By David Futrelle
Incels think a lot about farts. I mean, we all do, I guess, but when incels think about farts, well, it’s kind of special.
Consider this plaintive fart-related complaint I found on the Incels.is forums:
And, yes, he’s actually mad about this.
“Yeah, she farted in front of me last week, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.”
It is a well known but little talked about fact that couples that are really comfortable around each other/have been together for a long time feel no shame farting around each other. To me (and many normie marriage experts believe it or not) this is a huge milestone in a relationship.
I mean, yeah, it does represent a greater level of comfort, and it’s definitely better for your internal organs if you don’t hold in your farts for six hours so your date won’t realize you ever fart. And sometimes farts are funny.
But on the flip side, they are also gross as hell and no one outside a few fetishists (and I guess an even smaller number of hopeless romantics) really wants to smell anyone else’s farts. I mean, jeez, it’s a matter of basic politeness: no matter how comfortable you are with someone, go to another room before letting out a big one, if that’s at all possible.
But let’s return to the imaginary fart bliss zone of this guy’s imagination for some thoughts on femoids and Chads.
Like for example, many femoids at first will not be comfortable being seen in front of their new Chad without their make-up and hair being all done up. Gradually, it doesn’t matter anymore. Soon, they will be comfortable being seen in pajamas. Eventually, post-fart bliss as I call it is inevitable, provided the man is question is high value enough for her to stay with long enough.
But there is some possible trouble in this fart paradise, at least for dudes:
WARNING: This stage could also signify that the femoid is about to get fat. Tread with caution and understand that there is that risk.
But Redpill Robert quickly returns to thoughts of farty bliss, and why it remains an impossible dream to all but the luckiest incels.
Most of us will be lucky to ever even get into a serious relationship at all. Of the few that do, 99% will get cucked or just dumped for anything better that comes along. Some very lucky select few however may just escape inceldom completely, get married to a unicorn and live happily ever after in post-fart bliss. Deep down, this is what all of us dream of.
Really? If you’re dreaming of farts, maybe you shouldn’t be eating a full plate of beans right before you go to sleep, huh, you big incel weirdo?
Bam. OWNED!
Ok, maybe that wasn’t THAT great of an own, but it’s Sunday and I’m taking it easy.
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I can’t even image viewing the world all the time through this transactional lens that incels do. It seems exhausting.
Huh. Interesting. You’d think that with the impossible standards that most incels seem to have (see: “she might get fat” as written above), they would not like to be reminded of their girlfriend’s humanity by hearing her fart. I guess there are some romantics after all.
Whut.
I mean, YES, Mr. Parasol and I are pretty blissfully married (22 years and counting) and farting definitely happens, especially if we have chili for dinner, but it’s not a major benchmark for us.
“Incels think a lot about farts. I mean, we all do, I guess…”
Erm, no, I don’t think “we all do.” I for one, almost never think about them.
Yes, it’s just a short step from fart to fat. One dropped R, to be precise. Today it’s gas, tomorrow it’s gras. Today it’s beans, tomorrow it’s pork. Oh, the horror of femoid humanity!
And these dorks wonder why they’re single…
@Bina
Thank you for a good smile before bed. That’s art.
Though I’ll admit I were thinking this is probably the most reasonable thing I’ve seen come out of the incel crowd. Never seen one wistful (or reasonable facsimile) before.
Oh, no. What? No. What?
Well, yeah, this is obviously some true science facts.* But, like, wouldn’t the woman who is cucking you fart around you? Wouldn’t she be much more inclined to fart around you than the dazzlingly superior men she’s sleeping with all the time behind your back?
*Just kidding. It’s actually a load of gibberish.
@Shadowplay, you’re welcome! I couldn’t stop laughing at the folly of that one.
This was almost painful to read.
When I first started reading the post, I was thinking “hey, wait! I thought women weren’t supposed to let on that we’re human beings who have bodily fluids and age and sometimes get gas.” But the incel reverted to form. Maybe this kind of thing is why there will be no post-fart bliss for them? Just a wacky thought.
Although I do wonder if he thinks farts unleash fat cells into a woman’s body and cause her to gain weight?
It’s true. Every time I fart in front of my husband I gain four ounces. That might not sound too bad, but the other day I had chipotle for lunch and farted 10 times that night! That’s over 2 pounds gained in one night!
What’s the big deal about farting, of all things?
This is much funnier if you imagine an actual unicorn. (And the Internet tells me that unicorns fart rainbows.) 😀
Well, I tend to think about them at (least in passing) every time I need to pass gas. Sometimes I fart thoughtlessly, but usually only when I’m alone.
Now they’re complaining because the Chads are getting all the farts?!?
Time to forcibly redistribute the poots. I imagine there are many women who would feel thoroughly comfortable wafting Intestinal No. 5 at them.
http://thumbpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Oh-I-see-what-you-did-there.jpg
Tonight, I will light my farts on fire as a tribute to all the incels who will die never having smelt them. Or who dealt them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hfmnoe9hSfc
I regret that I have not one rat’s ass to give.
So full disclosure: I wouldn’t let my (now) husband say “I love you” until he farted in front of me.
The new season of True Detective is fantastic so far.
Off topic, I know. But I just had to say it!
Wish this incel thinking stayed just online it creeps into the real world like the military OT but it’s gross and it reminds me that incel-manosphere thinking is a dangerous virus, especially to children
A US marine now claimed that underage girla are to blame when they are in sexual relationships with adults (ie to him statuary rape shouldn’t exist)
That disclaimer of him excusing victims really shows you what he believes victims are. And that the whole system wasn’t built to protect kids from predators. To him, those kids have the same maturity and full understanding of an adult with more life experience and physical and mental development. And men are meant to have sex with those kids because.
Incels want farts?
I’d be happy to send some of mine their way.
Fair warning, though, I have IBS. I can clear a room withing seconds with my farts.
Pro tip: When I let out a loud one, I’ll grab my phone, hold it to my ear and say “Yes..? …Hello…?” and then look at it with a puzzled expression.
That way people may believe it’s my ringtone.
Wrong, David — that was a great OWN! I’m still laughing.
Ah, the famous “It’s well known” argument, the best support of those whom have not anything solid (well, it is fart, i know, but…) to back up their assertions. Like with this famous quotation : “It is well known that you must not hold up a fart for too long, because the fart will go up to your brain, and you are going to have shitty ideas for some times.”
Science !
Redpill Robert, you will never get into a relationship, serious or otherwise.
My evidence (as if I needed any) is that you call women “femoids.” Not only that, you talk to other guys who call us the same thing. And then let’s consider the fact that “femoids” is the least objectionable thing you and other incels call women.
No, you and your friends are hopeless.
@Rei Malebario
Clever!
May I suggest an improvement?
Don’t look at your phone with a puzzled expression — just start talking. Carry on a long conversation with no one. By the time your “conversation” is over, your victim — er, your companion — will have forgotten all about your faux pas.