By David Futrelle
So yesterday I learned a phrase I sort of wish I could unlearn. It’s “Cup of Hermes,” a term apparently originating in alchemy that has been taken up by practitioners of Sex Magick and the anti-masturbation NoFap movement. If you think for a moment I suspect you’ll be able to figure out what this particular metaphorical cup is supposed to hold, if you haven’t already.
Apparently it’s important to keep the Cup of Hermes very full and to never (well, hardly ever) spill its contents willy nilly all over the metaphorical ground, because doing so robs Cup-of-Hermes-holders of much of their sexy sex power.
If all this talk of sexy sex liquid hasn’t yet ruined your dinner (or whatever meal you may be eating or thinking of eating right now), maybe these musings on the subject from a random dude in the NoFap subreddit will. (Click for a lager version of the screenshot.)
Hey, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
But, penis people, seriously, your spooge is not magic, or Magick. Regular masturbation is both entertaining and healthy, and can reduce your risk of prostate cancer. You don’t get magic powers if you hoard your, er, Hermes-goo in your, er, cup.
Also, please stop using the word “cup” in the same sentence as “semen” and its synonyms. Even those who are big fans of semen, sexually speaking (and there’s nothing wrong with that!) don’t want to think about cups of the stuff left around the house like cups of tea you forgot to finish.
Still, the Cup of Hermes isn’t even the worst bit of semen-related nomenclature I’ve ever run across. No, that distinction would have to go to this:
Who called it cum and not dude ranch
— Jessica Telephone Respect Zone™ (@sandwichliker) September 9, 2018
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