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Creepy Nazi NoFapper: The Jews “fear men who practice semen retention”

Hitler sadly acknowledging the end of a 20-day NoFap streak

By David Futrelle

The other day I introduced you to DiceRollah, a Man Going His Own Way who is also a hardcore semen-retainer who thinks that giving up masturbation and sex will thwart the evil womens out there trying to steal his “life force” and prevent him from being the sort of awesome dude who, in our caveman days, would have been out there “doing fantastic works of cave art or slaying woolly mammoths.”

But it turns out it isn’t just weirdo MGTOWs who prowl the virtual halls of the SemenRetention subreddit, a slightly harder-core alternative to Reddit’s anti-masturbation NoFap subreddit. There are Nazis, too.

And so I would like to introduce you to a fellow called Pmo_addict, a Hitler-loving Redditor who spends most of his time on the site talking about semen and warning his fellow semen-retainers about the allegedly insidious agenda of Teh Jews.

His magnum opus on the subject was a post some four months back declaring that retaining one’s semen was a way of striking back at the Elders of Zion. “The (((elites))) fear men who practice semen retention” he declared, with his post getting more than 80 upvotes from fellow semen-hoarders before one of the mods removed it for its excessively blatant anti-Semitism.

Despite the deletion, the content of his post lingers on. A screenshot of the original quickly made it to 4chan’s /pol/ board — because of course it did — and Pmo_addict reposted the text in the SemenRetention subreddit as a comment, which remains undeleted.

“Everyone who practices semen retention is amazed at all of the awesome benefits of it,” Pmo_addict began, innocently enough.

For most of us it gives us a feeling that we’ve never felt before. But the thing is it used to be how most men felt all the time. It was the default position.All men were strong,energetic, confident, and focused. Even men who had regular sex with their wives had been practicing semen retention for years or decades before and had transmuted so many times that much of the benefits stayed with them.

In case you’re wondering, “transmutation” is basically the NoFap version the Freudian concept of “sublimation,” transforming sexual energy into something else, like artistic creation.

As for the rest of that, [citation fucking needed]. I’m pretty sure dudes in Ye Olden Tymes were jacking it every chance they got. What else was there to do for fun?

All that changed with the advent of porn and the hyper-sexualized society. These days most men start spilling their seed on a daily basis about as soon as they hit puberty.

Pretty sure that was happening even before the internet offered instant access to unlimited porn. Guys used to pop boners watching Annette Funicello on the Mickey Mouse Club. I know a guy who used to jerk it to the women’s underwear section of the Sears Catalog.

They never get to properly develop and become men. Not only is porn use at an alarmingly high level but sex is everywhere you look. Young women today walk around half naked. People are starting to have sex at much younger ages than they did in the past. Every time you watch tv or go to the movies you’re being bombarded with sexual imagery. Men are in a constant state of sexual arousal.

Speak for yourself, dude. Even the horniest of horny teenagers don’t think about sex every minute of every day.

But never mind, because Pmo_addict is about to move on to the Jewish Question.

Israel is one of the few countries in the world where online pornography is banned unless you contact your internet provider, which makes it seemingly impossible for young men to have access to porn and thus much more of them will be practicing SR.

Actually, the bill that would do this hasn’t made it into law yet, and Netanyahu opposes it, but never mind.

But when the Israeli Defense Forces invaded the Palestinian city of Ramallah they took over the tv stations and broadcasted pornography through them. They did this to weaken the Palestinian men.

Apparently the IDF did actually do this, back in 2002, as a form of psychological warfare, though presumably it was intended to shock and disorient Palestinians regardless of gender, not to cause young men to ruin their NoFap streaks.

It’s no coincidence that the same group of (((people))) who control the media,banks, and governments of western countries also control the pornography industry.

[citation needed]

They’re the ones who created the hyper-sexualized society of today. In order for them to keep ruling over us they need men to be in a weakened state. That’s what porn, masturbation, and hyper-sexuality does to you.

How do you even respond to something this ludicrous? I mean, it’s shitty that guys like Pmo_addict are using this particular conspiracy theory to stoke anti-Semitic hate. But at the same time it seems a tad, well, self-defeating. If Nazis want to deprive themselves of one of life’s simple pleasures because they think Teh Jews want to sap their precious bodily fluids, well, I mean, go right ahead, dudes. Your loss.

But Pmo_addict doesn’t just hate the evil porn overlords. He also hates Hollywood. In another comment on the SemenRetention subreddit a couple of months back, he railed against a famously crude comedy because it contained a scene in which Ben Stiller masturbated before a date to calm himself down — setting up a famous sight gag involving Cameron Diaz’s hair.

“Is that … hair gel?”

But Pmo_addict didn’t find that funny at all.

“I remember when ‘There’s Something about Mary’ first came out;” he groused.

Everyone knew about the masturbation scene, even if you hadn’t seen the movie. It was the inside joke of the year. It indoctrinated entire generations of men into thinking fapping is good for you.

The Farrelly Brothers, who wrote and directed the film, and who came up with the rather convoluted masturbation/hair gel joke that still makes Pmo_addict so pig-biting mad, are of course of Irish, not Jewish, descent. But never mind, it’s all the fault of the Jews.

It must be tiring to be this anti-Semitic all the time.

Wait a minute. Is anti-Semitism itself a Jewish plot to sap the life force of young men?

Whoa, I think I just blew my own mind.

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Susan
Susan
1 year ago

Antisemites are among rhe most single-minded haters. They just see absolutely everything through that lens.

Antifappers remind me of a Kids in the Hall skit about a support group for men who had given up urination. I can’t figure out how to post the link from my phone, but it is hilarious. Just google “kids in the Hall urination support group.” You will not be sorry.

Aron
Aron
1 year ago

Yeah but what about the guys who have up urination AND are crushing your head?

We Yids totally control them, too!

tim gueguen
1 year ago

It’s amazing how powerful those dastardly Jewish porn mavens are. They managed to convince the Japanese to produce shunga, sexually explicit artwork, for centuries, even though Westerners were absent from Japan for most of its history.

Semen retainer sounds like some sort of device, probably found in some porn story revolving around orgasm denial.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
1 year ago

Okay, Susan, now I feel like I have to pee really, really bad. I laughed a lot too.

I’m reminded of the time I woke up at 8 a.m. to hear my (60-ish) boyfriend on the phone with his health care provider, explaining that he couldn’t urinate. He was told to come in immediately. I offered to go with him but he told me — with an urgency in his voice — that he was leaving right away.

They catheterized him and he experienced relief. Prostate issues, he was told. He was given a prescription to help him urinate. And for two weeks he had to wear the catheter, which goes straight into the bladder and allows the bladder to drain constantly. My bf had worn shorts to the appointment, and the catheter bag was strapped on so that the bottom of the bag peeked out below the shorts — and it started filling with urine. The ride on public transit and the walk home afterward must have been fun.

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

What sad, strange, little men.

Also from my experience, as one of the youths he is concerned about, we aren’t really having sex at younger ages. Well that’s not true I suppose, most people I went it high school with engaged in oral sex from time and petting but not a lot of PIV sex. I think this is mostly because their so much porn it tends to be easier just to get yourself off then to fumble around with another teenager that doesn’t know what their doing. People still have sex of course but like my older brother is 12 years older then me. His graduating class had 6 girls pregnant with their first child and 3 others that already had kids. My graduating class had one girl who was pregnant and she was just barely pregnant on graduation day. The schools around us had the same sort of things. Drastically dropped numbers of pregnancies then it was in the earlier 2000s. Us generations z kids man.

Buttercup Q. Skullpanys
Buttercup Q. Skullpanys
1 year ago

@Susan and Aron – Thirty Helens agree: Nazi semen retainers are a waste of oxygen.

It indoctrinated entire generations of men into thinking fapping is good for you.

“Entire generations”.

“There’s Something About Mary” came out 21 years ago. That’s not even the span of one generation.

It also wasn’t the first movie to feature a masturbation scene. Off the top of my head I can think of “Being There”, “Risky Business”, “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”, and I’m sure there’s others I’m forgetting from the 70s and 80s. Somehow Western civilization has managed to survive in the intervening 40 years.

Dalillama
Dalillama
1 year ago

It’s cute how this chump thinks there was a time before porn. (I mean, technically there was, since the world hasn’t always contained hominids capable of representational art, but as far as human history is concerned not so much)

“There’s Something About Mary” came out 21 years ago. That’s not even the span of one generation.

And it’s been about 19 years since anyone on earth but this jackass cared about it even a little bit.

KG
KG
1 year ago

Among the benefits of semen retention may be a higher risk of prostate cancer! Go for it, Nazis!

Jane Done
Jane Done
1 year ago

Why are there nazis in everything?

Shadowplay
1 year ago

Among the benefits of semen retention may be a higher risk of prostate cancer! Go for it, Nazis!

At the risk of TMI, when I hit 55 my then GP told me, quite seriously, to either have sex or a wank at least 3 times a week for prostate reasons. Slightly dubious on this, but it surely beats waking ten times a night to pee a teaspoon full.

(She did get struck off two years ago though, so make of that what you will)

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
1 year ago

(The following is my translation of an old strip from the Finnish comic Fingerpori by Pertti Jarla.)

In the last days of the falling Third Reich, Adolf Hitler sits on a locker room bench in his bunker, holding a towel in his hands, talking solemnly to an aide standing nearby.

Hitler: “So, we’ve come into this.”

Aide: “Sir, you gave your best effort. The circumstances were just impossible.”

Hitler: “No, I mean someone’s jizzed on this towel.”

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

Men are in a constant state of sexual arousal

Then why do we not all walk with an awkwardly bent-over posture?

Chris Oakley
1 year ago

Quoth the raven: You MUST be joking.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

I don’t remember the There’s Something about Mary spunk gag working as pro-wank indoctrination. It was just about wringing cringey humour from embarrassment. If anything, it could have served as a warning: don’t have a Sherman when someone might catch you at it.

Talonknife
Talonknife
1 year ago

@Dalillama

It’s cute how this chump thinks there was a time before porn. (I mean, technically there was, since the world hasn’t always contained hominids capable of representational art, but as far as human history is concerned not so much)

I’ve actually heard a theory that the Venus of Willendorf is in fact just a really old form of porn.

K.
K.
1 year ago

Anti-semenites?

Meteor
1 year ago

Every time I read this site, I get like, “Buh – buh – buh- WHAT THE ACTUAL- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
1 year ago

Why are there nazis in everything?

They stick to your pants legs… like sand burrs…. People carry them into their houses, where they metamorphose into cockroaches. The rest is obvious…

(Poe’s law applies here)

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
1 year ago

I can handle their meanness, I sorta expect it really. But do they really have to be so frickin’ gross?

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
1 year ago

@ Talonknife;

Venus of Willendorf is in fact just a really old form of porn.

The sources I’ve read (April Nowell, et. al.) call bullshit on that theory

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
1 year ago

They’re the ones who created the hyper-sexualized society of today. In order for them to keep ruling over us they need men to be in a weakened state. That’s what porn, masturbation, and hyper-sexuality does to you.

“When you want to create the ethnostate but too busy fapping”

I can believe he’s for real.

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy

@Ooglyboggles

They’re the ones who created the hyper-sexualized society of today. In order for them to keep ruling over us they need men to be in a weakened state. That’s what porn, masturbation, and hyper-sexuality does to you.

“When you want to create the ethnostate but too busy fapping”

I can believe he’s for real.

Well yeah, this trope of degeneracy vs (white) masculinity has a long tradition, doesn’t it?

Sheila Crosby
1 year ago

There’s a grain of sense to it, although it’s very well buried. Facism needs people to be too scared and angry to think straight; sexually satisfied people tend to be mellower. In Orwell’s 1984 sex was discouraged except for reproduction for exactly that reason.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Then again, in Brave New World, casual sex was encouraged as a distraction. I think the Brave New World dystopia seems way more fun than the 1984 dystopia. I guess Nazi weirdos would rather have the 1984 one.

Sophist
Sophist
1 year ago

All that changed with the advent of porn and the hyper-sexualized society. These days most men start spilling their seed on a daily basis about as soon as they hit puberty.

One reason circumcision is so common is that in the early 20th century they thought it would prevent young boys from playing with themselves.

Porn didn’t invent masturbation. You don’t have to trick adolescent boys into self pleasuring. Duh.

People are starting to have sex at much younger ages than they did in the past.

The age of consent in the US used to be 10.

Not only is porn use at an alarmingly high level but sex is everywhere you look. Young women today walk around half naked. […] Every time you watch tv or go to the movies you’re being bombarded with sexual imagery. Men are in a constant state of sexual arousal.

Men are in the same state of sexual arousal they have always been in, because exactly what is arousing and how arousing it is are relative to cultural norms.

There are cultures in tropical regions of the world where near nudity is the norm, and the men there don’t walk around with erections 24 hours a day.

Conversely, in cultures where it is the norm for women to dress extremely modestly straight men still find ways to be aroused by them.

The problem isn’t “men” as a whole, the problem is you.

Everyone knew about the masturbation scene, even if you hadn’t seen the movie. It was the inside joke of the year. It indoctrinated entire generations of men into thinking fapping is good for you.

Yeah, millions of red-blooded young American men had no intention of ever masturbating, and then they saw a movie where Ben Stiller got his junk caught in a zipper and thought “well, if the makers of this film endorse masturbation, who am I to argue”. That definitely happened.

Steven I Dutch
Steven I Dutch
1 year ago

Well, I seem to be the only one having “Doctor Strangelove” flashbacks, so here goes, courtesy of IMDB, with a bit of emphasis added:

General Jack D. Ripper: You know when fluoridation first began?

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: I… no, no. I don’t, Jack.

General Jack D. Ripper: Nineteen hundred and forty-six. 1946, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It’s incredibly obvious, isn’t it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That’s the way your hard-core Commie works.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Uh, Jack, Jack, listen… tell me, tell me, Jack. When did you first… become… well, develop this theory?

General Jack D. Ripper: [somewhat embarrassed] Well, I, uh… I… I… first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.

General Jack D. Ripper: Yes, a uh, a profound sense of fatigue… a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I… I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Hmm.

General Jack D. Ripper: I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women uh… women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh… I do not avoid women, Mandrake.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: No.

General Jack D. Ripper: But I… I do deny them my essence.

Oh, Kat, I had the joy of a catheter for about a month last year. It was fun. My favorite movie is now Free Willy.

kupo
kupo
1 year ago

Steven,

What is your aim in posting here? Do you think we like hearing about your willy?

Steven I Dutch
Steven I Dutch
1 year ago

Kupo:

WTF is your problem? You didn’t have any issue with Kat’s much more elaborate discussion of someone’s catheter.