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The Daily Stormer is afraid of witches, and wants to bring back the Burning Times

This is literally what the Daily Stormer wants

By David Futrelle

The neo-Nazi internet tabloid The Daily Stormer is now declaring war on witches, and wants to bring back “the burning times.”

In a recent post on the site, contributor “Roy Batty” — presumably not the actual replicant from Blade Runner — reports the alarming (to him) news that the “Number of Witches [is] Drastically on the Rise.”  As evidence for this claim, he cites a recent piece from a sometimes-fact-challenged far-right site called CNSNews.com asserting that

the number of witches (and Wiccans) has dramatically increased since the 1990s, to the degree that there may be at least 1.5 million witches in the United States, which is higher than the 1.4 million mainline Presbyterians.

As it turns out, this is an exaggerated misrepresentation of a questionable calculation based on a mistaken reading of a survey from Pew Research. CNSNews.com got the 1.5 million figure from The Christian Post, which got it from an article on Quartz, which claimed

the Pew Research Center … found [in a 2014 survey] that 0.4% of Americans, or around 1 to 1.5 million people, identify as Wicca or Pagan.

So basically a source claiming at most 1.5 million Wiccans and Pagans got turned into a claim that there are at least 1.5 million.

On top of that, Quartz got it wrong: the actual Pew study claims only 0.3% of Americans identify as Wiccan or Pagan. (The 0.4% is for all New Age believers.) If you do the math using the current US population figures you get a little less than a million following some form of Wicca or Paganism, fewer still if you only include adults.  (Also, according to that same survey, there are roughly 4.5 million Americans who identify themselves as mainline Presbyterians; 1.4 million is the number the Presbyterian Church (USA) says are “active members.”)

But, whatever, there are a lot of witches out there, the number is apparently growing, and the Daily Stormer’s Roy Batty is feeling scared.

“I never really believed in all this bullshit,” he writes.

But recently… idk.

It’s hard to look at all this shit that’s happening in the world and explain it through economics. It’s hard to explain it even through the political lens.

He then tells a rather hard-to-believe story he claims to have heard from an unnamed “girl” who used to spend her summers in a tiny, rustic village, complete with a strange old woman who lived in an old house on the outskirts of town — and who once, the girl insisted, brought down a lightning bolt from the sky after scratching some weird symbols in the dirt outside the girl’s home while “muttering dark-sounding things” under her breath.

Now Batty isn’t quite convinced that witchcraft is real. But he doesn’t like the idea of strange women going around scaring people by scratching occult symbols in the dirt and muttering and whatnot.

All I know is that I don’t want to have to deal with that kind of shit in my life. And because my ancestors did such a good job dealing with it back then I never even thought about it as a real possibility.

But it is. 

Think about it, you might end up with a freak as a neighbor in your little condo who likes to leave dark-looking squiggles on your door or dead reptiles under your welcome mat or something.

I guarantee you that it will freak you and the neighbors out because it is so antisocial and because it is just weird in a way that we’re not used to.

But alas, Batty continues, you can’t just punch the witches until they stop.

Witching is passive-aggressive. You can’t beat her up, otherwise you go to jail. You can’t admit to anyone that she’s spooking you and your kids out because the fedoras will mob you and chew you out.

Batty proposes a rather old-school “solution” to this old-school problem: bring back the so-called burning times.

He praises his Western European ancestors for doing

a very good job ridding Europe of its witches. People don’t realize how lucky they are to live in a witch-free society. Seriously. It’s like sanitation and roads and all the other things we take for granted in White civilization.

Now that witches are growing in number again, he suggests, what we in the west really need is “for an Inquisition to come back and purge the witches from our lands.”

In other words, literal witch trials — and the genocide of a religious minority.

Now, it might be tempting to see Batty’s post as little more than typical Daily Stormer trolling — especially given his casual, often flippant tone and his utter lack of interest in doing any actual research on the subject beyond quoting an incorrect number from a questionable site and relating a bullshit story he says he once heard.

But if you look at the comments under Batty’s post you won’t find a lot of jokes there. Yes, you’ll see a comment from someone called Willy declaring that “witches are insane cat ladies from hell who will steal you rhubarb plants.”

But most of the commenters seem to take this all very seriously — and to support Batty’s murderous “solution.”

One commenter declares:

The Book of Exodus states, “Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.” This one line from the Bible is proof enough for me to believe that witches exist and should not be suffered to live.

Another adds:

k*kes are promoting witchcraft and other forms of Satanism/demon worship on normie television for kids/teenagers.

There is a supernatural world out there. Demons are real, if you doubt this, be happy you have never seen or experienced ‘meeting’ one. If you do encounter any demons, call out to Jesus Christ for assistance. Verbally. He will help you.

Listen to Gregorian chants if you’re being accompanied or stalked.

 And look, I know this sounds crazy if you aren’t used to this supernatural mumbo jumbo, I get that. Trust me though. I wouldn’t say this kind of shit for no reason.

Still another says that while he thinks witches today are just “larping … they should still be killed.”

It would be easy to dismiss this comment itself as a sort of internet LARPing, were it not for the fact that Nazis in the US have already started killing people.

We live in fucked-up times.

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Meteor
1 year ago

“It’s like sanitation and roads and all the other things we take for granted in White civilization.”

LE WHAT

Karalora
Karalora
1 year ago

If you do encounter any demons, call out to Jesus Christ for assistance. Verbally. He will help you.

I’d like to tell him the same thing I told Mike Pence in a dream a few months ago:

“Jesus only protects those who follow him.”

It was…an interesting sort of dream.

Dan Kasteray
Dan Kasteray
1 year ago

I would take this as stochastic terrorism

Weatherwax
Weatherwax
1 year ago

So many questions… here are just a few.

First, if trivial, is “mainline Presbyterian” a known term? Because my brain keeps interpreting it as being like “freebase Presbyterian”, a la the drug addicted character in Orange Is The New Black* (inserting very minimal spoilers) who turns out to be Amish. Apologies if I’m showing my cultural ignorance.

* My brain was desperate to type Oranges Are Not The Only Black. That’s a mash up I’d read.

Second, do they believe witchery and/or belief systems are genetic? If not (I’m accepting a shed load of assumptions about the witch hunts to make this point), why would a witch hunt in the 17th century have any effect on the prevalence (apologies if that’s pejorative, I’m not sure) of Wiccan practice/belief today?

I have more very random thoughts, but I’ve taken up enough time and space. Sleep well.

bekabot
bekabot
1 year ago

Roy, geeky boys did not fare well at the hands of the Inquisition either. So, better be careful what you wish for. Don’t you think?

Kate
Kate
1 year ago

He wants to bring back something that was never really a thing???

This is a piece of pseudohistory I never thought I’d see white supremacists use, but here are.

Weatherwax
Weatherwax
1 year ago

Also I dreamed Trump was in my house last night. Fortunately, the worst consequence was that his lackeys were occupying the bathrooms when I really needed to go. I tried my best to talk him round, but even dream me recognised that was a waste of my time and I should go into the kitchen to get recipe tips from the caterers (NB because Trump was visiting; I’m not the princess formerly known as Middleton), plus I thought they might know where overlooked toilets might be.

I didn’t anticipate the “enhanced dreams” side effect of SSRIs, but I’m making the most of it.

Myriad
Myriad
1 year ago

Oh for Goddess sake. Do these guys ever take a day off from stupid.

Being a practicing witch, I can tell you there are not a lot of us out there, but we are a tenacious lot. More tenacious than these chuckles heads would bargain for.

I wonder what these guys would do if they realized that there a Christian witches in the Pagan and Witch communities as well. There head would explode probably, but not from lightning bolts though, I can assure you. 🙄

What fevered dreams will they come up with next.

Karalora
Karalora
1 year ago

@Myriad

We are the granddaughters of the witches they weren’t able to burn.

Myriad
Myriad
1 year ago

@Karalora

Yes, that we are.

teabug
teabug
1 year ago

We have a Wiccan community in town. They meet up at the creek every full moon and do tons of charity work. They’re the sweetest people you’ll ever meet. Speaks for itself, don’t you think?

Cheesynougats
Cheesynougats
1 year ago

@teabug,

That’s how you know they’re really evil. Next they’ll treat non- whites as real people!

Weatherwax
Weatherwax
1 year ago

@ Karalora

We are the granddaughters of the witches they weren’t able to burn.

We certainly are. I first saw this quote on the Trump protest in London. No idea of its origin but I love it.

For misogynists, all vocal women are witches. Our voices are our power.

Weatherwax
Weatherwax
1 year ago

And clearly Trump and his ilk aren’t witches, because they act as though ignorant of the three-fold law.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_of_Three_(Wicca)

Diptych
Diptych
1 year ago

I’d like to tell him the same thing I told Mike Pence in a dream a few months ago

Maybe it’s all the witchcraft talk, but for a minute I thought you were saying that you somehow projected yourself into Mike Pence’s dreams.

Karalora
Karalora
1 year ago

Maybe it’s all the witchcraft talk, but for a minute I thought you were saying that you somehow projected yourself into Mike Pence’s dreams.

Perhaps I did, albeit not deliberately. If so, I hope the bastard remembers it and I hope he thinks about it every time he reads the Beatitudes.

JessicaRed
JessicaRed
1 year ago

Jeez, seems like anybody who is 1% of the population or less is such a threat to their precious “White Civilization” (which white folks cobbled together from what they got from the Persians, Indians, Chinese, and others, including multi-ethnic and multi-cultural societies, which have always been a thing, but never mind that).

What will all the neo-Norse pagan neo-Nazis say when they see their Nazi-bros calling for a return to the time when the Christians murdered their ancestors and obliterated their ancestral, uniquely “white” European culture (to replace it with a multi-ethnic Middle East-based one)?

Maybe the Nazis will kill each other for a change and give everybody else a break? Maybe we can wish for something nicer than that, and the intra-sectarian conflict will make them all realize what irrational evil shitheads they’ve been, and they’ll realize that being a Nazi is as wrong as it is stupid.

I can dream… At least I’m not dreaming about Trump! XD

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I can’t remember if it was here or if it was elsewhere, but I totally predicted that the right would be calling for witch trials pretty soon. Given that mainstream Republican talking points have their origins in the extremist right internet, it will not surprise me one bit if Trump and Fox News start talking about trying Hillary Clinton, Maxine Waters or Alexandria Ocasio Cortez as witches in 6 months time.

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
1 year ago

I wonder if they’d be quite so in favor of this if they knew that a good 20-25% of executed “witches” in the so-called burning times were men. And 6 of the 19 hanged, not burned, at Salem (plus Giles Corey).

Actually, I probably shouldn’t point that out. If MRAs become aware of the fact, they’ll make it another thing to whine about. Male erasure and all that.

epitome of incomprehensibility

Oh, good grief. This is like the “Harry Potter is witchcraft!” panic from 2000.

Think about it, you might end up with a freak as a neighbor in your little condo who likes to leave dark-looking squiggles on your door or dead reptiles under your welcome mat or something.

That sounds more like dogs or cats! Or Presbyterians.*

*I grew up Presbyterian, I’m allowed. 😛

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
1 year ago

@Karalora:

Maybe it’s all the witchcraft talk, but for a minute I thought you were saying that you somehow projected yourself into Mike Pence’s dreams.

Perhaps I did, albeit not deliberately. If so, I hope the bastard remembers it and I hope he thinks about it every time he reads the Beatitudes.

Hold on, you projected yourself into Mike Pence’s dreams?

Do it again and this time plant the idea in there that dominionism is wrong and democratic socialism is the way to go. And that he should stop just mentally flirting with removing Trump via the 25th Amendment and put a ring on that.

If necessary I’m sure we can get George Soros to buy an airline so you’ll have the necessary time. 🙂

Karalora
Karalora
1 year ago

@WWTH

If they do, let’s start mailing scary-looking diagrams of runes and sigils to the WH and Faux News headquarters. And use the addresses of local evangelical churches as the return address.

We witches call that headology.

@ Surplus,

Well, I can’t do it on purpose.

tim gueguen
1 year ago

The obsession in some corners with John Podesta and “spirit cooking” is a sign that some on the right will be willing to take accusations someone is a witch with actual powers very seriously. Then you have nonsense like POTUS Shield.

Drungarios
Drungarios
1 year ago

…isn’t Daily Stormer and a good chunk of the Alt-Right explicitly anti-Christian? Like, something about it being a Jewish religion? And don’t a fair number of them follow the Norse Gods, as they are properly ethnically pure, or something?

…what makes them think that after the witches are burned, these supposed inquisitions won’t come after them?

What I’m saying, is do you want a zombie St. Boniface punching pagans in the face and cutting down sacred oaks? Cause that’s how you get a zombie St. Boniface.

Jules
Jules
1 year ago

People don’t realize how lucky they are to live in a witch-free society

Ahahahahahagaha!

If he wasn’t serious, this’d be a real hoot!

Bina
1 year ago

the fedoras will mob you and chew you out.

“Help, help, Humphrey Bogart’s hat is after me!!! And it’s criticizing me for being an intolerant DORK, too!”

It’s hard to look at all this shit that’s happening in the world and explain it through economics. It’s hard to explain it even through the political lens.

It’s only hard because you’re fucking IGNORANT, Roy…or whatever the hell your real name is. If you actually knew anything about politics OR economics, you wouldn’t find it terribly difficult at all.

People don’t realize how lucky they are to live in a witch-free society. Seriously. It’s like sanitation and roads and all the other things we take for granted in White civilization.

I wouldn’t call that lucky, Roy, ya feckin’ eejit. The bubonic plague took hold because your ignorant, superstitious ancestors thought it was a good idea to kill cats that lowered the population of plague-bearing rodents, and also wise women who knew how to cure diseases with herbal potions, for fucksakes.

And if those superstitious bozos had actually given a shit about roads and sanitation INSTEAD of witch-burnings, European society wouldn’t have suffered any Dark Ages. Instead, they had poor roads and next to NO sanitation, and they burned women and cats at the stake, and they had plagues out the wazoo. See how that works?

Oh, who’m I kidding…turning this guy into a turd, if I even had the power to do it, would be redundant. He’s already a walking, talking piece of shit.

my ancestors did such a good job dealing with it back then I never even thought about it as a real possibility.

They can’t have done THAT good a job, because despite having been burnt at the stake in previous lives, I’m still here. And I’m gonna keep coming back for as long as it takes to rid the world of fascist scum like you, too.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
1 year ago

@Myriad

I wonder what these guys would do if they realized that there a Christian witches in the Pagan and Witch communities as well.

Whoa. This is new news to me. I had a look around the web and was able to confirm the existence of Christian witches. Thanks for this info.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
1 year ago

@Karalora

I hope the bastard remembers it and I hope he thinks about it every time he reads the Beatitudes.

Ha, ha! Which, as we all know, would be — never.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
1 year ago

Fear of witches? Huh? Did he just seen the Blair Witch Project for the first time?

CriticalDragon1177 (@CriticalDragon1)

David Futrelle,

Burning witches is one of the few horrible things I never thought to associate with Nazis, and now thanks to Roy Batty, that won’t be the case anymore. Thank you Roy, now I know that you little hate mongers don’t just want us to go back to the early 20th century, or even the 19th century, you want us to back to 15th century.

CriticalDragon1177 (@CriticalDragon1)

Bekabot,

You wrote,

Roy, geeky boys did not fare well at the hands of the Inquisition either. So, better be careful what you wish for. Don’t you think?

True, he probably wouldn’t share what the inquisition would consider the “right” type of Christianity either, so there’s that as well.

Talonknife
Talonknife
1 year ago

I actually wish flashy witchcraft like drawing sigils in the ground to produce lightning bolts were a real thing. Then I could actually be my D&D character IRL (although hopefully without the “unwillingly bound to an archdevil and desperately trying to figure out how to get out of it” part.) Why does the Nazis’ idea of what the world is like always sound way cooler than how things actually are?

Violet the Vile, Moonbat Screech Junky
Violet the Vile, Moonbat Screech Junky
1 year ago

@Weatherwax

The dreams are the one thing I really miss about SSRIs. They were awesome.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
1 year ago

Witching is passive-aggressive. You can’t beat her up, otherwise you go to jail.

…Is this whole rant just a long-winded setup for a pun about domestic violence?

Catalpa
Catalpa
1 year ago

Think about it, you might end up with a freak as a neighbor in your little condo who likes to leave dark-looking squiggles on your door or dead reptiles under your welcome mat or something.

If the alternative to this is to have a neighbor who’s a fucking Nazi, I’ll take the witch any day of the week.

Though I might try to talk her into using animal-cruelty-free spell components next time.

Gemma
1 year ago

Oh dear. The people persecuted as ‘witches’ in the early modern period weren’t Wiccans or pagans, nor were they forebears of the same. They were people with little power who fell foul of their neighbours. Some might have attempted practical magic for gain (‘maleficium’), but they weren’t non-Christians.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

Yer actual Nazi Nazis were heavily into the occult, I believe, though probably only if Aryan dudes were in control of it.

Why are these fantasists getting excited about the witch menace, while totally overlooking the greater problem of evil clowns?

Diptych
Diptych
1 year ago

Also, I want to know what “shit that’s happening in the world” that OP thinks can only be explained by an occult conspiracy. I mean, when we’re talking about worrying world events, I’m concerned by the rise of far-right movements, but he presumably thinks that’s great news, so…?

Palle
Palle
1 year ago

Witchcraft and Satanism are now apparently “normie” things

These guys need to decide whether they want to be insolent internet trolls or elite master racists fighting degeneration

Violet the Vile, Moonbat Screech Junky
Violet the Vile, Moonbat Screech Junky
1 year ago

I think the fact that Mr Batty (thanks for insulting one of my favourite films by association, shit head) and his ilk are still walking around and are not suffering from Very Personal Ailments/finding themselves suddenly toads/coming out in the morning to find all four wheels have spontaneously fallen off the car is conclusive proof witches are not a threat.

If I had the ability, I would be hexin’ my little dark heart out right now

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

Well, there’s bad shit like wars, income inequality, spiralling debt, extreme weather events, the opioid epidemic, police brutality, and antibiotic resistance. Surely this must all be the fault of gothy women, somehow?

Mike Smith
Mike Smith
1 year ago

@weatherwax

Yes ‘mainline’ used to describe a Protestant sect is a well known term. It’s basically a way to separate the moderate-to-liberal sects from the more orthodox/conservative Evangelical (fundamentalist and Charismatic) ones, through given that the term is strictly about historical development there are exceptions on either side. Presbyterian is one of the 7 big sects in the mainline. Anglican (Episcopal) is the other big name in the group.

See here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mainline_Protestant

Anyway the daily stormer post reads like a internet trolling (but still dangerous) version of Malleus Maleficarum

Myriad
Myriad
1 year ago

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile said:

Whoa. This is new news to me. I had a look around the web and was able to confirm the existence of Christian witches. Thanks for this info.

Indeed they do. They usually stick with our community, and they don’t tend to advertise. 😊

You are very welcome.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
1 year ago

apologies if this has been posted…

Ivanka trump Used Private E-mail For Government Binnis!!

Lock Her Up!!!

Amtep
Amtep
1 year ago

I guess we should have known… Trump has been ranting about being a victim of “witch hunts”, and with them it’s always, always projection.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
1 year ago

comment image

buttery males….

Think about it, you might end up with a freak as a neighbor in your little condo who likes to leave dark-looking squiggles on your door or dead reptiles under your welcome mat or something.

… or one who likes to paint swastikas on my walls…? … maybe a freak as a neighbor who’ll shoot my child in my driveway for not being american-looking enough…?

Valkyrine
Valkyrine
1 year ago

I’m just picturing this guy going to see Crimes of Grindelwald and thinking it was some sort of disguised way of spreading a message of “WITCHES BE COMING FOR US” instead of a story about the rise of fascism.

Katamount
Katamount
1 year ago

@Mike Smith

Presbyterian is one of the 7 big sects in the mainline. Anglican (Episcopal) is the other big name in the group.

True, but it’s not big in the US, clearly. I mean, asking for an American Anglican is like asking about Americans who are still loyal to the British Crown in the United States. It’s just oxymoronic. So no wonder they had to pluck Presbyterianism (big in Scotland) out of their asses to fearmonger about the prevalence of Wicca. If they compared it to the tens of millions of Southern Baptists or United Methodists (or the dreaded Roman Church), that would quickly give the game away.

Besides, clearly the rise in Wicca can be traced to the works of Jim Balent:

comment image

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
1 year ago

Anyway the daily stormer post reads like a internet trolling (but still dangerous) version of Malleus Maleficarum

Nobody expects the channish inquisition.

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