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“Most of us will never experience post-fart bliss in a relationship,” incel laments

I didn’t make this image. It was already out there.

By David Futrelle

Incels think a lot about farts. I mean, we all do, I guess, but when incels think about farts, well, it’s kind of special.

Consider this plaintive fart-related complaint I found on the Incels.is forums:

Most of us will never experience post-fart bliss in a relationship

And, yes, he’s actually mad about this.

“Yeah, she farted in front of me last week, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.”

It is a well known but little talked about fact that couples that are really comfortable around each other/have been together for a long time feel no shame farting around each other. To me (and many normie marriage experts believe it or not) this is a huge milestone in a relationship.

I mean, yeah, it does represent a greater level of comfort, and it’s definitely better for your internal organs if you don’t hold in your farts for six hours so your date won’t realize you ever fart. And sometimes farts are funny.

But on the flip side, they are also gross as hell and no one outside a few fetishists (and I guess an even smaller number of hopeless romantics) really wants to smell anyone else’s farts. I mean, jeez, it’s a matter of basic politeness: no matter how comfortable you are with someone, go to another room before letting out a big one, if that’s at all possible.

But let’s return to the imaginary fart bliss zone of this guy’s imagination for some thoughts on femoids and Chads.

Like for example, many femoids at first will not be comfortable being seen in front of their new Chad without their make-up and hair being all done up. Gradually, it doesn’t matter anymore. Soon, they will be comfortable being seen in pajamas. Eventually, post-fart bliss as I call it is inevitable, provided the man is question is high value enough for her to stay with long enough.

But there is some possible trouble in this fart paradise, at least for dudes:

WARNING: This stage could also signify that the femoid is about to get fat. Tread with caution and understand that there is that risk.

But Redpill Robert quickly returns to thoughts of farty bliss, and why it remains an impossible dream to all but the luckiest incels.

Most of us will be lucky to ever even get into a serious relationship at all. Of the few that do, 99% will get cucked or just dumped for anything better that comes along. Some very lucky select few however may just escape inceldom completely, get married to a unicorn and live happily ever after in post-fart bliss. Deep down, this is what all of us dream of.

Really? If you’re dreaming of farts, maybe you shouldn’t be eating a full plate of beans right before you go to sleep, huh, you big incel weirdo?

Bam. OWNED!

Ok, maybe that wasn’t THAT great of an own, but it’s Sunday and I’m taking it easy.

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Jamie
Jamie
2 years ago

I can’t even image viewing the world all the time through this transactional lens that incels do. It seems exhausting.

YV
YV
2 years ago

Huh. Interesting. You’d think that with the impossible standards that most incels seem to have (see: “she might get fat” as written above), they would not like to be reminded of their girlfriend’s humanity by hearing her fart. I guess there are some romantics after all.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
2 years ago

Whut.

I mean, YES, Mr. Parasol and I are pretty blissfully married (22 years and counting) and farting definitely happens, especially if we have chili for dinner, but it’s not a major benchmark for us.

jsrtheta
jsrtheta
2 years ago

“Incels think a lot about farts. I mean, we all do, I guess…”

Erm, no, I don’t think “we all do.” I for one, almost never think about them.

Bina
2 years ago

WARNING: This stage could also signify that the femoid is about to get fat. Tread with caution and understand that there is that risk.

Yes, it’s just a short step from fart to fat. One dropped R, to be precise. Today it’s gas, tomorrow it’s gras. Today it’s beans, tomorrow it’s pork. Oh, the horror of femoid humanity!

And these dorks wonder why they’re single…

Shadowplay
2 years ago

@Bina

Thank you for a good smile before bed. That’s art.

Though I’ll admit I were thinking this is probably the most reasonable thing I’ve seen come out of the incel crowd. Never seen one wistful (or reasonable facsimile) before.

Viscaria
Viscaria
2 years ago

I didn’t make this image. It was already out there.

Oh, no. What? No. What?

Of the few that do, 99% will get cucked or just dumped for anything better that comes along.

Well, yeah, this is obviously some true science facts.* But, like, wouldn’t the woman who is cucking you fart around you? Wouldn’t she be much more inclined to fart around you than the dazzlingly superior men she’s sleeping with all the time behind your back?

*Just kidding. It’s actually a load of gibberish.

Bina
2 years ago

@Shadowplay, you’re welcome! I couldn’t stop laughing at the folly of that one.

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
2 years ago

This was almost painful to read.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

WARNING: This stage could also signify that the femoid is about to get fat. Tread with caution and understand that there is that risk.

When I first started reading the post, I was thinking “hey, wait! I thought women weren’t supposed to let on that we’re human beings who have bodily fluids and age and sometimes get gas.” But the incel reverted to form. Maybe this kind of thing is why there will be no post-fart bliss for them? Just a wacky thought.

Although I do wonder if he thinks farts unleash fat cells into a woman’s body and cause her to gain weight?

kupo
kupo
2 years ago

WARNING: This stage could also signify that the femoid is about to get fat. Tread with caution and understand that there is that risk.

It’s true. Every time I fart in front of my husband I gain four ounces. That might not sound too bad, but the other day I had chipotle for lunch and farted 10 times that night! That’s over 2 pounds gained in one night!

epitome of incomprehensibility

What’s the big deal about farting, of all things?

Some very lucky select few however may just escape inceldom completely, get married to a unicorn and live happily ever after in post-fart bliss.

This is much funnier if you imagine an actual unicorn. (And the Internet tells me that unicorns fart rainbows.) 😀

Catalpa
Catalpa
2 years ago

Erm, no, I don’t think “we all do.” I for one, almost never think about them.

Well, I tend to think about them at (least in passing) every time I need to pass gas. Sometimes I fart thoughtlessly, but usually only when I’m alone.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

Now they’re complaining because the Chads are getting all the farts?!?

Time to forcibly redistribute the poots. I imagine there are many women who would feel thoroughly comfortable wafting Intestinal No. 5 at them.

Bina
2 years ago

Tonight, I will light my farts on fire as a tribute to all the incels who will die never having smelt them. Or who dealt them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hfmnoe9hSfc

I regret that I have not one rat’s ass to give.

LarTeb
LarTeb
2 years ago

So full disclosure: I wouldn’t let my (now) husband say “I love you” until he farted in front of me.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

The new season of True Detective is fantastic so far.

Off topic, I know. But I just had to say it!

tohka
tohka
2 years ago

Wish this incel thinking stayed just online it creeps into the real world like the military OT but it’s gross and it reminds me that incel-manosphere thinking is a dangerous virus, especially to children

A US marine now claimed that underage girla are to blame when they are in sexual relationships with adults (ie to him statuary rape shouldn’t exist)

“Wow…let’s place all the blame on a man who is biologically designed to act that way … and not the woman who wanted to do it,” Russo responded. “And I do believe she was 16.”

“I am not talking about who were manipulated and the individuals who were victims like they didn’t know what the hell was going on,” Master Sgt. Mark McBride said in a Jan. 6 live video. “No, I’m talking about these individuals who are purposely going after older men and trying to have relationships with them for some type of monetary gain. And I’ll represent that to the death.”

That disclaimer of him excusing victims really shows you what he believes victims are. And that the whole system wasn’t built to protect kids from predators. To him, those kids have the same maturity and full understanding of an adult with more life experience and physical and mental development. And men are meant to have sex with those kids because.

Knitting Cat Lady
Knitting Cat Lady
2 years ago

Incels want farts?

I’d be happy to send some of mine their way.

Fair warning, though, I have IBS. I can clear a room withing seconds with my farts.

Rei Malebario
Rei Malebario
2 years ago

Pro tip: When I let out a loud one, I’ll grab my phone, hold it to my ear and say “Yes..? …Hello…?” and then look at it with a puzzled expression.
That way people may believe it’s my ringtone.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
2 years ago

Some very lucky select few however may just escape inceldom completely, get married to a unicorn and live happily ever after in post-fart bliss. Deep down, this is what all of us dream of.

Really? If you’re dreaming of farts, maybe you shouldn’t be eating a full plate of beans right before you go to sleep, huh, you big incel weirdo?

Bam. OWNED!

Ok, maybe that wasn’t THAT great of an own, but it’s Sunday and I’m taking it easy.

Wrong, David — that was a great OWN! I’m still laughing.

occasional reader
occasional reader
2 years ago

It is a well known but little talked about […]

Ah, the famous “It’s well known” argument, the best support of those whom have not anything solid (well, it is fart, i know, but…) to back up their assertions. Like with this famous quotation : “It is well known that you must not hold up a fart for too long, because the fart will go up to your brain, and you are going to have shitty ideas for some times.”
Science !

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
2 years ago

Most of us will be lucky to ever even get into a serious relationship at all.

Redpill Robert, you will never get into a relationship, serious or otherwise.

My evidence (as if I needed any) is that you call women “femoids.” Not only that, you talk to other guys who call us the same thing. And then let’s consider the fact that “femoids” is the least objectionable thing you and other incels call women.

No, you and your friends are hopeless.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
2 years ago

@Rei Malebario

Pro tip: When I let out a loud one, I’ll grab my phone, hold it to my ear and say “Yes..? …Hello…?” and then look at it with a puzzled expression.
That way people may believe it’s my ringtone.

Clever!

May I suggest an improvement?

Don’t look at your phone with a puzzled expression — just start talking. Carry on a long conversation with no one. By the time your “conversation” is over, your victim — er, your companion — will have forgotten all about your faux pas.

Amtep
Amtep
2 years ago

Speaking as one of the Chads, I always make sure to fart around women I find attractive. (I only go for 10/10 virgin blondes with no makeup, of course).

The women are subconsciously attracted to the rich pheromonal brew that wafts from my colon. Even before they notice my strong chin and perfect jawline, they come sniffing for that virile and fertile odeur. My farts smell of success, fast money, and the kind of condescending misogyny that makes women feel weak in the knees.

It rarely takes more than a fart or two to draw any of them into my lap or into my bed. When I let one rip in an enclosed space like an elevator, some have been known to spontaneously offer to bear my children. They want some of that potent alpha-male perfume in their genetic future.

Thus spake Chad

ellesar
ellesar
2 years ago

The women are subconsciously attracted to the rich pheromonal brew that wafts from my colon.

This reminds me of all the women who don’t know how to spell cologne:

”I love the smell of his colon”, etc etc.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

When my friend and I were teenagers, we were in a music shop looking through used CDs. This man came up behind us and announced that he just farted. He told he liked to go to the perfume section at department stores to fart. He asked us if we wanted the recipe for his farts.

It was probably the weirdest incident of harassment I’ve ever experienced. Among a whole lifetime of incidents.

And no, it was not an alpha move and we were not turned on.

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
2 years ago

Ugh. So gross. Why are Incels.

AsAboveSoBelow
AsAboveSoBelow
2 years ago

This guy tooted a tune. Does that make him the uber-Chad?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

This chad must have been inundated with ladies back in the day!

comment image

(Check out the Leonard Rossiter film. Considering the subject matter it’s really poignant)

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
2 years ago


beans, beans, the musical fruit
the more you eat, the more you toot
the more you toot, the better you feel
so let’s have beans for every meal!

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
2 years ago

I wondered when somebody was going to bring up Le Petomane.

Reportedly he irrigated his colon daily to avoid giving olfactory offense.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

@ Vicky P

Well, it was kind of inevitable it’d be me.

Reportedly he irrigated his colon daily to avoid giving olfactory offense.

In the 19th Century, PUA advice was really thorough.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
2 years ago

Confession: I never figured out how to hold a fart.

Chris Oakley
2 years ago

Has anyone done a Venn diagram of incels and drug addicts? I suspect there’s a hell of a lot of overlap between the two.

Valkyrine
Valkyrine
2 years ago

@Chris Oakley
Why do you suspect that?

Tari
Tari
2 years ago

How James Joyce of him.

kupo
kupo
2 years ago

Has anyone done a Venn diagram of incels and drug addicts? I suspect there’s a hell of a lot of overlap between the two.

I…what?

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
2 years ago

I’m more prone to think that the average Incel is straightedge and actively disdainful of drug users.

Incels are reactionaries and have much more in common with teetotalers than with people who are addicted to drugs. Unless you count Oxycontin maybe.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

actively disdainful of drug users.

If the incels posting on the fora are representative, then the consensus seems to be that drug use is ‘degenerate’.

Snowberry
Snowberry
2 years ago

Yeah, well, it seems like everything except raping 15-year-olds gets called “degenerate” sooner or later, so that doesn’t mean much in itself.

On the other hand, forum-going incels don’t like it when their own members attempt to escape from their self-inflicted pain. And drugs might seem like such an escape, so I’d think they’d be against it for that reason.

Sheila Crosby
2 years ago

i susoect thy’re assuming that either a) they get to fart and the woman doesn’t or b) her rare farts will smell of roses.

Given the objection to women lookign like regular women instead of supermodels, i don’t think they’re imagining burnt rubber or even beany smells.

Hexum7
Hexum7
2 years ago

It’s this

Not your weight
Not your height
Not your eye angle or your wrist size

👏🏿THAT
👏🏿IS
👏🏿NOT
👏🏿WHAT
👏🏿PEOPLE
👏🏿LOOK
👏🏿FORWARD
👏🏿TO
👏🏿IN
👏🏿A RELATIONSHIP

Tovius
2 years ago

@tohka
Your link seems to be broken. It looks like this is the correct link:

I really hope he won’t be a marine for much longer.

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy

Has anyone done a Venn diagram of incels and drug addicts? I suspect there’s a hell of a lot of overlap between the two.

That’s really uncalled for, and not much different from saying they’re all mentally ill.
Signed, a mentally ill, former drug addict.

Rhymenoceros
Rhymenoceros
2 years ago

“Incel Insights for 500, Alex.”

“You believe that a woman farting in your presence could signify that the femoid is about to get fat.”

“Why am I single, Alex?”

“Correct!”

Nanny Oggs Bosom
Nanny Oggs Bosom
2 years ago

I enjoy a good fart and rarely give a thought to holding it in, no matter where I am or who I’m with.

To be fair, I’m also fat.

These things probably aren’t related.

dashapants
dashapants
2 years ago

I’m pretty sure that the incel “femoid farting –> fatness” argument goes along the lines of: “teh feeeeeeeeemoid has let itself go enough to give olfactory offense in the presence of a chad, which means (gasp!!!) that soon enough it will no longer care to please its Lord and Master’s gaze either, preferring to eat cheesecakes with wild abandon instead, until it has achieved disfigurement.”

TheKND
TheKND
2 years ago

“teh feeeeeeeeemoid has let itself go enough to give olfactory offense in the presence of a chad, which means (gasp!!!) that soon enough it will no longer care to please its Lord and Master’s gaze either, preferring to eat cheesecakes with wild abandon instead, until it has achieved disfigurement.”

You remember when we thought that early-TNG Ferengi were silly, overdrawn parodies that couldn’t be taken seriously at all?
I think Roddenberry had more insight than expected…