By David Futrelle
Be still my heart! I’ve discovered a man who is, simultaneously, 1) a Redditor, 2) a MGTOW, 3) a NoFap dude with weird theories about semen who 4) literally wants to go out and hunt mammoths.
It’s a We Hunted the Mammoth Trifecta, except with four things. A Fourfecta. (There’s probably a real word for that but I’m too exited to look it up.)
Anyway, so our boy DiceRollah recently paid a visit to the SemenRetention subreddit — an especially hardcore alternative to the anti-maturbation NoFap subreddit — and, sounding a bit like General Jack D. Ripper from Dr. Strangelove, shared his theories about men and their precious bodily fluids.
“Women really do drain your life force,” he began.
I’m MGTOW, but don’t let that turn you off.
Too late, buddy! You already have!
From my perspective, giving women our essence is one more way of many that they drain us. Literally.
Well, ok, but this particular process is at least more pleasurable than having one’s blood drained, either at the doctor’s office or via the more traditional succubus/vampire methodology.
Yet we go right on seeking them out. We may as well go to the club and say “hey baby, how about i allow you to take away my energy and motivation just so i can get laid?”
Worst pickup line ever.
It occured to me lately that regular sex is of course the same as jerking off from a physiological standpoint, and it leaves you just as uninspired and dead inside as habitual jerking off.
Uh, speak for yourself, dude.
I think this may be, from an evolutionary standpoint, nature’s way of making us placid and want to sit at home with that woman, our brains softened by the fucking, and protect her instead of being out there doing fantastic works of cave art or slaying woolly mammoths, which would thus attract possible rival females. My thoughts, anyway.
Huh. Maybe I should change the name of the blog to We Would Have Hunted the Mammoth if You Harpies Hasn’t Stolen Our Magic Sperm.
But I don’t think I will. Because it seems to me that DiceRollah’s theory has already been proven false. I mean, sure, we can’t test if semen-retaining dudes would be more inspired to hunt mammoths, what with the mammoths being extinct and all. But that thing about “doing fantastic works of … art?”
I did a search for “art” in the SemenRetention and NoFap subreddits. I found none in the former and, well, here are some examples of what I found in the latter:
I mean, sure, the Tupac drawing is at least recognizably Tupac. As for the rest, hey, if drawing or painting makes you happy, go ahead and do it. You’re not obligated to be a genius.
But it would be a bit of a stretch to call any of these works of art “fantastic.” So I think I can say that DiceRollah’s theory has been pretty clearly debunked. Which is good news for everyone who enjoys draining themselves, or being drained.
(Note: Whenever manosphere dudes talk about men and women generally, they are almost always referring only to cis men and women; that’s the case here.)
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If Google’s to be believed, the term you want is “quadfecta”.
David, you just made a superfecta!
Lucky ducky!
Not gonna lie; I really like that second one down. Seen far worse in the ICA.
But doesn’t detract from the main point of course.
I’m fairly certain that me having sex with women is not what’s stopping me from hunting the mammoth…
If these guys could actually produce art / science / whatever at some mindblowingly awesome levels, I might think they were on to something. But I’ve seen better codswallop produced in the average fanwank session.
As a person professionally trained in phlebotomy, I can honestly say that a good blood draw is on par with bad sex, in terms of pleasure. Hitting that vein juuuuuuuuuuuust right, especially if it’s on the first try and it’s a good thumper, is pretty great. I’d still take an orgasm over it, though.
I’m intrigued by the significance of burying an acorn. Burying a nut might make sense, as NoFappers hope to bury their nuts’ desire to expel semen, but what might the acorn represent?
Okay I know I’m only in my second year of school and I’m just now taking basic concepts in psychology but last time I checked dopamine were a good thing?
I actually like fourfecta better than superfecta, but I doubt I can get the local track to change their terminology.
David discovered a perfectly spherical MGTOW?
Doesn’t this go against the very popular meme about how everything men accomplished was done to impress women? I’m reminded of the Futurama educational video warning against sex with robots.
This is why I always strive to have sex that motivates my partners to afterward exclaim:
So far I’m only successful about 50% of the time, so any tips anyone has for me would be appreciated.
Welp, that fills up my Menzer Crank Bingo card.
Where do I go to collect my prize?
@Crip Dyke
Add snacks. Catered if you’re feeling really posh.
Adding an intermission to intromission, as it were.
(I know intromission isn’t true in all cases – but I couldn’t resist)
As a person who’s spent time professionally having my blood drawn (yay selling plasma), I can honestly say it doesn’t translate to te other end of the needle.
“I don’t avoid women, but I do deny them my essence.”
Or maybe you are doing it wrong ?
Dead inside? Dude, just don’t do it. Either one. Take up some of those hobbies that MGTOW are always bragging about, without ever getting specific.
Well it seems we must blame cavewomen for the extinction of the mammoth – clearly, they failed to drain enough of cavemen’s essence to keep them from going out and killing the poor pachyderms.
@ Lainy
The miggy has clearly not fully understood dopamine’s role in the central nervous system. Too little is a right embuggerance (trust me on this, few things can demonstrate it as effectively as having Parkinson’s disease,) but too much is also undesirable. To this effect I have to time my L – dopa doses carefully to avoid such known side effects as recklessness, binge eating, binge drinking or even erotomania to name just some.
@occasional reader:
Man, they sure do know how to suck the fun out of everything, huh? 🤣
@Crip Dyke:
The following irregular scenario requires the following:
1-long scarf/bandanna
1-glass of water
1-table or tray on which to set the glass of water to ensure it is within reach directly following the sex act
Step 1(during sex): Wear the scarf around your neck (and nothing else of course, if that’s your custom), and regularly throughout the session–lift it to your face and blow your nose.
Step 2 (after sex): Dump the glass of water on the scarf and use it as a washcloth on your bits.
As a person who has created and sold art sketches and paintings, I can say the Tupac drawing is reasonably fantastic. I’m not saying I’d pay for it but…I make art so I wouldn’t pay for anything. The blending is quite good overall.
Not liking the teeth, though.
It probably says more than a little bit about Robbie that his Tupac rendering looks way more more feminine than Tupac himself did in life.
The colorful canvas…thing…that looks more like what I’d consider blocking (not a compliment).* Nicely ironic rainbow colors, though.
The rest are objectively horrible…though the acorn and shovel one is depressingly representative of a phallic symbol digging a grave for the yonic symbol, which I bet didn’t even cross the dude’s mind when he mused, “What is the best way to waste an expensive notebook page?”
I am snobby enough to point out: just because art looks real doesn’t make it good. And vice versa.
*Blocking is the crude application of rough colors and shapes applied to a canvas before the actual painting begins. It serves as a sort of visual outline.
Professional artists are famously pretentious and jejune, so I feel my comments are in keeping with tradition.
Now I have to stop typing because my nose is so high I can hardly see my keyboard.
Rabid Rabbit says:
An acorn is both easy to draw and easy to recognize as a nut however poorly drawn. “Nut” is also slang meaning “to ejaculate” or “ejaculation.” I think the artist meant to portray hiding away or burying the course of “nutting” itself. Though, a hole is an awfully ironic place to stick it. Just saying.
Short definition of acorn
An acorn is just an oak tree, in a nutshell.
(I had to think about that when I heard it)
Well, that’s better than throwing away your empathy and humanity just so you can get laid?
The way this was worded, it sounds like a gang of rival female mammoth slayers is showing up at the hunting grounds to arm-wrestle his imaginary cave-ancestor, do a West Side Story dance, and take the spoils.
> Catmara
Well, i do not know if it applies for everything in his life, but the OP is at least some kind of blackhole for happiness, which, considering him being also an asshole, is quite apropos.
> A. Noyd & Alan Robertshaw :
https://imgur.com/gallery/GI1pNrC ?
@Cat Mara
I’ve noticed that. I recall a conversation a few threads back where you mentioned how the elation of climax results in laughter. I actually had a recent encounter that resulted in exactly that and afterwards, we both talked about how the joy of it really should result in laughter more often, particularly in porn.
But these guys… I mean, between the way Roosh describes it in his books and any one of these threads… clearly sex and orgasm aren’t things they’re really extracting any joy out of. They make it sound like it’s an obligation on the road to social dominance. I remember that Red Pill Philosophy guy doing the same thing in one of his car rants: describing sex in the most clinical and unappealing way in order to both shock his audience, but also to poison the idea of sex in their minds as a fun and pleasurable social activity between very close people. Davis Aurini did this as well. I think a part of it is just posturing to sound “enlightened” as to the “real nature” of sex, but there’s something deeper going on that they see sex that way.
Physical bodies can be perfect but online cranks can always get more cranky.
Well, that was compact.
We are all Mandrake.
I wonder how these guys explain men like Lord Byron or Pablo Picasso, who were creative yet didn’t exactly retain their semen.
@James Hutchings:
At a guess? “Byron was a crippled girly-man, so doesn’t count, and Picasso’s art isn’t photorealistic, so it doesn’t count either.”
Ugh, very headache-y today. Dealing with fucking recruiters who were “just looking over your [LinkedIn] profile there and it looks like you have some really interesting experience!” but yet somehow miss the part about me being only able to work part time because I have a fucking chronic headache condition despite it being in my fucking profile summary will do that, I’m afraid. Please excuse the rant but nearly six months trying to find a new contract will do that. ☹️
@Katamount:
I don’t think these guys are emotionally equipped to deal with porn where the participants are laughing and being affectionate with each other like human beings. To them, I imagine, that would be barely short of torture.
I believe this because in most of the posts here, one sees a narrative of entitlement and resentment that runs through MRA thought: they believe they’re entitled to women’s bodies and emotional labour, so in their minds, sex-positive porn would just be rubbing in their faces that which they’re missing out on, that which is being unfairly withheld from them. It’d be totes like watching Chad and Stacy in high school, except they’re naked and stuff! No, better to have porn detached and clinical where the woman is a thing to be penetrated, the man reduced to a faceless cipher, the entire act a mindless ritual– oral scene, penetration scene, money shot– playing out like clockwork.
The satirist Charlie Brooker (the guy who does Black Mirror) once described one of his characters as being into porn so grim it’s like someone took the display in a butcher’s shop window and fitted it with animatronics. For most modern porn makers, that’d probably be high praise, their defining aesthetic…
@Crip Dyke
Post-orgasm, force them at gunpoint to rub a bank. Alternatively, simply mug them yourself. That’d sure work on me. I’d absolutely melt. It may look like I’m pissing myself, but I promise you that’s just me melting.
*I meant to say rob, but rub works even better
@Jone
Ironically, I was wondering why he had depicted Pac busting a nut
Shadowplay – a perfectly spherical, frictionless MGTOW in a vacuum.
These people make orgasms sound so dreary, they could be Anti-Sex League block captains.
The dopamine drawing looks like a rough draft of an SCP anomaly. Or a vintage TV commercial: “Dopamine is like a storm raging inside you. . .”
You know this might be a very bad thing to say considering what site I’m on and how old I am, but I just found out last week that a mammoth and a mastodon are not the same animal. I thought it was the same thing but just considering where you grow up people call it different things. Like here in America a buffalo is a actually a bison but a lot of people still call it a buffalo.
(side note I used that example in class and then found out that buffalo and bison are not in fact the same thing. Not my fault, I blame Avatar the last air bender for telling young child me that they were the same thing. )
Adding on to that I like to point out Avatar the last air bender came out when I was 6 years old so of course I just naturally believed a fire bender soldier that said a bison and buffalo were the same thing. It’s not like I’m just dumb.
The confusion arises from the fact that the North American bison is sometimes called a buffalo. Sky bison being fictional, and ATLA frequently including ‘hybrid’ creatures anyway, they can probably get away with it.
Shadow:
‘Rub a bank’ sounds like it should be a euphemism for masturbation.
Except most cave art seems to have been done at home in the, you know, cave. Little hard to create cave art outside of said cave.
Isn’t that a miggie-toe euphemism for ladies stealing their precious sperm to load their turkey basters and force men to pay for 18 years of bon-bons?
@Shadow
Now I get it…I didn’t make the connection between the feminine Tupac depiction and the whole teeth/mouth thing.
I just realized I never look at men’s faces when they orgasm and that is just fine by me. I defer to your expertise.
@A. Noyd:
I think the visual representation of an acorn is more similar to a uterus than to a testicle.
The thought of a penis-shovel burying an acorn-uterus is disturbing, and in keeping with the public attitudes of these people.
But it could go either way…
A penis burying a testicle is cutely psychological: the man’s subconscious believes he is being emasculated by other men/himself.
That seems more demonstrative of the true reality of the situation than what I initially gleaned.
As god herself said:
>> Yet we go right on seeking them out. We may as well go to the club and say “hey baby, how about i allow you to take away my energy and motivation just so i can get laid?”
> Worst pickup line ever.
Honestly, this is far from the worst pickup line posted to this site.
So, no one has mentioned the pic titled “1st” yet. I find it uniquely disturbing for some reason, probably because it was created by a manospherian and its meaning is so obscure. Is it supposed to be a little man emerging from a blob of semen? Because that’s what it looks like.
Jone says:
And I think you’re reading way too much understanding of biology into people who think cumming robs them of some sort of mystical man energy. ;p
Sometimes a nut is just a nut.
And since we know the men were out slaughtering pachyderms, it must have been done by the women, in between popping out babies and cooking the mammoth stew.
Pretty telling that they think creativity is something finite that gets drained and used up, instead of an unquenchable spark that drives you to share something with the world.
Great art has never arisen from being miserly, guarded, and withholding one’s “essence”.
What were the responses? Because sometimes I read alot of replies (sometimes funny ones too) that criticize mgtows when they leave their echo chamber
@A. Noyd
True.
But I desperately crave gratuitous philosophical discussion somewhere that I won’t be talked over or interrupted constantly. Not to mention my favorite: ignoring my good points only to plagiarize them moments later while giving me zero credit.
And if I bring up the fact that I said it first, oh how trifling they accuse me of being.
If women were socialized to express socially only their anger as men are, we would have nobody left in this country for all the mass shootings.
Perhaps my over-thinking will compensate for their chronic under-thinking, if such things have weight in any of the 12 or 13 hypothetical dimensions of space/time. I like to imagine cosmic karma being related to dark matter, because fantasies like that are all that keeps me going in the current “Union.”