By David Futrelle
Into each life some rain must fall. Unless, of course, you’re Donald Trump, in which case you do anything and everything you can to keep even a single drop of that foul skywater from touching your elaborately styled and apparently quite delicate combover — even if it means dishonoring the memories of Americans who died serving their country.
And even if it means hogging a comically huge umbrella for yourself while your wife and youngest child brave the winds and rain.
Here’s Trump holding an umbrella over himself while boarding Air Force One with Melania & Barron, because his hair. pic.twitter.com/dsfKaNNd5U
— Scott Dworkin (@funder) January 16, 2018
You’d think that someone so clearly terrified of rain as Trump would be a pretty deft hand with an umbrella. But he often seems a bit baffled by them, letting the wind have its way with his umbrella while he deplanes or, in one infamous case, simply dropping his umbrella on the ground at the door of Air Force One rather than closing it up and taking it in with him like a normal human being — the incident captured in a video that went viral because it seemed all too apt a symbol of Trump’s presidency.
— Jon Wurster (@jonwurster) October 27, 2018
Trump’s continuing struggles, both with rain and with umbrellas, have evidently left many of his supporters feeling a bit defensive, as I learned last night after posting a picture on Twitter of a grim-looking POTUS staring at an umbrella like he’d never seen one before.
I was responding to a tweet by The Daily Caller — racist Fox News host Tucker Carlson’s vanity publication — asking its readers to caption a photo of incoming Democratic congresswoman Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez looking a teensy bit awkward while getting ready for a group photo.
Caption this: pic.twitter.com/EZpkwMR4A7
— David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle) November 15, 2018
A gaggle of Daily Caller fans — Trump stans all — responded with dozens of vaguely belligerent if predictable tweets, some gloating that Trump is President and the rest of us are not, some slinging insults. (There was also one guy apparently suffering from the delusion that I’m a Washington Post writer who once said something dreadfully controversial about toilet paper in the White House.)
But I was a little surprised by how many in the Daily Caller MAGA squad responded with a weird version of “no, u” on Trump’s behalf, praising his ability to hold his own umbrella (not really that major of an accomplishment) and attacking Obama because, during one speech in the rain on the White House lawn, a Marine stood by holding an umbrella for him.
This has apparently become the go-to response amongst MAGAheads whenever some Trump non-fan makes a joke about Trump’s rain or umbrella foibles. If you do a search for “obama umbrella marine” on Twitter you will find page after page after page of this, going back months:
It’s almost as if that Non-Player Character (NPC) meme so popular with extremely online Trump stans is 100% pure projection. But I digress.
In the alternate universe of the MAGAheads, it is Trump who is the macho man who braves pouring rain to deliver speeches, while Obama is something less than a real man — a “bitch,” a “pussy,” a “pansy,” a “f*ggot,” a “little queen” who must have his umbrella held for him by a manly Marine. The MAGAheads seem especially fond of labeling Obama a “princess.”
For some of Trump’s defenders, who are evidently suffering from that “economic anxiety” that MAGAs are so prone to, the fact that the Marine who held the umbrella was (gasp!) white is what really sticks in their craws.
It’s not hard to see how much of this reaction stems from the same psychosexual racist anxiety I wrote about recently when looking at right-wing media coverage of the Honduran refugee caravan.
It’s worth pointing out that the MAGA “case” against Obama here is based on willful blindness and racist double standards. Yes, sometimes Obama had others hold umbrellas for him when it would have been awkward or inconvenient for him to hold the umbrella himself — just as other presidents have. But he also held his own umbrella most of the time — and sometimes held umbrellas for others and in once incident caught on camera went without so that Michelle could get protection from the rain. He also gave speeches in the rain, as most politicians have.
There’s nothing heroic about any of this, of course. This is all pretty normal behavior from a normal human being who isn’t thrilled about getting rained on but who isn’t terrified of it either, and who is willing to get a little bit wet sometimes if it helps others stay dry. Trump is the weirdo here, and his fans know it. Which is why they’re pushing back so hard on this particular point, even if they have to invent a whole mythology around Obama in order to do it.
We Hunted the Mammoth relies entirely on readers like you for its survival. If you appreciate our work, please send a few bucks our way! Thanks!
They really are pathetic.
Short memoried, too – there’s also a perfectly good picture of Obama having some problems with getting an umbrella through a gate that they could use if they have to defend their god.
They can’t seem to agree whether Obama was insufficiently manly, or whether he emasculated the marine by making him hold the umbrella.
Maybe that’s what they’re so mad about, a True Manly Man being emasculated by an insufficiently manly man.
Remember when Bush saluted Marines with his dog’s paw? And nobody cared because we’re all adults and it wasn’t a big deal?
Obama got a couple Marines on camera while he gave a speech, lord dampnut bailed on a memorial because of some rain.
Terminal Lance, a webcomic about life in the Marines from an enlisted man’s perspective, did this strip (CW: general coarseness, NSFW material in some strips, and quite a few strips will be very hard for non-marines to understand): https://terminallance.com/2013/05/17/terminal-lance-presidential-service/
The joke in the strip is more about the differences in culture between the infantry and everyone else, but the artist’s comments at the end sum it up nicely:
@ KindaSortaHarmless
Reminds me of a story my grandfather told me about serving with his brother.
My grandfather and his baby brother were both in the Army during the Korean War. My grandfather was a captain in the military police, and my great-uncle was a private who was about to be shipped to front line. At my great-grandmother’s request, my grandfather pulled some strings to get his brother assigned to his command, away from immediate danger (my great-uncle was my great-grandmother’s favorite, as she frequently made clear to her dutiful eldest son).
My great-uncle was pissed. He didn’t like being babied, and he told my grandfather as much the moment he arrived. My grandfather replied that it was for his own good, to which my great-uncle replied “Fuck you.”
It took approximately three-tenths of a second for the sergeant outside my grandfather’s office to fly through the door and grab him by the scruff of the neck, bawling “Who in the hell do you think you are!?!” along with various colorful threats. My grandfather immediately assured the sergeant that it was quite alright, that it was just a family matter, and asked him to please peal his brother off of the desk.
You don’t tell your C.O. to fuck off, and you damn sure don’t say that to the Commander in Chief.
And yet, I’m pretty sure all these people would insist that Justin Trudeau is a p*ssy. (Say what you will about Trudeau, he does know how to do the symbolism part of the job.)
On the plus side all these dickweeds aren’t harassing others when they tweet you their pathetic “uh uh you are.”
Trump supporters work hard at making 45 look good. If only Trump put half as much effort into understanding and performing the duties of POTUS.
Now, I have seen a picture or two of trump playing golf in the rain…
I know it’s not a big deal in the List of Things Trump Has Done, but this video annoyed me. It shows he automatically expects other people to pick up after him.
The Queen always carries her own umbrellas.
Except when Princess Michael of Kent tries to visit.
@Alan:
I like the second of those pictures. Philip’s face is just such a perfect “Dammit, I knew I should have married someone closer to my own height.”
Why is she not wearing hearing protection while firing that gun?
Moggie, that stylish hat she’s wearing is weapons grade adamantium.
@epitome of incomprehensibility:
I’m sure he does, but in that incident he just looked like a confused old man to me.
As for that last photo of Trump with an umbrella: are we sure he’s not Oswald Cobblepot?
@ rabid rabbit
Heh yeah. You can just imagine him mutter, grumble, why do I always have to walk at the back; and her maj just smiling “Who’s Queen?”
Of course, you’d have to be a complete boorish oaf not to know you don’t walk in front of the Queen.
(I love the look she’s giving him)
Yep, Trudeau did it right.
But rain made the WWI trenches hell on Earth.
@Moggie:
I’m just waiting for the latter-day Watergate Tapes to turn up (Cohen’s tapes, perhaps?) and for this to start playing on loop at CNN until he tenders his resignation:
“I played this stinking country like a harp from Hell!”
(Failing that, a recording of him saying “This country means about as much to me as a sniveling bowl of dog snot!” surfacing would suffice.)
I would say I’m shocked that the act of simply being required to hold an umbrella can make these men’s entire sense of self worth collapse, but fragile masculinity is so endemic to america it got elected president.
@Alan
Her thoughts seem pretty clear there. “I’ve outlasted 11 (?) presidents so far, young man, and I am bloody well going to make sure I live long enough that you will not get to come to my funeral. Also, your staff need to learn how to iron your jackets.”
Rabid Rabbit – I read an account by a recent PM (possibly Blair) who went into his first official meeting with HRM full of confidence. She looked at him and said in an offhand way, “My first Prime Minister was Churchill,” and he deflated immediately.
@Alan Robertshaw
If looks could kill, that preening fake-baked turkey would have been six feet under before midterms and so would have the elder of his spawn. No big loss to anybody, either.
HRM is a woman who lasted through the Blitz and could fix her own goddamn jeeps, thank you very much. He, on the other hand, is too gorram stupid to realize that you can’t fix California wildfires by raking.
“[T]he same psychosexual racist anxiety I wrote about recently when looking at right-wing media coverage of the Honduran refugee caravan.”
For that matter, psychosexual racist anxiety is a pretty good description of the whole ‘cuck’ thing as well.
Aww, the reason Trump can’t let anybody else carry his umbrella is because he’s afraid he’ll be bonked on the head with it from behind — and he’s afraid with reason; two years of him in office have taught us all that much. I leave it to the readers here to decide whether that’s a state of things which ought to be greeted with approval, or not. Draw your own conclusions, folks.
@Moggie – Oh, true, he could’ve just forgotten it. And it’s not just a function of age. A while ago, I was lost in thought and put a library book in the fridge. (“Cool story,” indeed.) 😛
@Alan – I’m impressed by the outfit/umbrella colour-coding!