By David Futrelle
Over on the Incels.is forum, they’re always coming up with new excuses to be angry at women. The most ingenious one I’ve seen in a long time comes from a regular forum commenter calling himself Sparrow’s Song, who seems to have uncovered a heretofore unknown form of discrimination against incels, based on their farts.
Apparently, you see, the contemporary female — or femoid, in the incel patois — actually enjoys it when a handsome Chad farts in her presence, hating farts only when they come from ugly incels and other undesirable men. Sparrow’s Song explains:
When Chad farts around hot babes, they discreetly smell his fart to figure out what food he ate so they can get an estimate of what his semen tastes like.
Yes, this is a totally normal thing that women do, because they’ve all memorized the fart-smell/semen-flavor conversion charts that can be found on the back cover of every women’s magazine.
But when a incel lets it rip in the presence of the very same hot babes, Sparrow’s Song declares, they are likely to launch into a conversation much like this one he has imagined in his head:
Becky: Eww, what a creeper!
Stacy: Like who farts around goddesses like us? What a facially despicable fool!
Clearly Sparrow’s Song is a keen observer of how normal earth humans communicate.
Becky: It’s soo gross! Where is Chad? I need him to come get this creep away from us!
Stacy: He busy being Chad (fucking Roastina).
When Chad isn’t farting, he’s apparently fucking. It’s a simple but fulfilling lifestyle.
Becky: Right! OMG this ugly guy’s fart smell like the corpses of rotten children. I think he’s a he’s a cannibal pedophile.
Honestly, given the horrible things I’ve found on Incels.is — and the significant percentage of incels who seem utterly obsessed with 14-year-old virgins — Becky may be on to something here.
Stacy: LoL, you would know from all those abortions you had girlfriend! hahahah
Becky:Teeheehee
I’m not sure what exactly Sparrow’s Song thinks goes on when women get abortions.
Stacy:You’re right though, he has a pedophile face, you can tell by the asymmetry and lack of a strong jawline.
The only people in the world who talk or think like this are incels and other weirdo manospherans.
Becky:I saw this crime show on TV where these hot detectives captured a creepy guy’s fart in a bottle to test it for human remains, we should alert the authorities before he claims another victim, I can tell by his unattractive face that he’s a psychopath who’s out for blood and craves children.
Law and Order: Special Fart Unit
Stacy: Good idea, us beautiful people sure know how to fight baddies and make the world a better place for everyone! Even if this guy is innocent, he’s ugly as fuck so that’s guilty enough, fuck that asshole, who cares if we ruin his life. Besides, with a face like that, it’s not a matter of if you’re a pedophile but when. We’re doing our community a favor.
And scene!
These guys really need to find a better hobby.
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First it was height, then bone structure, and now gastrointestinal activity.
Incels are just so creative when it comes to inventing imaginary reasons for their misogynistic sexual frustration.
@Button:
Not when you’re a self-hating nihilistic misanthropist, I guess.
@Bina:
I’m unfamiliar with that slang, and I’m certainly not letting it become part of my permanent record of what I’ve googled, given the context, just in case it’s something misogynistic/illegal/etc., so … que?
“He who smelt it, rushed to the computer and wrote a 10,000 word diatribe on why women are wrong, wrong, WRONG and Chad’s farts smell like rainbows and success.”
@Surplus, ask and ye shall receive: Jenkem!
(Warning: exceedingly, nauseatingly gross.)
Uh, wha
That’s a very specific fetish.
Also, minor point–Elliott Rodger never tried to get girls. At least, his manifesto doesn’t include any points at which he approached women. He seems to have thought they should be drawn to him like bees to a flower, even though he sincerely wanted to throw us all into concentration/rape camps.
Stop fart-shaming ! Let us rise again fart discrimination ! Join the Bilious Obsessed Whining Execrable Lads Movements !
All in all, i am not sure that it helps being an asshole when it comes to farting… Or is it ?
This is well beyond the point where parody becomes impossible.
I remember a comedy program here had a recurring theme where they’d simply read out actual letters published in one of the tabloids with a straight face.
Maybe I should create a comedy Youtube channels where I just attempt to read out shit that these fuckers say in as neutral a tone as possible without laughing or going WHATTHEFUCK?!?
@Rei Malebario
Reaction videos could be fun as well.
OT, but some good news: https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/your-ward-news-banned-permanently-1.4907808
There will probably be some tearful frozen peaches, but the bit that stands out is this:
For those who are fortunate not to have come across the publication before,
And just in case there was any doubt that PUAs and Nazis were connected,
What I’d really like to see is the bewilderingly unlikely dialogue written by this guy acted out by quality actors playing it as a serious human drama, trying to play it perfectly straight (without having seen the script beforehand).
In fact, I want this guy to write a whole episode-length script of CSI: Flatulence (mostly just to understand how he imagines the process of “hot detectives capturing a creepy guy’s fart in a bottle to test it for human remains” – like, are they somehow surreptitiously “capturing” his farts in a bottle without him noticing? What is the scientific test for human remains in farts?) and then have it acted out by an utterly serious, straight-faced William Petersen and Marg Helgenberger.
You know what, I think this calls for cats. Many, many cats.
https://www.theatlantic.com/photo/2015/03/a-visit-to-aoshima-a-cat-island-in-japan/386647/
And MRAs wonder why I’d rather be a cat lady…
Well, that’s my new catchphrase: “What a facially despicable fool!”
As said by actual living human females all the time, no really, all the time.
Speaking as a guy with inflammatory bowel disease and has had sex, Mr. Song can kindly fuck off with that shit.
@Rei Malebario
This! One of the more obnoxious things in this social media landscape is that the line between what is an actual tangible belief and what is mere exaggeration for entertainment has been completely obliterated.
“Hahaha, Staceys and Beckys getting together to smell Chad farts. Isn’t that silly? Hahaha.”
“Hahahaha, this thread is hilarious. Now let’s talk about how femoids are denying us their precious roasties that magically give us self-esteem. You know, serious bizniss.”
Anonymity combined with this tribal adversarial attitude have combined to the point where people with the courage of their convictions is a rare thing. Because having convictions means having to defend them, and that presents the opportunity to be “pwned” online. So people hide their real opinions behind a veil of irony for protection. It’s pathetic.
@Rabid Rabbit
How did that not make the front page of today’s Star???
Ladies and gentlemen, I think these clowns finally achieved peak incel.
Chad prolly works out. Ya know, being buff and a gym bro. Chad prolly eats protien shakes and takes glutamine supplements.
PROTIEN FARTS ARE THE WOOORST
I know cuz im fucking a chad. And that shit is rank. Hes not allowed to sleep near me when hes got the protien farts.
No person, unless they have a fetish, would want to smell that literal shit.
Apparently i cant spell protein correctly. Thanks autocorrect.
It just goes on and on. He’s made his point, such as it is, but he keeps going and going. Either he sees himself as a brilliant wordsmith (Dunning-Kruger thus has a lot to answer for) or he just really got into it, carried away on a hurricane of hate.
I can get that much. (Understand it, that is, not approve.) But then he looked it over… and hit “post”.
How do you get to the point where that’s a good idea?
@ Bina
That’s pretty gross, but reminds me of Discworld’s Troll drug scrape (though the organic component there is pigeon guano…)
It’s always projection, innit?
@Rabid Rabbit:
Maybe not so much a clubhouse as a bunker?
@ Alexisagirlsname:
There was once a delightful YouTube series called something like “YouTube Comment Reconstruction.” Did what it said on the tin – but with black-and-white cinematography, location shooting, and distinguished-sounding-if-not-actually-recognizable British actors. Basically you had older gents in a Gothic manor haughtily declaiming things at each other like “Don’t be such a hater. You can be a Justin Bieber fan and a One Direction fan.” (pause) “lol.”
There was one later episode that was just one or two minutes of a man frantically riding a horse across a landscape up to the exterior of the house, dismounting by the front door, racing in, and announcing to the inhabitants:
“FIRST POST.”
@Katamount
I don’t know. And they’re usually so good at gloating snarkily, too.
@Moon_custafer
Yes, somebody make that but for manosphere morons. Basically a real life acting version of Manfeels Park (http://www.manfeels-park.com)