By David Futrelle
The incel community is the only place I know of where having a small dick gives you bragging rights. Amongst the so-called involuntary celibate, dudes can gain a certain backwards prestige by presenting themselves as the most hopeless of the bunch, the kind of guy that’s the least likely to ever score with a human female.
And what is more unattractive to a woman, these guys figure, than a guy with a tiny dick? (Don’t bother answering, ladies; these guys aren’t interested in data that doesn’t come from their own asses.)
But the incel community’s weird fetishization of smaller-than-average dicks creates problems for incels with dicks average or even slightly above average-sized. If your dick is just a regular dick, after all, that removes one big excuse for why the ladies don’t want to have anything to do with you.
The solution? Pretend that normal-sized dicks (that is, dicks in the vicinity of 5.17 inches in length, according to SCIENCE) are small dicks … compared to the huge dicks that incels are convinced most ladies see in the flesh on an almost daily basis.
Call it Incel Penis Math. Here’s an explanation, from one of the most prolific posters on the Incels.is forums:
Er, dudes, you know that unless he’s got a full-grown Robert Plant in his pants, women can’t actually tell how big a dude’s dick is before his pants come off? And only a tiny percentage of men have dicks seven inches or longer — it’s closer to 2 percent than to the 5 percent Mr. Mylifeistrash claims.
And guess what? It doesn’t even matter. The overwhelming majority of women who have sex with men are happy with their partners’ penis size, though statistically speaking roughly half of these men have penises that are smaller than average. Trans men who don’t get bottom surgery — and that’s most of them — literally have no penises at all, yet they have sex.
There haven’t been any studies on this that I know of, but I feel fairly confident that most (straight and bi) women would much rather have sex with a guy with a tiny dick (or no dick) than with the sort of guy who goes around getting mad because he thinks women only have sex with “Chads” and “Tyrones” (gotta love that incel racism) with dicks bigger than Biggus Dickus.
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@Jo
1.778*10^-1m. You’re welcome!
Fun fact, according to Andrew Anglin, this means that Angela Merkel lays her hands on at least 1km of cock a year. Imagine that!
Probably they don’t exist. Like women who don’t spend every waking moment riding Chads; just lies made up by the gynocracy to try and trick incels.
@Dvärghundspossen
Lots of lateral stretch, much, much less longitudinal stretch.
Two partners of mine have described sex with someone with an eye-wateringly colossal schlong, and neither of them made it sound especially appetising. Not least because the owners of the appendages in question were all too self-conscious and apologetic about how big they were.
And I’ve seen a porn film in which the owner of the kind of equipment that incels believe to be normal had to use his hand as a kind of spacer, presumably to prevent it from going all the way in and potentially hurting his partner. It looked more like some kind of lambing operation on a farm than anything even vaguely erotic.
I forget where I read this, but there was a recent study where women were asked to examine a series of dildos and pick the one that they considered to be the most optimal size – and the one most favoured (I seem to recall by a fair margin) was six and a half inches long and five inches round. In other words, only very slightly larger than average – and that was considered ideal, so presumably most average guys would have done just fine as well.
@Jo
The average erect penis is 13.12 cm long. These jokers think that a penis that’s 17.78 inches will be too small for most women.
I remember reading an amusing fanfic story that apparently confused cm for inches. Instead of giving the hero a penis that was merely in the 99th percentile (21 cm – 8.27 inches), the writer gave him a penis that would have stabbed the heroine in the heart (21 inches – 53.34 cm).
Dammit, missed the edit window. 17.78 cm.
Regarding the choice of image David picked to illustrate this post, apparently the Ancient Greeks (yeah, I know, the character is supposed to be a Roman aristocrat but they were big-time Greek culture groupies) considered large penises not desirable but hilarious. Indeed, their plays usually had a few comic interludes where actors wearing giant gag penises would chase each other around, presumably to the accompaniment of the Ancient Greek equivalent of the Benny Hill “Yakety Sax” music. You had to be there, I suppose.
(The thing the discerning Ancient Greek looked for in a willy, it seems, was a long foreskin. This was the aesthetic ideal for them– well, for the dudes, at least, because most of their attitudes towards women were pretty regressive. A naked penis was not obscene but an exposed glans was. It’s one of the reasons why the Greeks, never exactly well-disposed towards “barbarians” generally, particularly had it in for cultures like the Egyptians and the Phoenicians who practiced circumcision)
I remember reading a book of life advice written in the 1970s. What the author said about penis size: “it’s become a tiresome obsession”.
Forty plus years later, it still is.
Personal note: what really puzzles me is the fascination with *flaccid* size. Why would you care how fast a car looks when it’s parked?
I realize that this may ruin some folks’…um, young adulthood, but 70’s-80’s porn star Long Dong Silver (of Clarence Thomas hearings infamy) was wearing an extender; is nothing sacred?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_Dong_Silver
Also, I’ll just leave these here for interested parties:
http://www.inches-to-cm.com/
http://www.cm-to-inches.com/
Quite aside from anything else, flaccid penises generally give very little indication of what they look like when erect. Some end up broadly the same length but harder and pointing at a different angle, while others increase dramatically in size. Michelangelo’s David is considered to have a penis that’s proportionally quite small, but when ready for action he might well rival Ron Jeremy – there’s no way of knowing.
So i have no literature to back this up, but show of hands, i dare you to change my mind:
any man out there who’s proud of his large penis is going to be the worst sex of anyone’s life.
If you have a large dick, you have to be really careful with it if you want anyone with a uterus to have a good time.
But i guess anyone who spends a lot of time using other people’s genitals will be pretty bad in bed.
bad day
I’ll leave this
@Wetherby
Of course, you have to remember that the Michelangelo David is petrified* (as is clear if you see his expression straight on rather than from below), so his penile disproportion is partly due to his genitals having shrunk in fear.
*Pun intended, and I refuse to apologize.
Looksmaxing is cope tho, when your insufficient canthal tilt or wrist radius automatically nulls your SMV.
(This Is What Incels Actually Believe™)
And take pointers from the gynocracy? What would they possibly know? They’re holders of the almighty Pussy Pass, they don’t understand what it’s like to be male and involuntarily celibate.
(This Is What Incels Actually Believe™)
Nuh-uh, there’s always the LifeFuel of seeing your fellow strugglers going full ER.
(This Is What Incels Actually Believe™)
That’s why the Black Pill exists. Also rope.
(This Is What Incels Actually Believe™)
On a more serious note, wasn’t there a discussion a while ago where some commenter pointed out that “improve your physical appearance and get out more” is only a viable strategy when you’re financially secure and in a good headspace, and thus have sufficient free time and motivation to devote to personal grooming and socializing?
And there we have it. Always the minority’s job to work around the majority, always an imposition to ask the majority to make accommodations.
@Ariblester
If they have time to posts incel screeds online, they probably have time to do a load of laundry as well. As for exercise, you don’t need hours in an expensive gym. I started doing ten minutes of simple floor exercises in the morning and I’ve dropped two sizes around the waist as a result.
Sure, there are people who literally can’t do such things for financial/medical/whatever reasons, but I think that for the average incel it’s more a case of them feeling that they shouldn’t have to.
@Lukas Xavier:
How does one do these? With what instructions?
Jo,
Full Metal Ox also left a centimeters to inches converter which you conveniently ignored. Nobody is trying to make you stop using centimeters.
Aren’t you the same person who got mad that there was a Thanksgiving open thread?
You seem to be really trying hard to be offended here.
This kind of thinking really does go hand-in-hand with the lack of sex education and ignorance of the actual mechanics involved. It’s the same thing that makes guys think “tight” is the optimal state of the vagina (it isn’t). Or that somehow hitting the cervix feels good (I don’t possess one, but from everything I’ve been told, it’s extremely painful).
And with porn being so widespread and its impact largely unexamined, it’s like there’s a vested market interest in these myths persisting. Which is a scary thought.
@Surplus to Requirements
Nothing too complicated. It’s really just situps, pushups, squats; things like that. I have some basic hand weights for training arms and shoulders, but that’s not required.
I think the important bit is to have a routine that you can do every day without too much trouble or accidentally hurting yourself. Done is better than perfect. You can always add more when you’ve gotten the hang of it.
Obviously, this isn’t going to turn you into an underwear model overnight, but over the course of a year, it makes a difference.
STORY TIME!
I’m so excited I finally get to tell this story!
A woman friend of mine started online dating a man. After much conversation he told her that he had a hard time long-term dating due to his enormous 13 inch shlong. They had devised a plan that she would purchase a large dildo and practice stretching techniques to prep herself when they finally met up.
After a couple of real life dates they decide to have sex and when he drops his pants, HIS PENIS IS AVERAGE SIZED! She was shocked and taken aback. She wasn’t angry bc he wasn’t huge, but bc he lied. He accused her of being a size queen. When she confronted him about his bullshit he replied, “well, that how I see myself.” W.T.F.
She tried to make it work but couldn’t get past his lie, his defensiveness, nor his inability to even admit the whole thing was weird.
They broke up in a messy way, him gaslighting her and then giving her a parting gift. It was a self-help book on how to accept people for who they are because “she needed real help.” Piece of shit entitled dude.
That was ten years ago and that story is burned into my mind at the fantasy-type reality some of these dudes live in.
weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
Conveniently? How exactly does that affect my reply? Hint: It’s irrelevant, that’s why I left it out.
Straw man. I did not at any point suggest anyone was. I originally wrote (as part of a longer convent that addressed several issues) a light-hearted request that a blog with an international audience should not use only the measurements of one country.
So you’re dragging up some gentle teasing I made of Celebrate Conquering Native Americans Day in another thread and I’m the thin skinned one?
If my request had been ignored, I’d have shrugged and moved on. Happens all the time, no biggie. But I’m going to push back against a passive aggressive ‘it’s your job to adapt to the majority’ because that should never go unchallenged.
Fair points, though I wasn’t referring to incels specifically with my “on a more serious note” paragraph; I just remembered that the resulting discussion (which involved non-incels in the comments section of this site) got pretty heated.
But yes, the main problem with incels is the massive sense of aggrieved entitlement that they carry around that leads them to reject even the merest hint that they are responsible for their own unhappiness.
@cornychips
Love that story. I shouldn’t be surprised at what some people are capable of, but somehow I am…
I’m trying to figure out how he could think that was going to end well. Maybe he only had one previous partner and she had no experience with penises and her reaction had convinced him he was huuuuge. Or perhaps he was testing your friend’s susceptibility to gaslighting? But there are plenty of ways to gaslight someone so why choose an approach that risks ruining your first sexual encounter with a new partner?
@Jo
I even asked her if she did the deed with him after his “grand unveiling”. She said ‘yes’ and then shrugged. Clearly it was a night to remember. /s
I do wonder at his motivation as well. The story she told me involved lots of gaslighting . So yeah, grooming behavior for an abusive relationship? But the “you need to buy the huuuugest dildo you can buy to practice on” seems weirdly fetishy. And yeah, what the fuck did he think was gonna happen??!!! So many questions!!!
Uh, yeah. An American blog is going to use American terminology, a British blog is going to use British terminology etc. What’s the big deal?
Ok. I made a reply three hours ago, it went to a 503 error and showed up just now when I refreshed the page. Sorry for the randomness.