog
Specialffrog
5 years ago

@tohka: bunnies are social so if you are not home very much a single bunny might get lonely. However if people are home and giving them attention enough they are fine solo.

As for maintenance they can typically be litter trained so not all that messy but they can tend to chew things (baseboards, carpets, etc). Some are more destructive than others.

NiOg
NiOg
5 years ago

Even the Charles Atlas comic is less misogynistic than Migtoes see it as: the girlfriend of the skinny, bullied guy *isn’t* hot for the bully. At all. She thinks he’s a jerk. At no point in the comic does she leave the skinny dude she’s dating (and, presumably, likes) or fawn over the bully. She supports her boyfriend’s desire for self improvement and likes the results. Sure, she teases him a little, but it’s a milder ribbing than the teasing that happens regularly between dudes.

The entire comic revolves around the skinny kid improving himself and thereby making his life better. It’s got fuck-all to do with “hypergamy” or the magnetic power of jocks. SKINNY DUDE ALREADY HAD A GIRL. AT THE END OF THE COMIC HE IS STILL DATING THE SAME GIRL. HIS SEX LIFE IS LITERALLY UNCHANGED. THE ONLY THING THAT CHANGES IS HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER MEN. FUCK’S SAKE.

If Migtoes would crawl out of their self-inflicted pit of despair for five minutes, they’d figure this crap out.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
5 years ago

Brad Pitt: the guy the manosphere loves to throw verbal darts at.

Zachary Levi (age 38, by the way): Who the hell can remember how to spell that name.

Jensen Ackles (age 41 in a couple of weeks): Ditto.

No, no, the manosphere knows how to spell B-r-a-d P-i-t-t. It’s two syllables, and it’s easy to remember and spell. They’re sticking with him.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
5 years ago

I cannot see/hear/think the words “in just seven days” and “dynamic tension” without immediately hearing Tim Curry in Rocky Horror.

Lovely diction, that Tim Curry, eh.

Bluecat
Bluecat
5 years ago

Whenever I hear or see a reference to Charles Atlas I’m instantly transported to this

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
5 years ago

@Full Metal Ox

I started watching the Netflix Watership Down, because I’m a long-time fan of the book and the movie, but I haven’t really finished it. I did skip to the end to see how they dealt with Hazel-rah, and I approved (read: I cried buckets), but I just haven’t gotten pulled back in. I’ve been more excited about the new seasons of One Day at a Time and The Dragon Prince, and I’m intrigued by Russian Doll and The Umbrella Academy.

BradMoonRising
BradMoonRising
5 years ago

Behold — Chad Pitt
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opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
5 years ago

@Bluecat, snap! 🙂

Talonknife
Talonknife
5 years ago

Aren’t Chris Hemsworth and Jason Momoa the go-to “manly sexy” types for most people these days?

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
5 years ago

@ Full Metal Ox

It was okay, although they truncated the part inside Efrafa and made that whole warren a lot more like a prison than a fascist state. On the whole, I’d say its decent.

I very much liked their choice to use Indonesian shadow puppet-style imagery when recounting El-ahrairah stories.

Crip Dyke
Crip Dyke
5 years ago

Aren’t Chris Hemsworth and Jason Momoa the go-to “manly sexy” types for most people these days?

Well, i see a lot of folks gushing over Donald Glover. Is he not a “manly sexy” type? John Cho? Idris Elba? Sendhil Ramamurthy? I’m not entirely sure who is sexy but not “manly sexy”.

Oh, hey, this one is definitely in the “manly sexy” category, I’m sure: Shemar Moore.

Katamount
Katamount
5 years ago

*sigh* One of the biggest issues I have with anonymity on the internet is that I have no idea whether or not these tools are adults who have let their high school neuroses follow them all their lives or they’re still in high school and think that’s what the rest of life is.

But more to the point, I can’t get over this phrase:

If you are at the top of the pyramid in theatre or band, you can nail a hot nerdy chick, but you still don’t get the cheerleaders.

So much to unpack there. I mean, for guys that complain endlessly about hypergamy, this is how they see women: wring what social status you can out of a relationship with her until a more popular one comes along. Her feelings, personality, all irrelevant because either they’re so invested in the need for validation of their peers (and of course they don’t see women as peers)… or worse, they don’t see women as humans deserving of human consideration. There’s a hierarchy, with cheerleaders at the top and the “hot nerdy chicks” underneath.

And yet, in “going their own way”, they’re theoretically signalling that they’re eschewing that dynamic entirely and not investing themselves in relationships at all. In fact, their complaints sound a little more “incelish” with every post that Dave highlights. It’s becoming a distinction without a difference in the way it manifests, at least in my eyes.

Moon_custafer
Moon_custafer
5 years ago

Pity those of us who crush on character actors – someone on Tumblr, a few months back, made a mock-up of what their favourites’ IMDb listings tend to look like, and it’s all either major roles in unfindable low-budget movies, or blink-and-you-miss’em roles in major movies.

My reply was that it’s even worse if you like old-time character actors – the first thirty things on their IMDb listings are usually silent movies, usually lost, with titles in German and no plot synopses.