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Pro athletes are cucking Brad Pitt, because all women love jocks, confused MGTOW contends

Even Brad Pitt gets sand kicked on him at the beach

By David Futrelle

Manosphere misogynists seem to think that the world is basically the first three panels of that famous cartoon Charles Atlas ad writ large, in which musclebound “Bullies of the Beach” are continually kicking sand on wimpy beta males and humiliating them in front of their girlfriends.

Indeed, many manosphere dudes are convinced that that this old cartoon ad is a completely accurate description of how the world works. Forget all the women out there with skinny husbands or boyfriends; forget all the women writing fanfic about Benedict Cumberbatch. These guys honestly believe that literally the only men that women want to have sex with are big, burly jocks.

Consider this recent comment in the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit that conveniently captures all the key elements of this manosphere delusion. Warning against the dangers of female “hypergamy,” by which he evidently means the innate tendency of every straight women to immediately drop whatever man she’s with if a Chadly jock looks her way, the MGTOW Redditor who calls himself GamingYourMom declares that

while rock stars and famous actors can be considered acttractive, they will get cucked by a professional athlete everytime. It’s just like high school. Nothing has changed. The jocks roll in pussy.

MGTOWs seem utterly convinced that the world works exactly like high school — or at least how they imagine high school works. In some sense, they’ve never graduated; they’re still jealous of the high school football star who dated the cheerleader they had a crush on. Literally.

If you are at the top of the pyramid in theatre or band, you can nail a hot nerdy chick, but you still don’t get the cheerleaders.

You know, I’m pretty sure the theater guy dating the “hot nerdy chick” preferred her to the cheerleaders, because, you know, people generally like dating people they have something in common with?

But never mind, because apparently the jocks are out there cucking even the world’s most famous theater guys:

Brad better keep Angelina away from NFL players if he knows what’s good for him.

Yes, he brought up Brad Pitt, every manosphere misogynist’s favorite — if perhaps a teensy bit outdated — example of the ultimate handsome dude. Never mind that Brad and Angelina split MORE THAN TWO YEARS AGO and have been fighting bitterly over the terms of their divorce ever since. Never mind that even after this split Angelina has never been spotted hitting the town with a football team.

And you can be ugly as fuck and still consistently pull if you are over six feet.

More bad news for Brad, who’s only 5′ 11″ tall!

And no one in this sub is Brad Pitt, so if you’re not 6ft., you’re fucked. Women say as much in their tinder bio. “If you’re not at least 6ft., go ahead and swipe left.”

I’ve never used Tinder, but I’ve used other dating sites and apps, and while I’ve seen women (some women) express a preference for tall guys, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman categorically ruling out all men under 6 feet.

Nature says big guys win the fight, and a woman wants to fuck a winner.

Uh, I’m pretty sure most women prefer being with men who aren’t always getting into fights, for assorted very obvious reasons.

And this isn’t even how nature — red in tooth and claw — works. If size were the only — or even the most influential — determining factor in evolutionary success, wouldn’t humans have evolved to be huge monsters? Wouldn’t every animal? Why would short men — or small animals — even exist?

Elephants are the largest land animals, and can kill people with a swing of their trunk. There are about 450,000 of them left in the world. Rabbits are small and fuzzy and scare almost nobody; though there are no reliable estimates of the rabbit population, there are probably billions of them. (At one point there were ten billion in Australia alone.) I live in a fairly dense neighborhood in a major metropolitan area, and I regularly spot wild rabbits hopping across lawns and in the alleyways. I’ve never seen an elephant wander by.

Here are some bunny videos, just for the hell of it.

https://twitter.com/jumpFloofs/status/1065992037420404741
https://twitter.com/BunnyArchives/status/1093150711012052993
https://twitter.com/BunnyArchives/status/1093542700585046019

But I digress. The point is that MGTOWs don’t know anything about anything and seem to think the world works like Charles Atlas ads.

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Meteor
5 years ago

Always good to see bun bun videos.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
5 years ago

I’ve got a theory!
It could be bunnies!

Lainy
Lainy
5 years ago

These guys need to find new men to be the base line for what young women find hot. I’m 20 years old. There was never a point in my life that I though Brad Pitt or Johnny depp was hot. Not many if any really young women do. Their both 55 years old. Okay MGTOW or MRA or Incles listen, they’ve hit their wall for younger women. Brad pitt is like one of our dads friends and Johnny depp is the creepy guy who goes to teen movies about cheerleaders on his own. May I suggest you use Tom Hiddleston I have two pinterest boards and a fanfiction account dedicated to just him and Loki. Zachary levi, Jensin Ackles, Jarden Padalecki, Tom Holland, Cole sprouse, all of these are relatively fine looking men that young women and teenager girls have been know to gush about. Pick one. Using Brad Pitt and Johnny depth makes you sound like a dude who thinks Elvis is still relevant with young girls, or the beetles.

ThatGuyWithThe3DS
ThatGuyWithThe3DS
5 years ago

I’m not in high school, but I’d bet solid that the average high school doesn’t actually resemble the hierarchical dystopia manospherians think it is.

A bit off-topic, but about “hypergamy”; there doesn’t seem to be any consistency with it. Manosphere dwellers use it to “prove” that their lack of sex is due to girls chasing guys out of their league, but those same manospherians are also hyper-critical of how women look. It seems that they see no contradiction between being mad at women for “aiming up” (so to speak) and demanding that any potential partner be highly attractive. I can’t figure out if they’re not self-aware enough to recognize this contradiction, or if they know about it but don’t care. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the latter, but given candidly stupid people are these days…

Skylalalalalalala
Skylalalalalalala
5 years ago

And you can be ugly as fuck and still consistently pull if you are over six feet.

Huh, I’ll have to tell my 6’8″ hubby that. He’ll get a huge laugh out of it. And honestly, both of us would greatly prefer him to be at least 10″ shorter. It’s caused him huge amounts of pain and issues with things like hospital beds not being long enough. Although, he is handy for getting things off shelves.

I just read him that quote and he said “That is such utter horseshit. I have been stood up so many times.”

Victorious Parasol
February 12, 2019 at 8:32 pm
I’ve got a theory!
It could be bunnies!

I literally at least think “It could be bunnies” every time someone around me says “I’ve got a theory”. I stopped saying it out loud though because my husband & kids were ready to murder me.

@Lainy

May I suggest you use Tom Hiddleston I have two pinterest boards and a fanfiction account dedicated to just him and Loki. Zachary Levi, Jensin Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Tom Holland, Cole Sprouse

Even Jared & Jensen are getting a bit old for you 20 somethings. I’ll take ’em, though. lol I also find Tom & Cole attractive, but am well aware that Cole especially is way too young.

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
5 years ago

I’d never noticed before that the Charles Atlas bully looks about 20 years older than the other guy.

That being said, while I’m still amazed at how they view the world as high school, I’m also still amazed at how they view high school. Seriously, are football players really that spectacularly popular? OK, so after guns, the American (or at least male American) religious devotion to sports is one of the things that baffles me most about US culture, so maybe this is just my foreigner’s perspective; and maybe that perspective is skewed due to how that devotion is presented in pop culture; but is being the quarterback really the ultimate goal in life?

At least the obsession with cheerleaders makes perverse sense, since I assume the thought process runs “They’re athletic and therefore hot, and they show off their bodies and are therefore sluts.” Which is terrible, but at least sort of logical, though I haven’t quite worked out how they balance this with the stereotypical view that cheerleaders are also all b*tches.

@Victorious Parasol:

You’re right. We’re behind everything.

*Sends emergency message to the Grand Bunny Council* Careful! They’re onto us! Initiate emergency suspicion-deflection program! Get John Oliver to write another children’s book! The Uprising must not begin too soon!

Lainy
Lainy
5 years ago

@ Sky

What do you mean, Tom is 4 years younger then Cole. He’s 22 to.

Lainy
Lainy
5 years ago

At least the obsession with cheerleaders makes perverse sense, since I assume the thought process runs “They’re athletic and therefore hot, and they show off their bodies and are therefore sluts.”

most of the cheerleaders in my high school were the “good” catholic girls with purity rings kind of thing. Popular and pretty? yes. Athletic and very hard working? yes. But overly sexual? not in the least. If you wanted to be invited to parties and get with guys at my school you did not become a cheerleader. Being a cheerleader meant you were saving yourself for Jesus kind of girl. Thought there were some very mean girls in this group as well. If you were the kind that had rumers going that you had sex the cheerleaders wouldn’t hang out with or let you sit with them kind of thing. Hell there was even one girl who broke up with her boyfriend because she found out he had sex with his ex girlfriend. She was really upset he was committed to saving himself like she was. That was a fight I watched with a big of popcorn.

Skylalalalalalala
Skylalalalalalala
5 years ago

@Lainy, I meant Tom Hiddleston, who is 38, which is quite a bit older than I thought he was since I was thinking he was around 30 at most. So actually around Jenson & Jared’s ages. I wasn’t even sure who the other Tom you mentioned is, although I just looked him up & see he’s the guy who plays Spiderman now.

Skylalalalalalala
Skylalalalalalala
5 years ago

@Lainy

My reply isn’t showing up so apologies if it appears between retyping it & posting

I was referring to Tom Hiddleston, who I thought was around 30 but is apparently actually 38. I didn’t know who the other Tom you mentioned even was but looked him up and see that he’s the new Spiderman.

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

Yaaaay bunnnies!!

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Jensin Ackles, Jarden Padalecki

Yaaaaay Supernatural!!!

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But… how dare you leave out Misha Collins?

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Yaaay more bunnies!!

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Lainy
Lainy
5 years ago

@Sky

That’s okay. Yeah I’m a huge marvel fan. I had to check how old Tom Holland was after I saw spiderman home coming lol. Because peter parker was 15 in the movie and I was really hoping the actor wasn’t 15 with how attractive I was finding him during the whole thing. He was 18 when he first played spiderman so I was good. They had a scene of him in just his boxers so I was guessing he was probably older then 15 because if they did that with an actual 15 year old that would be really creepy. I don’t care that it’s boxer shorts, no one should be showing 15 year old’s in their underwear.

@Luzbelitx

Sorry about that. Misha is wonderful but he’s more like a dad then anything else. I got meet him when I was 15 at a convention. He went “how old are you young lady” and I told him and he went
“she was 3 when this show started, I bet you’ve seen every episode” and I was like “yes sir mr. Collin I have” and he nearly died because I called him Mr. Collin and asked me not to do that again.

Lainy
Lainy
5 years ago

And I can never be attracted to anyone once they’ve called me young lady.

Chris Oakley
Chris Oakley
5 years ago

Off-topic, but the news just broke that Lyndon LaRouche is dead.

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

@Lainy

Honestly, it was just an excuse to post that gif lol

Also that’s a great anecdote! Even makes me a little jealous.

I started watching the show last year on Netflix with my now-12 years old daughter. We became big fans. Castiel is definitely our favorite.

Just to stay on topic I’ll post this:

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Lainy
Lainy
5 years ago

@Luzbelitx
I blame it all on the red hair. I was dressed up as Charlie so he could pick me out pretty easily. Hell a guy at college now calls me Charlie because he doesn’t Like Lainy or Lain. when I first met him he went “you know you look like Charlie from supernatural, I’m calling you Charlie now cool? cool” and I was so scared that someone was talking to me I just nodded and agreed in a “please stop yelling, I’m an easily frighten rabbit” kind of way.

Wannabikkit
Wannabikkit
5 years ago

I have a bit of a crush on Tom Hiddleston too (even though he’s 9 years younger than me).
I don’t have a problem with the age of Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp, but neither are my cup of tea. Robert Downey Junior on the other hand…. *fans self vigorously*

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
5 years ago

Before you swoon too much over the rabbits, I’d just like to warn you that the Annals of the Grand Bunny Council record some events you may be familiar with rather differently than your human-centric tales do:
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Lainy
Lainy
5 years ago

@Wannabikkit

Yes my biology teacher in highschool had the same opinion. We got to watch avengers or iron man a lot so she could see him in tank tops. It was pretty funny cause her nephew was in my class and he would get so embarrassed about his aunt gushing about how attractive she found Mr. Downey.

Seraph4377
5 years ago

I never did get that comic. What kind of girlfriend scorns her boyfriend for being bullied? What kind of guy would want to stay her boyfriend after she did?

@Sky: Tom Hiddleston was 30 for the very first Thor movie. In 2011. Time flies, don’t it?

@Rabid Rabbit: It depends on the region of the country, the school, etc. In my high school, the football games were big social events, but that was almost separate from the action on the field. That might be because their record was fair to middling at best; the field hockey team were the ones who brought home championships. But I went to high school in central New York. Go to Texas, and football is a religion.

Robert
Robert
5 years ago

Rabid Rabbit – excellent! Thanks for sharing that.

Regarding Charles Atlas, those panels will now always make me think of Grant Morrison’s “Flex Mentallo, Man of Muscle Mystery!”.

tohka
tohka
5 years ago

Are bunnies hard to maintain? I’ve heard th at you can’t adopt 1 because they’re social and need at least another one to keep company. It’s been a while since I’ve had a furry family member in my little family.

Back to mgtows, they know only their distorted world as always, still believing they see the “truth” that is women are evil and inferior and they are good and pure and superior

I fell down mgtow Twitter hell for a bit. I regret it. And I wish they’d just flat out say that they’re only going their own way because women have rights and don’t have power over them anymore. So much hypocrisy too from them.
A woman has a baby via sperm bank = single whore mom robbing a man of being a father single mothers are the worst thing imaginable and she should be punished for daring to be one on purpose
A woman choosing not to have children = post wall slut who will regret not having kids as that’s the only purpose for women existing she will never be happy and mgtows relish the idea
A woman adopting = a woman who will force a man to raise anofher man’s child thus cucking him therefore she is a whore who should be punished if said woman isn’t forcing a man to be in her life she is a single mom (See 1 point)
A woman and a man having children together = death for men as all women are evil
Lesbians, NBs, trans women = does not exist to them yet still despised (gay women do not exist but gay men to mgtows do/nonbinary people who are afab are ignored and not respected and trans women are fetishized as men being women but “better than women because they’re men”)

Nothing you do as a woman will ever be ok. They believe women should only be used for sex and reproduction but hate it when women want babies rather than they force babies out of women. It’s sick and they clearly do not care for children’s well-being. They will hate and spew the cruelest things until they can have their own wombs, delete all women from the world and have a 100 percent male only society (trans men and nbs not included as many of them are transphobic. Not surprised.)

So much wishing for the apocalypse to happen and for women to be replaced by sexbots with artificial wombs too (that will never be sold to a consumer market mind you! The tech is valuable for only hospitals and made to keep preemies and other babies safe; its going to be like an updated version of the incubators we have now kinda. But like those virtual holographic ‘waifus’ a company in Japan made, mgtows will continue to praise artifical wombs as the replacement to half of the species until it is slowly implemented into hospitals then the hype dies as they all realize they wasted their time being bitter) anyway! Seen alot of Indian mgtows too but they lean closer to mras cropping up as the country continues to strive to punish rapists. Surprising to none, mras and mgtows start to come when rape and torture of women is being punished as a crime as means to shut women up about their abuse.

Anyway anyway, sorry to leave such a long post. I dont have that much time to hang out and I kinda just leave my 2 cents and observations. I love the bunny pics <3 they definitely help cleanse my mind after what I've read

Ariblester
5 years ago

The bunny videos have vanished! The account apparently “doesn’t exist”. ?

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I literally at least think “It could be bunnies” every time someone around me says “I’ve got a theory”

Same. And then the entire song gets stuck in my head.

Ariblester
5 years ago

@Rabid Rabbit

Oh hey, I remember Something Positive.

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