By David Futrelle
The angry misogynists who call themselves Men Going Their Own Way like to think of themselves as gender nonconformists of a sort, refusing to give in to what they see as intense social pressure to settle down and become husbands and providers — even if such pressure doesn’t actually amount to more than occasional naggy questions from relatives and coworkers about why they’re not married, and even though the overwhelming majority of married women themselves work.
But if you think their oft-proclaimed status as, er, gender outlaws of a sort might give them a tiny bit of empathy for or understanding of trans people — whose very existence challenges traditional notions of a simple and immutable gender binary — well, let’s just say you’d be very disappointed. Indeed, MGTOWs’ takes on trans women are as fucked-up as their takes on cis women, if not more so.
Today on the MGTOW subreddit — one of the largest MGTOW forums online, with more than 90,000 subscribers — some of the regulars are discussing this little screengrab, evidently nicked from one of the chans:
Naturally, the regulars agree with this assessment wholeheartedly, seeing the logic as self-evident: women have lives that are so much better than men in almost every way that men are deciding to go trans as a way to make their lives easier.
Clearly this deserves a reaction gif of some sorts, though I can’t think of any quite strong enough. Perhaps some turbocharged combination of these two classics?
But this is what these guys really and truly believe.
“The game isn’t just ‘too hard’, it’s biased and rigged,” writes a MGTOW Redditor calling himself fasterfind.
Women treat men like shit. The only way to be an acceptable member of society or to be treated nicely is to be a woman. Until then, you’re disposable and nothing matters. You’ll also play as a man, which means that if you’re looking for love or acceptance, then your resources will be depleted and taken, then you will still be disposed of. It’s not worth it.
While sympathetic to the boys he thinks are “becoming girls” to make their lives super-easy, Fasterfind concludes that it makes more sense to simply refuse to “play the game” in the first place, becoming a MGTOW who demonstrates his complete independence from women by complaining about them on the internet all day.
“I’ll admit I’ve considered popping easy mode pills before,” confesses someone calling himself shetoldmeto80.
[N]ow I am too old and too masculine looking to get away with it.
This wasn’t some gender dysphoria thing really, it was a social/practical thing I guess. Why not live life on easy mode?
In another comment, shetoldmeto80 uses the alleged “fact” that cis men are deciding to become trans women to make things easier for themselves as further evidence that life really is easier for women.
What is truly in question then, if this is a big trend, is how much more priviledged women are that men want to become one for practical reasons… If most men going M2F are doing it for practical reasons, then we can safely assume that society is sexist towards men and gender equality actually means “female domination”…
A lot of “iffing” going on there.
You do not see many F2Ms simply because there is no major upside to becoming a man. There was an article back then of some woman trying out testosterone injections for a while and stopping because she claimed it was a fucking nightmare.
Well, no, dude, the reason you “do not see many F2Ms” isn’t because trans men don’t exist; it’s because you — and society in general — isn’t really interested in recognizing their existence.
Though hard numbers on the demographics of the trans and gender nonconforming population are notoriously difficult to come by — for assorted reasons mostly connected to transphobia — one recent study based on Centers for Disease Control data concludes that the ratio of trans women to trans men, while not 1:1, is much lower than previous studies have concluded (and the popular imagination has assumed), with roughly 46 trans women to every 33 trans men.
Not that the MGTOW Redditors would be much interested in knowing about trans men, because their existence in large numbers undermines the crackpot theory that trans women are, for the most part, really men seeking an easier life.
Given that the MGTOW Redditors think that trans women are really men, it’s perhaps not surprising that they think these men make better women than “real” women do.
“What is really fucked up,” writes someone called
T0000009,
is that those boys are actually better looking and more feminine that real females
“Even the ones that don’t look better usually look more FEMININE,” declares someone called Tsukikoselenia, who turns out to have rather a lot of opinions on the subject.
Thing is, a MtF has to really try in order to look feminine. Biology is pretty much against him, even if he wasn’t a “buff guy” to begin with. Aside from fakeup, it usually implies a complicated diet for a while in order to ensure the desired fat redistribution, etc. Few people know the typical female body characteristics (such as the importance of eyebrows when it comes to gender identification as an example; something women don’t care about and jut remove them and draw them with a pencil instead…) as well as a “serious” MtF.
Although I’ve also seen quite a lot of them that were just thinking that putting a dress and using 2 filters on snapchat meant switching gender. But whatever about these ones.
Thing is, if you want to be good-looking, no matter the gener, it requires efforts. It’s just that for women these “efforts” nowadays mean crap like only fakeup and nail art, or dressing in a slutty way. Of course compared to this, anyone doing even the bare minimum will look ok if not better.
In another comment, Tsukikoselenia expounds further on the alleged failure of “real” women to do the hard work necessary to become sufficiently hot in his eyes.
If you care about your body enough to try to transition, chances are, you’ll try to avoid looking like a landwhale and eating junk food every single day. Most actual women don’t give a crap about this. Look at them complain about how they -need- makeup because men just don’t know how bad a woman’s skin is without makeup, instead of just eating better in order to avoid looking like a zombie. When the other side doesn’t even try anymore because it is too lazy and because of feminism and PROGRESS, it’s quite easy to look better compared to it.
A few commenters actually come out and say that they would prefer to date trans women over their “real” counterparts. Someone called Vrabo spells out what he sees as their many advantages:
More feminine, has a cock, speaks your mental language, can’t hit the wall, doesn’t have female rights to fuck you over…
I’m in.
But not all of the assembled MGTOWs are willing to go quite so far. While agreeing that these men-turned-women-who-are-still-basically-men do look better than “real” women, a commenter called DarkNights292 declares that he doesn’t think he “could get past that it has a dick flopping around.”
Yes, he used the word “it.”
Still, his outright transphobia is probably a better thing for trans women than Vrabo’s brand of trans fetishisn — rooted as it is in misogyny and transmisogyny. No woman, cis or trans, deserves to be burdened with the sexual attentions of a MGTOW.
H/T — Thanks to trans researcher Os Keyes for pointing me to the study on the demographics of the trans and gender nonconforming population.
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Exactly the same logic as TERFs. Helps to explain why they’re so chummy with MRAs. Two cheeks of the same arse.
I can’t imagine the amount of wilful ignorance required to hold the opinions these MGTOWs routinely express. Just reading the news on Huffington Post’s Queer Voices section would tell you that transpeople aren’t living life on “easy mode”. For fuck’s sake.
The life expectancy of black trans women is 35. In large part because of violence.
The Trump administration is pushing a “conscience” clause that would allow health care providers deny care to trans people.
Easy mode my ass.
The MGTOW explanation doesn’t make sense on any level: even if you accept their premises about men’s relative disadvantage (I don’t, but let’s say I did), it’s obvious that the social obstacles you would face as a trans person would far outweigh any “female privilege” you might get post-transition.
It is true, however, that nearly every source I’ve seen agrees that there are more trans women than trans men, and that the difference is significant. I tend to think this has something to do with the (relative) freedom we give women in terms of gender presentation.
I believe Alison Bechdel talked about this once: she mentioned that if the codes of gender (in terms of dress, behavior, etc.) were as strict for women as they are for men, she might have come to see herself as trans, rather than a “butch” lesbian. I can’t seem to find the interview, but I thought it was an interesting perspective.
Aaron – do bear in mind what a very, very recent change that is, and only in certain countries/cultures. I’m not quite sure that societal clothing norms are a significant factor, though I’ll absolutely admit I don’t know what factors actually ARE significant…
Truth be told, nearly every trans person I’ve known has been a trans man, so I wasn’t even really aware that there was a comparatively greater prevalence of trans women.
I’m interested to learn that trans women can’t ‘hit the wall’. I’m not quite sure I get why.
@ Podkayne Lives
Probably because the life expectancy for trans women is horrifyingly low.
“Doesn’t have female rights”? So, this person’s saying that women have more power than men… he also thinks that trans women are men… and it seems he doesn’t want a potential partner to have “rights.” That’s not disturbing at all (/s).
And why would a trans woman be exempt from “hitting the wall”? Doesn’t that just mean “becoming too old to be attractive (in an MGTOW’s arbitrary judgement)”?
Ninja’d on the last point. Couldn’t get the post to edit. I hope he just has the idea that AMAB people age better and it’s not what Lainy suggests. Not that you couldn’t be right. 🙁
Yeah you know what, I DID just start taking active steps towards living as a more than hypothetical trans woman for the privilege it would give me. The privilege of living like a fucking human being. The privilege of one day being able to look at myself with the slightest feeling that I’ve got some worth.
I will give them the tiniest of accidental points, starting earlier in the month when I finally decided I couldn’t keep living the way I was anymore, I did in fact start a process of taking much better care of myself than I used to. But it’s not just literal having to in order to improve my body image, it’s also because before I was taking steps to actually change my situation I just didn’t give a shit. When your body is gross and wrong and all the steps you can take towards making it less so are frowned upon by society at least for me you stop caring about the state of it. And when even the smallest of baby steps makes you feel so much more alive, you suddenly start actually caring again.
But yeah tell me again how I’m just trying to turn on easy mode, MGTOWs.
@Phaos
I’m so sorry you ever felt that way about yourself. I hope your doing better. I’m sorry these assholes treat women like you like this.
Well… since most of them think toxic masculinity is the only masculinity, and people are becoming increasingly hostile towards it, they’re probably correct in the sense that women have an easier time socially than men who perform toxic masculinity. Where they go wrong is assuming that “real” men engage in toxic behavior and failing to do so is feminine. So basically, it’s not that women are doing life on easy mode, they’re choosing to do life on hard mode without realizing that they have a choice.
“[S]peaks your mental language”, ahahahahaha
There is an argument to be made, I suppose, that trans women have sometimes been in a position to understand toxic men better than cis women, simply because men were off their guard around us when we were closeted. But just because we know all about them doesn’t mean we’re sympathetic. We’ve seen them at their shameless worst, again and again.
On the upside, the myth of our SECRET MALE MINDS is also shared by TERFs, so it’s fun to see male separatists and female separatists coming together on something.
Bwahahahahahahahahahaha.
You know what, my social anxiety has improved, so yeah, easy mode. Just ignore the awful bits.
https://gph.is/1pyK5Td
the so called “game” is already harder for cis women than cis men. men is the easiest difficulty setting. to be trans or nonbinary is the highest difficulty setting for gender.? cis men have it so easy they don’t even know.
@Podkayne Lives
I don’t think MGTOW have any understanding of what a transgender woman’s life is like, nor do they know what a transgender woman’s life expectancy is.
I assume the reason MGTOW think trans women don’t hit the wall is because they see trans women as men — and men, according to MGTOW, don’t hit the wall.
Perhaps MGTOW believe that the only reason men die is because they live under a brutal matriarchy. In the old days — when life was good because women knew their place — men did not die.
https://www.mgtow.com/forums/topic/do-men-hit-the-wall/
@Kat
Really, I’m not sure they have an idea what anyone’s life is like, even straight cis dudes.
@Bakunin
Right! Plus I doubt they know what their own lives are like. I’m pretty sure they’re strictly in React mode, never in Think mode.
Is the girl used to illustrate their post a frequent hate/lust object of the chans? I feel like I’ve seen her face before in association with people on the internet being awful.
40 years ago, when I first became aware of transpeople transmen were not acknowledged. Transmen at that time tended to be seen as butch lesbians, and that is what some anti trans radfems say they are (Julie Bindell et al claim that we do not see so many butch lesbians now because they are all becoming men – provides no actual evidence of course).
I met quite a few transmen through the lesbian community, one of whom I shared a house with during the early part of his transition. He said that he believed that the medical community ignored transmen becuase they did not want to give them dicks – whether through not wishing to face the surgical challenge, or an ideological stance.
I saw a youtube video of a transman who said that now he passes he is taken seriously, people listen to him, and sometimes defer to him. Doesn’t sound like he is treated like shit!
A transwoman I know noticed how much worse she is treated – she passes well, and suffers what all women will recognise, being patronised, touched by male strangers, treated like she is an idiot etc etc.
This is of course the very LEAST a transwoman will endure.
MGTOW may feel marginalised, but it is not because they are men. Male privilege is there even for low status men because a lot of people (and this includes some women) automatically place a man in a higher position in public space – even if it is purely because he is bigger.
@Aaron:
I think that’s the thing that crushes me about MRAs. Women do have many freedoms in behaviours that men don’t because men are traditionally discounted the moment they do something not considered stereotypically masculine (like… caring about other humans, or doing housework, or having emotions). Now, the culture is shifting, men’s behaviour is being given more leg-room… and MRAs see it as replacement and parrot back everything that has ever kept them down.
And the worst part is there are clearly hundreds of people in these clusters that recognise the hypocrisy, but have to speak with the majority in order not to be ousted.
One of the reasons why there seem to be fewer trans men than trans women is that it is (on average, all things being equal, your mileage may vary, etc., etc.) easier for trans men to pass. This has been shown by research– see, for example, here— that people give heavier “weight” to masculine cues than feminine ones. Example:
(Emphases mine. Aside: This is one of the reasons why TERFs making transphobic jokes about stuff like “man hands” makes me mad: not only because it’s intended to incite ridicule and violence towards trans women, but also because it makes things unsafe for any cis women who happen to fall outside the normal distribution)
TL;DR Trans women have an uphill battle merely to pass as women, and that’s even before they face the systemic biases all women in our society face. “Living life on easy mode” my Irish ass.
I think one big problem is that MRA types (whether they be MGTOWs or Incels or what have you) mistake being told that they have extra privilege as a result of being male and very often white. This doesn’t track for them because they don’t get that extra privilege does not inherently make you happy and it does not mean you can just do whatever you please. They DO see that they used to have more ‘privileges’ in that society was even less willing to punish them for doing awful things to anyone below them in status and lament that loss as though it was the only thing that mattered.
I’d also say in their meager little hearts they do actually understand the extent of their privilege, and cannot conceive that anyone would willingly give it up. This leads to them assuming a trans woman must somehow be the ultra-class of privilege, like we’re going Super Saiyan or something.
The phrase “backwards and in high heels” comes to mind. Men level up more quickly, accumulate status points more quickly, are granted access to areas of the map that others have to work harder for, have an easier time getting assistance within the game, and receive fewer sanctions for violating the rules. It’s not like women get different rewards or bonus points either. We’re all playing the same game.
On top of that, add in menstruation, pregnancy and childbirth, increased likelihood of rape, sexual assault and domestic violence, etc. That’s hardly “easy mode”.
These dudes can’t even play Oppression Olympics without cheating.
Ugh, so confusing when people walk around with LYING EYEBROWS. How can I tell who to feel superior to?