Creepy Nazi NoFapper: The Jews “fear men who practice semen retention”

By David Futrelle

The other day I introduced you to DiceRollah, a Man Going His Own Way who is also a hardcore semen-retainer who thinks that giving up masturbation and sex will thwart the evil womens out there trying to steal his “life force” and prevent him from being the sort of awesome dude who, in our caveman days, would have been out there “doing fantastic works of cave art or slaying woolly mammoths.”

But it turns out it isn’t just weirdo MGTOWs who prowl the virtual halls of the SemenRetention subreddit, a slightly harder-core alternative to Reddit’s anti-masturbation NoFap subreddit. There are Nazis, too.

And so I would like to introduce you to a fellow called Pmo_addict, a Hitler-loving Redditor who spends most of his time on the site talking about semen and warning his fellow semen-retainers about the allegedly insidious agenda of Teh Jews.

His magnum opus on the subject was a post some four months back declaring that retaining one’s semen was a way of striking back at the Elders of Zion. “The (((elites))) fear men who practice semen retention” he declared, with his post getting more than 80 upvotes from fellow semen-hoarders before one of the mods removed it for its excessively blatant anti-Semitism.

Despite the deletion, the content of his post lingers on. A screenshot of the original quickly made it to 4chan’s /pol/ board — because of course it did — and Pmo_addict reposted the text in the SemenRetention subreddit as a comment, which remains undeleted.

“Everyone who practices semen retention is amazed at all of the awesome benefits of it,” Pmo_addict began, innocently enough.

For most of us it gives us a feeling that we’ve never felt before. But the thing is it used to be how most men felt all the time. It was the default position.All men were strong,energetic, confident, and focused. Even men who had regular sex with their wives had been practicing semen retention for years or decades before and had transmuted so many times that much of the benefits stayed with them.

In case you’re wondering, “transmutation” is basically the NoFap version the Freudian concept of “sublimation,” transforming sexual energy into something else, like artistic creation.

As for the rest of that, [citation fucking needed]. I’m pretty sure dudes in Ye Olden Tymes were jacking it every chance they got. What else was there to do for fun?

All that changed with the advent of porn and the hyper-sexualized society. These days most men start spilling their seed on a daily basis about as soon as they hit puberty.

Pretty sure that was happening even before the internet offered instant access to unlimited porn. Guys used to pop boners watching Annette Funicello on the Mickey Mouse Club. I know a guy who used to jerk it to the women’s underwear section of the Sears Catalog.

They never get to properly develop and become men. Not only is porn use at an alarmingly high level but sex is everywhere you look. Young women today walk around half naked. People are starting to have sex at much younger ages than they did in the past. Every time you watch tv or go to the movies you’re being bombarded with sexual imagery. Men are in a constant state of sexual arousal.

Speak for yourself, dude. Even the horniest of horny teenagers don’t think about sex every minute of every day.

But never mind, because Pmo_addict is about to move on to the Jewish Question.

Israel is one of the few countries in the world where online pornography is banned unless you contact your internet provider, which makes it seemingly impossible for young men to have access to porn and thus much more of them will be practicing SR.

Actually, the bill that would do this hasn’t made it into law yet, and Netanyahu opposes it, but never mind.

But when the Israeli Defense Forces invaded the Palestinian city of Ramallah they took over the tv stations and broadcasted pornography through them. They did this to weaken the Palestinian men.

Apparently the IDF did actually do this, back in 2002, as a form of psychological warfare, though presumably it was intended to shock and disorient Palestinians regardless of gender, not to cause young men to ruin their NoFap streaks.

It’s no coincidence that the same group of (((people))) who control the media,banks, and governments of western countries also control the pornography industry.

[citation needed]

They’re the ones who created the hyper-sexualized society of today. In order for them to keep ruling over us they need men to be in a weakened state. That’s what porn, masturbation, and hyper-sexuality does to you.

How do you even respond to something this ludicrous? I mean, it’s shitty that guys like Pmo_addict are using this particular conspiracy theory to stoke anti-Semitic hate. But at the same time it seems a tad, well, self-defeating. If Nazis want to deprive themselves of one of life’s simple pleasures because they think Teh Jews want to sap their precious bodily fluids, well, I mean, go right ahead, dudes. Your loss.

But Pmo_addict doesn’t just hate the evil porn overlords. He also hates Hollywood. In another comment on the SemenRetention subreddit a couple of months back, he railed against a famously crude comedy because it contained a scene in which Ben Stiller masturbated before a date to calm himself down — setting up a famous sight gag involving Cameron Diaz’s hair.

But Pmo_addict didn’t find that funny at all.

“I remember when ‘There’s Something about Mary’ first came out;” he groused.

Everyone knew about the masturbation scene, even if you hadn’t seen the movie. It was the inside joke of the year. It indoctrinated entire generations of men into thinking fapping is good for you.

The Farrelly Brothers, who wrote and directed the film, and who came up with the rather convoluted masturbation/hair gel joke that still makes Pmo_addict so pig-biting mad, are of course of Irish, not Jewish, descent. But never mind, it’s all the fault of the Jews.

It must be tiring to be this anti-Semitic all the time.

Wait a minute. Is anti-Semitism itself a Jewish plot to sap the life force of young men?

Whoa, I think I just blew my own mind.

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