By David Futrelle
So. Some of the dudes on MGTOW.com were having a discussion of “dating health risks” a while back, and naturally the talk turned quickly to semen.
Because of course it did. Men (Ostensibly) Going Their Own Way are nearly as obsessed with semen as their incel brothers in misogyny are — specifically with the Chad semen that they’re convinced lingers on for months in the assorted orifices of women who have sex with men other than them, i.e., the vast majority of women.
“Even if a chick doesn’t have any STDs,” wrote a regular MGTOW.com commenter called Sky-O.
There is no way to test to find out how many loads she swallowed before you get a chance to kiss her.
Seriously.
No way to know how much semen was in her mouth before you kiss her.
You might wonder why that’s something a Man (Ostensibly) Going His Own Way would care about, since he’s (Ostensibly) Going Hus Own Way and all that, but most MGTOWs seem to think that it’s fine to have sex with the women they’re (Ostensibly) Going Their Own Way from so long as they treat these women with the appropriate level of disdain.
So that’s part of the reason for this fixation. The other is that most MGTOWs really do seem to believe that semen leaves behind some of hidden residue on and in women that essentially never goes away. So if you kiss a woman who isn’t a virgin, you are essentially kissing every dick that has ever been there before you.
And these dudes just can’t stop thinking about this. Literally.
“Usually my first thought when talking with any potential partner is ‘whose cum residue is on her teeth?’” a commenter called xeonon confessed, “Immediate turn off. Can’t kiss them, forget licking them … .”
Your first thought? Seriously?
Whose “cum residue” is on her TEETH?
Dude. DUDE. DUUUUUUDE. Dude.
So I guess we can add teeth to the long list of body parts that MGTOWs really don’t seem to understand.
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They still reminded me of heterosexual versions of g0ys – the gay men who are utterly squicked by the thought of any sexual contact with another man except frottage.
The dissonance* of being repulsed by that which you’re attracted to sounds uncomfortable in the extreme.
*It can’t be cognitive dissonance, because there’s no apparent cognition going on.
“Usually my first thought when talking with any potential partner is ‘whose cum residue is on her teeth?’”
Betcha Howard Hughes got started down the rabbit hole this way. Who’s to say he didn’t? Can anyone offer a better explanation? I think not.
It’s settled, then. One more puzzle, solved.
@Robert:
In hbomberguy’s forthcoming video on flat-Earthers, there’s a brief appearance of a flat-Earther meme which uses the malapropism “cognitive dissidence”. I think that ought to be repurposed to mean “militant opposition to knowledge”. There’s a lot of that about.
(The same video also taught me that the ancient Egyptians had a god of semen, who was a total chad, so that’s almost on topic).
One day, I will be able to read about Manospherians or Quiverfull without thinking about Freud.
Today is not that day.
Dear MYGTOWs,
There is saliva in mouths. Saliva is the first of a series compounds in the human body whose purpose is to break any swallowed substance down into readily digestible parts. Saliva contains a number of compounds that, in particular, start the process of breaking up carbohydrates so they can be digested. Saliva also contains a fairly robust anti-bacterial (bacteria that live in mouths are evolved to deal with this environment so hostile to them), that acts as an effective spermicide as well. Thus, saliva not only destroys the fructose that powers the movement of sperm cells, but attacks the sperms themselves.
In other words, within a very short time, there is no remaining semen, as a “film” or in any other form, remaining in the mouth of a human who has pleasured a male partner, using their mouths, to the point of ejaculation.
Just for, you know, your information. Since you are too busy turning yourselves into faux-neurotics to actually know anything about what you are spouting.
Okay, i have to admit, it never crossed my mind that a mgtow might consider performing oral sex. Didn’t (at least) one of them make a whole big deal about it being unnatural?
Also I will, now that you mention it, raise a hand to not being surprised as such if they’re bad kissers. I just wouldn’t ever in a million years consider teeth something to be licked. Ok, ok, no, if you poke at the reasoning it falls apart, as i also don’t worry about films of residue.
Films of residue is my new band name, nobody steal it!
I saw the photo and immediately got the right answer – I know these bozo’s too fucking well.
I am no expert, but I believe that the vast majority of people who have semen in their mouth at that point after it has been put there do not hang on to it for long!
I wonder if when they get their teeth cleaned they ever lay in that dental office chair, pondering the fact that the tools in their mouths are used on multiple patients (albeit hopefully well sterilized in between) and wonder what man’s “residue” may be on them, having previously cleaned it off of the teeth of the female patient before him.
Oh right, the other thing this kind of reminds me of is the “zombifying vagina goo” narrative. It’s pretty sad how biological concepts like
pair-bonding get extrapolated to ridiculous extents to justify what amounts to belief in cooties and/or cishet monogamous marriage as the only valid kind of romantic and sexual relationship.
@Mish
So, in the RPG Final Fantasy VI, there are two glitches involving the character Cyan, particularly a move that makes him counterattack whenever he is hit by a physical attack, called “Sky” or “Retort” depending on the translation (I’ll use “Sky” from here on out).
First, if Cyan is knocked out and revived while Sky is activated, he will be able to “counter” any physical attack, not just the ones aimed at him. He won’t counter his own counterattack, though, because the attack triggered by Sky is considered a magical attack, probably to prevent Cyan from ever countering his own attack over and over until his turn came up again. Well…
Second, there’s a status effect in the game called “Imp” where the character is transformed into a little green creature and is locked out of using magic and character-specific skills. The Sky counterattacking state actually persists when Cyan is turned into an Imp, but since he’s locked out of the actual Sky attack, he uses a normal physical attack instead. Not only that, but the Sky state is supposed to wear off when Cyan’s turn comes up again, but as an Imp that doesn’t happen.
So, if Cyan has Imp status and Sky activated, and has been knocked out and revived, and is hit, he will go ham and attack indefinitely, preventing anyone else from executing their turn, until the battle is won, or the party runs away, or Cyan somehow gets knocked out because he also happened to be poisoned or something.
This setup has a name, but in the interests of keeping with the comments policy and not triggering a filter, I’ll leave that as a searching exercise for the reader. I didn’t want to keep using this as a handle, so I referenced another weird fact about Final Fantasy VI, which is that Cyan’s name in the Japanese versions is Cayenne.
That was kind of a long explanation (maybe pointlessly so, but hey) so in summary: there’s a game-breaking glitch involving a character named Cayenne being turned into an Imp.
I have a real disgust for saliva which is almost like a phobia. it is really *really* gross to me. I don’t like sharing bottles or glasses or sharing food, kising is gross to me but I will do it if I really like the person and try to push the disgust out of my mind. For me saliva is the most gross body fluid, so the idea of *licking someone’s teeth* just makes me crinch so hard.
Also semen doesn’t stay anywhere thst long, grow up you fucking children and go your own way already! we’re all waiting for you to fuck off.
Sorry to double post, but I wanted to say that this topic is really annoying for me because as well as the saliva thing I am very obsessed with what kind of filth and “residue” other people leave on things. not semen of course because I have this obsession since I was a child, but if I decided someone is dirty (one of mg friends for ecample) I will not use a cup or cutlery that they used, even if I know it was washed and sterilized. One example is my childhood friend who I decided left such residue, used a green cup in my parents house once which was my favorite cup and I *never* used it again because of that. that is how serious it was for me. I’m a lot better now but I still have some strange habits because of this. And I guess what I am really saying is I don’t want to be associated with these people but this article and some of the comments were quite upsetting (I don’t want to use the word triggering…but?…) because it activated that part of my brain which I need to closely monitor so I don’t get obsessed with it again.
Well, according to SCIENCE, most cells in our body get replaced within 7-10 years. So, I am literally not even the same woman I was seven years ago, let alone be carrying SOMEONE ELSE’s cells for years. Sorry MGTOWs, but facts don’t care about your feelings 😀
@An Impush Pepper
FFVI is a wonderfully glitchy game, although I personally think Sabin’s ability to Suplex a train is my favorite moment from it.
I also thought of vomit… Everyone agrees vomit is gross, right? So even if you were to find a virgin, IDK, maybe she’s from some kind of super conservative religious circles where she wasn’t ever allowed to spend time alone with a guy, kiss a guy, or even hold hands before marriage etc… They should still find her gross, by this, erm, “logic”, if she ever had a stomach bug and throw up? Right?
Oh no wait obvs only ze dirty sex stuff leaves residue that lasts forever. Silly me.
I think it’s worse than that, even. They think we are sex dolls after they’ve owned them a couple of years and never once thought of washing them in all that time.
Similar the idea that semen hangs around and goes off inside vaginas.
It doesn’t work with vaginas, but with a rubber lover that’s never been cleaned, it probably does get a bit gunky.
@An Impish Pepper, that backstory was all that I’d hoped for and then some. Thanks for taking the time!
@Valya, ouch. I hear you on that. Apologies if I contributed. That kind of ‘obsession’ is very real, and painful to manage.
It’s okay I didn’t want to seem like I’m blaming anyone…just this whole subject is uncomfortable for me!
recently I also for some reason needed to explain this to the previous captain who just went home. He asked me why I buy the 500ml bottles of water, and not the big 2l ones which everyone normally buys. And I bascially had to explain to him how I feel about germs, and saliva and all kind of things and if I buy the big bottles I will waste water becuse if I don’t drink it in one day I start to feel like it’s dirty. And I could just see in his face he was like “what is this guy talking about?” and I got really red face because maybe that he thought i was lying or something. And he started asking me questions about how often i buy them (there is 24 in one box) and now they specifically ordered extra just for me ? and I feel like so abnormal. Normally they just buy a few boxes to give the little bottles to the pilots and authorities.
In my 9th grade science class, I learned about how there are tiny mites living around everyone’s eyelashes. I spent about two years compulsively picking at my eyelids. Whenever I think about it, i have a little relapse.
As others have noted (myself included), whole volumes can be written about the sexual neuroses of these CHUDs. What’s remarkable (and darkly amusing) is that they seem completely oblivious to it.
Like the whole “cuck” thing.
But what galls me is that no matter how much sexual education can come forward about how that’s not how any of this works, they will go out of the way to smack it down to defend those neuroses.
wwth – eeesh I’m so glad I didn’t learn that when I was younger…
I see you’ve written a few articles. I checked a few months ago and read that you were facing some challenges. Glad to see that you’re better. To be clear, that doesn’t mean I think you’re any less of a *ss. I am glad that you’re better though.
every time i hear them goin on about this, all i can think of is Dante’s pathetic whining about Victoria, the dicksucking lasagna queen
Hi Valentin, I liked that story about your captain, I think it was respectful of him to take what you said seriously, and then to arrange for more stock of the smaller water bottles – excellent! You might find other people prefer the smaller bottles too, over time.
Lizzie, thanks that’s a more positive way to think about it! I just felt like I am weird but it’s true that in the end he believed me)))
@ Mish,
“All I can think of after reading this is that Seinfeld ep where Jerry dropped his girlfriend’s toothbrush in the toilet by accident, and then couldn’t kiss her, even when she’d effectively blasted her mouth clean.”
You in turn reminded me of – when George ate the eclair out of the garbage 😀
It was on the top!!!
Hey, I might’ve done the same thing. IIRC it did look pretty good 🙂
Yummy things for our little NYE gathering here: We’re going to have cheeseburgers and onion rings* and have plenty of beer. The worker at the gas station admonished me not to drink and drive. I said yeah, we got this (beer), we’re staying in. Got praised for that. Everyone seems to be doing the same. Anyone feel they’re missing out on a party, we’re all staying home here.
* Onion rings, – A Controversy! 😀
DICED ONIONS! THEY MUST BE CHOPPED!!! Oh but I guess these are the “cheaper” or “half assed” ones and the “good ones” (labeled “gourmet” even!) are the ones with the intact rings.
No, because THOSE SUCK! All the onion comes out when you bite it, the whole thing gets ruined, and it’s too hot!
The “cheap” diced onion ones ARE BETTER!!! I found a no name brand big bag of these for $2.69!
THESE are the SUPERIOR onion rings!!!
FIGHT ME!
😀