By David Futrelle
Be still my heart! I’ve discovered a man who is, simultaneously, 1) a Redditor, 2) a MGTOW, 3) a NoFap dude with weird theories about semen who 4) literally wants to go out and hunt mammoths.
It’s a We Hunted the Mammoth Trifecta, except with four things. A Fourfecta. (There’s probably a real word for that but I’m too exited to look it up.)
Anyway, so our boy DiceRollah recently paid a visit to the SemenRetention subreddit — an especially hardcore alternative to the anti-maturbation NoFap subreddit — and, sounding a bit like General Jack D. Ripper from Dr. Strangelove, shared his theories about men and their precious bodily fluids.
“Women really do drain your life force,” he began.
I’m MGTOW, but don’t let that turn you off.
Too late, buddy! You already have!
From my perspective, giving women our essence is one more way of many that they drain us. Literally.
Well, ok, but this particular process is at least more pleasurable than having one’s blood drained, either at the doctor’s office or via the more traditional succubus/vampire methodology.
Yet we go right on seeking them out. We may as well go to the club and say “hey baby, how about i allow you to take away my energy and motivation just so i can get laid?”
Worst pickup line ever.
It occured to me lately that regular sex is of course the same as jerking off from a physiological standpoint, and it leaves you just as uninspired and dead inside as habitual jerking off.
Uh, speak for yourself, dude.
I think this may be, from an evolutionary standpoint, nature’s way of making us placid and want to sit at home with that woman, our brains softened by the fucking, and protect her instead of being out there doing fantastic works of cave art or slaying woolly mammoths, which would thus attract possible rival females. My thoughts, anyway.
Huh. Maybe I should change the name of the blog to We Would Have Hunted the Mammoth if You Harpies Hasn’t Stolen Our Magic Sperm.
But I don’t think I will. Because it seems to me that DiceRollah’s theory has already been proven false. I mean, sure, we can’t test if semen-retaining dudes would be more inspired to hunt mammoths, what with the mammoths being extinct and all. But that thing about “doing fantastic works of … art?”
I did a search for “art” in the SemenRetention and NoFap subreddits. I found none in the former and, well, here are some examples of what I found in the latter:
I mean, sure, the Tupac drawing is at least recognizably Tupac. As for the rest, hey, if drawing or painting makes you happy, go ahead and do it. You’re not obligated to be a genius.
But it would be a bit of a stretch to call any of these works of art “fantastic.” So I think I can say that DiceRollah’s theory has been pretty clearly debunked. Which is good news for everyone who enjoys draining themselves, or being drained.
(Note: Whenever manosphere dudes talk about men and women generally, they are almost always referring only to cis men and women; that’s the case here.)
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If Google’s to be believed, the term you want is “quadfecta”.
David, you just made a superfecta!
Lucky ducky!
Not gonna lie; I really like that second one down. Seen far worse in the ICA.
But doesn’t detract from the main point of course.
I’m fairly certain that me having sex with women is not what’s stopping me from hunting the mammoth…
If these guys could actually produce art / science / whatever at some mindblowingly awesome levels, I might think they were on to something. But I’ve seen better codswallop produced in the average fanwank session.
As a person professionally trained in phlebotomy, I can honestly say that a good blood draw is on par with bad sex, in terms of pleasure. Hitting that vein juuuuuuuuuuuust right, especially if it’s on the first try and it’s a good thumper, is pretty great. I’d still take an orgasm over it, though.
I’m intrigued by the significance of burying an acorn. Burying a nut might make sense, as NoFappers hope to bury their nuts’ desire to expel semen, but what might the acorn represent?
Okay I know I’m only in my second year of school and I’m just now taking basic concepts in psychology but last time I checked dopamine were a good thing?
I actually like fourfecta better than superfecta, but I doubt I can get the local track to change their terminology.
David discovered a perfectly spherical MGTOW?
Doesn’t this go against the very popular meme about how everything men accomplished was done to impress women? I’m reminded of the Futurama educational video warning against sex with robots.
This is why I always strive to have sex that motivates my partners to afterward exclaim:
So far I’m only successful about 50% of the time, so any tips anyone has for me would be appreciated.
Welp, that fills up my Menzer Crank Bingo card.
Where do I go to collect my prize?
@Crip Dyke
Add snacks. Catered if you’re feeling really posh.
Adding an intermission to intromission, as it were.
(I know intromission isn’t true in all cases – but I couldn’t resist)
As a person who’s spent time professionally having my blood drawn (yay selling plasma), I can honestly say it doesn’t translate to te other end of the needle.
“I don’t avoid women, but I do deny them my essence.”
Or maybe you are doing it wrong ?
Dead inside? Dude, just don’t do it. Either one. Take up some of those hobbies that MGTOW are always bragging about, without ever getting specific.
Well it seems we must blame cavewomen for the extinction of the mammoth – clearly, they failed to drain enough of cavemen’s essence to keep them from going out and killing the poor pachyderms.
@ Lainy
The miggy has clearly not fully understood dopamine’s role in the central nervous system. Too little is a right embuggerance (trust me on this, few things can demonstrate it as effectively as having Parkinson’s disease,) but too much is also undesirable. To this effect I have to time my L – dopa doses carefully to avoid such known side effects as recklessness, binge eating, binge drinking or even erotomania to name just some.
@occasional reader:
Man, they sure do know how to suck the fun out of everything, huh? ?
@Crip Dyke:
The following irregular scenario requires the following:
1-long scarf/bandanna
1-glass of water
1-table or tray on which to set the glass of water to ensure it is within reach directly following the sex act
Step 1(during sex): Wear the scarf around your neck (and nothing else of course, if that’s your custom), and regularly throughout the session–lift it to your face and blow your nose.
Step 2 (after sex): Dump the glass of water on the scarf and use it as a washcloth on your bits.
As a person who has created and sold art sketches and paintings, I can say the Tupac drawing is reasonably fantastic. I’m not saying I’d pay for it but…I make art so I wouldn’t pay for anything. The blending is quite good overall.
Not liking the teeth, though.
It probably says more than a little bit about Robbie that his Tupac rendering looks way more more feminine than Tupac himself did in life.
The colorful canvas…thing…that looks more like what I’d consider blocking (not a compliment).* Nicely ironic rainbow colors, though.
The rest are objectively horrible…though the acorn and shovel one is depressingly representative of a phallic symbol digging a grave for the yonic symbol, which I bet didn’t even cross the dude’s mind when he mused, “What is the best way to waste an expensive notebook page?”
I am snobby enough to point out: just because art looks real doesn’t make it good. And vice versa.
*Blocking is the crude application of rough colors and shapes applied to a canvas before the actual painting begins. It serves as a sort of visual outline.
Professional artists are famously pretentious and jejune, so I feel my comments are in keeping with tradition.
Now I have to stop typing because my nose is so high I can hardly see my keyboard.
Rabid Rabbit says:
An acorn is both easy to draw and easy to recognize as a nut however poorly drawn. “Nut” is also slang meaning “to ejaculate” or “ejaculation.” I think the artist meant to portray hiding away or burying the course of “nutting” itself. Though, a hole is an awfully ironic place to stick it. Just saying.
Short definition of acorn
An acorn is just an oak tree, in a nutshell.
(I had to think about that when I heard it)