By David Futrelle
Over on the Incels.is forum, they’re always coming up with new excuses to be angry at women. The most ingenious one I’ve seen in a long time comes from a regular forum commenter calling himself Sparrow’s Song, who seems to have uncovered a heretofore unknown form of discrimination against incels, based on their farts.
Apparently, you see, the contemporary female — or femoid, in the incel patois — actually enjoys it when a handsome Chad farts in her presence, hating farts only when they come from ugly incels and other undesirable men. Sparrow’s Song explains:
When Chad farts around hot babes, they discreetly smell his fart to figure out what food he ate so they can get an estimate of what his semen tastes like.
Yes, this is a totally normal thing that women do, because they’ve all memorized the fart-smell/semen-flavor conversion charts that can be found on the back cover of every women’s magazine.
But when a incel lets it rip in the presence of the very same hot babes, Sparrow’s Song declares, they are likely to launch into a conversation much like this one he has imagined in his head:
Becky: Eww, what a creeper!
Stacy: Like who farts around goddesses like us? What a facially despicable fool!
Clearly Sparrow’s Song is a keen observer of how normal earth humans communicate.
Becky: It’s soo gross! Where is Chad? I need him to come get this creep away from us!
Stacy: He busy being Chad (fucking Roastina).
When Chad isn’t farting, he’s apparently fucking. It’s a simple but fulfilling lifestyle.
Becky: Right! OMG this ugly guy’s fart smell like the corpses of rotten children. I think he’s a he’s a cannibal pedophile.
Honestly, given the horrible things I’ve found on Incels.is — and the significant percentage of incels who seem utterly obsessed with 14-year-old virgins — Becky may be on to something here.
Stacy: LoL, you would know from all those abortions you had girlfriend! hahahah
Becky:Teeheehee
I’m not sure what exactly Sparrow’s Song thinks goes on when women get abortions.
Stacy:You’re right though, he has a pedophile face, you can tell by the asymmetry and lack of a strong jawline.
The only people in the world who talk or think like this are incels and other weirdo manospherans.
Becky:I saw this crime show on TV where these hot detectives captured a creepy guy’s fart in a bottle to test it for human remains, we should alert the authorities before he claims another victim, I can tell by his unattractive face that he’s a psychopath who’s out for blood and craves children.
Law and Order: Special Fart Unit
Stacy: Good idea, us beautiful people sure know how to fight baddies and make the world a better place for everyone! Even if this guy is innocent, he’s ugly as fuck so that’s guilty enough, fuck that asshole, who cares if we ruin his life. Besides, with a face like that, it’s not a matter of if you’re a pedophile but when. We’re doing our community a favor.
And scene!
These guys really need to find a better hobby.
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@Jesalin wrote: What the fuck did I just read?
Right there with you. I’m torn between the snurfles that the fart/semen conversion chart brought (funny line David) and a gigantic container of wtf. Seriously, wtf?
You know, every time I get a little bit of hope that people of good will and intelligence might just be able to at least try to make an attempt at bettering the world, I read some of what the other side has to say and I’m filled with something akin to despair. Not just the manospherians either.
I’ve been reading a few conservative sites lately, trying to stick to those where the participants aren’t just owning the libs but putting out their philosophy. I stopped (at least for the moment) after I’d read the phrase “equality of opportunity but not equality of outcome” several times. What is this? Life is only for the lucky and the strong? What the hell kind of worldview is that? Has anyone else run across this smug phrase before?
Exactly the kind you think it is. And when they find out they’re not as lucky or as strong as they thought… well, you’re reading about it here.
They also have zero understanding of what equality of opportunity even means. In that they think kid x (with their own big room and a house full of books and a kitchen full of fruit and vegetables and protein and a school full of teachers) has equality of opportunity with kid y (living in a bedsit on takeaways because there’s no kitchen and with huge class sizes and changing schools and addresses) – because both of them sit the same exam on the same day.
They certainly aren’t going to grasp that two infants, one of whom grows up constantly being called pretty (if/when praised at all) and told to sit and mind their underwear doesn’t show and don’t try that you’ll fall over, while the other grows up being called strong or brave or clever (if/when praised at all) and told to hit harder/climb higher/run faster, are not in fact training on the same playing field.
You’d think it was obvious, but …
Conservatism relies heavily on the just world fallacy. In their minds, anti-discrimination laws and social safety nets are not needed because anyone can bootstrap it and if you’re not successful, it can’t possibly be due to external factors.
Note: this philosophy does not apply to themselves, only to other people. If a conservative has a problem or a failure, it is always someone else’s fault.
So much this.
I once got into an argument with a conservative on Facebook (back when I was still on Facebook) who claimed that CEOs deserved their obscene salaries because they worked harder than other people. When I asked her if she thought CEOs worked harder than a single mom working 2 jobs to try and feed her kids, she actually said that poor people could be rich if they worked hard enough and that people were paid what they were worth.
When I asked her if she thought a CEO was worth 1000 soldiers, she changed the subject immediately.
Funny that.
That’s the thing. Some fraction of humanity appears intent on wrecking civilization. They don’t want the world to be a nice place and will actively use every means at their disposal to make us all miserable, even if it means they’ll be miserable too.
It’s not a mistake. They know exactly what they’re doing. They’re not stupid or misinformed; they’re evil.
This leads to some very unpleasant conclusions, so I really hope I’m wrong about it. Fingers crossed.
@Lukas Xavier
I have a theory that at least some of them are trying to kick off revelations because they just know they will be raptured.
I think its also part of climate change denial,
what good is a healthy planet 150 years from now if the world is going to end any day now?
My uncle is probably going to die soon because he has hepatitis C that he didn’t get treated because he believes the rapture is imminent. I’m pretty disgusted with his church for encouraging that mindset. Yes, he’s an adult, but he also has brain damage from being beaten up back when he was drinking. So he was an easy target for religious extremists. He’s (one of) my racist Trump loving uncles who likes to pick political fights and gets badly owned by me ever time. So I clearly have conflicting feelings about him.
Sorry to veer slightly off topic. I meant to wait for an open thread to vent about my family problems, but the conversation led to me bringing it up now, so *shrug*
I’m old enough to remember the first photos of the Earth from space, and the way that shifted thinking. Oops, yes, our resources really are finite.
Funnily enough it wasn’t long after that before “end times thinking” went into high gear. “Yes, we can loot it all because we won’t need the planet for much longer anyway!”
For years I’ve had the sneaking suspicion that somebody arranged for the evengelical crowd to believe the end is nigh (nigher than they had for the last 100 years or so) just to reduce opposition to despoiling the planet. I mean the sort of thing Cambridge Analytica did for Brexit and Trump, only pre-Internet.
Can I get some opinions please? Do I sound like an eco-version of info-wars here, or do other people think it’s plausible?
That could be part of it. I think it’s also part of the backlash against gains made by those of the non cishet white male persuasion in recent decades. The threats to the kyriarchy that they’ve always been accustomed to probably feels apocalyptic to them.
@ Sheila Crosby
Completely plausible, given what we know about evangelical leaders, big business, their ties, and what kind of things they usually do.
But also these times genuinely are thoroughly fucked up in ways most other times weren’t, even if you completely leave out climate change. I’m not invested in jesus or whiteness or anything like that but I’m pretty sure I’d still be feeling the apocalypse even if cc didn’t exist. It might not be necessary to actively try to make people feel that way.
@Lukas Xavier
I’ve given this a lot of thought. I think these people start out miserable and are furious that others aren’t miserable too. So they do their best to make us miserable.
As my mother once said to me about my miserable, misery-spreading father, “He fouls his own nest.” My mother’s positivity was a form of resistance to his misery. Her example has helped me to bounce back, to persevere, to be resilient, to be upbeat in the face of obstacles. (But yeah, sometimes I have to cry first.)
They’re definitely doing evil things. They could choose to do good instead.
@ ShielaCrosbu, with;
I agree with theidea that evangelical xianity is anti environment. I don’t think it’s something they cooked up recently, the origin times were a cacaphony of varying strains of religion, many of which were nature-centered. The xians ran into more of this as they moved into Europe and Northwest Asia
It became a moot point when they had subdued all the “heresies”, then when the modern environmental movement began, the people who were in it were, again, pagan, hippie, commie blah, blah. Xi’an opposition was a natural, and a revival of the anti-nature teaching was easy.
When talk of nuclear war, lethal pollution, climate change, etc comes up, the “gods gonna save us” teaching allows xians to support right-wing politics without being afraid they themselves will be harmed.
Well; We still need to stay positive and keep on resisting. The good thing is that we outnumber them.
People who want to lord over, bully or ruin other people are pitiful. To have a mind like that is tragic.
You’re right on the money, honey.
“That said, horrible petty person that he was, Rimmer still had more self-awareness than most of these smegheads.”
He was a twit, but you know, he had a lot of redeeming qualities, too, and his lack of success with women did *not* lead to him becoming an incel, nor a migtoe, and frankly, for a while there, I wanted to date him. For some reason, I found him adorable, in a sad puppy way.
I have nothing substantive to add, but the header image reminded me of this:
My suspicion about End Times enthusiasts – the idea that they will live and die and be forgotten like almost every other human being who ever lived is a painful wound to their vanity. They cling to the belief that they are living in the most specialest time EVAR, and they will be the ones who see the sky rolled up like a scroll.
Because it’s them, you see. They’re special, because they’re them. Anything that contradicts that belief is treated as a personal attack.
Well it’s both nice and depressing to hear that it’s plausible to other people too.
@Robert
That reminds me of the ancient Egyptian Pharaohs. IIRC, each Pharaoh claimed to be a god, while the preceding one was denounced.
Regardless of whether that’s my whitewashed high school history talking, capitalism and narcissism are incredibly short-sighted, which are basically the two systems of power in the world right now, and western religion has always been used to control the masses. It’s really not a huge stretch to think the people at the top would do anything to add another digit to their bottom line before they die.
Also, is it not a proven historical fact that religious opposition to contraception and abortion was racially motivated, and that the church’s stance on abortion changed nearly overnight after the jim crow laws were overturned? Or was it the decriminalisation of homosexuality?
Also, with the internet and computer boom, the number of insanely rich and powerful, hot-headed, young cishet white men has exploded. Could be a factor in the we-don’t-give-a-frack attitude towards exterminating the human race (in the future).
@Jane Done
I believe they picked up abortion as a wedge issue when they couldn’t directly champion segregation anymore.
On the other hand, Evangelical environmentalism is also a thing.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evangelical_environmentalism
Basically, they use the Biblical idea of humans being the stewards of creation to mean that humans should be taking care of the planet and not drive everything to extinction, instead of bleeding the place for all its worth.
Needless to say, not all Evangelicals and their leaders are onboard with that idea.
I like to believe that incels are actually invaders from another dimension. I don’t want to think that I have even a teeny amount of DNA in common with them.
@SheilaCrosby
I was brought up in the Plymouth Brethren, and I can confirm you are bang on target. The “End Times prophesy” thing is a new thing to Christianity, and didn’t really exist until the John Nelson Darby “Rapture” heresy and and 1960’s Cold War / Cuban Missile crisis furore came to a head, spurred on by Hal David’s infamous “The Late Great Planet Earth” book becoming an international Best Seller. After that, a combination of the two warped into what we consider evangelical eschatology today. I remember how the leader of my PB cult used to be against environmentalism and animal rights, believing firstly that “dominion” meant the abuse of animals and the earth for human profit, and secondly, that whatever environmental disasters which occurred were signs of the Rapture and the Second Coming.
@SpukiKitty
Yes!
Yep!
You are so right. Also, they lack imagination — or at least they refuse to employ their imagination to make this world a better place.
Chad doesn’t fart around women. He is a superior genetic specimen who evolved with no need to fart at all so that he’s always 100% attractive to the women in his vicinity.
(/s, obviously)